The Good Soldier Svejk (50 page)

On the whole, however, they felt rather relieved. Once the train had started, they knew a little more definitely how they stood. Hitherto they had been in a wretched state of uncertainty, racked with the strain of wondering whether they were starting

that day or the next or the day after that. And now their minds were more at rest.

Quartermaster-sergeant Vanek had been quite right when he told Schweik that there was no hurry. Several days elapsed before they actually got into the railway trucks, and during that time there was continual talk about tinned rations. The quartermaster-sergeant, an experienced man, insisted that there was nothing in it. Tinned rations were a wash-out ! A field mass was a more likely stunt, because the previous draft had been treated to a field mass. If they had tinned rations, there wouldn't be a field mass. And, conversely, a field mass was a substitute for tinned rations.

And surely enough, instead of tinned stew, Chaplain Ibl appeared on the scene, and killed three birds with one stone. He celebrated a field mass for three drafts simultaneously, blessing two of them for service in Serbia and one for Russia.

On this occasion he delivered an impassioned address, containing material which he had obviously derived from military calendars. It was such a stirring address that when they were on their way to Mozony, Schweik, who was with Quartermaster-sergeant Vanek in a truck arranged as an improvised office, remembered the chaplain's peroration and said to the quartermaster sergeant :

"It'll be a fair treat, like the chaplain said, when the day is sinking toward evening and the sun with its golden rays sets behind the mountains and on the battle field will be heard, like he said, the last breath of the dying and the groaning of wounded men and the wailing of the population, when their cottages are burning above their heads. There's nothing I enjoy more than to hear people talking good, thoroughgoing, out-and-out flapdoodle."

Quartermaster-sergeant Vanek nodded.

"It was a damned nice heart-to-heart talk."

''It was a fine bit of speechifying," said Schweik, "and I shan't forget it in a hurry. After the war I'll tell all my pals at The Flagon about it. When the chaplain was well on the job, he'd got his legs so wide apart that I was afraid he'd slip and fall on top of the altar and bump his noodle against the monstrance. He

was just telling us such a nice bit from the history of an army, about how the fire was mingled with the flush of eventide, and the barns were burning on the battlefield, just as if he'd seen it all."

And on the very same day Chaplain Ibl was already in Vienna and was narrating to another draft the edifying story to which Schweik referred and which had pleased him so much that he had described it as good, thoroughgoing, out-and-out flapdoodle.

Then Schweik began to discuss the famous army orders, which had been read to them before they had entered the railway trucks. One was signed by Franz Josef and the other by the Archduke Josef Ferdinand, commander-in-chief of the eastern army. They both referred to the events at the Dukla Pass on April 3, 1915, when two battalions of the 28th regiment, officers and men, went over to the Russians, amid the strains of the regimental band.

The two orders, which were read to them in a trembling voice, ran as follows :

Army Order of April 17, 1915. It is with profound distress that I order the imperial royal infantry regiment No. 28 to be effaced from my army for cowardice and treachery. The regimental colours will be removed from the dishonoured regiment and placed in the military museum. From to-day onward, the regiment which was morally corrupted by its home surroundings when it marched to the field, ceases to exist.

Franz Joseph I.

Order of Archduke Josef Ferdinand.

During this campaign the Czech troops have proved disappointing, especially in the recent hostilities. They have been particularly remiss in defending positions in which they had been entrenched for a considerable time, and the enemy has frequently taken advantage of this to establish contact and relations with worthless elements in the midst of these troops. Thousandfold shame, disgrace and contempt upon those infamous scoundrels who have betrayed their emperor and their country, and besmirched not only the honour of the renowned banners of our glorious and gallant army, but also the honour of the nation to which they belong.

Sooner or later they will be overtaken by the bullet or the rope of the executioner.

It is the duty of every single Czech soldier, who has any vestige of honour left in him, to denounce to his commander any such scoundrel, mischief-maker and traitor. If he does not do so, he himself is a traitor and a scoundrel.

This order is to be read to all men belonging to the Czech regiments.

The imperial royal regiment No. 28, by a decree of our emperor, has already been obliterated from our army and all deserters from the regiment who are taken prisoner will expiate with their blood the heinous crime they have committed.

"They read that to us a bit late," said Schweik to Quartermaster-sergeant Vanek. "I'm surprised they've only just read it to us, when the Emperor had it all ready on April 17th. It looks as if they'd got some reasons of their own for not reading it to us there and then. If I was the Emperor, I'd kick up a row at having my orders shoved on one side like that. If I was to make an order on April 17th, why, it'd have to be read to every blessed regiment on April 17th, even if hell was to freeze."

In the staff carriage, where the officers of the draft were assembled, there had been a curious hush from the very beginning of the journey. The majority of the officers were engrossed in a Gerrnan book, bound in cloth and entitled
The Sins of the Fathers,
by Ludwig Ganghofer. They were all simultaneously absorbed in the perusal of page 161. Captain Sagner, the battalion commander, stood by the window, holding the same book, and his copy also was opened at page 161. He gazed at the landscape and wondered how he could best explain to them in the most intelligible manner what they were to do with the book. For it was a strictly confidential affair.

Meanwhile, the officers were wondering whether Colonel Schroder had now gone completely and irrevocably mad. Of course, they knew he had been a bit cracked for some time past, but they had not expected that the final seizure would be so sudden. Before the departure of the train he arranged a final
Besprechung
at which he informed them that they each were entitled to a copy of
The Sins of the Fathers,
by Ludwig Gang-

hofer, and that he had ordered the books to be taken to the battalion office.

"Gentlemen," he said with a terribly mysterious expression on his face, "whatever you do, don't forget page 161."

They had pored over page 161, but could make nothing of it except that a lady named Martha approached a desk, from which she extracted the acting version of a play and in a loud voice expressed the view that the public must sympathize with the hero of it. Then on the same page appeared a gentleman called Albert, who kept trying to crack jokes which, detached from the earlier part of the story, appeared to be such drivel that Lieutenant Lukash, in his annoyance, bit through his cigarette holder.

"The old boy's daft," was the general view. "It's all up with him. Now he'll be transferred to the War Office."

When Captain Sagner had arranged everything carefully in his mind, he left his place by the window. He was not excessively gifted as an instructor, and so it took him a long time before he had devised the scheme of a lecture on the significance of page 161. He began his lecture with the word "Gentlemen," just as the colonel did, although before they had entered the train he had addressed the other officers as "comrades."

"Gentlemen," he began, and went on to explain that on the previous evening he had received from the colonel certain instructions concerning page 161 of
The Sins of the Fathers
by Ludwig Ganghofer.

"This, gentlemen," he continued solemnly, "is entirely confidential information concerning a new system of telegrams in code for use on active service."

Cadet Biegler took out his notebook and pencil, and in an extremely zealous tone said :

"Ready, sir."

Everybody stared at Cadet Biegler, whose zeal in the pursuit of knowledge bordered on idiocy.

"Look here," said Captain Sagner, "you keep quiet until I give you permission to speak. Nobody asked you to say anything. I suppose you think you're a damned smart soldier. Here am I, giving you absolutely confidential information and there are you,

shoving it all down in your notebook. If you were to lose that notebook, you'd be liable for a court-martial."

Cadet Biegler, on top of all his other engaging qualities, was in the habit of always trying to persuade everyone by some plausible explanation that he, Biegler, was in the right.

"Beg to report, sir," he replied, "that even if my notebook were to get lost, nobody could make out what I've written. I take down everything in shorthand and nobody could read my abbreviations. I use an English system of shorthand."

Everybody gazed at him with contempt. Captain Sagner dismissed the matter with a wave of his hand, and continued his lecture :

"I have already referred to the new method of sending telegrams in code on active service. You may have found it difficult to understand why you were recommended to study page 161 of
The Sins of the Fathers,
by Ludwig Ganghofer, but that, gentlemen, contains the key to the new code which has been introduced as the result of new instructions of the army corps to which we are attached. As you may be aware, there are many codes in use for sending important messages in the field. The latest which we have adopted is the method of supplemented numerals. Thus, you can now dispense with the codes which were served out to you last week by the regimental staff, and the instructions for deciphering them."

"Archduke Albrecht's system," murmured the assiduous Biegler to himself. "8922=R; adopted from Grenfeld's method."

"The new system is very simple," went on Captain Sagner. "Supposing, for example, we are to receive this order : 'On hill 228 direct machine-gun fire to the left' ; we receive, gentlemen, the following telegram : 'Thing—with—us—that—we—look— in—the—promised— which—Martha—you— which—anxious —then— we—Martha— we—the—we—thanks— well—end— we—promised—really —think —idea—quite—prevails— voice —last' As I say, it's extremely simple, no superfluous complications. From the staff by telephone to the battalion, from the battalion by telephone to the company. When the commander has received this code telegram, he deciphers it in the following way :

He takes
The Sins of the Fathers,
opens it at page 161, and begins from the top to look for the word 'thing' on the opposite page 160. Now then, gentlemen, the word 'thing' occurs first on page 160 and forms the 52nd word, taking sentence by sentence. Very well. On the opposite page 161, he discovers the 52nd letter from the top. Kindly notice that this letter is 'o.' The next word in the telegram is 'with.' That is the 7th word on page 160, corresponding to the 7th letter on page 161, which is 'n.' That gives us 'on.' And so we continue, till we've deciphered the order: 'On hill 228 direct machine-gun fire to the left.' It's very ingenious, gentlemen, and very simple, and it absolutely can't be deciphered without the key which is
The Sins of the Fathers
by Ludwig Ganghofer, page 161."

They all gazed glumly at the fateful page and lapsed into anxious thought. For a while there was silence, till suddenly Cadet Biegler shouted in great alarm :

"Beg to report, sir, God Almighty, there's something wrong."

And, indeed, it was extremely puzzling.

However much they tried, nobody except Captain Sagner discovered on page 160 the words corresponding to the letters on the opposite page 161 which supplied the key.

"Gentlemen," stammered Captain Sagner, when he had convinced himself that Cadet Biegler's desperate oratory was in accordance with the facts of the case. "What
can
have happened? In my copy of
The Sins of the Fathers
it's there all right, and in yours it isn't."

"I beg your pardon, sir." It was Cadet Biegler again. "I should like to point out," he continued, "that this novel by Ludwig Ganghofer is in two volumes. You will see for yourself, if you kindly turn to the title page. There you are : 'Novel in two volumes,' it says. We've got Volume 1, and you've got Volume 2," explained the thoroughgoing Biegler. "It is therefore obvious that our pages 160 and 161 do not correspond to yours. We've got something quite different. In your case the first word of the decoded telegram should be 'on,' and we make ours 'bo.' "

It was now quite clear to everyone that Biegler was not such a fool as they thought.

"I received Volume 2 from brigade headquarters," said Cap-

tain Sagner, "so there must be some mistake. It looks as if they got things mixed up at brigade headquarters."

Cadet Biegler gazed round triumphantly, while Captain Sagner continued :

"It's a queer business, gentlemen. Some of the people in the brigade office are of very limited intelligence."

"I should like to point out"—it was again the unwearied Biegler who was anxious to display his wisdom—"that matters of a strictly confidential character ought not to pass from divisional headquarters through the brigade office. A message affecting the most secret affairs of an army corps should be notified by a strictly confidential circular only to commanders of parts of divisions and brigades, and of regiments. I know a coding system which was used during the Sardinian and Savoy hostilities, in the Anglo-French campaign at Sevastopol, during the Boxer rebellion in China and also during the last Russo-Japanese war. This system was based upon -"