The Giving Season (21 page)

“I’ll just be over there. I promise I won’t go anywhere else.” Libby tried the big puppy-eyes look that worked so well on her father. “Please, Jessy? You can see me from the line—”

Jessy hesitated a moment, then relented with a nod. “Okay— but promise you’ll stay right there.”

Libby’s smile brightened. “I promise. Thanks, Jessy!”

Jessy kept an eye on Libby as she hurried over to her friends, so anxious to experiment with the trial perfume and makeup at the counter. She remembered all too clearly how it felt at that age—too old to do kid stuff like sit on Santa’s lap, but too young to flirt with boys and wear makeup. 

They shuffled forward in the line and Jessy was pleasantly surprised by how well-behaved Ben and Marie were—especially in comparison to some of the other children in line, who were so hopped up on sugar and excitement that they practically climbed the walls. Ben and Marie passed the time by playing rock-paperscissors against Jessy’s legs, and Jessy took the opportunity to do a little people watching, allowing her imagination to fill in the blanks. She hadn’t realized how much she missed singing Christmas carols or buying gifts—and more than that; she hadn’t realized how much she had missed the feeling of family, of tradition. Michael had given all that and more to her. His gift was the gift of his family.

She realized that she had lost sight of Libby and scanned the crowd. There were her friends—but where was Libby?

Jessy’s heart jumped into her throat as she stood on tiptoes and craned her neck to look over the crowd. The store suddenly seemed jam-packed, full of unsmiling strangers. What was she thinking to let her go off by herself? She should have known this might happen.

“Oh—I might have known.”

Ann’s voice, brimming with disdain, seemed somehow louder than the roar of the crowd, as unwelcome as a ice cube down the spine. Jessy turned to see Ann leading Libby through the crowd, protectively keeping one hand on the girl’s shoulder while holding her hand. Libby looked utterly mortified.

“Mom—I told you, I was talking to my friends. I’m not lost.”

Ann ignored her. She kept her glare focused exclusively on Jessy. “What are you doing with my children?”

“Mom!” Marie reached up for a hug—which Ann also ignored, too distracted in her self-righteous fury. Jessy caught the flash of hurt in Marie’s eyes and knelt down beside her.

“It’s your turn, Marie. Why don’t you and Ben go together. Then we’ll meet your dad for pizza.”

Marie glanced up to her mother quickly, then and walked hand in hand with Ben to sit on Santa’s lap. Once she was away, Jessy smiled at Libby.

“Would you mind keeping an eye on them while I talk to your mom?”

“Whatever.” Libby wrenched herself away from Ann and stomped over to stand near Santa’s throne, well out of earshot. Just to make sure, Jessy walked away from the front of the line, Ann furiously following.

“I cannot believe this!” Ann didn’t bother to modulate her volume and several shoppers turned to look. Jessy tried to pretend they didn’t exist, keeping her attention focused on Ann. “What are you doing with my children?”

“We’re shopping. They wanted to see Santa.” Jessy struggled to maintain a semblance of patience in her voice. “Libby was with her friends—”

“You have no right to do this!”

Puzzled, Jessy shook her head slightly. “No right to do
what?”

“To take my place. You’re not their mother. I am.”

“Then why don’t you act like it once in a while, instead of just when it suits you.” Jessy’s temper flared, but she didn’t bother to try to control it. “And I’m
not
taking your place. Your kids love you. You don’t deserve it, but they do.”

Before Jessy knew what was coming, Ann slapped her.

Tears shone in Ann’s eyes and she literally trembled with rage. Jessy was struck dumb with shock. The only thing that stopped her from returning the blow was knowing that the kids would see. She could hear the murmurs of shoppers all around them, feel their stares. Ann seemed completely oblivious to it all.

“Michael doesn’t love you,” Ann finally managed to say. “If you think that he does, then you’re as stupid as you look.”

Jessy opened her mouth to speak, but Ann interrupted her.

“Do you know why he’s with you now? Because he felt sorry for you. Not because he wants a relationship with you.” Ann’s eyes glittered as a smile twitched at her lips. “I bet he didn’t tell you that we’re still sleeping together, did he? I’ll bet he didn’t mention that whenever I come to town to see the kids, I stay at the house. In his bed.”

Jessy felt as if she’d been slapped again. But this stung more.

“You are not taking my place in the family. Michael will never love you as much as he loves me. My children will never love you as much as they love me.” Ann’s eyes blazed. “I’m not giving him up.”

“You walked out on him and the kids,” Jessy said quietly.
“You
are the one who decided it was over. You broke their hearts.”

Ann said nothing for a moment, seething. When she finally spoke, the calmness in her tone seemed unnatural.

“Walk away from them now.”

Jessy matched her glare, unblinking. “No.”

“No?” Ann slowly, unpleasantly, smiled. “Fine. Then you can be the one Michael blames when I take his children away from him. You can be the one he hates when he never sees the kids again. Because I’ll do it. If you stay with him, if you think you have some kind of fairy tale future together, then I will sue him for custody of the kids and he will have to beg me to spend time with them. Is that what you want?”

Jessy couldn’t speak. Ann’s eyes were coldly calm. She would do it. She would take Michael’s kids away from him just for spite. Despite all her claims to still love him, she would easily be able to hurt him like that.

Ann’s smile crooked slightly as Marie and Ben returned, followed by Libby. “Have a merry Christmas, Jessy. Remember what I said.”

And without a word to her children, Ann walked away.

"Feeling shellshocked, Jessy took Marie and Ben’s hands and led the kids out of the department store. They sensed something was wrong and filled the silence with chatter about Santa and the elves. Even Libby.  

They didn’t mention their mother.

It wasn’t until they’d finally stepped out of the close confines of the store that Jessy felt a little better, a little less claustrophobic. But even as she herded the kids across the street to the pizza parlor they had chosen for lunch, she looked over her shoulder, unable to shake the feeling that Ann was still watching her.

Would she try to take the kids? Could Ann actually do something so awful to Michael?

Jessy remembered the pain and anger in Ann’s eyes and knew that she was perfectly capable of hurting him so badly. If it got her what she wanted, she would do it in a heartbeat.

Once inside the pizza place, she struggled to relax a bit but failed miserably. The restaurant was bright and loud and filled with people laughing and talking and having a wonderful time, and Jessy felt as if she were an alien from another world, surrounded by a culture she could not understand. Laughing was not something she’d be doing again anytime soon.

She couldn’t get the image of Michael and Ann out of her head. Surely it couldn’t be true—Michael didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would continue to sleep with his ex-wife just for convenience’s sake. He’d sleep with her because he still loved her.

That realization didn’t help matters.

Ben and Marie bounced excitedly, singing along to “Jingle Bell Rock” as it blared over the speaker system. Jessy helped them out of their coats and mittens and gave them a handful of quarters to spend on the video games on the other side of the room. What would they think about their mom and dad getting back together? Wasn’t that the hope of every kid whose parents divorced? That one day they’d be a family again?

Was she getting in the way of that?

When Michael entered, she felt like running away. This was getting too complicated. She couldn’t be the reason Michael lost his kids. She had no doubt Ann would do whatever she had to do to make Michael pay for the mistakes she had made. 

Jessy felt her stomach churn and thought she might throw up.

“Hey,” he said, smiling as he slid into the booth beside Libby. “You guys have fun?”

Ben and Marie immediately launched into a retelling of their encounter with the Santa imposter. Michael listened intently, nodding and making the appropriate sounds, but Jessy couldn’t keep her attention focused on the kids. She kept glancing at the door, feeling as tensely wound as a clock spring.

She didn’t hear Michael when he asked her a question. Or when he repeated the question. It wasn’t until he whistled and waved his hand in front of her eyes that the spell was broken and she finally looked away from the door.

“What? I’m sorry—what did you say?” She tried to smile but couldn’t hide the strained tone of her voice.

Michael studied her a moment longer, then looked to Libby. “How about taking Ben and Marie over to the jukebox?” he asked, fishing in his jeans pocket for a handful of quarters.

Libby grumbled as she slid out of the booth, taking Ben and Marie by the hands. “If you want us to leave, you can just say so.”

“You’re a funny kid, Libs.” Michael grinned and handed her the quarters. “Go easy on the boy bands, please.”

As the kids left the table, Michael turned his full attention back to Jessy. “Okay. Spill it. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” she said softly, unable to meet his eyes.

“Uh-huh. Right.” Michael reached over and covered her hands with his, startling her.

Jessy gazed at Michael for a few moments, stalling for time as she took a deep breath and slowly released it.  

“While we were in line for Santa,” she said calmly, trying her best to sound casual and nonchalant, “I ran into Ann. We had a few—words.”

Michael’s smile faded. “What did she say?”

“She was angry because I was with the kids—”

Michael took Jessy’s hands, holding them lightly. Jessy focused her attention on the warmth of his palms, the soft roughness of his skin. How could something as simple as holding his hand make her feel so much safer?

“And she told me to walk away now.” Jessy chanced a quick glance up to Michael’s eyes. “Or else she’d take your kids away.”

Without saying a word, Michael scooted around the circular booth, draping an arm around Jessy’s shoulder, holding her close. She could feel his tenseness, the tightness of his muscles as he fought to control his anger.

“She’s not going to do that,” he finally said. “She can’t.”

“I don’t want to be the reason you lose your family.” Jessy looked up at him. “She wants to come back, Michael.”

Michael gazed into her eyes for a few moments. “Everything will be okay, Jess. I promise.”

“You can’t just dismiss it that easily. She’s mad, Michael, and she’s going to take it out on you and the kids. She wants her way.”

“And you think we should just give in to her? You think the best solution to this is you leaving us and Ann coming back for a few weeks—or until she gets bored of us again?”

Jessy looked away from him, unable to meet his eyes. “I think I should go—“

“For God’s sake, Jess—haven’t we been through this song and dance before?”

“I don’t belong here—“

“That’s not true and you know it.”

Jessy said nothing for a moment. She slid her hand out of Michael’s and covered her face. She wanted to hide from everything.

“I think the reason you want to go is because you’re still afraid.” Michael’s tone softened and he reached for Jessy’s hands, lowering them so he could look into her eyes. “It has nothing to do with Ann.”

Jessy couldn’t deny the truth of that. She was scared to death of the new life that was slowly revealing itself to her. What if she and Michael got serious? Was she ready to be a mother to a ready-made family? Was she ready to share her life with someone? After so many years of being alone, the thought of being with someone twenty-four hours a day terrified her. What if they got sick of each other? What if they started noticing each other’s not-so-pleasant qualities?

In her mind, she had already imagined the breakup with Michael. She just couldn’t imagine the in-between parts.

“Jess—I need you to stay. I want you to stay.”

The words, so softly spoken, seemed to resonate throughout Jessy’s entire body, more powerful than she could have ever expected. Her fears eased slightly, giving way to a whisper of hope. All her life, she had dreamed of having someone to love, someone to take care of, someone to trust. It had never occurred to her that it could actually happen.

“Okay,” she whispered, sinking back into the circle of his arms again, allowing herself to believe him.

Something sneaky’s going on here,
Michael thought, folding his arms over his chest as he watched his mother herd the kids into the kitchen, where the smells of gingerbread and fudge already filled the air.
Cookie decorating was next on the agenda, with each of them getting their own bowl of frosting to lick. The kids—Libby included—were delighted. If Michael hadn’t known any better, he’d suspect that she was attempting to give him and Jessy a chance to be alone. After last week’s experience with Ann in town, he was grateful.

“Here you go,” Lyssa said as she handed Michael a well-stocked picnic basket. “I thought you and Jessy might like to have your dinner while you show her the farm.”

Michael smiled. “While I show her the farm?”

“Of course.” Lyssa looked at him as though he was a child. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about taking her out to see the barns—”

“The barns?” Michael frowned, not quite following his mother’s reasoning. He glanced over to Jessy and she shrugged helplessly, the faintest tinge of a blush in her cheeks.

“I thought you might want to take Jessy along as you do your chores,” Lyssa said and smiled.

“But I’ve done most of the chores—”

“Don’t you have
something
to do out there?” Lyssa raised an eyebrow as her smile twisted slightly, doing her darnedest to be subtle and failing miserably. Michael finally realized what she was trying to do and grinned.