The Grey God (War of Gods 4) (22 page)

Stop it
, she directed him mentally.

He winked in response, saying, “No more secrets.”

“I’m not afraid of you, Darian,” she replied and wolfed down another cheeseburger.

“You’re
terrified,
” he supplied. “Want to play a game?”

“What kind of game?”

“I ask you a question, you answer with the honest truth. You ask me one, I do the same,” he explained. “Absolutely nothing off limits.”

Jenn shifted, studying him. She wasn’t sure what to do if she couldn’t manipulate her way out of something. Yet, she wasn’t sure she wanted to get out of anything. Her emotions were twisted when it came to the Grey God. She admired him as she had no other.

Darian was too intense to appear relaxed, but he was waiting with a predator’s patience to see what she’d do. He’d thrown down the gauntlet. If she accepted, there was no going back, and she suspected Darian had already stacked the deck to win, whatever
win
meant to a wild man like him. Her heart quickened again, and her palms grew sweaty from what she knew was fear. She’d never let fear stand between her and a mission. She couldn’t let it stop her now, though this kind of fear was far different than that of losing her life or failure on a mission.

“Fine,” she said softly.

“I knew you wouldn’t back down,” he said with a smile that confirmed her instinct. “You ask first.”

“The worlds issue,” she said without hesitation.

“It may be true.” His words were slow, thoughtful. “If I can’t disrupt the war between Others and Watchers, it’s an option. I didn’t think it inevitable, though. They’re telling me I can’t close the gates. I’d only need to close one to control their entrance into this world. I can’t camp outside both gateways, but I could one. I’m going to try it.”

“And if you can’t? What then?”

“My turn.”

She leaned back, unwilling to let her impatience show.

“Talia.”

Jenn’s whole body went rigid. She resisted the urge to reach for a knife, knowing this was a test without knowing what answer it was Darian wanted.

Chapter Nine

“I saw the name on the obelisk in the immortal world when I returned your family’s marker,” Darian said.

To her credit, Jenn remained in her seat. He didn’t touch her thoughts, already aware of the level of turmoil he’d just caused her. She was silent for a long moment and finally looked away from him. There was no sign of her inner angst in her deep brown eyes or on her beautiful features. But without her magic ability to cover her emotions, the air around her sizzled.

“You know the answer,” she said in a low growl. “Why ask it.”

“I need to know,” he said. “You’re not the only one terrified by this.”

“I’m a liability,” she said, raising an eyebrow in her only sign of offense. “I’d never betray you, Darian, no matter what ghosts are in my closet.”

“Answer the question.”

For the second time that day, he sensed how close she was to exploding. Jenn drew a steady breath and met his gaze again.

“I was betrothed when I was sixteen to another servant. My father had just landed a gig working for one of the lesser nobles after he saved the life of the noble’s son. It pulled us off the streets. At first, I was thrilled, until I realized any freedom I had was now gone. On the streets, I could do what I wanted. In a noble house, everything down to my shoes was scripted for me. Our lord even chose the man I was to wed, another lesser servant in need of wife. He was twenty years older than me, born into his position. He didn’t question anyone or anything, and I couldn’t understand his world,” she began. “I found out I was eligible to join the Guardians the day before I found out I was pregnant with Talia. I tried to run away twice, to take us both to the mortal world, where we could start over. My husband and father forbid it, locked me away until I had Talia, and believed a child would tame that part of me they couldn’t. She couldn’t.”

Jenn’s gaze grew distant. She fell quiet for a moment, and Darian watched the disjointed images in her mind as she recalled the memories.

“I left them both when she was two. I signed up for the Guardians, and I was getting ready to leave for the mortal world. My plan was to go, find a place, then come back for Talia. Then the first wave of the Schism hit. I went to check on them. The house was crushed. My … Talia was dead. My whole family.”

Darian couldn’t help feeling dirty for causing her to relive the pain.

“I took back the marker of my family and buried it at their obelisk. I left. Free at last,” she said with bitterness. She focused on him again, pain and anger in her gaze. “Now answer my fucking question, Darian.”

“If I must destroy a world, I’ll do it,” he said firmly. “If that’s the only way to keep my family safe, I won’t think twice. I don’t think the Others or Watchers can stop me.”

“You’ll protect whichever world your family is in?”

“My turn.”

She muttered a curse, and the cool façade slipped. Jenn ran a hand through her short hair. The discussion was costing her much more than it did him. As much as Darian empathized, he did what he thought necessary. Only when he’d been broken and faced his past had he been able to let go of his own demons.

“Jonny,” he said. “He got to you. How?”

“Chink in my armor,” she said. “I met him when he was a broken soul. He thought he’d lost his only family. I took pity on him, not knowing he would become the Black God.
Ikir
sent me on assignment to spy on him. I went too far. I thought he could be … salvaged. I wanted it to be true. But it’s not. I know that now. We all make our choices and live with the results.”

“Yes,” Darian said. “I’ll protect whichever world
you
are in.”

Jenn met his gaze again, surprised.

“The most sacred vow a White God takes is to his family.”

“You’re not a White God.”

“I get to make up my own rules. That’s one of them.”

After a thick silence, she whispered, “Explains why the Others want to drag me over there. So I was right in thinking it’s better they—or Jonny—kills me, before you destroy our world to get to them. In any case, it’s my turn.”

The glint in her eyes warned him. “Claire.”

“Unlike you, a White God had some choice in who he took as a mate. Claire had your spirit. Her beauty was flashier, the kind that drew every man around her, including me. I wanted her, and I got her. But so did a few others at court. I thought the nobles were jealous that I took her as my bride, instead of a daughter from a more prominent family. I believe now the rumors were true,” Darian said, at peace after his trip to the immortal world. He’d buried his emotions for Claire there, among the apple trees where he’d first met her. “I was blind to her other side. She was ambitious, driven by her controlling father and then by her own need for power.

“The last day I remember her, she invited me to a picnic outside the city, near a stream. We were newly mated and made love under a tree near a fountain. Afterwards, I went to the horses to grab our lunch. It’s my last memory of the immortal world until I returned a day ago.”

“
Ikir
Damian avenged you when he finally learned of what happened,” Jenn said quietly.

“I remember every day enslaved to the Black God,” Darian said. “I remember every time she visited to donate more blood to keep me enslaved. She was proud of what she’d done, how she’d beaten the White God. Her only regret: the Schism kept her from becoming the rightful queen of the immortal world. Poor timing for her, good for me.”

“I wouldn’t call thousands of years enslaved
good timing,
” Jenn voiced. Her features were still, her dark eyes riveted to him. He saw his pain in her gaze.

“I could’ve been outright killed.”

“Your fate was much worse than death.”

“At first, when Sofi freed my mind, I thought so. I don’t think that way now.”

“I can’t accept my past that easily,” Jenn said.

“Mine made me what I am, Jenn. A life with Claire would’ve been more hellish than a life with the Black God,” he said with a smile. “And it would’ve prevented a life with you.”

Confusion crossed her features. “Darian—”

“My turn,” he interjected. “Me.”

Jenn looked away again. “No.”

“Rules of the game. You have to answer.”

“How do I answer that?” she demanded and rose, moving to the window. “What do you want me to say, Darian?”

“Easy. Yes or no.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Tell me why.”

“You
know
why!”

“I want to hear you say it,” he insisted, joining her at the window.

Jenn’s distraught features gazed up at him, and he felt bad again for causing her any sort of pain. The air between them was electric, her breathing uneven.

“We’ve established there’s no one between us but you,” he pushed. “Not Claire, not your mate—past or present—no one. Just you.”

“I’m terrified, Darian!” she snapped. Her voice rose until she was shouting at him, and any control she had over herself slid away. “When I left the immortal world, I taught myself not to
feel
, never to be vulnerable to someone else hurting me. I’ll live with their deaths on my shoulders for the rest of my life. That’s what love does to you, Darian! It makes you vulnerable. It destroys you over the course of a very, very long time! If that means I dive off a cliff to keep the Others from using me against you, I’ll do it. I couldn’t bear it, Darian, if I hurt you like Claire did or to be hurt like that again!”

Jenn moved away from him and swiped at tears on her face. Darian debated whether to pursue or let her go. She was a proud woman, one who didn’t like being out of control. Right now, she was nowhere near control.

“I won’t let myself love you, and I won’t let you fall in love with me,” she added, snatching her coat and jerkily pulling it on as she strode to the door.

“Too late,” he replied.

She froze, hand on the doorknob.

“For me, anyway,” he added carefully, moving towards her. “Anything Jonny and the Others do to you, they do to me. You can’t run from me, Jenn, any more than you can run from yourself.”

Her hand dropped.

“Now, about my question,” he pushed again.

“I’m sensing any objection I have to this game is futile,” she said after a pause. Her voice was ragged.

“You can object all you want. But this isn’t a game you’ll win. I’ll push you until you break. Eventually, you’ll give up and admit you see what’s right in front of your face.”

“One condition, and I’ll answer your question.”

“Depends on the condition,” he replied.

“If the Others take me to the immortal world, and you must choose between me and the fate of humanity, you will save the mortal world,” she said, turning to look up at him again.

Darian met her gaze, debating. It was a loaded question by a woman capable of manipulating a situation to her advantage.

“My devotion to being a Guardian is the foundation of who I am. I won’t accept you, if you don’t understand that about me.”

“Deal.” He reached forward, half expecting her to punch him, and wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb.

“Then my answer is yes,” she said.

“You earned yourself another cheeseburger,” he said. He dropped his hand and stepped aside, motioning to the living room.

Jenn hesitated before moving past him. Darian relaxed, aware he’d won the hardest battle yet. His gaze followed her as she sat on the couch again. Their exchange kicked her ass more than an hour of sparring. She rubbed her face.

Until she recovered, he was content to feed her. She’d lost too much weight over the past couple of weeks. Sofi and Bianca had taught him how to care for someone else, and he was going to put those lessons to good use with his stubborn mate. Like him, she didn’t know when to throw in the towel. Darian retrieved more cheeseburgers and beers from the kitchen.

“What happens now?” Jenn asked as he returned. The guardedness was back in her voice.

“Whatever you want,” he said in as level a voice as he could. He set their dinner down.

“What if I don’t want anything to happen?”

Darian sat down. “Then nothing happens.”

“No, really,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Yes, really. I’m not some source you’re obligated to sleep with. You have a few things to learn about a healthy relationship,” he said. “Though I’ll admit, I’m really curious for you to teach me a few things, since you’ve been with so many men. Like, thousands, right?”

Fuck.
Darian wished to take the words back the moment he said them. He grabbed a cheeseburger and took a huge bite, glancing up.

Jenn looked startled. She began to laugh.

“That was meant as a compliment. I meant to say, you probably know a lot more than I do because I’ve been with one woman only,” he said when he’d swallowed. “It didn’t come out right that time either, did it?”

Jenn laughed harder. Darian relaxed, pleased to see her genuinely laughing after their otherwise traumatic night.

“Sorry,” she managed at last. “I’m really not laughing at you.”