The Guise of a Gentleman (11 page)

Elise waited, hoping for a glimpse inside the mysterious Jared Amesbury.

“We teased him mercilessly and often called him the ‘perfectly perfect Christian.’ But, actually, he is. I’ve never known a more pure soul.”

“Were you close?”

“I regret that we were not. My fault, entirely. I was so jealous of his perfection, and how much my parents favored him, that I actually plotted to get rid of him; everything from having him press-ganged to feeding him to a tiger.”

She chuckled softly. “How many children are in your family?”

“Six living. I have two older sisters, an older brother, and two younger brothers.” His voice softened, and the light in his eyes dimmed. “And a younger brother who died as a child.”

Elise made a sound of sympathy.

He visibly pulled himself back to the present. “Christian is all of us at our best. He’s the only one of whom my father truly approves. And my mother positively adored him.”

A gentle breeze stirred the air, and a songbird trilled. As she watched, a barrage of emotions traveled across his face so quickly she couldn’t name them. Regret? Sorrow? Loss?

“What happened to Christian?” Elise asked softly.

A thoughtful frown touched his face. “He’s changed. Perhaps he merely grew up, but he’s lost that dreamy-eyed innocence. He’s still perfect, but at times he’s … guarded, as if protecting … something.” He shook his head with a frown of puzzlement.

“A broken heart?”

“Who knows? He won’t talk about it. But when we were children, I longed to be more like him. When I wasn’t plotting to kill him, that is.” A wry smile touched his expressive mouth. “Anyway, Colin reminds me of Christian as a child. Blond. Happy. Without guile. Sensitive. Totally loving.”

“Colin is my world. I hardly take a breath without thinking of him. I’m afraid I’m terribly protective.”

“I barely know Colin, and I already feel that way, too.” Jared made a quick scan of the area that she would have missed had she been watching less closely. Again that watchfulness.

“You’re an uncommonly attentive mother,” he said.

“I hope it’s enough.”

She led him to the kitchen door. Just as they reached the house, Jared shifted the fish and the poles to one hand and opened the door for her. Inside the house, two servants appeared. One relieved Jared of his poles and fish. The other bowed to him.

“This way, sir. I’ll show you where you may wash.”

“Thank you.” Jared followed the servant out of the room.

Elise watched him cross the floor with predatory grace. At the door, he glanced back. She blushed that he’d caught her watching him. He grinned, winked playfully, and left the room.

She wondered how she would manage to eat with her stomach flipping about. No man had ever disturbed her so keenly. Or been such a study in contradictions. Or changed from rogue to gentleman to something in between.

It left her asking again: who, really, was Jared Amesbury?

She wondered if she’d ever solve that riddle.

Jared leaned back in his chair and set down his napkin, amused by Colin’s animated description of his last game of cricket.

Empty plates and serving dishes littered the small round table in Colin’s nursery. The cozy, intimate setting lacked the stiff formality of a dining room and a dozen servants. A bowl of jasmine and roses adorned the table, the only centerpiece. A cheery fire crackled in the fireplace. The candles had burned low, and yet, he felt no desire to leave.

Jared glanced at Mrs. Berkley. An indulgent smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she watched Colin. Fascinated with those lips, Jared traced each curve with his gaze. The desire to again taste those sweet lips crept over him. He controlled his impulse. She was a lady. He could not simply swoop down upon her like a hungry predator and devour her, despite his impulsive kiss at their first meeting.

His gaze moved from her lips, over the upturned nose, to her soft, gray eyes. Heavily lashed, and large enough to give her an innocent appearance, they shone as she focused on her son with obvious affection.

Jared couldn’t remember when he’d felt so relaxed. This afternoon fishing with Colin, and tonight, having dinner with the mother and child, had been the most agreeable day he’d enjoyed in ages.

The kind of peace and contentment he reveled in at the moment had been missing from his life. He desired a home and, more importantly, a family. He’d never realized it until tonight. He looked back at Elise Berkley and then at Colin.

His heart whispered that he wanted it with them.

“Are you the eldest in your family, Mr. Amesbury?” Colin asked.

“No. I’m the fourth child.”

“Oh. Then you’re not the heir?” He sounded not only disappointed, but apologetic.

Elise gasped. “Colin!”

Jared grinned. “No. Not the heir. Just the spare. Good thing, too. The heir has much more responsibility and obligation. As the second son, I have freedom to do things such as piracy, you know.”

Colin beamed and Elise frowned. Jared wondered if she frowned in disapproval for him continuing to feed her son’s unhealthy hero worship of pirates, or because she thought he might truly be a pirate despite his assurances to the contrary. He enjoyed keeping her uncertain and putting a wrinkle in the smooth fabric of her orderly life.

But that was stupid. He needed to play the perfect gentleman, at least until he completed this assignment, without anyone becoming suspicious of his true reason for living in this quiet part of the country.

He could figure out his identity later.

And the idea that she’d believe he fit into that category of unconscionable cutthroats disturbed him. Even if it were true. He never, ever wanted her to look at him with revulsion and fear. He gave himself a good mental shake and vowed then to suppress his foolhardy impulsiveness.

“Colin,” he said. “You know I’m merely playing when I say I used to be a pirate, don’t you?”

Colin blinked. “You never were a pirate?”

Jared wanted to squirm under that focused stare. Only a monster could lie to this sweet, trusting child.

“During the war I served aboard a privateer. Everything I did at sea, I did for king and country.”

He spoke honestly; even his stint posing as a true pirate had been for king and country. Unfortunately, that role required him to behave as a reprobate. He’d committed acts of violence and theft which made him unworthy of the company he kept tonight. A myriad of memories poured over him and he guarded his expression under their watchful eyes.

Colin digested Jared’s declaration, and Elise’s posture relaxed. She sent him a grateful smile.

“Were you the captain?” the boy pressed.

“I became the captain, in time. I went to sea at the age of twelve, and I had much to learn before I could take command.”

Colin turned to his mother. “You would never let me go to sea, would you?”

“You would break my heart if you did, my love.”

Colin’s face fell. Poor child. Tonight had brought the disillusionment of many of the boy’s fantasies.

A plump, matronly woman appeared at the doorway of the nursery. Elise arose. Jared scrambled to his feet and Colin followed suit.

“It’s time for bed, my love.” Elise leaned over, gathered the child into her arms and kissed him soundly on the cheek.

Colin glanced at Jared, clearly embarrassed at the unmanly display of affection. Then, unable to resist his mother’s affection, he snuggled into her.

Jared didn’t blame him. He wouldn’t be capable of resisting her, either.

Colin turned to Jared and threw his arms around him. Jared hugged him back and ruffled his hair.

“Say your prayers, Colin.” Elise turned to Jared. “We have a fine Madeira in the study, if you are interested.”

Jared quickly recovered from his surprise. He’d assumed Colin’s bedtime would mark the end of the evening. “Thank you.”

As she led him down the stairs, he kept pace with her, unable to keep his eyes off her. Her gown alternately clung to and flowed around her full, slender body. He admired the feminine lines of her neck and shoulders. His gaze moved downward to the womanly fullness of her breasts, the curve of her waist, the gently swaying hips.

He pulled at the suddenly strangling cravat and wondered when it had gotten so warm in the house.

Inside the study, she poured him a glass of Madeira. He accepted it without taking his eyes off her face. Tingles flared as their fingers brushed.

A flush crept over her face. She sank into a large armchair. “How are you enjoying your stay in our quiet little corner of the country?”

He gave her a lop-sided grin at her obvious attempt to break the tension. “Very much. More than I expected.”

“I understand you’ve only let the house for the summer?”

“The terms of the lease are somewhat lax in this case. I’ve committed to the summer, with the option of keeping it longer if I so desire.”

She nodded, her lashes hiding her eyes. “Do you plan to extend it, then?”

Jared took a sip of the Madeira. It was, indeed, noteworthy. “I have not yet decided.”

Without looking up, she folded her hands in her lap. “Colin will be sad to see you go, I am sure.”

“I can’t believe how quickly I’ve fallen for his charms.”

“You like children. There’s no shame in that.”

“I suppose I do.”

“You have affection for the boy who was with you that day we, er, met.”

Jared resisted the urge to groan. “I can’t imagine a more awkward circumstance in which to make an acquaintance.”

Her lips curved. “It’s not the way I normally go about doing it, either.”

Chuckling, he seated himself in a chair near hers by the fire. “I’m not quite sure how I would have extracted myself from that difficulty. I’m grateful you happened along. And had the courage to intervene.”

“Who is the boy?”

“José. He’s my tiger, of late. My cabin boy, formerly.”

“He looks young for such roles.”

“He’s small for a ten-year-old, but very bright.”

“How did he come to be in your care?”

“His father served as my quartermaster before his death. The mother died years ago. So I kept him on. He had no one else.” Jared stared pensively into his drink. “He’s seen far too much violence. I wish I could have spared him all that. A ship is no place for a child.” Especially a pirate ship. “He likes the horses and the head groom treats him well. He’ll be all right. Of course, with me as a master, the odds are stacked against him.”

“Is it fashionable for gentlemen to speak unfavorably of themselves, or do you really have such a skewed opinion of yourself?”

The softness in her expression gave him pause. He wondered if he’d let down his guard too much and thought over his words.

He froze, the icy fingers of dread squeezing his stomach. He’d let slip that he had a quartermaster. Would she know what the position entailed? He watched her carefully, but her expression only revealed mild curiosity.

Jared took a drink to allow himself time to form a reply. In her presence, he seemed to be revealing all sorts of things without thinking.

She smiled gently and spared him from having to answer. “What have you done since the war?”

“A great deal of no good, I’m afraid.”

Elise nodded slowly. “Charlotte Greymore told me Mr. Greymore returned from the war a changed man. He spent the first year after his return trying to outrun the ghosts that seemed to haunt him. One of Edward’s friends came home and literally drank himself to death.”

“The atrocities one witnesses, and even commits, during a war are appalling; nothing any decent human would believe. We all must deal with the aftermath in our own way.” He rubbed his hand down his face, hoping his own war would end soon.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly.

He almost cursed in front of the lady before he caught himself. In all his years since he’d left home, he’d never spoken so openly with anyone. How had he managed to be an effective operative for twelve years without letting anything slip, yet in this lady’s presence, start babbling like a half-wit?

Dismayed, he managed a wry smile, but the compassion in her expression made him want to weep. He finished the Madeira and pulled himself together.

“I do like it here. Greymore and I are old friends, and Lady Standwich has been dutiful in her attentions.”

“She is a dear lady.” She fixed a steady gaze upon him. “I’m sorry I questioned your motivations regarding Colin. It was foolish of me to think you’d go to so much trouble to court me.”

He grinned. “I must admit though, your idea is rather ingenious. If ever a man wanted to court a reluctant widow, it would be through her son. I wonder if Druesdale or Bradford will think of that, since archery didn’t seem to turn your head.”

She shook her head. “Lady Standwich’s machinations, no doubt. She seems to think now that she’s about to remarry, I should, as well.”

“She’s a persistent lady. Almost as much as my Aunt Livy.”

“She must have been lonelier as a widow than she admitted, for she seems unable to imagine anyone happy outside of wedded bliss.” Elise sighed.

He raised a brow. “You don’t agree.”

“I was happily married. But I am content not to wed again.”

“Why? You are clearly lonely, too.”

“Lonely!”

Jared stared at her sudden display of anger from such a gentle soul.

“How dare you tell me what I feel! I am quite happy caring for my son and I don’t need a man to disrupt my life. I was happy with my husband. I’ll never find another man like him.”

His own ire rising, he struggled to control his voice. “I hope you don’t find someone like him. You’d be smothered again like you were the first time.”

She pounced on the word. “Smothered?”

“You like your freedom now that no one is here to censure you, but you crave being touched, you crave love. You have so much love to give, and no man to give it to.”

“I don’t want a man. I have my estate and my son and people who count on me. It’s enough.” But the conviction had fled her voice, and doubt shadowed her eyes.

Jared was tempted to point out all the times he’d witnessed her loneliness and how badly her son needed a man’s guidance, but he resisted. It didn’t matter. After he completed this final assignment and enjoyed a few years of unfettered travel, and not before, he would consider seeking a wife, all his earlier temptations notwithstanding. Forging any kind of attachments now would be dangerous. To all concerned.

Leandro or one of his cronies might be watching him even now. He would be foolish to gamble upon the chance Leandro had returned to the sea. Knowing that uncertainty, Jared shouldn’t have come to Elise’s manor.

But he’d wanted to come. He wanted to be with them. With her.

He leaned forward. “Forgive me. I spoke out of turn.”

Her anger softened, but her chest heaved. “I’ve grown weary of people advising me to remarry.”

Jared kept his voice soft. “Perhaps they don’t wish to see you alone for the rest of your life.”

He reached out and took her hand. She stiffened but did not pull away. He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. She looked torn between wanting to relax into his touch and fleeing his presence. He traced his fingers across the back of her smooth hand, over her knuckles, down her slender fingers. She went perfectly still.

Very softly he said, “You startle whenever anyone initiates contact, but you clearly enjoy being touched.”

“It’s not appropriate to be so familiar with others.” Her voice sounded oddly hoarse. Her pulse throbbed in her neck and her breath came in tiny gasps.

Smug satisfaction crept over him. He put a teasing note into his voice. “You were quite familiar with me that day we met. I haven’t been touched in such a way in many, many years.”

“I was trying to help you. And you returned the gesture with improper conduct.”

Jared grinned at the blush that crept over her face. “That’s another thing. You’re very concerned with propriety, and yet you often break the manners and mores when it suits you. I believe there is a bit of a rebel deep down inside you, longing for freedom from the strictures of society.”