The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (39 page)

Many people have already made the adjustment to using condoms during oral sex. Several flavored condoms are on the market, including mint, banana, chocolate, and cola flavors, or you can flavor an unlubricated condom with a water-based edible gel. Then again, you may be someone who prefers plain latex flavor to disguised latex flavor. The condoms manufactured these days are so thin as to be almost like a second skin. You may be surprised to find that latex transmits sensation and temperature with arousing intensity and that being sucked through latex can feel just as good as being sucked without.

The Avanti polyurethane condom hit the U.S. market with great fanfare in 1995. Polyurethane is a clear, odorless plastic that is considerably stronger than latex, so polyurethane condoms can be made thinner to allow for greater sensitivity than latex condoms. It has the further advantage of not breaking down upon exposure to oil and not smelling or tasting like latex. But it has the disadvantage of being considerably more expensive and less elastic than latex. The Avanti’s lack of elasticity initially resulted in high slippage and breakage rates, though its quality has improved. If you’re someone who is allergic to latex or who wants to experiment with a thinner condom for oral sex, you may want to check out polyurethane.

PROFILES
in
PLEASURE:

Nina Hartley

“Once I saw my
first adult movie,
I knew that the
world of sexual
performance was
where I’d find myself
and my greatest
happiness, and
it’s been true!”

F
or over fifteen years, feminist porn star Nina Hartley has been putting her beautiful butt on the line to create a more sex-positive world. She’s appeared in countless adult videos, and she’s the star and director of her own line of educational videos—on topics from oral sex to anal sex to erotic dancing. In her best-selling videos
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Cunnilingus
and
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Fellatio
Nina (who’s also a registered nurse) dishes out detailed anatomical information and calls on her porn star pals to help her demonstrate sexual technique in scenes that are filled with affection, humor, and heat.

Raised in Berkeley during the sixties and seventies, Nina grew up “understanding that I had a right and responsibility to my sexuality. Once I saw my first adult movie, I knew that the world of sexual performance was where I’d find myself and my greatest happiness, and it’s been true!” Always a feminist, her proudest achievement is “to have been part of the group that has spread the word about sex-positive feminism as a viable, honest, authentic point of view—to be peers and friends with people like Kat Sunlove, Annie Sprinkle, Betty Dodson, Susie Bright, and Carol Queen.”

Nina sees her work as a way to give back to the community through education. “People engage in sex without knowing what they’re doing. I think it’s sort of sad that we teach people how to drive, we teach people how to do all kinds of things, but we don’t teach people how to have sex because it’s considered embarrassing or private. Sex isn’t so private for me, so if you can take what I’ve learned and apply it to your private life, take the information and use it, please!”

She’s also deeply influenced by her Buddhist faith. “Compassionate awareness is crucial to my work. I’ve had to work through my own fears and issues in order to be a help to other people. Our culture makes people sexually sick. Everyone’s born sexually healthy—before we beat or molest or shame or terrorize it out of them, children love their bodies! Sex and massage and dance are wonderful ways to bring yourself back into your body so that you live in the present moment—so that you can live presently, as opposed to absently.”

Nina’s greatest hope for the future is that “we’ll learn to recognize and respect children and young adults as sexual beings, and find an appropriate way to acknowledge that sexuality is an inherent inborn right.” But the woman once called porn’s “Bowl of Sunshine” is predictably cheerful about how far we’ve already come: “You know, it’s been thirty years now of unremitting, unrelenting, over-all forward progress with sex and pornography. I know that a lot of people don’t believe this because of the Religious Right, but the fact is that now the average person with a little bit of gumption can log on to
goodvibes.com
in Podunk. Now people who are growing up gay or kinky and feeling bad can connect to a wider group of people like themselves and see that they’re not alone. It’s just wonderful to see the slowly changing attitudes. Our kids have a much better chance of sexual happiness!”

CHAPTER 10

Vibrators

I love waking up in the morning with a jolting orgasm from my beloved vibrator. Better than a cup of coffee!

Vibrators may well go down in history as the best-kept secret of the twentieth century. We have waited on hundreds of people curious about vibrators who, until their first visit to Good Vibrations, were unable to find out much about them. If you’ve ever gotten up the nerve to visit an adult toy store, you probably encountered piles of vibrating novelties but received little assistance or information from the clerk. Not surprisingly, many of our survey respondents described disappointing experiences with toys like the Throbbing Ten-Inch or the Fantasy Joystick purchased on such trips.

Trying to find answers in sex books used to be hit or miss. In recent years, manuals have begun to endorse vibrator use, but old myths die hard. Many mainstream sex manuals still treat the vibrator as a woman’s masturbatory tool at best, an evil and addictive device at worst. Vibrators often are given little more than a paragraph with a not altogether accurate description of one or two models, and perhaps a few words reinforcing or dismissing the anxiety they generate. (Will I get addicted? Electrocuted? Will it replace my partner?) Take this classic example from
The New Joy of Sex:

Vibrators are no substitute for a penis—some women prefer them to a finger for masturbation, or put one in the vagina while working manually on the clitoris…. Careful vibratory massage of the whole body surface is a better bet than over-concentration on the penis or clitoris.

Let’s dissect what’s wrong with this paragraph. Rather than clearly explaining that vibrators aren’t intended for vaginal stimulation, author Dr. Alex Comfort defensively states that they are “no substitutes” for penises—we detect a bit of insecurity here, Doc. He then correctly relates that women enjoy them both clitorally and vaginally. However, he ends with a mysterious warning against using vibrators solely for genital stimulation—never mind that that’s what they were invented for!

This lack of accurate information about vibrators prompted Good Vibrations’ founder Joani Blank to write her how-to manual
Good Vibrations: The Complete Guide to Vibrators
in 1977 (revised in 2000). This remains the only book devoted exclusively to the subject
.

In this chapter we enthusiastically bring vibrators out into the light of day. There are thousands of people out there plugging in and turning on, and it’s not because they’re dysfunctional, single, man-hating, sex-crazed, sex-starved, frustrated, preorgasmic, or disappointed with a partner—it’s because vibrators feel great. There are a million ways to have fun with a vibrator—you’re limited only by your imagination. We’ll give you the who, what, when, where, and why of vibrators, but it’s up to you to play with your toys to discover what brings
you
the most pleasure.

We’re happy to report that in recent years, vibrators have begun to come into their own. They’re more accessible: Mainstream retailers have begun carrying them, they’re available on the Web, and more stores modeled on Good Vibrations have popped up around the world. They’re also better made; technological innovations have improved sex toy quality, and consumer expectations have risen, so manufacturers can’t get away with producing so much junk. Finally, more and more women are coming to view their sexual gratification as a right, so they’re less inhibited about demanding the resources, tools, and partners that will get them what they want sexually. We truly believe that in
this
century vibrators will come proudly out of the closet to receive the respect (and use!) they so richly deserve.

A Brief History of Vibrators

The illustrious history of the electric vibrator begins in 1869 with the invention of a steam-powered massager, patented by an American doctor. This device was designed as a labor-saving medical tool for use in the treatment of “female disorders.” Within twenty years, a British doctor followed up with a more portable battery-operated model, and by 1900 dozens of styles of electric vibrators were available to discriminating medical professional.

Treating Hysteria

What, you must ask, were these esteemed physicians doing with their vibrators? They were treating hysteria—the most common health complaint among women of the day. While the existence of hysteria as a disease was debunked in the 1950s, medical experts from the time of Hippocrates up to the twentieth century believed that hysteria expressed the womb’s revolt against sexual deprivation. A woman’s display of mental or emotional distress, the theory went, was a clear indication of her need for sexual release. Genital massage was a standard treatment for hysteria, its objective being to induce “hysterical paroxysm” (better known today as orgasm) in the patient. Since then (as now), vaginal intercourse was considered the only
real
sexual activity, Victorian doctors who would have blanched at the impropriety of performing a pelvic exam had no qualms about manipulating women’s external genitals. Obviously, genital massage demanded both manual dexterity and a fair amount of time, so turn-of-the-century physicians were delighted with the efficiency, convenience, and reliability of portable vibrators.

Health, Vigor, and Beauty

Ours being a consumer society, the vibrator was soon marketed as a home appliance in women’s magazines and mail-order catalogs. Ads proffering “health, vigor, and beauty” promoted the vibrator as an aid to health. By the 1920s, doctors had abandoned hands-on physical treatments for hysteria in favor of psychotherapeutic techniques. But vibrators continued to have an active commercial life in which they were marketed, much like patent medicines, as cure-alls for illnesses ranging from headaches and asthma to “fading beauty” and even tuberculosis!

Ad copy for these vibrators was coy and ambiguous. “Be a glow getter,” one package insert suggests. And who wouldn’t be tempted to experience “that delicious, thrilling health-restoring sensation called vibration,” when assured that “it makes you fairly tingle with the joy of living!” The vibrator’s usefulness for masturbation was never acknowledged; however, as vibrators began appearing in stag films of the 1920s, it became difficult to ignore their sexual function. Probably as a result, advertisements for vibrators gradually disappeared from respectable publications.

A Superior Sex Toy

To this day, electric vibrators are marketed solely as massagers, and their sexual benefits are steadfastly ignored by manufacturers. Vibrators are a big business; they are sold through drugstores, department stores, general catalogs, and the Internet, yet their true talents remain unsung. We dream of the day when electric vibrators are proudly promoted as the superior sex toys they are. After all, as an early advertisement points out, “almost like a miracle is the healing force of massage when rightly applied.”

When I first got my vibrator and learned how to incorporate it into my self-loving, I found it to be the best thing for a girl to have in her house.

This history of the vibrator was first uncovered by Rachel Maines and is detailed in depth in her excellent book
The Technology of Orgasm
.

Why Would I Use a Vibrator?

If you’re asking this question, you might be inclined to skip the entire vibrator section. Perhaps you’re thinking “I’m a man and vibrators are only for women,” or “My orgasms are perfect and I don’t need additional stimulation,” or “I’m in a relationship where I’m completely satisfied,” or “Vibrators just seem so unnatural.” If any of these rings a bell, or if you’re deterred by any reason short of “I’ve tried them all and none please me,” we encourage you to read on. Just about anyone can enjoy a vibrator, but the charms of these versatile instruments of pleasure are often obscured by a cloud of misconception, stereotypes, and sex negativity.

Allow us to clarify a few main areas of confusion.

Vibrators Can Be Enjoyed by Everyone

Vibrators have traditionally been associated with women because so many learned how to orgasm—or how to orgasm more easily—using a vibrator. Most women require consistent, intense stimulation of the clitoris to achieve orgasm, which a hand or a tongue isn’t always able to give:

I used to masturbate with my hand, but it would get so tired. Just as I was about to come, my hand would start to cramp up and sometimes it just froze before those crucial last strokes.

Since most men learn how to masturbate to orgasm during adolescence, they’re less likely to seek “outside” assistance. This shouldn’t mean, however, that vibrators are exclusively girls’ toys. As Joani Blank points out in
Good Vibrations:
“If men, like women, enjoy a wide range of stimuli (and we know they do), then why shouldn’t a vibrator be another potential source of sexually arousing stimulation?”

In fact, many men are happily discovering vibrating sleeves, cock rings, and anal toys, as well as inventing ways to adapt and enjoy more traditional massagers: