The Guardian: Paranormal Fantasy New Adult Young Adult Angel Romance (A Fight for Light Novel Book 1) (14 page)

We sat down together on one of the benches. I looked up at him, waiting. Kellen took my hand in his and cleared his throat. He looked down and into my eyes. They looked sad. Oh no. My heart started racing in my chest. Was he going to tell me he only wanted to be friends? The thought was so disappointing it hurt.

“Rhia, this is really hard for me,” he started.

I immediately thought the worst. He didn’t want to be with me. He was sent to protect me but that was all. My eyes started to tear up. I looked away before they could betray me. There was only one reason I would react this strongly to his words. I cared for him,
a lot
. I realized that I had been hoping all along for something more than friendship. I felt empty now as I thought of his words.

“Rhiannon, look at me,” he commanded.

I shook my head. I didn’t want him to see. He took my chin and tilted my face up to look at him. His expression turned to horror.

“Are you crying?” He asked incredulously.

I shook my head. I couldn’t speak.

“I’m so sorry darling. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

He put his arms around me and hugged me close. I looked up at him with tears glistening on my cheeks, wanting more than anything to hear how he felt, yet unable to ask. I blushed slightly, embarrassment staining my cheeks crimson.

Kellen looked at me tenderly. His face lowered a couple of inches toward mine. I nearly stopped breathing as I tilted my face up slightly to his in expectation. He seemed to be fighting himself. I saw the struggle on his face for a few seconds. Then he lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine.

The kiss was gentle but firm. His mouth lingered against mine as his arms tightened around my back. I was in heaven. My whole body was tingling. This was my first real kiss. It was an exhilarating and slightly scary moment. I was glad it was Kellen. Somehow, it was always going to be him.

He pulled his head back after a few more seconds but kept his firm grip around me. My head was spinning and I felt lighter than air. My breathing was coming fast and shallow. I noticed with satisfaction his breathing was accelerated too. We sat there for a minute trying to recover. His face was still very close to mine. I could feel the heat of his breath against my skin.

“Rhiannon, I…” he seemed to struggle for words, “I can’t fight the way I feel about you anymore.”

“Is that good or bad?” I asked breathlessly.

“That depends on which way you look at it.”

“What does that mean?” I wondered, more to myself than him.

“It means I… care about you and…I have a hard time not showing you that. It means that I want to be more than just your protector… or your friend. I care for you much more than I should. It means I’m not…certain of the way you may feel about that,” he confessed.

It made me smile slightly to hear him stumble over his words like that. Kellen was so articulate all of the time. I realized his feelings must be deep to sound that way.

I leaned my face closer to him, my lips hovering only an inch from his.

“You want to know how I feel?” I asked.

He nodded. His eyes were liquid green. They held my gaze, partly because he was looking at me so intently and partly because they looked uncertain for the first time. He was nervous. That could only mean one thing. He cared for me, a lot, maybe more than I knew. His gaze held mine, I couldn’t look away and I didn’t want to.

“I care about you too,” I answered, “more than a friend, much more.”

“That’s all I needed to know.”

He leaned down and kissed me again, meeting my lips with greater pressure. This kiss was longer, stronger than the last one. His lips were warm against mine. Every cell in my body seemed to be tingling again. After a moment, he pulled his face back slightly. It took everything I had to remember how to breathe. My pulse was so loud it sounded like it was thudding in my ears.

“You really look beautiful tonight. I can’t stop staring at you.”

Our mouths were still close to each other. When he spoke, it tickled. “I’m so glad you came with me tonight,” he whispered against my lips, sending a little shiver down my back.

I couldn’t answer. I don’t think he was looking for me to say anything anyway.

“When I said it was hard for me, you thought I meant that I didn’t like you.”

It was a statement, not a question. I nodded.

“Silly girl,” he said, “I like you much more than I should.”

I thought about his admission. He had mentioned it already. I still wasn’t sure what he meant. He noticed my confusion and straightened up to answer me.

“There are certain restrictions for Guardians. We take an oath. These restrictions make it easier to keep us safe, to keep you safe. Feelings, especially strong feelings, complicate things. It can cloud our judgment. Sometimes these feelings can put us in unnecessary danger or you. The restrictions are in place to prevent that,” he explained.

“Is that what you meant when you said it was hard for you?” I asked.

“Yes,” he sighed, “I don’t want to place you in danger. If I were to overreact or be too rash in a decision, I could be hurt and not able to protect you. Worse yet, you could be harmed. I won’t let that happen.”

“I guess that makes sense. What are these restrictions?”

“They are loose rules put in place to protect us both. Basically, they say not to fall in love with your charge. You’re off limits so to speak.”

No falling in love? Had it happened often before? And what exactly did off limits mean?

“These rules, are they enforced? Are there consequences for not following them like regular rules?” I asked.

“All rules have consequences when they are broken Rhiannon.”

He looked uncomfortable. I didn’t miss the fact that he had not answered my question. Would he be in trouble for liking me?

“Could there be consequences for liking me?” I wondered.

I didn’t like the idea of him being punished, especially over me. There was something terribly wrong with the idea of him being disciplined. He was too good for that. Too dedicated as a soldier.

“That is something you don’t need to worry about.”

“Ok, Kellen,” I answered too quickly, not quite hiding my sarcasm.

He sighed. “You have to understand, Rhia, darling. Where I come from, it is very…different. Honor, strength, integrity, ethics…they are all very important. In my land, your word is who you are. Your reputation is everything. As a soldier and Guardian, I am held to a higher standard. I couldn’t,
wouldn’t
break the rules of chivalry or my oath. It is very serious,” he explained with conviction.

“I guess I can see that,” I told him slowly, “I am still a little confused but…I’ll try to understand…for you.”

I decided not to push it for now and let it go. I looked down at his hands and noticed the ring on his right index finger. He always wore it. I ran my fingers over the band and top, carefully examining it. It looked similar to a college graduation ring. It was big, ornate, and had a huge green stone in the center of it. The color of the stone reminded me of his eyes. Even the gold scrollwork on the sides was very intricate. It looked antique.

“Will you tell me about your ring?” I asked curiously.

“It’s a traditional ring for my kind. It’s…special. All Guardians have one,” he explained carefully.

“It’s beautiful. It looks very old.”

“Yes, it has been passed down in my family for a very long time.”

“Wow that is really special. It’s like my heirloom necklace at home. It’s nice to have something that belonged to your parents,” I told him.

“Yes, true. It helps me to stay connected…to my family.”

“Isn’t your family here with you?” I asked.

I thought Kellen’s family was here. Who was with him at Applebee’s all those months ago then?

“Not all of them.”

Hmmm. Why was he being so secretive?

“Do you have a lot of family then?”

I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything about him that I could. Everything that linked us together. Anything that didn’t. I wanted personal information, information that meant he trusted me. I was also stalling. I wanted to drag out the time I had with him. This moment meant something. It was special. A turning point of our relationship.

“Are you ready to go back to the dance floor?” He asked.

He was changing the subject on purpose. I got the feeling that my questions were something he didn’t want to answer. I brushed that thought aside. All that mattered right now was this moment. Us. Together.

I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to stay right here with him on the bench in the moonlight and twinkle lights. I wished this moment could last forever. It wasn’t realistic, but a nice thought anyway. He seemed to pick up on my mood.

“How about we stay here and watch the moonlight?” He asked me quietly.

“That sounds nice,” I agreed.

I shifted with his arm around me and leaned my head against his shoulder. He stroked my arm absently with his hand while he stared up at the moon. I felt so safe. There was no place in the world that I would rather be. I knew this perfect moment would stay in my mind forever. So much had happened tonight. We had started the night as friends but ended up as more. I wasn’t sure what that ‘more’ was yet. At the moment I didn’t care.

Declaring our feelings for each other seemed more than enough. I never dreamed so much could happen. I still couldn’t believe he had kissed me, twice. If I was honest with myself, I had to admit that I had hoped things would go well tonight. They definitely were going favorably, perfectly I thought. I couldn’t imagine a happier place than sitting in his arms right now.

I slowly ran my hand up his chest and rested it against his shoulder. I sighed contentedly as he tightened his hold around my waist. The night was quiet and peaceful. The only sound was our gentle breathing. We watched as the moon rose higher in the starlit darkened sky…

Ring! Ring!
The phone rang shrilly from the inside of my little clutch purse. I picked it up from the bench, still staring at Kellen and the twinkling lights all around us. Fumbling with the chain and clasp, I almost dropped it, giggling in response. I smiled at Kellen as I answered the phone.

“Hello?”

It was Gran. “Hi honey, I’m sorry to bother you at your dance but I need you to come home right away. Can you do that dear?”

Something was wrong. Her voice sounded off.

“Is everything ok? Are you all right?” I asked anxiously.

Kellen was frowning, his face concerned. He raised an eyebrow at me in silent communication.

“I don’t know sweetie. Please come home as quick as you can. Be careful. Don’t get yourself hurt getting here to me.”

“All right Gran. I’ll see you in a few minutes,” I replied, trying to hide the panic in my voice.

“I love you Rhiannon. Bye Hun.”

“I love you too Gran.”

I clicked the end button on the phone and looked at Kellen. “I need to go home right away. Something is wrong but Gran didn’t tell me. She told me not to rush and get hurt coming home. I’m scared Kellen.” My voice was trembling as much as my hand.

“Let’s get you home and safe then,” he replied, his eyes betraying their distress.

He stood up and put his arm around me, leading us back to the entrance and to a cab quickly. Fortunately there were several lining the curb of the hotel. We were silent during the ride. Kellen held my hand and squeezed it from time to time but it did nothing for my anxious heart.

My thoughts were chaotic and panicked. I never heard Gran sound that way before. I hoped she was all right and Gramps too. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. An instant fear, border lining on panic, that made my stomach ache. I jumped out of the cab without Kellen’s help the minute we stopped in my driveway. I heard him running behind me.

I burst in the door, frantically calling for Gran. She was sitting on the living room couch.

“What’s going on? Is everything ok?”

I noticed the sadness in her eyes and on her face the second I saw her. Dread filled my stomach with icy fear, leaving it cold and empty. Something had happened, something bad. I looked at her with apprehension in my eyes.

“What’s the matter Gran? What happened?” I asked her quietly.

I was suddenly terrified. Was someone hurt? Was it one of my relatives?

“It’s Gramps. He’s in the hospital, sweetie. He had a stroke a few hours ago. I called you as soon as I could,” Gran told me, her voice shaking slightly.

I blinked, not fully comprehending what that meant. I slid off the couch and onto the floor without even realizing I had moved.

“Gramps? A stroke? What do you mean?” I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of it.

I felt Kellen’s arms come around me and I vaguely understood that he was there but my mind was functioning in slow motion. I shook my head. No, this couldn’t be happening. Gramps was healthy and he was only in his early sixties. He wasn’t that old.

“The prognosis isn’t good. He has a lot of bleeding in his brain, causing too much pressure. They already tried to operate but he is too fragile for surgery. The doctors say he won’t…” Gran couldn’t finish. It wouldn’t come out. 

Through the fog inside my brain I finally got it. He was going to die, and probably soon. I started trembling and tears sprang to my eyes. My Gramps, my sweet grandpa was dying. The tears fell down my cheeks and my shoulders shook with the sobs that broke free from my chest. I cried even harder when I looked at Gran’s face and saw the suffering there. I got up and put my arms around her, squeezing her tight. We sat on the couch, sobbing in each other’s arms. 

Kellen stood there patting us both on the back and being what comfort he could. After a while, the sobbing died down to crying. I looked at Gran and then at Kellen. His eyes were moist too. He felt our pain, and he was there to help. I was so glad to have him there right then. I grabbed some tissues off the table and handed one to Gran while I dried my own eyes. We needed to go see Gramps, this could be my last chance to say goodbye.

I looked back at Kellen. “Would you please drive us to the hospital?”

“Yes, of course, whenever you both are ready,” he answered quickly.

I helped Gran up and took her arm. She grabbed her purse and I steered her toward the door. I took my car keys off the hook and tossed them to Kellen as we walked out of the house and toward my car. He shut and locked the front door securely and helped us both into my beetle. It was a very silent drive to Mercy Hospital. Gran and I were both sniffling from time to time, no one wanting to say anything.

Kellen watched me constantly through the rearview mirror. His eyes caressed my face as he told me silently that he was there for me. We pulled into a parking space close to the emergency room entrance. Kellen helped Gran out and then put his strong arms around both of us as we entered. We took the elevators up to the third floor I.C.U. and went to Gramps’ room.

I was unprepared for how he looked. He didn’t look like my grandpa. There was a ton of equipment hooked up and needles stuck into him. His face was pale and drawn. He looked frail somehow, in a way I had never seen him look before. I tried not to focus on that. It wasn’t how I wanted to remember him. I walked up to the bed slowly, and touched his hand.

“Gramps, it’s me,” I told him softly.

I saw his eyes flutter and then open. He looked at me and smiled. I squeezed his hand lightly and bent my head to place a kiss on his forehead. 

“Rhiannon,” he said weakly, “you have always been my greatest joy apart from your Gran.”

“I love you Gramps. I’m here,” I told him as the tears started again.

“I guess we will have to delay our trip to Ireland Hun. Maybe you can go with your Gran sometime,” he whispered, his voice sad.

“It wouldn’t be the same without you Gramps. I couldn’t…” My voice choked up and I couldn’t continue.

“I love you sweetie. I’m so glad you came. Remember who you are, where you come from. You are so special Hun.” He coughed lightly and winced in pain.

“Gramps, I…am so sorry I wasn’t there,” I choked up.

“Rhiannon, it’s ok. Something like this…it’s never predictable. You are here now. I’m…I’m the one who is sorry,” he paused for a moment before continuing, “I’m leaving you and your Gran…much sooner than I want.” His voice wavered.

“Oh Gramps, I’m going to miss you. I…can’t let you go. Please…”

“My time has come. It’s not a time to mourn, rejoice in my life sweetie. I am very blessed. You have always made me proud. The happiest days of my life were the birth of your mother and you and marrying your Gran.” He coughed again, this time a little deeper.

“Don’t say too much Gramps. You need your strength. I love you. Thank you for always taking care of me,” I told him tearfully.

“It has always been my pleasure. Take care…of yourself…of your Gran. I love you my little Rhiannon.”

I nodded. “I will Gramps. We’ll be fine. You rest now.”

He turned to Kellen. “Protect Rhia, protect my girl, and guard her with your life. I’m entrusting her to you. I know I can count on you.”

Gramps coughed a little more and Kellen nodded. “Yes, sir. I swear I will guard her with my life. Always.”

I moved aside for Gran and she talked with him, saying her goodbyes. They held hands and looked into each other’s eyes for hours. I watched the love there, built over the years on a foundation of trust and loyalty. I was so lucky to see it and very lucky to have been raised by it. Their love was timeless. Someday they would be together again. It was little comfort now, but I knew it would give Gran peace in the months to come. Her faith would help her.

I held Kellen’s hand as Gran and I stayed with Gramps the whole long night. He grew more delirious and passed in and out of consciousness. Late into the morning he passed away, quietly and without pain. I turned my face into Kellen’s chest and sobbed for a long time. Gran laid her head in the crook of Gramp’s arm and cried silently. I don’t know how long we stayed that way. Eventually, a nurse came in and asked us to say our final goodbyes, so they could take care of him for us.

Kellen drove home and helped us into the house. I took care of Gran, putting her to bed with a box of tissues. Exhausted, I let Kellen take care of me. I put on my pajamas and changed out of my prom clothes, seeming so formal and out of place. I climbed into bed under the covers as the tears started again. He lay with me, pulling me into his arms. I cried for hours, soaking his shirt with my tears. He held me well into the afternoon, stroking my hair and face, until in complete exhaustion I finally fell asleep.

When I awakened hours later, he was watching me. He brushed his fingers along my cheek and wiped away the tears on my face. I snuggled into his chest and he held me close, knowing how much I needed him.

“Rhiannon, darling, I’m so sorry…”

I put my fingers on his lips and shook my head, knowing what he was going to say. No words would make a difference. Nothing he was going to say would make it better. I stared into his eyes for a long time.

“Thank you. I’ll be fine…just worried about Gran now.”

“I’m sorry we weren’t here. Rotten luck I guess. Are you sure you are all right?” He asked, concern in his voice evident.

“Yes, it doesn’t matter. It would have been the same result whether I was here or not. I won’t take back my time with you and I don’t want you to either. Gramps led a full life and he knows…knew…I was happy with you. Just hold me please. I need you Kellen.” I told him as my voice broke.

He looked at me fiercely and hugged me tight as the tears ran down my cheeks again. “As you wish, my darling.” He told me soothingly, adoringly, stroking my back.

Over the next few days he did everything for us. He helped keep the house clean and cook. He made us both eat and sleep. When we picked out the casket and tombstone, he was there. He drove us to the funeral, and stood holding my hand through it all. He helped take care of the food and guests, and even organized the wake we held at the house in Gramps’ memory after the funeral. He was such a strong support that Gran asked him to stay with us. He had agreed, touched by her request.

The weeks passed and eventually we both cried a little less and tried to move on. Gran went back to her cooking and gardening. I resumed normal life for me, seeing my friends again. Emily and Mariah stopped by often to visit. It wasn’t easy but eventually the ache started to subside in my chest.

Gran and I tried to let happiness back into our lives. We spoke of Gramps now and then laughing at his jokes and remembering his life. It was healing for us. I finally started to feel normal again. Whatever normal was…after all that had happened in recent months.

I knew with certainty that my life was forever changed. Losing Gramps was a terrible loss that ached constantly, never fully reseeding. I was learning to live with his absence and slowly adjusting to life with just Gran and me. Kellen was here most of the time, protecting us both and helping wherever we needed him. It comforted me to have him in our home, even when he was busy and spent most of his daylight hours outdoors.

Graduation day eventually came. I walked across the stage with my friends cheering me on and Gran sitting in the bleachers. Alone. For most of the day I had been avoiding my internal musings. I had ignored the searing pain in my chest. Dismissing the agony that kept trying to overtake me. But I was struck, like a bolt of lightning, as I saw her face, by the lonely and abandoned seat next to her. The seat that belonged to my beloved grandfather.

I missed him. More than I had allowed myself to feel. More than I had acknowledged. More than my heart could possibly bear. At the grad party later I found I could not fully enjoy the evening. In my mind there was no cause for celebration. I felt numb, going through the motions, pretending to enjoy an event that was pivotal in my young life and only feeling sorrow. A deep penetrating sadness that stole my joy overtook me.

It hit me…hard. He should have been there. He promised me. He always joked and said he would stand and yell from the top of the bleachers when I graduated, just so I would know he was the proudest person there. It used to make me roll my eyes and laugh. I would give anything if he could be there now and embarrass me. Just for a few seconds.

Despair filled me briefly. It was another loss, just like my parents. He was taken too early, another person missing important events in my life, and whisked away suddenly. Another loved one gone. Another ache in my chest knowing more experiences in my life would be without the ones I truly loved. Or truly loved
me
.

Sadness made me withdrawn. I retreated into my room, remaining quiet for the next couple of days. I spoke little. I slept little. I hardly ate at all. Depression and a haunting sorrow dominated my existence. Restless and agitated I paced my room.

I was lost in thought. How did I recover? How did I move on? I hated hurting, hated the throbbing pain. I hated that I could do nothing about it. How did I keeping losing people I loved in my life and pretend it wasn’t hurting me? I was terrified of my future. Who else would I lose? How much loss could I endure? I didn’t want to be so pessimistic. Normally, I was a very happy and positive person.