The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (11 page)

*  *  *

Dusk brought an orange arc of light over the horizon, offering a spectacular view from the window of my bedroom. The sound of splashing water caused me to get out of bed and approach the window.
Who could possibly be swimming at this hour?
Every fiber in my body awoke when I spotted Alec’s muscular back as he swam undisturbed along the length of the pool. Desire overtook my reasoning and I knew I was lost.

He stopped and ran his fingers through his wet hair, exposing the perfection of his face, his sculpted jaw line and chiseled cheekbones.

My eyes drank in the sight of his bare chest, his sinewy biceps and triceps, and the well-defined ridges of his abs. The man was all hard muscle and male grace. His skin gleamed like burnished copper in the low light, and my eyes traveled automatically to the tattoo on his right shoulder as it stood out against his skin. Once he was out of the pool, my eyes roamed down to the obvious bulge in front of his swimsuit. A spark ignited the fire deep within me as I discovered how well-endowed he was, and I began to pant involuntarily. My heart skipped a beat when he paused and glanced at my window. I was almost certain he couldn’t see me through the curtain, but even if he could my body seemed to be glued to the spot, unable to move out of sight. I sighed relieved when he jumped back into the water and watched him swim a few more laps.

When he came inside to return to his room I leaned against my door and listened to his footsteps in the hallway. My hand hovered over the doorknob for a moment, then it fell to my side and I rushed under the covers, mentally scolding myself for what I wanted to do.

*  *  *

The heady smell of male fragrance filled my senses and my heavy eyelids jerked open. In a corner of my moonlit room Alec sat quietly in an armchair. I jumped with a start the moment our eyes met, the throbbing in my chest almost suffocating me.

He stood up and walked toward me gracefully, visibly not affected that I’d caught him in my room staring at me in the middle of the night.

I looked at him speechless and grabbed the blanket, pulling it up to my neck. I clenched my fists around it to block his view of my eager body.

“What are you doing here?” My voice was soft and trembling.

He gazed at me, but didn’t answer. He climbed next to me in bed and I scooted to the far edge of it, but he was faster and lowered himself on top of me, trapping me beneath him. His eyes were glued to my mouth and I knew he was about to kiss me.

Strangely, I didn’t protest and when his lips brushed mine I gently parted them to allow his tongue to join the game. I loved the swirl of his tongue against mine and my arms wrapped around his neck, welcoming him.

The unfathomable physical attraction and the sexual tension floating in the air were enough to make me lose my head and allow him to do things I would have normally forbidden him to do.

A sob tore through my throat as he kissed me with searing passion, his hot body melting into mine and pressing me against the mattress. Threading his fingers through my long hair, he released my mouth and nibbled my earlobe, eliciting a soft moan from me. Next, he traced a line along the curve of my neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses all the way to my chest. With deft fingers he grabbed the soft fabric of my nightgown and pulled it down, exposing my breasts and hardened nipples. His hot breath fanned over them and his sexy groan sent a shock wave of pleasure racing through me, bursting out toward my fingers and toes. When his lips locked around one nipple I sobbed out loud with relief and impatience. He bit it gently in response, arousing me beyond my belief.

Alec’s hand reached beneath my nightgown and he groaned when he found no underwear to stop him. My legs spread of their own accord when he began touching me intimately, probing at my liquid center, expertly circling my most sensitive spot. I ground myself against his hand and next thing I knew he’d slipped down there, pushing my thighs wider still, his eyes feasting greedily on my smooth, creamy skin. Alec buried his face into me and licked feverishly until my legs wobbled. Reaching down, I passed my fingers through his hair, all the while biting my lips to muffle my cries of pure bliss.

Alec looked up at me and I was captured in his gaze. I watched him watching me as he sucked and nipped at me until I felt myself falling. The sensation became so intense I just had to close my eyes.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Loud barking broke my peace and quiet, abruptly pulling me out of my dream. The moment was gone and harsh reality reared its ugly head again.
A dream. It was nothing but a dream
. I sighed, not sure if it was one of relief or sorrow. I looked around me and found Fred staring out the window, barking animatedly. Reluctantly, I lifted my sweaty body and climbed out of bed to join him and see what was causing his canine anxiety.

It was barely the crack of dawn, but Alec’s jogging figure slowly faded away in the distance until I could no longer see him.

“Damn you,” I muttered quietly, upset by the state I was in because of him. I threw myself flat on my tummy, trying to block the erotic dream out of my mind. My face landed on the pillow next to the one I’d slept on and my brows knitted together as the faint trace of male perfume intrigued my nose.
Great. Now I’m losing my mind too
.

As I left my room, the profound silence in the house told me everybody else was still asleep, so I stepped outside and settled on the swing with Fred on my lap, admiring my peaceful surroundings and the beautiful sunrise. My eyes shut as the soft breeze brushed across my face, smelling like summer. It slowly lulled me back to sleep.

Fred leaped out of my embrace and my eyes sprang open, watching him dart toward Alec as he returned from his morning jog.

Pulling my knees up, I wrapped my arms around them and stared at his bright smile at the sight of my dog.

Alec bent down and picked him up, allowing the agitated animal to lick his face. He chuckled and caressed him soothingly.

I shook my head in disbelief. The thought of Fred liking him more than he liked me did not sit well with me. I pouted.

“Good morning,” he said once he reached me and placed Fred next to me.

“Morning.” I looked down to evade his gaze. His nearness made me weak. My mouth watered.

“You’re up early.” He observed.

“So are you.”

“I guess I’m trying to take advantage of this fabulous place while I’m here. Also, running helps me have a clear mind.” His voice darkened to that smoky timbre which melted my bones and left me a panting little mess. I dared to look up at him. His eyes held mine with such intensity my breathing hitched and I was forced to break eye contact. “I’ll go take a shower,” he announced before disappearing inside the house.

A sole tear slipped silently down my cheek, overwhelmed by everything he provoked in me with just one look or the gentle brush of his fingers across my skin. The more I struggled to disengage myself from those feelings, the faster I was pulled in by his resistless charms. My brain began to dissect every moment we’d been together in a desperate attempt to understand how or why I’d ended up being so attracted to this man. Many had tried, but none of them had succeeded in turning my life upside down or filling my mind every minute of the day.
Why him?
He was unpredictable, bold and arrogant, yet I was drawn to him like a moth in the darkness of night to the bright flame of a candle. Used to always being the one in charge when it came to a relationship, the fact that I was losing the grip over my own feelings and judgment was scary and tantalizing. He was so different from any man I’d met before, so straightforward and unruly and impossible to tame. I soon concluded that those normally undesirable qualities were exactly the reason why he allured me so easily.

Then a thought crossed my mind and caused me to shudder.
Maybe I should let myself go and see where all this madness takes me. Maybe I should allow someone to lead
me
for a change. What’s the worst that can happen, other than ending up heartbroken and disappointed, lonely and nuts like my poor mother?
I raged inside my head, torn between my body’s desire to unite with his and my mind’s reluctance to give in.

“Kristen?” he called, startling me.

I stared at him wide-eyed when I found him standing a few feet away from me, holding a basket and fishing gear.
Jeez, how long has he been standing there? I must look like a lunatic to him.
I bit my lip nervously.

“Are you okay? You seem to be far away from here.” He paused, but spoke again as he received no answer. “Come with me.”

“What?”

“Come on.” He summoned me.

“Where?” I murmured, trying to hide my anxiety but failing miserably.

“Kristen...”

The way my name rolled off his tongue had me shivering despite the steamy air. Closing my traitorous eyes so I wouldn’t give into the temptation, I heard his low, frustrated growl and my stomach somersaulted. Driven by something I couldn’t explain, I stood up and approached him as though something deep within me was attached to a rope or a string that was being tugged and drawn by him. I couldn’t fight it.

We strolled in silence side by side until we reached the lake. Once there, he walked down the short path and gracefully climbed into the small wooden boat that was tied to the shore. He placed the basket and fishing gear inside it, then beckoned me with his hand and helped me aboard.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked in a low, hushed voice as I sat down on the seat.

“Fishing,” he replied. His lips curved enticingly in a broad grin.

“I haven’t done that since Dad...” I paused, unable to continue.

“Which is why I’m taking you now,” he said brightly.

I blinked. “How did you know I used to do this?”

“John told me,” he replied casually.

“What? You asked him about me?” I gaped at him.

“Maybe...”

“Why would you do that?”

“Well, what was I supposed to do since you won’t tell me anything?”

His answer was unexpected and I looked at him not sure how to react to it.
What are you up to, Alec?

“Here...I made you a sandwich,” he said, producing it out of the basket.

Stunned, I reached for it and took it.

He then grabbed the paddle and pushed away from the shore, holding my gaze the entire time.

“What else did you ask him about me?”

“If you were always this grumpy and sophisticated...”

My mouth hung open with no response, both shocked and upset.

“Just kidding.” He chuckled.

I pursed my lips, scowling at him. “Would you stop teasing me?”

“Fine. I asked him what makes you happy. And he said you used to like fishing and riding your horse. But that it’s been a while since he saw you that way.”

I slumped my shoulders. “He’s right. I haven’t felt truly happy in years. I miss my childhood. Growing up sucks.” I closed my eyes for a second.

“Mine was not as good as yours. It pretty much sucked.” His jaw clenched. His eyes were steely hard as he recalled it. “My parents fought all the time, driving me and my sister insane.”

My heart ached, unable to remain indifferent to his words. “Was he ever violent?” I dared ask.

“No. Never. Not to us, nor to my mom. But the things they said to each other sometimes felt worse than a slap. Then they got divorced and he left. I hated him for many years.”

“I’m so sorry. I’ve hardly ever seen your dad angry since he started working for us. He’s good at hiding his emotions. So are you. I guess you inherited that from him.”

“He’s good at following orders. His behavior conforms to fit his job description.”

“Why can’t you conform? I mean, you follow Mom’s orders but you do nothing I ask you to. Why is that?”

“Because I don’t see you as my boss.” His voice floated into the air and I thought I detected a smidgen of desire in it.

Immediately I felt a slight quiver in my womanhood at the realization. “How...how do you see me then?”

He didn’t answer right away, seemingly searching for the best words to use. “As a potential friend...” he replied eventually.

“You want to be my friend?” I raised a questioning brow.

“I want you to know that I’m not your enemy and you shouldn’t be afraid of me.”

“Friends don’t kiss,” I retorted.

He stopped paddling, glaring at me profoundly. “You’re right. They don’t.” He put the paddle away. Leaning forward, he placed his hands on my knees.

I held my breath, trying to guess his intentions. My muscles tensed as his fingers grazed my skin, the touch zinging straight to my panties. When his hands reached my thighs, I placed mine over his to stop his ascent. “Are you being a friend now?” My voice was a low whisper as his face was merely a few inches away.

He withdrew all of a sudden as if struck by lightning, then busied himself with the fishing gear, leaving me staring at him, astounded by his behavior.

Then my eyes dropped to his shaky hands and it all became clear. I was just as irresistible to him as he was to me.

*  *  *

Sitting in the car with my back to him on our long way home, I stared out the window and allowed my mind to assess the trip, trying to decide whether it was worth having taken it or not. The last days at the ranch had been awfully strange. After our fishing trip on the lake, Alec had avoided me, maintaining a considerable distance at all times. To my amazement, he’d stopped tailing me around and didn’t speak to me any more than necessary. He chose to seclude himself in his room and only came out in the morning when he went for his usual jog, when he was hungry, or in the evening when he snuck to the pool for some swimming, probably thinking no one could see him. At first I’d thought his sudden change in behavior, especially toward me, was a good thing and hoped the distance would help me stop thinking about him, but soon I’d found that the lack of interest he manifested in me made him even more desirable in my eyes.

My head felt like it was about to split in half. I’d accumulated enough tension to last me a lifetime.
Definitely not worth it.

It was late when we arrived in Los Angeles and after taking the girls to their respective homes we finally returned to ours. He still didn’t speak to me. I wondered if something I might have said upset him so much he wouldn’t even look at me. I could feel he was tense, but I couldn’t find anything to say to him or the best way to approach him.

“Thank you for bringing us home safely,” I whispered as soon as we arrived, then climbed out of the car. Inside, I found Mother waiting for us in the living room with Ryan.

“Kristen!” She exploded, rushing toward me. Her arms enveloped me in a tight hug which I returned. “You’re home.” She smiled relieved. “How was it? Did you have a good time?” she asked, not even giving me the chance to say hello.

“Hey, Mom. Yeah, um...I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow if you don’t mind. Right now I’m too tired and can’t wait to get in bed.”

“Okay, but...what about dinner?”

“Oh, we ate on the road. See you tomorrow.” I kissed her cheek and started for the stairs, not stopping when I heard Ryan greet his son.

I was glad I managed to evade her questions for now. Stepping out of my clothes, I directed myself toward the bathroom, craving a long bubble bath to wash away my misery.

What if I can’t stay away?
His words—right before he had kissed me for the first time—still repeated themselves in my memory. I felt haunted by my longing.

Lowering myself into the bubbly water, I mentally cursed him for daring to kiss me and then act as if nothing had happened.
What a tease he is!

I allowed my body to rest for a couple of minutes before I began soaping myself in an intoxicating aroma of vanilla and honey. It worked wonders to calm my nerves, but it didn’t erase the memory of his arms wrapped around me while his mouth plundered mine. When I was done I stepped out of the tub and wrapped myself in a towel, then padded from the bathroom to prepare for bed.

My heart thundered in my chest and the towel nearly fell to the ground as I encountered Alec standing by the bed, holding my bra to his nose.

His eyes widened, but he didn’t toss it down. Instead, he twirled it on his finger, raking my body up and down with his gaze. “Sorry, you do have the most delicious scent,” he said before putting my bra down. “I brought you your luggage,” he added, then turned to exit the room.

“Hey! Come back,” I called out to him as he was just reaching the door.

He stopped and turned to face me again.

“Wait, let’s talk.” I pointed to the bed. “Please.”

He hesitated for a second, then did as I asked.

I closed the door hastily and settled next to him.

His gaze rested on mine as I gently took his hand between my own. “You said you wanted to be my friend.” My voice was husky when I spoke. “And then you backed away and ignored me. You hardly said a word to me these past couple of days. Did I do something to upset you?”

“No. But I figured it would be better if I stayed away,” he said, withdrawing his hand from my grip. “After all, it’s what you always wished for, isn’t it?”

“Why are you doing this? Kissing me, hitting on me and then acting like you don’t care?”

“All of that was a mistake. You said so yourself,” he replied coolly.

“Was it really? It happened more than once!” My brow furrowed in bewilderment.

He tensed visibly before my eyes. “I’ve got to go.” He stood up, but my hands locked around his arm and I managed to stop him from walking away. In the heat of the moment our mouths slid together again and his hands lightly grasped my wrists as I held his face in mine. The kiss turned bolder as I parted his lips with my questing tongue, and a moan slipped from my throat. He shifted his hands to my hips and pulled me tighter against him, sending liquid fire all the way to my womb. But as abruptly as it started, our feverish kissing ended after he touched my thigh underneath the towel. He pulled away and was out the door before I could stop him, leaving me gasping for air and staring after him perplexed.

Time seemed to have been halted as I lay flat on my back. Fresh shivers zinged over me while I recalled how wonderful it was to touch him, to kiss him, but my heart clenched in my chest. His rejection hurt me more than I ever thought it would and I could feel the tears sting my eyes. I made a complete fool of myself by dropping my guard in front of him and exposing my hidden desire. I wanted to kick myself for not being strong enough to resist him. Stricken, I mentally vowed to myself that I’d never again surrender to this man who had brought me so much misery and unsettled my already tormented soul.

*  *  *

Mom woke me up with a cheery greeting, opening the curtains and setting a cup on the bedside table. I glanced at her through sleepy eyes. “What time is it?

“It’s almost noon, sleepy head. I wanted to let you rest, but I couldn’t help myself. You’ve been away for too long.” She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Sit up and I’ll give you your coffee. Do you want a muffin?”

“I’d rather sleep. Can you come back later?” I tried to hold on to my drowsiness.

“Not going to happen. I didn’t go to work so I could spend the day with you. You might as well smile and sit up to talk to me.”

I sighed, shaking my head at her. “You won’t let me rest until I tell you. Am I right?”

She grinned, settling more comfortably. “You know me so well. So, how was your trip? Did you have fun?”

With a big grumpy yawn I stretched my limbs, pushed myself up the mattress and sat, the top of my back leaning against the headboard. “The trip was long and exhausting, but once we arrived at the ranch we managed to relax a little. I spent most of the time with the horses. Too bad the girls were too scared to join me. It would have been fun.”