The Headspace Guide To … A Mindful Pregnancy (15 page)

Whether you are just embarking on parenthood or are well advanced into your pregnancy, you have the opportunity to start living a healthier and happier life. This is a new chapter, a new beginning, and if you couldn’t get motivated for yourself beforehand, then what better motivation than the healthy growth and development of your baby? Of all the things you cannot control during pregnancy – the nausea, the fatigue, the cramps, the swollen bladder, the hormonal roller coaster – this is one of the few areas where you can make a real difference, facilitating change which promotes both physical health and peace of mind.

Exercise brings numerous benefits during pregnancy, as confirmed by Dr Amersi. Firstly, it helps prevent gestational diabetes, which women are prone to in pregnancy due to lower blood-sugar levels. Beyond that, it can actually help prevent/lessen the pelvic pain and discomfort that worsen with each trimester as the uterus and baby grow, and it can help reduce backache, constipation, bloating and swelling, while simultaneously improving energy levels, mood and sleep. The release of endorphins that exercise triggers certainly helps the feel-good factor at a time when you’ll want to feel more up than down. What’s more, the baby feels the benefits, too, as exercise increases blood circulation, providing better oxygenation; plus, it’s a great stress-buster, meaning that he or she won’t be taking one of those extended cortisol baths I wrote about earlier

Obviously, all levels of exercise should be first discussed with your doctor, because what works for one person might not work for another. Much is going to depend on your fitness levels before becoming pregnant. If you worked out consistently, some modifications may be needed but, depending on medical advice, there’s probably no reason why you can’t sustain the same routine, as long as you stay tuned in to your body.

I was staggered when we used to visit Dr Amersi during the pregnancy. I kept waiting for her to tell Lucinda to slow down, to do less exercise, to stop contorting herself into strange shapes on the yoga mat. But she never did. In fact she encouraged Lucinda to continue, clear that it was beneficial not only for her own physical and mental health, but also for that of the baby. But mindful exercise is not only for those who are already fit. If you have resolved to start exercising simply because you are pregnant, then the key is to begin slowly and find something that maintains your interest. Again, chat it through with your doctor.

Walking, cycling and running are all good aerobic activities, although you may find that running becomes increasingly uncomfortable as you move into the third trimester. And of course nothing beats swimming for working the entire body, without any impact whatsoever. But if I were to recommend one form of exercise, it would probably be yoga (and Lucinda would agree). I don’t say this as an advocate of yoga, or even as a practising yogi – I have simply witnessed the benefits in my wife and her friends as they’ve applied themselves to yoga throughout their pregnancies. Because there is such an emphasis on mindful movement, attention to the breath and letting go, it is the perfect accompaniment to a regular meditation practice on your journey to motherhood. But whatever exercise you choose to do, if you’re not doing it mindfully, you’re not doing it justice. So, in order to get the maximum benefit from all the effort you put in, you need to be aware of the five components of mindful exercise:

It’s all about mental preparation. By setting an intention, we kick-start motivation which prepares the body to engage with exercise. Set the intention the night before, or the morning of, and get your exercise off to the best possible start.

We’ve all seen those red-faced people at the gym, grunting through a workout. That’s an inefficient way to train. Muscles need as much oxygen as possible so, for a high-performance workout, focus on this: breathe in for the less strenuous part of the exercise, breathe out during the most effort.

Rhythm is vital. Whether it’s a nice long stretch or an explosive jump, every exercise has its own inherent tempo. Study each exercise, getting into the flow of its rhythm so that you’re executing it most effectively.

Every exercise requires good form. Posture and alignment matter, so we need to be aware of them. Think less about reaching the end of the exercise, and more about the form right now.

An awareness of our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing, whether between workouts or exercises, is essential. Does your breathing indicate that you could do more, or less? Do your muscles need recovery time? Stay alert, listen to your body and know when to go again. With practice, you’ll come to understand your own particular groove.

As I say, from vicarious personal experience, I can certainly vouch for the benefits because Lucinda maintained her fitness groove for as long as she could. One day, at around seven months, while out on a run together at a country hotel, I looked up to see her running off into the distance alongside Mo Farah who was out for his morning run! That actually happened, at seven months. Later into her third trimester she detected some back pain, so stopped running and focused on her yoga instead, and it was definitely this combination of meditation, a healthy diet and exercise that helped her stay sane. If you eat well and exercise regularly, it will not only put you in the best possible shape, but it will make you feel much stronger mentally, meaning you’ll be mentally and physically prepared when the big day comes along. More than that though, it’s about the same message we keep coming back to: this is not just for you, this is for your baby. This is a unique opportunity to give your child a head start in life.

However well you eat, and however much exercise you do, there is one thing that’s unavoidable and that’s the gaining of more weight than you’ve ever imagined before. Well, that’s obvious, I hear you say. But, for a lot of women, this doesn’t make it any easier to accept. Indeed, at some point during the third trimester, if not sooner, someone will think it’s perfectly fine to come up and say, ‘Look at you … you’re huge!’ It seems pregnancy gives others the impression that they have the right to comment on your body. Maybe even touch it, too. Some may say not to worry about the extra weight – ‘Relax, go with the flow, don’t worry about it’ – but that’s easier said than done.

With all the extra pounds, it is not uncommon for some women to become body dysmorphic, hating what is happening to them. This one thing alone can be a major source of stress, especially if you happen to be a fierce dieter or the athletic type who has always been loath to gain even a few pounds. It can be hard to accept the extra 15–30lb. And if you are someone who has struggled with weight in the past, the idea of adding to your body mass can be very depressing.

Whatever your shape and size, you will most likely pick clothes out of the wardrobe and realise they don’t fit any more; or you’ll be desperate to un-stretch the third trimester stretch marks; or you’ll think things like,
Will I ever lose this baby weight?
or
Will my partner continue to find me attractive?

As ever with mindfulness, all this requires a shift in perspective, looking at it through the lens of impermanence and acceptance. With mindful eating and mindful exercise, weight gain can be significantly reduced, while still leaving plenty of good nutrients for the baby to grow at a healthy rate. With that in mind, view the extra pounds as a reminder of that little bundle of joy growing inside you. And remember, weight gain is
necessary
for a healthy pregnancy: it is a
good
thing. It won’t last for ever and, if you’re anything like most mothers, you will almost certainly look back at some stage in life and wish you could do it all again.

If you could only see it through the eyes of nature, you would never lose a single moment worrying about weight gain in pregnancy. It is a necessary and beautiful thing. Mindfulness will help you see this, allowing you to let go of the anxiety, the fear, the shame, the guilt, and instead be empowered by this miraculous event.

Before we enter the delivery room, or home birthing pool, or whatever your plans may be, I’d like to dedicate some time to that which is usually spoken about only in hushed tones: the sheer pain of childbirth. As a friend of mine said to his wife shortly beforehand … ‘Darling, this might smart a little.’ (And yes, he was appropriately reprimanded afterwards.)

But right upfront I’d like to reassure you that not only is every delivery different, but mindfulness will ease the way for both you and your baby. I remember almost falling off my chair as we sat in the recovery room just hours after the birth and my wife asked me, in all seriousness, if we could have another one!
How can you even think about it, after that?
I thought. Sure, there was a heady mix of hormones and pain relief in the air, but still, the very fact she could contemplate such a thing so soon after, is testament to the resiliency of both body and mind.

As a man writing a book about pregnancy, I fully appreciate that I have no true reference points when attempting to comprehend what this experience feels like. But based on the pain
I
felt as my wife squeezed off my fingertips, it must have been excruciating at certain moments.

Of course it is not just men who are in the dark about this, for until a woman has given birth, she is armed only with hearsay, the experience of others. So it is no surprise that so much fear and anxiety exist around the event.

Naturally, we each have a different pain threshold – the sensation of pain is such a subjective thing – so not even the most seasoned midwife can pinpoint what the experience will be like on a scale that perhaps starts somewhere around ‘quite painful’ and ends at something like ‘unimaginable’. Neither can they say what the most painful part will be. As a relatively small woman, my wife fully anticipated the crowning of the head to be the worst moment, but reflecting back on the experience afterwards, she said that the delivery itself was no more painful than some of the mountain-bike races she’s taken part in. ‘But the contractions …’ she said, ‘wow, they were something else!’

Of course, hindsight is one thing, and we all tend to be pretty good at that. But the mind is less adept with foresight, especially after absorbing so many wince-worthy tales from mums who’ve already been there. Ask your partner to consider that for a second: imagine if someone says that if we walk down a certain road, we’re certain to meet a force that is going to hurt like hell; in fact, it might be the worst pain we’ve ever felt. How many of us men would keep walking down that road? Yet women have no choice but to keep walking, relatively blind. Consequently, and especially from the start of the third trimester, worry plays a big role in trying to figure out what lies ahead.

One of the little-known benefits of mindfulness is its ability to aid pain relief. It’s why Headspace is currently being used in clinical trials with the NHS to investigate the impact of mindfulness as an intervention for pelvic pain. Indeed, published data from studies in the US would seem to suggest that in some cases mindfulness can be even more effective than morphine!

In the same way that athletes learn mindfulness before going into competition because they know it’s going to help them focus, be less distracted and more able to cope with pain, so expectant mothers can become mentally stronger ahead of childbirth. Alongside all the physical preparation, the more you meditate and train the mind, the more confident and proficient you will be when the due date arrives. And by the way, this doesn’t only apply to labour and childbirth; it offers a remedy for those who experience back or pelvic pain during pregnancy, or any other kind of physical pain caused by injury or disability. Whatever the reason we’re experiencing sickness, aches or pains, we can fundamentally shift our perspective through the practice of mindfulness.

There is good reason why paramedics arriving at the scene of an accident encourage patients to take deep breaths, to relax as much as possible, because the more stressed out we become, the more tense the body gets, and the more acute the pain feels. By learning to focus our attention on the sensation, rather than getting caught up in the idea of pain, we disengage from the thought surrounding it – namely, the alarm, the panic, the stress – and, therefore, reduce the level of perceived pain. In bringing awareness into the equation, we effectively get to reframe how we appraise the sensation in a whole new, less reactionary context. Getting away from the emotionally charged ‘story’ and instead getting into the body is how we find relief.

As part of my monastic training, I inevitably spent a lot of time sitting on my backside, often meditating for many, many hours a day. When one meditates for such extreme lengths of time, there tends to be a bit of discomfort along the way, either through sitting in one position for most of the day, or due to the residual tension and stress being released in the body. It was rare for that discomfort not to escalate when meditating at that intensity, so we had to find ways to work with the resulting aches and pains. Interestingly, when it comes to physical sensations, instead of zooming out to see a bigger picture, (as we do with thought) we zoom in – it’s more of an investigative mind, homing in with a gentle curiosity that examines it in more detail.

But before we got to look at pain, we first had to sit with an itch.

A rule in one particular monastery – one of many rules – was that we were not allowed to scratch an itch. At first that sounded a little crazy, until we looked at the idea and motivation behind it. As we sat there, during those endless hours, it didn’t matter if we felt the slightest prickliness on the arm or a little tickle behind the ear, we weren’t allowed to scratch. Even if a mosquito landed on your head, or a spider was crawling up your arm, there was no scratching. Full stop. And when told you can’t scratch an itch, guess what the mind does? It finds the itchiest itch it can possibly find and urges you to scratch it like crazy!