The Good Book (113 page)

21. And never suspects that he is either slighted or laughed at, unless he is conscious that he deserves it.

22. And if, which very seldom happens, the company is absurd or ill-bred enough to do either, he does not care,

23. Unless the insult be so gross and plain as to require satisfaction of another kind.

24. As he is above trifles, he is never vehement and eager about them; and, wherever they are concerned, rather acquiesces than wrangles.

25. A vulgar man’s conversation always savours strongly of the lowness of his education and company.

26. It turns chiefly upon his domestic affairs, daily work, the excellent order he keeps in his own family and the little anecdotes of the neighbourhood;

27. All which he relates with emphasis, as interesting matters. He is a man of gossip.

28. Vulgarism in language is the next and distinguishing characteristic of bad company and a bad education.

29. A reflective man avoids nothing with more care than platitude.

30. Proverbial expressions and trite sayings are the rhetorical flowers of the vulgar man.

31. Would he say that men differ in their tastes, he both supports and adorns that opinion by a good old saying, as he respectfully calls it, that ‘one man’s meat is another man’s poison’.

32. If anybody attempts to ‘get smart’ with him, as he calls it, he gives them ‘tit for tat’ – aye, that he does.

33. He has always some favourite word for the time being; which, for the sake of using often, he commonly abuses,

34. Such as ‘vastly’ angry, ‘vastly’ kind, ‘vastly’ handsome and ‘vastly’ ugly.

35. He sometimes affects hard words, by way of ornament, which he always mangles.

36. An educated man never has recourse to proverbs and vulgar aphorisms; he uses neither favourite words nor hard words;

37. But takes care to use the instrument of language well.

38. Graces of manner and speech are as necessary to adorn and introduce a person’s intrinsic merit, as the polish is to the diamond;

39. Which, without that polish, would never be worn, whatever it might weigh.

Epistle 11

  1. I have often asserted, my son, that the profoundest learning and the politest manners were by no means incompatible, though seldom united in the same person.

  2. Every rational being, I take it for granted, proposes to himself some object more important than mere respiration and obscure animal existence.

  3. He desires to distinguish himself among his fellow-creatures. Pliny leaves mankind only this alternative:

  4. Either of doing what deserves to be written about, or of writing what deserves to be read.

  5. You have, I am convinced, one or both of these objects in view; but you must know and use the necessary means, or your pursuit will be vain.

  6. In either case, knowledge is the principle and basis, but it is by no means all.

  7. That knowledge must be adorned, it must have lustre as well as weight, or it will be oftener taken for lead than for gold.

  8. Knowledge you have, and will have: I am easy upon that point. But my business, as your friend, is not to compliment you upon what you have, but to tell you what you lack;

  9. And I must tell you plainly that I fear you lack everything other than knowledge.

10. And by this, my dear son, I mean that what you must next acquire is manners.

11. It has been well said that one would be virtuous for one’s own sake, though nobody were to know it; as one would be clean for one’s own sake, though nobody else were by.

12. I have therefore, since you have had the use of your reason, never written to you upon the subject of vice:

13. It speaks best for itself; and I should now just as soon think of warning you gravely not to fall into the dirt or the fire, as into dishonour.

14. But the requisite next to good morals is good manners, and they are as necessary as they are desirable.

15. Good manners are, to particular societies, what good morals are to society in general: their cement and their security.

16. And, as laws are enacted to enforce good morals, or at least to prevent the ill effects of bad ones,

17. So there are certain rules of civility, universally implied and received, to enforce good manners and punish bad ones.

18. And, indeed, there seems to me less difference between morals and manners, and both the crimes and the punishments involving either, than at first one would imagine.

19. The immoral man, who invades another man’s property, is justly punished for it; and the ill-bred man, who, by his ill manners, invades and disturbs the quiet and comforts of private life, is by common consent as justly punished by banishment from society.

20. Mutual complaisances, attentions and sacrifices of little conveniences are as natural an implied compact between civilised people, as protection and obedience are between a state and its citizens;

21. Whoever, in either case, violates that compact, justly forfeits the advantages arising from it.

22. For my own part, I really think that next to the consciousness of doing a good action, that of doing a civil one is the most pleasing;

23. And the description which I should covet the most, next to that of being honest and true, is that of being well-bred.

24. Accordingly one might note these axioms: that the deepest learning, without good breeding, is unwelcome and tiresome pedantry,

25. And as that is of use nowhere but in a man’s own study, it is consequently of little or no use at all;

26. That a man who is not well-bred is unfit for good company and unwelcome in it;

27. He will consequently dislike it soon, and afterwards renounce it, or be renounced by it,

28. And be thus reduced to solitude, or, what is worse, to low and bad company.

29. And finally, that a man who is not well-bred is as unfit for business as for company.

30. Make good breeding, then, an object of study. You will negotiate with very little success, if you do not previously, by your manners, conciliate and engage the affections of those with whom you negotiate.

31. Can you ever get into good relations with others, if you have not those pleasing manners, which alone can establish them?

32. I do not say too much, when I say that good manners and gentle address are essential for the good life.

33. For your knowledge will have very little influence upon others’ minds, if your manners prejudice their hearts against you;

34. But, on the other hand, how easily will you engage the understanding, where you have first engaged the heart?

Epistle 12

  1. My dear son, those who suppose that men in general act rationally, because they are called rational creatures, know very little of the world,

  2. And if they act themselves upon that supposition, will nine times in ten find themselves grossly mistaken.

  3. Thus the speculative, cloistered pedant, in his solitary cell, forms systems of things as they should be, not as they are;

  4. And writes as decisively and absurdly upon war, politics, manners and characters, as that pedant talked, who was so kind as to instruct Hannibal in the art of war.

  5. Such closet politicians never fail to assign the deepest motives for the most trifling actions,

  6. Instead of often ascribing the greatest actions to the most trifling causes, in which they would be much seldomer mistaken.

  7. They read and write of kings, heroes and statesmen, as never doing anything but upon the deepest principles of sound policy.

  8. But those who see and observe kings, heroes and statesmen discover that they have headaches, indigestions, humours and passions, just like other people;

  9. Every one of which, in their turn, determine their wills, in defiance of their reason.

10. Had we only read in the
Life of Alexander
that he burned Persepolis, it would doubtless have been accounted for from deep policy:

11. We should have been told that his new conquest could not have been secured without the destruction of that capital,

12. Which would have been the constant seat of cabals, conspiracies and revolts.

13. But, luckily, we are informed at the same time that this hero, this paragon, happened to get extremely drunk with a courtesan;

14. And, by way of frolic, destroyed one of the finest cities in the world.

15. Read men, therefore, yourself, not in books but in nature. Adopt no systems, but study them yourself.

16. Observe their weaknesses, their passions, their humours, by all of which their rational minds are duped, nine times in ten.

17. You will then know that they are to be gained, influenced or led much oftener by little things than by great ones;

18. And, consequently, you will no longer think those things little, which tend to such great purposes.

19. The knowledge of mankind is a very useful knowledge for everybody, but a most necessary one for anyone wishing an active, public life.

20. You will have to do with all sorts of characters; you should, therefore, know them thoroughly, in order to manage them ably.

21. This knowledge is not to be got systematically; you must acquire it yourself by your own observation and sagacity,  

22. Though you can benefit from the philosophers too, who can give you hints that may be useful.

23. I have often told you that, with regard to mankind, we must not draw general conclusions from certain particular principles, though, in the main, they are true ones.

24. We must not suppose that, because a man is a rational animal, he will therefore always act rationally;

25. Or, because he has such or such a predominant passion, that he will act invariably and consequentially in pursuit of it.

26. No. We are complicated machines: and though we have one mainspring that gives motion to the whole, we have an infinity of little wheels,

27. Which, in their turns, retard, precipitate and sometimes stop that motion.

Epistle 13

  1. Let us exemplify. Let us suppose that ambition is, as indeed it commonly is, the dominating passion of a certain politician;

  2. And I will suppose that politician to be an able one. Will he, therefore, invariably pursue the aims of his predominant passion?

  3. May I be sure that he will do so and so, because he ought? No! Sickness or melancholia may damp that passion;

  4. Humour and peevishness may triumph over it; inferior passions may, at times, surprise it and prevail.

  5. Is this ambitious politician amorous? Indiscreet and unguarded confidences, made in tender moments, to his wife or his mistress, may defeat all his schemes.

  6. Is he avaricious? Some great lucrative object, suddenly presenting itself, may unravel all the work of his ambition.

  7. Does he have strong emotions?   Contradiction and provocation, sometimes artfully intended to rouse him, may extort rash and inconsiderate expressions, or actions destructive of his main object.

  8. Is he vain, and open to flattery? An artful, flattering favourite may mislead him;

  9. And even laziness may, at certain moments, make him neglect or omit the necessary steps to that height he aspires to.

10. Seek first, then, for the predominant passion of the character which you mean to engage and influence, and address yourself to it;

11. But without defying or despising the inferior passions; get them in your interest too, for now and then they will have their turns.

12. In many cases, you may not have it in your power to contribute to the gratification of the prevailing passion;

13. Then take the next best to your aid. There are many avenues to every man,

14. And when you cannot get at him through the great one, try the serpentine ones, and you will arrive at last.

15. There are two inconsistent passions, which frequently accompany each other, like man and wife;

16. And which, like man and wife too, are commonly clogs upon each other. I mean: ambition and avarice.

17. The latter is often the true cause of the former, and then is the predominant passion.

18. Though men are all of one composition, the several ingredients are so differently proportioned in each individual that no two are exactly alike; and no one is at all times like himself.

19. The ablest man will sometimes do weak things; the proudest man, mean things;

20. The most honest man, ill things; and the wickedest man, good ones.

21. Study individuals then, and if you take, as you ought to do, their outlines from their prevailing passion,

22. Suspend your last finishing strokes till you have attended to, and discovered the operations of their inferior passions, appetites and humours.

23. A man’s general character may be that of the most honest man of the world: do not dispute it; you might be thought envious or ill-natured;