The Good Girls (15 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY

Cara

A
s I sat in Larson’s Deli reading
The Good Girls
for the millionth time, I thought of Ellie as my eyes drifted over the e-reader. I would finally get to see her again today, and I was nervous that she wouldn’t forgive me. If I was her, I probably wouldn’t. The sound of a man clearing his throat pulled me from the story, and I was startled as I looked up to see Tristan. His face was clean-shaven, his hair cut a little shorter than the last time I’d seen him. I smiled nervously at him as his eyes narrowed. I think he was just as shocked to see me there as I was to see him.

“Tristan,” I sputtered as I sat back in my seat. He nodded, running his palm over his eyebrow.

“It’s been a long time.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he glanced down at the milkshake and fries on the table, his jaw clenched. “You here alone?” His haunted blue eyes met mine, and my heart sank. He wanted to know if I was here with Ellie.

“No…I mean yes, I’m here alone.” Swallowing back the lump in my throat I gestured to the chair across from me but he only looked around the restaurant. I knew he was worried someone who knew what had happened was nearby. Guilt consumed me as I thought of the humiliation he’d endured. At the time I was so wrapped up in my own problems, I didn’t consider how hard it had been on him.

“You?”

“Yeah. My mom is coming into town tomorrow.”

“Do you want to talk?”

His eyes met mine as he thought that over. “Wanna go for a ride?”

I smiled, glad he wasn’t hating me and grateful to have a distraction before going to see Ellie. I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t intrude on Dawn’s birthday party. I still wasn’t sure how David and I would get along. “Sure. I’d like that.” I shoved my new e-reader in my purse and took a sip of my soda before standing. I followed him out into the cool night as I waited for him to unlock the passenger door of his car and pull it open for me.

“Thanks,” I slipped inside, my mind assaulted with the memories of the things we’d done in his car. It felt like another lifetime or a movie that I’d watched, not my actual memories. Tristan got in the driver’s seat and began to drive, not saying a word. His body was tense, and I struggled to come up with the right words to help ease the tension. I wasn’t the girl he’d known back then, and I hoped he’d understand and see that I’d changed.

“I never told you how sorry I was for everything that happened.” I wrung my hands, inhaling a deep breath of air into my lungs. “I should have told you. I should have…said something.” I paused, chancing a glance in his direction, but his eyes were fixed on the road, and he didn’t say anything. I felt the need to fill the silence, so I continued. “If I could go back and do things differently, I would.”

We turned off Shaffer Road and parked along a cornfield just off Huntington Road. I watched as his grip tightened on the steering wheel before he got out of the car and leaned against the front of it, facing away from me.

Pushing open my door, I walked toward him, hating myself for hurting someone I’d cared about. He gaze dropped to the ground between us as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Brody told me he saw you kissing El at that first frat party. That true?”

My chest tightened, and all I could do was nod as I wiped my hand over my cheek to catch a stray tear.

“Is it true?”

I looked up at his narrowed eyes. “Yes,” I whispered, thinking that the softness in my tone may somehow make the blow less harsh.

“You cheated on me? You used me the entire time she was here?”

“I did kiss her, but I didn’t think it would mean anything. That’s no excuse. I know that. But I wasn’t using you, Tristan. I cared a lot about you.”

He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck the way he did when he was stressed out about something. “You humiliated me in front of everyone. There isn’t a goddamn person who doesn’t know about it, and not a fucking day passes without it being thrown in my face because I wasn’t man enough to keep you.” He pushed from the car, standing so close now I had to look up at his face. “Was I not good enough for you? I fucking gave you everything, Cara.”

“It didn’t have anything to do with you.”

“Bullshit. It had
everything
to do with me. I got hurt in this, too. Or do my feelings not fucking count?” His words echoed around the cavernous place causing me to turn to see if anyone could hear him, but we were completely alone.

“They do count, Tristan. They do. I just…I guess I thought I could change when I moved here—start over.”

“Wait, you were a fucking dyke before we even started dating?” He bit out the words, and I flinched at the amount of anger in his voice. He stepped forward, and I took a step backward to avoid his chest colliding with mine.

“I loved you, Tris. It has nothing to do with being male or female.” I held my palms toward him to keep him from getting closer, but he pressed against my hands, and I could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

“Oh, I think it does. I think it has everything to do with being a man.” He pressed farther, and I took another step back, almost stumbling as my foot ended up in soil. “You want to be a fucking man, Cara?” He growled as his fingers wrapped around my wrists, gripping painfully tight. “You want to be a fucking man?” He yelled as he shoved me hard, sending me falling on my back, the wind knocked from my lungs. I gasped, desperate for air, my chest burning as he stood over me, a foot on each of my sides.

“Get up and fight like a fucking man, then.”

I shook my head, tears flowing freely from my eyes and running into my hair as I finally was able to inhale. He grabbed my arms, yanking me from the cold ground, pulling me effortlessly to my feet.

“Please.” A sob ripped from my throat as I tried to focus my blurred eyes on Tristan.

“Please? Please what, Cara?” he screamed, and it felt like my bones were going to snap under his grasp.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

He looked insulted as he looked me up and down. “Don’t
hurt
you? What about you hurting
me
? What about that?”

“I’m so sorry, Tristan.” My voice cracked as he readjusted his grip.

“You will be.” His palm hit the side of my face before I’d even had time to register that he was swinging. The pain was like fire spreading over my cheek as I hit the ground, landing on my side because of the force of his blow. My mouth filled with the metallic taste of my own blood, and I could already feel my lip swelling. I rolled to my stomach and struggled to push myself up on my hands and knees as he grabbed my shoulder, shoving me onto my back.

“I’m a man, Cara, not you. I think you need a reminder of that.”

I glanced up at him, my head throbbing and ears ringing. I watched as his hands fumbled with the buckle of his belt. I gagged as the blood from my lip ran back down my throat, and I turned my head to the side and coughed.

“Please,” was all I could whisper, but my words were garbled. I felt the coldness of his fingertips on the waist of my jean shorts, and I pushed his hands away, but it only upset him more. He ripped my shorts down my legs, leaving claw marks in his wake as he tossed them out into the darkness.

My entire body shook as I cried, squeezing my eyes closed as tightly as possible as the weight of him pinned me to the ground. I wasn’t strong enough to fight him off my body, but he couldn’t control what was in my heart.

I dug my fingers into the soil, grasping at anything I could as I struggled to slip away into my imagination. I was the good girl from the novel, and Ellie was there with me, holding my hand. I hoped she’d never let me go.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Ellie

I
stared out of my old bedroom window as my fingers played with the single pearl on my mother’s necklace that hung from my neck. I’d stayed up the entire night, reading Cara’s words in her novel that she’d left me. It was painful to go back to that time but also beautiful to hear how Cara thought about me in her own words. I needed to know that she’d loved me too. I felt like she’d finally given me the final piece of closure I needed to move forward. There was only one part of the story left unfinished.

David knocked, even though the door was open, and stepped inside. His hands were shoved deep in the pockets of his gray slacks, the top few buttons of his white shirt undone.

“It meant a lot to Dawn that you came this weekend.”

I nodded, looking back out of the window so he wouldn’t see written on my face how sad I was.

“I didn’t think she’d show up.”

“I did,” I murmured to myself as a tear slipped over my lashes and fell on the window sill.

“Cara hasn’t been back here since she left.”

I rolled my eyes because I knew why she never returned.

“I’m going to head back to school tomorrow after I see Brody.” I looked over at him now, and he nodded as he rubbed his hand over his jaw.

“It’s hard to lose a friend, Elise. I know it was tough, because you’d confided in her after your mother passed away.”

“She didn’t pass away. She was murdered, and just because you don’t say it, it doesn’t mean it never happened. And Cara wasn’t just a friend.”

He frowned as he looked down at his brown loafers, struggling to find something to say to end the conversation. My father and I had grown closer after Cara left, but we were still far from perfect. I’d learned to accept that he was a man of few words.

“Will you be stopping back before you head out?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll call you once I know what Brody and I will be doing.”

He nodded once before stepping out of my room, pulling the door closed behind him.

“Dad,” I called after him. The door popped back open, and he looked at me expectantly. “Why didn’t you ever tell me why Cara was living with you?”

“She never told you?” He looked genuinely shocked and then relief washed over him. “Cara had an issue with an old friend of hers.”

It hit me why he looked so relieved. He thought if Cara hadn’t told me about a relationship in the past, we must not have been that close.

“What kind of issue?”

“The kind a lady should never have with another.”

I knew I wasn’t Cara’s first because she’d slept with Tristan, but I never realized, until reading her book, that there had been another girl before me. That revelation was still too new to fully process.

“I know it’s a lot to take in”—he shook his head in disappointment—“but it goes to show you that you never really know someone as well as you think you do.”

My eyes met his as I struggled not to direct my anger toward him. He had no idea who his daughter was. He was happily oblivious.

“I know why she left.”

He cleared his throat as he looked around the room.

“You made her leave because you thought she was too close to me.”

“I was looking out for you, Ellie.”

Julie came to the bedroom door when she heard my voice. “Everything okay?” she asked.

I nodded, wiping away a tear from my cheek. “You broke my heart, Dad.” The tears fell now, and I didn’t bother to try to hide them. I wanted him to understand what his hatred and fear had done. I glanced at Julie and felt the strength to continue on. If he didn’t accept me, it would be okay, because I had other people who cared about me.

“She never told me why she had to go so I wouldn’t be upset at you. Even after you sent her away and made her feel unwanted, she still made sure to keep your hatred a secret. Do you know why? Do you know
why
she let me blame her for disappearing all of this time?” I spoke with my jaw clenched as I struggled to keep my temper at bay. I wanted him to listen to what I was saying, and if his temper rose, he wouldn’t fully grasp what I had to say to him. “Because she
loved
me…and I loved her.”

My father’s eyes widened before a single tear slid down his cheek.

I stalked across the room, grabbing my bag before slipping out of the door. I didn’t give him a chance to respond, partly because I was scared of what he might say. But I also wanted to give him time to process what I’d told him so he could let it sink in.

I drove to the Hamilton Hotel just on the other side of town. Julie didn’t say a word the entire trip, but she kept my hand in hers, letting me know I had someone to talk to when I was ready. My phone rang, and I turned off the sound. I needed some time.

I lay in the queen-size bed, staring at the ceiling. Julie’s eyes were glued to my e-reader. I don’t know what time sleep finally won over, but I didn’t wake until ten the next morning. I groaned, grabbing my phone and seeing that I’d missed fourteen calls from my father. I knew he wanted to make amends before I left, but even I didn’t expect him to put forth so much effort. Julie lay peacefully beside me, curled into a ball, facing the wall. I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over her and she groaned, snuggling into the warmth.

Slipping on my shoes, I left the room as quietly as possible and headed outside for some fresh air before I called David.

The phone only rang once, and when he answered he sounded like he hadn’t slept at all.

“Ellie, where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours. It’s Cara.”

My heart sank at just the mention of her name. Had she finally come home to see me, and in my anger I’d left?

“She’s there? I just need to wake Julie, and I can be there in a few minutes.”

“No, Ellie, honey. Cara has had an accident. I’m over at Saint Vincent’s Memorial.”

The phone slipped from my hand and landed on the concrete beneath my feet, cracking simultaneously with my heart.