The Happiest Day (9 page)

“Devastated.”

“What happened,
Peter?  How in the hell did this happen?”

“The doctor said
he doesn’t know.  The baby was perfect…she was perfect in every way.  She just
wasn’t breathing.”

“Shit.  Where the
hell are you?”

Peter gave him
directions, told Norris that he would see him soon, then picked up the phone
again and dialed Maryanne.  She answered on the fourth ring, sounding out of
breath.  He remembered belatedly his sister’s advanced state of pregnancy.

“Annie?  It’s
Peter.”

“What’s wrong?”
she asked, immediately picking up on the tone of his voice.

“I’m with Rachel.”

“Peter…” she said
warningly.  “Please don’t do this.”  He heard tears in her voice and felt like
a heel.

“I’m with her at a
hospital in Kentucky.  She lost the baby.  Maryanne, it would mean so much to
her, and to me, if you would come here to be with her.”

“How…why…how did
she lose the baby?  What happened?”

“She went into
early labor and the baby was born not breathing.  The doctor said that there
was nothing they could do.  She’s distraught and needs to be with people that
love her.  After everything, she feels alone and hated.  We have to prove to
her that she’s not.”

He heard
Maryanne’s muffled voice then Bert took the phone.  “Where are you?”  After
getting directions, he assured Peter that they would be there as soon as humanly
possible and would bring Laurie and Geoff with them.  Peter sat in the waiting
room, forearms resting on his thighs, his head bowed in fatigue and sadness. 
He remembered back to the day on the patio, the week of Maryanne’s wedding.  No
one would have ever suggested that life had been perfect on that day.  Rachel’s
pending wedding to Stern, his own wreck of a relationship with Blanche, and
Helen’s oppressive behavior had prevented any true happiness within the
family.  On that day, though, the sun had been shining, the breeze gentle and
warm, and he had been with the three people he loved most in the world.  They
had laughed and joked with each other, eating good food and hopeful of the
future.  Even he had naively believed that eventually everything would work out
for the best.

Now, here he sat,
barely a year later and it seemed as if all hope was gone.  Rachel was married
to Norris and from what he could tell was on the edge of total despair, even
before the loss of the baby.  His sister, who should have been celebrating the
happiest time of her life, was often tearful and blue.  As for himself, he felt
lost, awash in a sea of unhappiness and for the first time in his life, he had
no hope that he could fix what was wrong.  He sat there, his mind swirling with
all of the lost possibilities, for what could have been minutes or hours.  He
wasn’t sure.  Finally, he stood and wandered over to the window.  He saw
Norris’ car pulling up to the front doors and his hands tightened on the
windowsill.

“Mr. MacGregor?”

He looked over his
shoulder wearily.  “Yes, Doctor?”

“Your wife is
awake and asking for you.”

“She’s not my
wife,” he said flatly.

“I’m sorry?  I
don’t understand.”

“She’s not my
wife.  I lied because it seemed easier at the time.  Her husband is coming into
the hospital right now.”  He turned and looked the doctor full in the face
awaiting his censure.

The doctor seemed
to be analyzing this new information.  “It’s none of my business,” he finally
said.  “You are Peter, though?”

“Yes.”

“Well then, it’s
you she’s asking for, not her husband.  My primary concern is the health of the
patient.  You should go see her.  I’ll meet her husband at the nurse’s station
and fill him in on the details.  That should give the two of you a few minutes
alone.”

Peter hurried down
the hallway and re-entered Rachel’s room.  The look on her face sent his
straight to her side, gathering her in his arms and holding her tight.  He
wished now that he had waited to call the family, but knew that he couldn’t
stop Norris from coming in.

“Hey,” he said
softly, brushing her hair away from where it stuck to her tear-stained face. 
“Norris is here.  He’s outside talking to the doctor.  He should be in
briefly.”

She stared up into
his eyes, and then leaned her face against his hand.  “Thank you,” she
whispered.  “Just in case I don’t get a chance to talk to you again, thank you
for everything you did today.”

He lowered his
face until his forehead touched hers.  “You will see me again.  If you want to,
that is.  I wish I could undo the past year and all of the hurt I’ve inflicted
on you, but all I can do is move forward.  I’m hoping I can do that with you in
my life.”

For the first time
in hours, he saw a hint of her dimple at the corner of her mouth.  He felt some
of the tension leave her body and she laid her lips against his rough cheek. 
“I would like that,” she said, her voice husky.

Shockingly, Peter
wanted to turn his face and place his lips on hers.  The urge was so
overwhelming that he had to clench his hands to stop himself and he felt her
respond in pain.  “Sorry,” he said, immediately releasing her.  He opened his
mouth to say God knew only what but was saved by the door opening and Norris
coming in to the room.

Peter stood and
moved away from the bed, giving Norris access to his wife.  Norris took Rachel
in his arms, saying all the right things as she cried, and Peter hated him for
this right to do while he himself had to stand aside.  It was not much later
when a very pregnant Maryanne and Bert and the boys came into the room and Peter
removed himself, needing time alone.  He asked the nurse where the chapel was
and found himself sitting on a pew, praying to a god that he wasn’t sure
existed.  He didn’t even have any specific prayer.  He just kept repeating,
“Please, God…please…”  He felt completely torn apart, both heart and soul. 
What
was wrong with him?

“Please, please
help me,” he prayed silently, his lips moving silently.  “I don’t know what
this is that I’m feeling and I’m scared.”

He started when
someone sat next to him and he looked up to see Norris.  He swallowed hard,
trying to compose himself, trying to prepare for the questions that he feared
would come.

“How is she?”

“As well as can be
expected.  The doctor wants to keep her for a few days to make sure there’s no
hemorrhaging.”  He looked at the altar where a large crucifix hung.  “Did you
find any answers?”

“No,” Peter
admitted.

Norris’ face
seemed set in stone as he stared ahead.  “I think this was a punishment.”

“What do you
mean?”

“The baby being
born dead; I think it was God’s punishment.”  He sighed deeply.  “
But if I
with the finger of God cast out devils, no doubt the kingdom of God is come
upon you
.”

Peter couldn’t
have been more stunned.  “Why would you say that?  What could Rachel have ever
done to be punished like this?”

“Not her, me.  The
baby even.  God didn’t want this baby to be born.”

“Norris,” Peter
said, growing agitated.  “What is wrong with you?  What are you saying?”

“This marriage, my
relationship with Rachel, is wrong.  You know it, everyone knows it.  That girl
is like a daughter to me.”

Something in the torment
of Norris’ voice raised the hairs on the back of Peter’s neck.  He stood,
towering over Norris.  “God, you’re not her father are you?”  His throat was so
tight he could barely push out his voice out.

“No!” Norris
cried, and then dropped his head in his hands.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.”

Nausea rose in
Peter and he stumbled out of the pew.  “Jesus Christ,” he breathed, falling
against the wall of the chapel.  He felt dizzy.  “Jesus…how did this happen?”

“I had an affair
with Julia.”

“I knew that.  You
only have to look at Laurie to figure that out.”  Anger surged in Peter.  “You
think I didn’t know why Helen hated Laurie so much?  But Rachel…Norris, how
could you?”

“I don’t know for
sure and neither did Julia.  She always told me the timing had been wrong, but
we both knew that there was a chance.  With Laurie, there was no doubt from the
day he was born.  I used to wonder how Thomas couldn’t figure it out.”

Peter dismissed
Norris’ words.  Thomas Warner was dead.  Whatever reasons he had had for
ignoring his wife’s infidelities no longer mattered.  “If you knew there was a
chance, even a slim one, how could you have married her?  How could you have
put her in this position?”

“She never needed
to know.  She still doesn’t.  I had to protect her from the position she had
put herself in by lying on the stand.”

“There were other
ways!” Peter bellowed.

“My first intent
was just to marry her, protect her, but she asked if it would be a real
marriage.  I couldn’t tell her why it couldn’t be, so I tried and…it felt alright. 
It didn’t feel wrong.”

“Because you think
of her mother when you’re with her,” Peter hissed.

Norris looked up,
startled.  “How did you know that?”

“She told Bert
that you call out her mother’s name.”

His face fell.  “I
didn’t mean to hurt her like that.”

“You have to
divorce her,” Peter stated.  “You can’t keep up this charade.”

“I won’t divorce
her,” Norris said with conviction.  “She’d have to move away.  She couldn’t
live in Cincinnati without the protection of my name.  I wouldn’t be able to
bear not being able to see her and take care of her.”

Peter came closer
to his step-father, resisting the urge to grab him by the collar.  “What you’re
doing is wrong,” he said furiously.

“I won’t touch her
anymore.”

“You can’t make
that promise.”

“I can,” he said,
his blue eyes filled with anguish.  “I can, Peter, I swear that.”

“I’m not walking
away this time, Norris.  I’m going to be there every day.  I’m going to watch
you like a hawk.  If I find out that you’re lying, I swear I’ll tell all and
take her away myself.”

“Don’t threaten
me, Peter,” Norris said wearily.  “You won’t like the results.”

“What in the hell
is that supposed to mean?”

“Too many times,
my back has been pushed up against the wall.  I always come out swinging and I
always win.  Just remember that.”  He stood, moving like a man much older than
his years.  He walked to the entrance of the chapel, then stopped and turned
his body halfway to look back at Peter.  “Why were you with my wife today?”

Peter shook his
head.  “You don’t have the right to question her…or me…anymore, Norris.”

“She’s had a crush
on you for years.  Don’t hurt her, Peter.”

Peter laughed
bitterly.  “This family has done nothing but hurt her.  Go sit with your wife,
Norris, and try to come to terms with what you’ve done to her.  God help your
soul.”

Life got better
for Rachel after she returned home.  Maryanne and Peter were back in her life
and the family returned to some semblance of normalcy.  Maryanne gave birth to
a son, Alan, in September and the boys returned to their boarding school in Boston. 
Peter was at the estate every day.  Although he often appeared on edge when
Norris was home, he seemed relaxed and happy when it was just the two of them. 
Sometimes they rode together and other times they just sat on the patio,
reading in companionable silence.  Rachel wasn’t sure how long this new and
gentler world would last, but she intended on squeezing as much happiness as
she could from it.

Something, though,
had changed between her and Norris; something she didn’t understand.  In the
beginning, she just assumed it was because of the loss of the baby and her own
physical restrictions to intimacy.  Months passed, however, and Norris made no
move to return to her bed.  Truth be told, she was relieved.  Knowing that it
was her mother he thought of when he held her and his resulting anguish when
their lovemaking was over was not something she was eager to return to.  She
did feel a wifely responsibility to him, however, and tried to talk with him
about it in late October.

“Norris,
would…would you like to come to my room tonight?”

They sat at the
dinner table together, at opposite ends, and Norris was engrossed in the
newspaper.  He looked up at her, his face closed over.  “I think it is probably
too early for that,” he said in a careful voice.

“The doctor said
it was fine for us to resume relations.  I thought…maybe, we could try for
another child.”

He laid the paper
down slowly and methodically.  “I don’t believe I want another child, my dear.”

“Oh.”  The thought
of never having a child was something that bothered Rachel immensely.  “How do
we prevent it?”  She knew that there were ways of blocking a pregnancy but was
not well-educated on the subject.

“I think the best
way is to practice abstinence.”  He finally looked her in the face and she was
taken aback by the firm resolution in his eyes.

“But…but why?  Are
you afraid of the same thing happening?  The doctor feels that it was just a
one-time event.  There was really nothing that caused it.  Just nature…”  Her
voice trailed off as she saw Norris nod his head.

“It’s not that.  I
just don’t want another child.”

Her heart was
thudding and she crossed her hands tightly in her lap.  “Abstinence, though? 
You are all right with us not having an intimate relationship?”

She thought she
saw a small break in his resolve when his jaw twitched a bit but he said, “I
think it is for the best.”

So began the next
phase of her complicated relationship with Norris.  From the man who served as
a benevolent uncle to her savior and guardian to her husband, the tangled web
of their connection seemed to be the stuff of a Greek tragedy.  She didn’t have
the courage to tell anyone about his rejection of her but learned to live with
and accept it.  To some extent, their relationship improved as he once again
became her father figure and their interactions seemed more relaxed and
natural.

A few weeks before
Christmas, Peter arrived at the estate, brushing snow off of his coat as he
entered the foyer.  Rachel met him as she came down the staircase.  “I didn’t
think I’d see you today.  You told me you were tied up in a big case.”

“The judge called
an early recess.  I think he was afraid we’d get caught there if it snowed too
much.”

“I’m glad you’re
here.  The house is so quiet.”

“Where’s Norris?”

“Still at work.” 
She took his coat from him.  “Will you stay for supper?”

“Absolutely.”  He
leaned down and kissed her cheek.  “You smell good.”

“I just soaked in
a long bath.”

“I’m jealous,” he
teased.

“Come into the
library.  Smythe has a wonderful fire going.”  They sat together in front of
the fire and Rachel drew her legs up underneath her.  “So tell me about your
case.”

“Nasty divorce. 
He’s worth millions and the wife wants half of it.  He’s cheated on her for
years and she wants out of it, but she thinks she deserves something for her
trouble.”

“Which side are
you representing?”

He grinned. 
“You’re afraid I’m representing the cheating louse, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I’m not. 
I’m representing the wife.  It’s not my type of case but there was something
about her that reminded me of you.”

Her eyebrows
lifted in surprise.  “Does she look like me?”

“No, not really. 
It was just this type of vulnerability.  I just thought that if you were going
to divorce Norris, I would want someone to help you.”

An awkward silence
fell between them, Rachel looking down at her fingernails with feigned
interest.

“I’m sorry,” he
finally said.  “Did I overstep my bounds?”

She lifted her
eyes to meet his.  “We have no bounds with each other,” she said teasingly.

“Do you want to
divorce him?”

“No,” she said
gently.  “I love him.”

“Do you and he
make love?” he asked bluntly.

A flush worked its
way up Rachel’s neck and burned her cheeks.  “I was wrong.  We do have bounds.  That
was an extremely rude question, Peter.”  She moved to stand but his hand
wrapped around her upper arm, anchoring her in place.

“For that I’m
sorry, but I still would like to know.”  His eyes were strangely intense. 
“Does he touch you?”

She averted her
gaze from his.  “Why are you doing this?  We obviously have been intimate.  I
was pregnant.”

It was a dodge of
his question but she was too embarrassed to let him know that her husband had
no interest in her physically.  Peter’s fingers flexed on her arm and he had
that look on his face that she knew he wore when he was cross-examining someone
in the courtroom.  His tilted her face up to his and he searched her face,
looking for the answer she wouldn’t give him.  Whatever he saw seemed to
satisfy him, though, for he relented, releasing her.

“I’m sorry,” he
said quietly.  “This was inexcusable.”

“It’s all right,”
she said, leaning her head on her bent arm, feeling suddenly sad.

“I brought you an
early Christmas gift.”

She lifted her
head and looked at him, her lips pursed.  “Are you trying to buy my
forgiveness?”

“I’m shameless,”
he said with mock disgrace.  He reached inside his suit coat and pulled out a
jewelry box.  “I had this made for you.  I thought I would wait until
Christmas, but it’s kind of personal, so I changed my mind and decided to give
it to you when we were alone.”

“I’m intrigued,”
she said, taking the long, slim box from him.  She pulled the wrapping off of
it and lifted the lid.  In the satin nest sat a silver chain bracelet with one
lone charm attached to it.  Rachel lifted it curiously and saw that the charm
was the outline of a baby’s head.  Inset in the thin silver charm was a single
ruby.

Without even
feeling them coming, Rachel felt tears pouring down her face, and heard one
lone sob break from her throat.

“Oh my God,” Peter
said hoarsely.  “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.”  He gathered her in his arms.  “I
didn’t mean to make you sad.  I just thought you would want something you could
wear that represented Ruby so…so that she’d always be close to you.  I’m
sorry…I’m sorry.”

She had to make
him understand.  She fought for control of her emotions and pulled away,
looking up into his face.  “No, stop apologizing.  I’m not upset about the
present.  I think it’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever given me in my
entire life.  I’m just emotional.  These are tears of happiness, really.”

He looked
skeptical.  “Are you sure?”

“Very sure.  Since
I lost the baby, no one wants to talk about her.  I know everyone is just
trying to be considerate, but not talking about her is not going to make me
forget her.  She’s always right here.”  She touched her chest, where her heart
was beating steadily.  “You’re the only one that understands that.  Thank you.”

He heaved a sigh
of relief.  “You scared me.  I never want to hurt you again.”  He lifted the
bracelet from the box.  “Should I put it on you?”

“Yes, that would
be lovely.”  She held her hand up for him.

“As you have other
children,” he said as he clasped the bracelet around her wrist, “you can add to
this.”

“There won’t be
any other children,” she said barely above a whisper.  “Norris and I are not
intimate.  He doesn’t want me any more.”

Peter’s head
stayed bent over her hand, his fingers holding her wrist gently.  “Is that what
he said?” he asked carefully.

“He said he
doesn’t want any more children and the best way to ensure that is abstinence. 
I remember his marriage to Helen.  Frederick told me that they had an open
marriage, that they both had affairs.  I know that he’s seeing other women. 
It’s just me that he doesn’t want.”

Peter finally
lifted his head, his eyes somber.  He raised his hand and stroked her trembling
lips with his thumb.  Rachel closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation of his
touch.  How she wished that things could have been different between them! 
When Norris was at work and Peter came to visit, she could almost pretend that
he was coming home to her.  There was no Blanche, no Norris, no past between
them.

  “You told me
once that I would regret turning down your offer for us to make love.  You were
right.”

Rachel’s eyes flew
open and she stared at him wide-eyed.  “I was?” she asked huskily.

“Never more than
at this very moment,” he answered.

At the hospital he
had wanted to kiss her but had resisted the urge, shocked at the intensity of
his feelings.  Over the past months, though, spending time with her almost
every day had allowed him to explore his feelings and he had come to the only
conclusion he could.  He was in love with her.  He had always known that Rachel
had feelings for him, but had dismissed them as a teenage crush.  Even that
night at his apartment, he had chalked her proposition up to too much whiskey
and the desire to be wanted by someone other than her despicable fiancé.

He had always
loved her, as her protector and her friend.  He had felt a connection to her
lost soul which spoke to him in a way that touched him deeply.  Over the past
few months, though, his feelings had grown.  He missed her when he was away
from her, he felt both at peace and energized when he was with her.  When
Norris walked through the door, he felt immediate anger and jealousy.  It was
both simple and complicated at the same time.  He was in love with her.

He couldn’t find a
reason to not kiss her.  He bent his head to hers and covered her mouth with
his own.  They explored each other quietly, without any haste.  The rest of the
world had fallen away and they felt they had all the time in the world.  His
hands came up to run through her hair and cup her head at the base of the
skull.  The movement allowed him to deepen the kiss and she responded by
touching his tongue with the tip of her own.  She almost laughed when she heard
him groan.  He drew her tongue into his mouth and her urge to laugh died as
passion roared to life.

She had never touched
him beyond platonic touches and was hesitant to lay her hands on him.  His
hands were now stroking her back, urging her closer to him, and she felt
deprived as her hands hovered in mid-air.  She pulled her mouth away slightly
and whispered, “May I touch you?”

“You’ll kill me if
you don’t,” he muttered, taking her hands in his and placing them on his
chest.  “Rachel…”

Rachel started and
turned her head slightly.  “Norris is home.  I hear his footsteps.”

They were frozen
for a moment, both unwilling to break the spell woven around them.  Finally,
Peter found the strength to pull away and stand.  “Damn,” he said softly.

Rachel smoothed
her hair and scrubbed at her lips.  “Do I look O.K.?’

“You’re fine,” he
assured her.  “Stop rubbing your lips, you’re making them redder.”

She nodded and
Peter wandered over to the fireplace, leaning his arms on the mantle and
starting down in the fire.  His back was tense.

Rachel heard Norris
in the front hallway, speaking with Smythe.  Just a moment later, he entered
the library.  “Good evening,” he greeted them.  “Peter, I’m surprised to see
you here.  I thought the Church divorce was going full tilt.”

“The judge called
a recess,” Peter answered, not turning from his place at the fire.

“Will you stay for
supper?”

“I’d like that,
thank you.”

Norris leaned and
kissed Rachel on the cheek, pulling away slightly and studying her through
narrowed eyes.  “You’re flushed, my dear.  Are you feeling all right?”

“I’m fine,” she
answered brightly.  “How was your day?”

“Fine.  Smythe said
supper is ready when we are, so I suggest we retire to the dining room.”  He
held his hand out to Rachel and she took it.  He felt the swing of the bracelet
against his arm and lifted her hand to study the piece of jewelry.  “Where did
you get this?”

“I gave it to
her,” Peter answered.  “I wanted something to commemorate the baby.”

“I’m not sure that
Rachel needs to be reminded of so painful,” Norris said firmly and quietly.

“I want to wear
it,” Rachel said, squeezing Norris’ hand.  “Please, Norris, let me wear it.”

He stared down
into her face and relented.  “If you’re sure…”

“I’m sure.  Thank
you.”  She kissed him briefly on the lips.

“Will you run
ahead and tell Mrs. Hardy that I would like a bottle of wine brought up from
the cellar?  Whatever she thinks is appropriate.”

“Of course.” 
Rachel hurried ahead and Peter started to follow her out of the library but
Norris halted him with a hand on his bicep.