The Guardian of My Soul (Soul's Desire) (9 page)

“Oh, don’t you worry. I wouldn’t dream of getting involved with a spoiled girl like you.” He cut his eyes toward me. “I’m done talking to you.” His voice brooked no argument.

“Fine! So am I!” I folded my arms across my breasts and looked away. I was hurt, ashamed and furious at Alec.

*  *  *

It was late again and pouring cats and dogs outside, which slowed us down considerably. The atmosphere in the car was so tense I could cut it with a knife. Alec had not spoken to me since our heated conversation and the girls were too alert and attentive to what was going on with the weather to even breathe. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, unaware I was biting my lip until it started to hurt. I wasn’t sure how to approach him, his rigid posture discouraging me a little.

“Alec, it’s late. We’re not going to make it to the ranch tonight,” I said calmly.

He drove on undisturbed, as if I didn’t even exist.

“You should pull over. We can barely see the road. Please pull over somewhere. I’d rather sleep in the car than end up wrapped around a tree.” I insisted, but there was still no reaction.

“You really think we should stop? It’s scary out there,” Ana whined.

“The next city is too far away and I’d rather not risk it,” I answered her. “Plus, he must be tired since he refused to let me drive as well. I don’t want to crash—”

“I’m not going to crash the car.” His voice was low but firm.

“Alec, I’m asking you to stop the car,” I spoke calmly. “Please...” I added as I got no response.

He let out a heavy sigh, his lips pressed tightly together in resignation.

I felt a sense of relief when he slowed down and pulled off the road into a deserted parking area along the highway. “Thank you,” I breathed and he turned the lights and engine off, leaving us in obscurity so we wouldn’t consume the car’s battery, I presumed. I looked for the warning light and placed it on the dashboard after turning it on, its flashes both reassuring and disturbing.

“Creepy.” Ana cowered in her seat, hugging Fred to her chest.

“I’m sorry this trip has not turned out to be as fun as I’d hoped it would be.” I sighed.

“It’s not your fault the weather turned against us. But right now I’m sure glad we’re not alone,” Megan said, eyeing Alec. “Thank you, Alec.”

“You’re welcome,” he said, locking all the doors. Then he tilted his seat back a little so he could rest, visibly not happy to be here with us at all. For a moment I blamed myself for his bad mood, but tried not to give it too much thought.

*  *  *

Dawn brought the sun over the horizon’s edge, winning the battle against darkness. The rain appeared to have ceased and I looked around speechless as I took in the spectacular view of the forest before me. It certainly did not look like this when we stopped here for the night. Far away, sitting under a tree, the sight of Alec caught my eye.

What’s he doing there?
I squinted my eyes in an effort to see him better. Looking behind me, I noticed the girls were still asleep, so I exited the car in complete silence and shivered as the cool morning air brushed my skin. I hugged myself against the chill and eased forward through the damp grass, ignoring the stiffness of my body.

Alec’s eyes tracked my every movement as I slowly approached him. The terrain was rough, muddy and slippery from the heavy rain, and I did my best not to fall and embarrass myself in front of him.

“Hey. Are you okay?” I asked once I managed to reach him.

He met my gaze, but his mouth stayed closed.

I sighed. “You’re still not talking to me?”

He shook his head, but he answered, “I don’t think we have much to talk about.”

I sat down next to him on his jacket, my eyes never leaving his. “Why do we always fight?”

My question seemed to take him off guard. “You should ask yourself that.”

His answer didn’t please me, but at least I got him to talk. “I’m not like this usually.”

“I wouldn’t know. You’ve been like this ever since we met...cool and defensive.”

“Don’t tease me.” I protested.

“We should get going.” He got up and grabbed an end of his jacket, waiting for me to get off so he could pick it up.

I nodded and returned to the car with him following closely behind me, his words lingering in my mind. Was it true? We laughed sometimes. Okay, I may have been a little harsh ever since Mother had assigned him to guard me, and maybe I’d taken all my frustrations out on him, but he was no saint either. His peculiar penchant for making me upset made him equally to blame for the strained situation between us.

A moment of carelessness as I went down the slope was enough to make me slip on the wet surface, losing my balance. In a split second Alec’s strong arm wound itself protectively around my waist, preventing me from falling.

I gasped amazed by his fast reaction and trembled with my back against his torso. He didn’t let go right away and held me tighter instead. Dismayed, I leaned my head against his shoulder and our eyes met again, holding for a fleeting moment. All of my being was focused on his face and a shiver raced up my spine. His glittering green eyes challenged me and his full, parted lips were a temptation I didn’t want to resist. I tried to ignore the ache forming in the pit of my stomach, suddenly drawn to him by an irresistible attraction.

“Watch where you’re going, will you?” he murmured, breaking the spell. His mouth hovered an inch away from mine, and then he abruptly released me.

I blinked, perplexed. His sudden withdrawal baffled me for a second and I inhaled sharply in my attempt to regain my composure and figure out what had just happened.

Sure of himself, he led me gracefully toward the car and even stepped ahead to open the door for me in a very gentlemanly manner.

We climbed into our respective places and put our seatbelts on, then glanced at one another before he eventually tore his eyes away and started the ignition.

Ana’s sudden squeal of joy and relief caused me to flinch. “We’re alive!” She beamed, visibly excited to be back on the road.

“Damn it, you!” A sleepy Megan scowled in frustration. “I was having a hot dream,” she complained.

Ana laughed amused. “I’m glad I woke you up then,” she said mischievously. “You shouldn’t be allowed to have all the fun.”

*  *  *

The sight of my father’s ranch felt like a breath of fresh air which soothed my tormented soul. As I wandered through the vast space by myself, memories of all the summer vacations I’d spent here as a child with him, resurfaced and washed over me like a tidal wave. Not one corner of the property had escaped unexplored by my curious eyes over the years and a wisp of a smile crossed my face when I remembered all the games we used to play so we’d never get bored and how he loved to keep me entertained. Everything felt so familiar and dear to me, especially because it represented that one place where I could truly feel his presence everywhere I looked, and here was where I chose to come whenever the grief became unbearable.

The stunning vista of the nearby lake bathed in the brilliant afternoon light took my breath away, the trees on the hillside a great quilt of green.
What a peaceful place this is.

I stopped and took a moment to admire my surroundings. The small smile on my face evaporated when I spotted Alec about two hundred yards behind, tailing me discreetly.
He’s following me
. I squeezed my eyes shut and chose to ignore him.

A warm wave of sensations pooled deep within me when I could smell his now familiar scent and I knew he was right by my side. Suddenly, all my senses awoke and I began to shiver inexplicably.
His proximity affects me
.
How could this be?
Resisting my body’s hunger to be close to his, I forced myself to keep calm and not show any sign of weakness.

His arm gently brushed against mine and my eyes sprang open as my heart leapt into the center of my throat. His haunting gaze made me forget my surroundings the moment my eyes locked on him.

“It’s beautiful here,” he murmured with a hint of huskiness in his voice.

“Yes, it is,” I whispered low. “You...you don’t have to follow me around. I’m safe here.”

“I wanted to get acquainted with this place, so I sort of let you guide me,” he explained. “I can see now why you wanted so much to come.”

“This is where Dad used to bring me when Mom was away with her work.” I headed toward the stables. The sound of his footsteps told me he did not intend to leave me alone any time soon.

“You loved him a lot, didn’t you? Your face glows when you speak of him.”

Tears pricked my eyes, but I managed to hold them back. “He was the sweetest man in the world and I mourn his absence every single day.”

“I know what it feels like.”

I turned around to face him again.

“I grew up without a father too. Remember?” He added.

I nodded, not sure what to say to him. “You...you’re still upset with him?”

His brows knitted together. “We’re not the best of friends. But we’ve been worse, so I guess we’re better now.”

“In my case, Mom was constantly away and I was left with him. I guess that’s the reason why I was more attached to him. At least you were always free to do what you wanted. I wasn’t. You don’t know what it’s like to live in this cage. I’m all she has and the thought of losing me too has made her paranoid. And now she has you to babysit me. Which you hate. It’s frustrating...”

“I see your point—”

“You do?” I stared at him suspiciously.
Why is he being so nice to me all of a sudden?

“I do, but I also see hers. She told you about those mysterious cards, didn’t she?”

“Come on, those were either a sick joke or she made everything up to justify your presence.”

“I really don’t think she’d do that.”

“So you take her side?”

“Hey, I’m not taking sides here. I’m doing what my job requires me to do.”

“But you hate your job.”

“It’s not the best job in the world, especially since the person I’m supposed to protect hates me.” His eyes darkened and he looked down at the ground.

I crossed my arms, biting my lip nervously. “Hate is a harsh word...”

“Well, you don’t like me, so...” He slid his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.

A sharp, remorseful sigh escaped me. “Why are you being so nice out of the blue?”

“Why would I not?”

Great! Mr. Confusing is back
. “How often have you actually been pleasant to me?” I questioned, so aware of him that I could almost feel his touch.

“As many times as you’ve been nice to me, I believe,” he retorted.

I bowed my head, trying to gather my thoughts. “I’m sorry, but whenever I look at you...you’re like the symbol of my lost freedom. Or better said, the idea of freedom. Because I was never free...”

“You are free, Kristen. You live a life any young woman would envy. You have it all! Anything you want, you get. Anywhere you want to go, you go. The only difference is your mother cares enough to keep you safe while you do it.”

I was stunned. He truly believed what he was saying. Was I wrong? “You don’t know me…” I began weakly.

He took one step closer to me and my eyes shot back at him. “Are you afraid of what I might see or discover about you?”

“I have nothing to hide. The thing is...I don’t want Mom to know every single thing I do. I want some privacy and I can’t have that with you always telling her everything.”

“I don’t have to tell her everything,” he said after a short pause.

“Really? You have before, even though I asked you not to.”

“If this will make you feel more comfortable around me...” His mouth curled into a boyish grin.

I gasped. “Are you toying with me?” My head spun, mixed feelings taking me over.

The gentle, unexpected brush of his long fingers against my arm caused a stirring within my depths and the pounding in my chest started anew.

I closed my eyes and chewed on my bottom lip, trying to gather my wits and anchor the thoughts spinning wildly in my head.
No, this is not happening to me!
I scolded myself, refusing to allow
him
to seduce me.
What are you up to?
I asked him wordlessly. The thought rattled me so badly I broke away and ran toward the stables.

Alec didn’t follow me and I didn’t know if I was glad or sorry.

CHAPTER SIX

As if by magic, the sight of my beloved horses calmed my nerves and I approached them carefully. One by one, the three of them bent their heads to meet my caress and I allowed myself to smile. Then my arms clamped around Marley’s neck—my fourteen-year-old black stallion.

“I missed you boy,” I murmured and placed a gentle kiss on his muzzle. I still remembered the day my father gave him to me like it was yesterday. I had just woken up when he took me to the stables and showed me the most beautiful foal I’d ever seen. Except for a white blaze between his eyes, Marley was all black. His coat was shiny, glistening in the light of the blazing sun. He looked startled and it took some time before I earned his trust, but once I did he would be constantly welcoming me with his gentle nicker, as if he were inviting me to approach him. I remembered taking him for long walks around the property and giving him treats. Sugar cubes were his favorite. Then, as Marley and I grew up together, Dad taught me how to mount and ride him.

The first time Dad and I went for a long ride was still fresh in my memory. It was a perfect summer day at the ranch. Astra, his old brown stallion led the way and I was close behind, holding tight to my beloved Marley. Now Astra was gone and so was my father.

I sighed and pressed soft kisses to his neck. “Tomorrow I will take you for a ride. I promise.” I gave him a small smile, running my fingers over his smooth coat. “You’re so beautiful. I love you, boy.”

His mild snort made me laugh and I rewarded him with another kiss before saying goodbye and returning to the house.

“How was your walk?” Megan smiled from the cedar log lawn swing, swaying in the breeze under the oak nearest to the house.

“Refreshing,” I replied, settling next to her. “I really needed this.” I propped my head against her shoulder.

“We used to have a lot of fun here as kids, didn’t we?” she asked quietly.

“Those were the happiest days of my life.”

“I feared you’d get struck by melancholia once we arrived here. I know you’re not happy, Kristen, so you can take your mask off around me. I just wish I knew what’s really bothering you. And don’t start with that freedom crap. I know there’s more to your pain.”

She tensed when she felt me shudder. Her arms wrapped around me and she pulled me to her chest, holding me in a tight embrace.

“You know you can talk to me,” she whispered, resting her cheek against my hair. “Is it men? Something is strange with you and Ian. We both know you’re not in love with him and I’m pretty sure you’ll never be. So why don’t you end whatever this is and look for that one guy who could sweep you off your feet with just one look?”

“Such a man doesn’t exist,” I whispered hoarsely.

“Oh, come on, Kris. Of course he exists! Why are you so against falling in love?”

“I don’t want to lose myself in someone else. I’d rather keep my heart and mind intact.”

“There’s more to this than you’re sharing. Please, tell me...”

“I refuse to fall in love, because if I do and for whatever reason life takes that person away from me, I’ll be crushed. So I’d rather spare myself from such misery.” There, I’d said it.

“Oh my God! This is about your father, isn’t it?” She gaped at me wide-eyed.

I flushed. “I don’t wish to end up like Mom, overprotective and nuts, suffocating my children to make up for the absence of their father.”

“Kristen, you can’t deny yourself the chance for happiness and love because of what happened to your parents. That doesn’t mean it will happen to you too. You can’t frolic around with guys forever. It may be fun for now, but it won’t last.”

“I’m satisfied with what I have for now.”

“Are you really? How’s sex with Ian?” she asked, suspicion coating her voice.

“Great,” I lied, looking away to avoid her intense glare.

“That’s it? Just great? Who are you trying to fool? Kris, I’m your best friend,” she complained.

I ran my fingers nervously through my hair. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

Her eyes narrowed in protest. “Why do you keep trying to evade this subject? Is something wrong?”

I shook my head. “It’s just too personal. Please understand,” I murmured low. “What about you?” I countered, trying to shift the direction of our conversation, curious to hear what her problems were.

“What about me?” She shifted a little, suddenly avoiding eye contact.

“Are you going to tell me what was going on with you at my birthday party?”

“Oh, it’s nothing...”

“There you go! You’ve just scolded me for not talking to you, and here you are refusing to open up.” I crossed my arms displeased. “Is it Matt?” I worried, knowing how much she loved him.

She let out a long sigh. She bit her lip, and her eyes turned glassy. “I don’t know what’s going on, Kris. We’ve been together for five years now, but lately I hardly recognize him. He’s different. There are days when I barely even see him, and when I do he’s always tired. When I call him he says he’s working. Who’s working at eight in the evening?” Her lips trembled and I placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. I didn’t know what to think, but I was extremely concerned about them. They were my friends and I loved them both. I would hate if anything happened to them. “And sex...” She huffed. “It’s not what it used to be anymore. Not to mention that it happens once, maybe twice a week. That’s so unlike us. We would—” She sighed, stopping mid-sentence. “Never mind...”

“What? Then why was he complaining that he’ll be stuck without sex for a week because I took you away?”

“I don’t know. It confused me too. But we did...have sex...the night before I left. And he was sweet and passionate, just like he used to be. So—”

“Hey, perhaps he was just having a hard time at work. You know running a business can be very stressful at times. Maybe he’s back to his old self now.”

“I suppose...”

“Did you talk to him about this? Ask him if there’s anything wrong?”

“Of course, but he’s so evasive. He’s tired. That’s his answer to everything.” She paused. “Maybe...maybe he just doesn’t love me anymore, not like he once did.”

“Meg, don’t be silly. You guys are the perfect couple!”
Or so I thought.

She scoffed. “We were. But now...I have no clue what’s going on.”

“Hey...um...do you think it’s another woman?” I murmured low. The moment I felt her shudder, I instantly regretted posing the question.

“I thought of that. It’s my biggest fear, Kris. Because if that were the case, I’d never forgive him. Ever!”

“Don’t jump to conclusions before you know anything for sure. Don’t do something you’ll later regret. I’m begging you...”

“I know. I—”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” I asked, pushing one of her long blonde locks over her shoulder.

She shook her head slightly. “Thanks, but I’d rather solve this mess myself.”

I nodded and took her hand. “Please, try and talk to him again. Whatever it is, I’m sure you can get through it together, helping one another.”

Alec showed up, walking across the yard from the garage, interrupting our discussion. I leaned back against the swing again, my eyes locked with his as he made his way inside the house.

“Hot devil, isn’t he?” Megan almost purred with appreciation as she stared at Alec.

“Hey! Remember Matt?” I whacked her with a small pillow I’d been leaning against.

“I’m not blind, Kris.” She laughed. “Even if…even if...” She hung her head.

“Keep your chin up! You don’t know what’s wrong. Don’t jump to conclusions.”

She nodded. Despite her problems, Megan was still the strongest person I knew and I admired her for it. I couldn’t help but think that in her case I would have probably locked myself somewhere and wept. But not Megan. Her sense of humor never left her, not even in times like this.

“Oh, and about Alec…I’ve seen hotter,” I said, hoping the blatant lie would lift her mood, at least a tad. It worked.

Megan laughed, but said nothing more and together we admired the spectacle presented by nature at dusk.

*  *  *

Relief coursed through me when the sun finally streamed through the curtains early in the morning. I hadn’t been able to sleep all night, tossing and turning from one side to another, thinking of him. I couldn’t seem to get him out of my head or push him from my consciousness enough to allow my mind to focus on something else. For a fleeting moment I contemplated what it would have been like for him to kiss me. Bothered by such inappropriate thoughts, I sighed and dragged myself out of bed to get ready for breakfast.

The girls were already sitting at the table on the terrace, surrounded by flowers and the beautiful vista of the lake. Eating outdoors on such a beautiful summer day seemed like a very good idea. I joined them quietly.

“Wow, you look terrible,” Megan voiced her concern.

I slouched in my seat when I heard her comment, my arms folded across my chest. The conversation we had the other day still haunted me. I had lain in bed and analyzed my life. Forcing myself to confront my demons was a painful process. My deeply entrenched fear of loss had prevented me from falling in love and I had always been able to be around men without getting too emotionally attached to any of them.

“Kristen, is something wrong?” Ana asked, equally alarmed.

I shook my head. “I had a sleepless night, that’s all. Too many memories...”

Megan’s relentless gaze only increased my restlessness.

“I’m okay,” I answered her unspoken question.

Ana took my hand in hers. “You’ve been a little weird on the road. I hoped you’d feel better once we arrived here, but you actually seem worse. You didn’t even bother to brush your hair? That’s so
not
you.”

“Who cares? No one can see me here. I don’t need to be attractive all the time, do I?”

They cast a worried glance at one another, but said nothing in return.

Squinting my eyes against the sun’s bright reflection bouncing off the lake’s surface, I felt something within me I couldn’t explain when Alec came into view in the distance, jogging toward the house. My lips parted slightly and my heart began to pound faster the closer he came.

Wearing a gray T-shirt and a pair of shorts, covered in sweat and wearing earphones, he offered a spectacular view for my eyes to feast upon.

My body, the one thing that was so much a part of me I never even questioned it, was coming alive and all my senses were awakening. For the first time, I felt like a woman who needed to be desired, touched and cherished. My lips tingled with the need to be kissed, my arms felt empty, and my nipples stood to attention, visible against the thin cloth of my blue T-shirt as a wave of heat rippled up from my femininity. A strong sizzling sensation danced through every cell of my body and I summoned all my strength to stifle the moan which threatened to escape me.

My reactions didn’t go unnoticed and the girls turned around at once to see what was causing them. A loud gasp went out when they caught sight of him. I tensed up and fought to gain control over my traitorous heart and soul.

Given that they were facing away from me, I raked my fingers through my hair in an effort to make it look a bit more presentable.

Alec pulled the earphones out when he reached the house and gulped in a few mouthfuls of air to steady himself before moving closer.

“Good morning, Alec,” the girls said, smiling at him prettily.

“Good morning,” he replied, offering them a small smile in return. When he glanced at me he paused, standing before me like one of those Greek statues.

I took a moment to admire him in his male splendor, his bronzed skin and firm muscles, wide shoulders and powerful arms and legs fascinating me. Beads of sweat dripped down from his temples across his cheeks and neck. I wanted to reach out and grab him, then lick every inch of his gorgeous body. I wanted to kiss him, suck on his bottom lip and sweep my tongue deep into his mouth. My impulses startled me. Despite my vehement refusal to admit it, I could no longer overlook the immense physical attraction I felt for Alec.
Damn! Why him? This would never work!
I tore my eyes away from him, struggling to bring myself under control before I did something stupid.

He hovered for what felt like forever, just watching me before he finally disappeared inside the house.

I released a breath I didn’t even know I’d been holding. When I lifted my head I found the girls staring at me questioningly and I could feel my cheeks reddening. “I completely forgot about him. Maybe I should have arranged my hair after all.” I tried to excuse myself.

They nodded and to my relief they seemed not to suspect anything since they made no other comments.

“Want to join us in the pool?” Megan asked once she finished her meal.

“Sure, that would be nice.” I smiled, needing something to distract me.

“I’ll go change. Meet you there in fifteen minutes,” Ana announced and took off, followed by Megan. I went in to change also.

When I passed by his room on my way to mine I could hear the water running even through the closed door.
He must be showering.
Chewing at my lower lip I grabbed the doorknob with a shaky hand and peeked inside as I slowly opened it. His sweaty clothes were lying in a pile on the floor next to the bathroom door. The citrusy smell of his shower gel filled the room, luring me closer. I slowly approached the bathroom door, listening intently. My imagination went wild as I involuntarily began to picture him naked. I could feel my stomach tighten.
Kristen, what are you doing?
My breath caught in my throat when I could no longer hear the water running. But I couldn’t resist. I stepped forward. The bathroom door was open—just a crack. My blood was pounding so hard in my veins I was afraid I’d faint. As I eased up to the door, I could see in the mirror. It was foggy, but the image of Alec standing to one side was clearly reflected.
God, he is magnificent.
Rubbing his body with a towel, he erased the moisture the shower had left behind. I couldn’t see him below the waist, but what I could see made my vagina pulse with need. Just one glimpse...I wanted just one glimpse. When he turned I covered my mouth, almost about to scream, but he moved the shower curtain back. I was undetected. Knowing I had almost been discovered, I raced for the door before he could find me there.

I threw myself on the bed and stared idly at the ceiling, anxiety overtaking me. I was brazen!
Damn, I could use a drink!
It took me some time to calm down my nerves and start looking for a bikini. I grabbed the first one I saw and put it on. Then I stared at my reflection in the mirror and adjusted the white fabric to make sure it covered everything that needed to be covered.

Megan was already relaxing on a lounge chair when I arrived at the pool and Ana joined us soon, both of them looking ridiculously attractive in their tiny bikinis.

“Are you trying to impress somebody, girls?” I raised a questioning brow.

“Look who’s talking.” Megan giggled, giving me an appreciative look.

I rolled my eyes and settled in a chaise before finishing my Martini.

“Where’s Alec?” Ana asked.

“It’s not my job to keep up with him.” I put on a pair of sunglasses and settled back to work on my tan.

“He must have woken up really early to go for a jog. Maybe we should accompany him tomorrow.” Megan’s lips peeled back in a mischievous grin.

“Why in the world would we do that?” I asked, feeling my insides burning.
Am I jealous?
“Remember, he’s not here to entertain us.” I was almost about to tell her that she should be more concerned about solving her own issues with Matt rather than worry about Alec, but I didn’t want to upset her needlessly or be rude. She seemed better than the day before, or else she was putting on a pretty good act.

“Don’t be so hard on him, Kris,” Ana said, getting inside the pool. “Let him hang out with us. The poor man is probably bored to death up here with just us girls.”

“He’ll be fine, I’m sure.” I was a bit upset by the attention they were giving him.

It didn’t take long before he showed up, talking on the cell phone. He kept a considerable distance and chose to settle in the shade of an oak, resting his back against its trunk.