The Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (58 page)

Being in front of a full-length mirror, watching my lover’s expressions and reactions while I take her from behind with a strap-on, now that’s a real turn-on.

HARNESS STYLES: Dildo harnesses have waist and leg straps that radiate out from a central ring or a flap of material with an opening cut in it. You slip the dildo through the ring or the opening in the flap—the base of the dildo rests against your body and is secured when you tighten the harness straps. Any dildo you strap on must have a flared base or it will fall out of the harness.

When you’re wearing a dildo in a harness, the dildo rests against your pubic bone, higher up on your body than a penis is or would be. This positioning gives the wearer more control over the movement of the dildo. A harness with some sort of central flap of material generally supports a dildo better than one that consists solely of a ring attached to straps.

The majority of harnesses found in adult bookstores are cheaply made with vinyl or stiff leather bodies and elastic waist straps. Unfortunately, elastic is not an ideal material to use in securing a relatively heavy object to your body. It sags, stretches out of shape, and snaps back and forth, making it difficult to control the dildo.

Better quality harnesses are made of leather, latex, or fabric and have waist straps that fasten securely with
D
-rings or buckles. Harnesses come in two basic styles: those that have one center strap running between the legs and those with two leg straps, one running around each thigh. Devotees of the single-strap style like the simplicity of the fit and find the thong effect of the center strap either unobtrusive or pleasurable. Devotees of the two-strap style prefer strapping a harness around the thighs, thereby leaving their own genitals unimpeded. Men can comfortably wear the single-strap style only if they’re using the ring of the harness as a cock ring—that is, with the ring worn around the base of their penis and scrotum—rather than wearing a dildo in the harness. For strapping on a dildo, men should use a two-strap harness and position the dildo above their own genitals.

Of course, plenty of people jerry-rig their own harnesses using men’s briefs or button-fly jeans. But you’re guaranteed a more secure fit and more skin-to-skin contact when you seek out “the right tool for the job.” If you find briefs more aesthetically appealing or more comfortable for packing (wearing dildos beneath your clothes), a growing number of boxer-and brief-style harnesses are on the market.

Finally, we should note that not all dildo harnesses fit around the hips. Some are designed to strap over the head, positioning a dildo either over the wearer’s mouth or chin—which gives a new twist to going down on your partner. The Thigh Harness, which is sold under several different names, fastens a dildo onto the wearer’s thigh, offering a whole new dimension to bouncing your loved one on your knee. This model opens up a range of new positions for enjoying penetration, and two partners can each strap on a Thigh Harness to penetrate each other, an alternative to double dildos that allows full-body contact.

Two-strap harness

BUYING A HARNESS: Price, size, and style will influence your choice of dildo harness. If you’re experimenting with harnesses for the first time, you might want one of the less-expensive fabric models. If you know what you like and you’re convinced that you have many happy years of strapping ahead of you, you’ll probably want to invest in a long-lasting leather model. Adjustable waist straps allow a custom fit—harnesses that fasten with buckles tend to provide a tighter fit and more stability than those that fasten with
D
-rings. Ideally you’ll have a chance to try on the harness before you buy, as style is a personal preference.

Select a harness with an opening or ring that fits snugly, but not too tightly, around your dildo. Preferably the ring in your harness should be made of flexible latex, rather than unyielding metal. While some people prefer the aesthetics of metal, it can be rough on more delicate silicone dildos. Most leather harnesses have a ring around the harness opening as reinforcement—soft leather stretches, and nobody appreciates having the harness opening stretch to the point that the dildo falls right through.

Some harness rings snap on and off, allowing you to exchange rings of various diameters to accommodate a range of dildo sizes. If you favor realistic dildos complete with balls, you should look for a harness like Stormy Leather’s popular Terra Firma model. The leg and waist straps of this two-strap harness snap directly around the center ring, holding the dildo firmly against the wearer’s body. The ring is positioned in front of the harness flap, so that you don’t have to stuff a bulky rubber scrotum beneath the harness flap where it would chafe your skin.

One ingenious sex toy accessory, the Slip Not, is designed to address the problem of what to do when the dildo you want to wear has a very small base and falls through the hole in your harness. It’s a donut-shaped foam pad with a tiny hole in its center; simply slide it all the way down to the base of your dildo so that it rests between the dildo base and the harness opening, and it will act like a safety belt for tiny dildos.

Don’t forget to keep your harness as clean as you would any other item of intimate apparel. Hand wash with mild soap and water, and let it dry thoroughly before putting it away. You should be careful not to dry leather harnesses in front of direct heat, unless you fancy a cracked, saddle-worn look and feel.

TIPS AND TECHNIQUES: Wearing a dildo in a harness demands a fair amount of coordination, imagination, and attentiveness. When you strap on a dildo for the first time, you may unconsciously expect it to be transmuted into a sentient part of your body, and you may be disappointed at how much energy is required to control it.

Using a strap-on dildo with a lesbian lover was disappointing—because I couldn’t feel what was happening with her.

Don’t despair—with a little practice and a lot of feedback from your partner you’ll quickly gain command of the situation. Ideally, the dildo you wear in a harness will have a slight curve to it, so that it will match the natural curve of your partner’s vagina or anus. It’s easier to control a firm dildo than a soft, floppy one. Needless to say, you should take care to apply lubricant both to the dildo and to your partner’s vagina or anus. Most harness users find that it’s best to wear a fairly long dildo, given that the harness itself will take up about half an inch of the dildo’s length. Furthermore, if you want to get into a stroking rhythm, it’s best to use a dildo long enough that it won’t ever pull entirely out of your partner.

With my partner using a long dildo, I can lie on my front, be fucked from behind, and masturbate all at once. The best thing about her wearing a dildo is that her hands are free and she’s able to be more on top of me. Plus, she can reach my nipples or clit from behind.

Reinserting a dildo can interrupt the flow of things, as dildos don’t have the self-lubricating properties of penises. Remember, you won’t be conscious of the dildo you’re wearing in the same way you would be conscious of a part of your own body—you’ll feel pretty silly if you find yourself pumping energetically away in midair, leaving your partner high and dry.

Of course, some couples prefer the close body contact of inserting a dildo to the hilt and rocking their pelvises together without thrusting in and out—short dildos are perfect for this method of penetration.

All the positions that apply to penis-vagina or penis-anus intercourse are suitable for intercourse with a dildo. A man wearing a dildo in a harness should position the dildo above his genitals—he may even find that strapping on a dildo opens up some intriguing possibilities for double penetration. In the missionary position, he can simultaneously penetrate his female partner in the vagina with his strapped-on dildo and in the anus with his penis; in the rear-entry position, vice versa.

ENHANCERS: Harness-wearers frequently want to know how they can stimulate themselves while penetrating their partners. There are a surprising number of options. Those who crave vaginal penetration can purchase a double harness, which features a second hole positioned over the wearer’s vagina accessible to a partner’s fingers or dildo. (Note that double harnesses are designed for use with two separate dildos, not with a double dildo.)

A cuff allows you to turn your single harness into a double harness. The cuff is a rectangle of fabric or leather with a hole in the center and snaps or Velcro on each end—simply slip a dildo or plug through the hole in the cuff, insert the dildo or plug into your body, and fasten the cuff in place around the center strap of the harness. Cuffs work best with single-strap harnesses, but some folks are also willing to adjust the leg straps of a two-strap harness to wear a cuff between their legs. Since a cuff will hold the entire length of the dildo or plug inside you, you should make sure to select a comfortably short model.

Small battery vibrators offer the best way for harness-wearers to get clitoral stimulation. Vibrating silicone dildos transmit vibrations beautifully to both the harness-wearer and her partner. Some women obtain clitoral stimulation by tucking a vibrating cock ring around the base of the dildo between flesh and harness, while others substitute a vibrating-egg vibrator.

Dildos and Genderplay

While dildos are so much more than “penis substitutes,” we don’t want to ignore their fantasy potential. Plenty of women enjoy “packing”—that is, wearing dildos beneath their clothes for sexual role-playing—or to be ready for action when they head out for a night on the town. Female-to-male transsexuals and women in drag pack to simulate the bulge of a penis.

The first thing to know about packing is that the dildo that makes a great sex toy in a harness is not necessarily a great choice to stuff into your boxer shorts. Just as a man finds it uncomfortable to walk around with a full erection, a woman finds it uncomfortable to walk around with a stiff dildo straining beneath the buttons of her 501s. If you’re transgendered and seeking the most realistic appearance, you’ll want a dildo that is too floppy to actually penetrate anyone with—there are convincing packing dildos made out of cyberskin or silicone.

If you’re packing with the intention of using your dildo with a partner, you’ll want a firmer dildo, but ideally one that is flexible enough to bend without breaking. If your dildo is fairly long and firm, you might want to wear it snapped onto the leg strap of your harness with a harness cuff. This way, you avoid having the base of the dildo jammed awkwardly into your pubic bone. It’s easy enough to move the dildo into place when the time comes to use it.

Dildos also make great toys for any woman who’s ever had her erotic imagination sparked by fellatio, with its blend of seduction, submission, vulnerability, and dominance.

My favorite method of masturbation is simply lying on my back with my legs spread far apart rubbing my clit while I fantasize that someone, anyone, is sucking my “dick.”

Role-playing with a dildo can be a safe yet arousing way to enact fantasies of fellatio, whether you’re watching your girlfriend suck your “cock” or you’re pretending to be your husband’s gay lover. You and your partner can select the dildo that best resembles the penis of your imagination. And you can truthfully swear that you’ll never come in his or her mouth.

PROFILES
in
PLEASURE:

Marilyn Bishara

“Vixen dildos are
hands down the
cream of the silicone
crop, combining
unbeatable
aesthetic appeal
and endurance.”

M
arilyn Bishara doesn’t fit anybody’s stereotype of a dildo designer. A reserved woman with a mane of silver hair, she never leaves home without a couple of dogs in tow. Her biggest loves are her motorboat, numerous pets, teenage niece—and last but not least, her company: Marilyn is the founder and proprietor of Vixen Creations, the world’s premium manufacturer of silicone toys.

Marilyn was inspired to launch a dildo business in 1992 while working as a computer programmer for Good Vibrations. During the hours she spent in the mail order room, she overheard a steady stream of complaints that the supply of silicone products was hopelessly insufficient to meet the demand. When Marilyn proposed that Good Vibrations go into silicone manufacturing, staff voted down the idea, so she decided to do it herself. She knew from her previous job at an outdoor gear manufacturer that production was no great mystery, and she had the curiosity, good humor, ambition, and enterprising spirit required to weather the start-up process.

Silicone is a temperamental material, and it took time to devise the Vixen formula, which is a perfect balance between firm and yielding. Marilyn plugged away at R&D in her own apartment after she got home from work, washing dildos in the kitchen sink, and trimming excess silicone on her bed. She jokes that buyers of her early prototypes weren’t thrilled about the cat hairs that occasionally made their way inside the packaging.