The Good Book (114 page)

24. But, at the same time, do not take this probity upon trust to such a degree as to put your life, fortune or reputation in his power.

25. This honest man may happen to be your rival in power, in interest or in love: three passions that often put honesty to most severe trials, in which it is too often cast;

26. But first analyse this honest man yourself; and then only you will be able to judge how far you may, or may not, with safety trust him.

Epistle 14

  1. My son, be on your guard against those who, on very slight acquaintance, obtrude their unasked and unmerited friendship and confidence upon you;

  2. For they probably cram you with them only for their own eating;

  3. But, at the same time, do not roughly reject them on that mere supposition.

  4. Examine further, and see whether those unexpected offers flow from a warm heart and a silly head,

  5. Or from a designing head and a cold heart; for knavery and folly have often the same symptoms.

  6. In the first case, there is no danger in accepting them; in the latter case, it may be useful to seem to accept them, and artfully to turn the battery upon him who raised it.

  7. There is an incontinency of friendship among young fellows who are associated by their mutual pleasures only,

  8. Which has, very frequently, bad consequences. A parcel of warm hearts and inexperienced heads, heated by convivial mirth,

  9. And possibly a little too much wine, vow, and really mean at the time, eternal friendships to each other,

10. And indiscreetly pour out their whole hearts in common, and without the least reserve.

11. These confidences are as indiscreetly repealed as they were made;

12. For new pleasures and new places soon dissolve this ill-cemented connection; and then very ill uses are made of these rash confidences.

13. Bear your part, however, in young companies; indeed, excel, if you can, in all the social and convivial joy and festivity that become youth.

14. Trust them with your love tales, if you please; but keep your serious views secret.

15. Trust those only to some tried friend, more experienced than yourself,

16. And who, being in a different walk of life from you, is not likely to become your rival;

17. For I would not advise you to depend so much upon the heroic virtue of mankind, as to hope or believe that your competitor will ever be your friend in such matters.

18. These are reserves and cautions very necessary to have, but very imprudent to show.

Epistle 15

  1. If you have great talents and great virtues, my son, they will procure you the respect and the admiration of mankind;

  2. But it is the lesser talents which must procure you their love and affection.

  3. The former, unassisted and unadorned by the latter, will extort praise; but will, at the same time, excite both fear and envy;

  4. And these are two sentiments absolutely incompatible with love and affection.

  5. Caesar had all the great vices, and Cato all the great virtues, that men could have.

  6. But Caesar had the lesser virtues which Cato lacked, and therefore Caesar was beloved by many,

  7. Even by his enemies, and he gained the hearts of mankind, in spite of their reason:

  8. While Cato was not even beloved by his friends, notwithstanding the esteem and respect which they could not refuse to his virtues.

  9. I am inclined to think that if Caesar had lacked, and Cato had possessed, those lesser virtues,

10. The former could not have stolen, and the latter could have protected, the liberties of Rome.

11. As a dramatist says of Caesar, and with truth, ‘Curse his virtues, they have undone his country.’

12. By which he means those lesser, but engaging virtues of gentleness, affability, complaisance and good humour.

13. The knowledge of a scholar, the courage of a hero and the virtue of a Stoic will be admired;

14. But if the knowledge be accompanied with arrogance, the courage with ferocity and the virtue with inflexible severity, the man will never be loved.

15. We are all so formed that our understandings are generally the dupes of our hearts, that is, of our emotions;

16. And the surest way to the former is through the latter, which must be engaged by the lesser virtues alone, and the manner of exerting them.

17. The insolent civility of a proud man is, if possible, more shocking than his rudeness could be;

18. Because he shows you by his manner that he thinks it mere condescension in him;

19. And that his goodness alone bestows upon you what you have no pretence to claim.

20. He intimates his protection, instead of his friendship, by a gracious nod, instead of a usual bow;

21. And rather signifies his consent that you may, than his invitation that you should, sit, walk, eat or drink with him.

22. The costive liberality of a purse-proud man insults the distresses it sometimes relieves;

23. He takes care to make you feel your own misfortunes, and the difference between your situation and his,

24. Both of which he insinuates to be justly merited: yours, by your folly; his, by his wisdom.

25. The arrogant pedant does not communicate, but promulgates his knowledge. He does not give it to you, he inflicts it on you;

26. And is if possible more desirous to show you your own ignorance than his own learning.

27. Such manners as these shock and revolt that little pride and vanity which every man has in his heart;

28. And obliterate in us the obligation for the favour conferred, by reminding us of the motive which produced it, and the manner which accompanied it.

29. These faults point out their opposite perfections, and your own good sense, my son, will naturally suggest them to you.

30. But besides these lesser virtues, there are what may be called the lesser talents, or accomplishments, which are of valuable use to adorn and recommend all the greater accomplishments;

31. And the more so, as all people are judges of the lesser, and but few are of the greater.

32. Everybody feels the impression which an engaging address, an agreeable manner of speaking and an easy politeness, makes upon them;

33. And as a result this prepares the way for a favourable reception and friendliness.

Epistle 16

  1. No less necessary than either ancient or modern knowledge, therefore, is knowledge of the world, manners, politeness and society.

  2. In that view, keeping company and learning well to be sociable is an important part of education.

  3. To be well-mannered without ceremony, easy without negligence,

  4. Steady and intrepid with modesty, genteel without affectation,

  5. Cheerful without noisiness, frank without indiscretion, and able to keep confidences;

  6. To know the proper time and place for whatever you say or do, and to do it with an air of condition;

  7. All this is not so soon nor so easily learned as people imagine, but requires observation and time.

  8. The world is an immense folio, which demands attention to be read and understood as it ought;

  9. You have not yet read above four or five pages of it, my son, and you will have barely enough time to dip now and then into other less important books.

10. I would have you not only adopt, but rival, the best manners and usages of the place you are at, be they what they will;

11. That is the versatility of manners which is so useful in the course of the world.

12. Choose your models well, then rival them in their own way.

13. Make yourself master of good and thoughtful observance;

14. And to such a degree, dear son, as to make your hosts commend and welcome you;

15. And when thereafter you shall be at other places, do the same thing there, conforming to the manners and usage of the place.

16. One would desire to please, wherever one is; and nothing is more innocently flattering than an approbation and emulation of the people one converses with.

17. But be always gentle, in the sense of the gentleman. This is not so easily described as felt.

18. It is the compound result of different things: a quiet friendliness, a flexibility, but not a servility of manners;

19. An air of agreeableness in the countenance, gesture and expression,

20. Equally whether you concur or differ with the person you converse with.

21. Observe those carefully who have that good manner in others that pleases;

22. And your own good sense will soon enable you to discover the different ingredients of which it is composed.

23. You must be more particularly attentive to this whenever you are obliged to refuse what is asked of you, or to say what in itself cannot be very agreeable to those to whom you say it.

24. It is then the necessary gilding of a disagreeable pill. Amiability consists in a thousand of these little things aggregately.

25. It is the appropriateness of manner which I have so often recommended to you.

Epistle 17

  1. As you have not much time to read, you should employ it in reading what is the most necessary,

  2. And that is, modern historical, geographical, chronological, sociological and political know­ledge of the world,

  3. The science and investigations of the learned as reported to the public, and the debates of literature and philosophy.

  4. Many who are reckoned good scholars, though they know pretty accurately the history and culture of Athens and Rome,

  5. Are totally ignorant of the same in any one country now in the world, even of their own.

  6. Keep up your classical learning, which will be an ornament to you while young, and a comfort to you when old.

  7. But even more keep up the useful knowledge which is the modern knowledge.

  8. It is that which must qualify you both for work and for life, and it is to that, therefore, that you should principally direct your attention.

Epistle 18

  1. The consciousness of merit makes a man of sense more modest, though more firm.

  2. You will have noticed, my son, that a man who shows off his own merit is a coxcomb, and a man who does not know his own merit is a fool.

  3. A man of sense knows it, exerts it, avails himself of it, but never boasts of it;

  4. And always seems rather to undervalue than overvalue it, though in truth, he sets the right value upon it.

  5. A man who is really diffident, timid and bashful, be his merit what it will, never can push himself in the world;

  6. His despondency throws him into inaction; and people who are forward, bustling or petulant will always get the better of him.

  7. The manner makes the whole difference. What would be impudence in one, is only a proper and decent assurance in another.

  8. A man of sense, and of knowledge in the world, will assert his own rights, and pursue his own objects, as steadily and intrepidly as the most impudent man living, and commonly more so;

  9. But then he has sense enough to maintain an outward air of modesty to all he does.

10. This engages and prevails, while the very same things shock and fail, from the overbearing or impudent manner only of doing them.

11. For there are some people who have great qualities whom one cannot, even when praising them, love.

12. How often have I, in the course of my life, found myself in this situation, with regard to many of my acquaintance,

13. Whom I have honoured and respected, without being able to like them.

14. I did not then know why, because, when one is young, one does not take the trouble,

15. Nor allow one’s self the time, to analyse one’s sentiments and to trace them up to their source.

16. But subsequent observation and reflection have taught me why.

17. There is a man whose moral character, deep learning and superior parts I acknowledge, admire and respect;

18. But whom it is so impossible for me to like that I am almost in a fever whenever I am in his company.

19. His figure, without being deformed, seems made to disgrace or ridicule the common structure of the human body.

20. His legs and arms are never in the position which, according to the situation of his body, they ought to be in,

21. But constantly employed in committing acts of hostility upon the graces.

22. He throws anywhere but down his throat whatever he means to drink, and only mangles what he means to carve.

23. Inattentive to all the regards of social life, he mistimes or misplaces everything.