The Headspace Guide To … A Mindful Pregnancy (21 page)

As we transition from pregnancy to parenthood, there is no greater gift we can offer ourselves, each other or our children. Mindful parenting asks us to plant the seeds of calm, clarity, contentment and compassion in the hearts and minds of the next generation.
This
is the potential of learning these techniques, and
this
is how we begin to create the peaceful and loving world in which we would all like our children to grow.

In this section is every exercise you will ever need to guide you through a mindful pregnancy. Each exercise is split into three parts, as follows:

1. How to
   approach
   the exercise to get the best from it.
   
2. How to
   practise
   the exercise to become more proficient.
   
3. How to
   integrate
   the exercise into your everyday life.
   

You’ll notice they all begin and end in exactly the same way – this sense of setting up and completion are an important part of meditation. You’ll also find there are different techniques used. All have their roots in mindfulness, but these visualisations and reflections are often considered more potent than mindfulness alone. Each self-contained exercise is designed to suit a particular time in pregnancy, childbirth, new parenthood or loss, and you’ll see the best results if they’re used in that way. That said, be flexible and trust what works for you personally. Like learning any new skill, you will feel the most benefit when you practise on a regular basis. Just ten minutes a day is a great place to begin. If you have time and feel inspired, then by all means do more.

Finally, while everything you need is right here, if you’re the kind of person who likes a little more support, more detail or you’d prefer to be guided through this type of exercise, then don’t forget you can download the Headspace app for free, and be sure to check out
www.headspace.com
for all of the latest science and some great additional resources.

APPROACH:
Given the motivation for this exercise, there can often be a tendency to apply a lot of effort. In this case, less is more. Visualisation techniques like the one we’re going to use require a gentle approach, as if we’re thinking back to a happy memory. So, don’t worry too much about picturing all the details; focus more on the overall feeling.

PRACTISE:

1. Find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place. Sit upright; back straight, with arms and legs uncrossed and hands on lap. Or you can lie down on a firm surface if preferable. If so, remember to set a timer for, say, 10 minutes, in case you fall asleep.
   
2. With eyes open, take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. With the third exhalation, close the eyes and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
   
3. Take a minute, noticing how the body feels (any obvious aches or pains), without trying to change the breaths, whether they are long or short, deep or shallow.
   
4. Next, imagine a steady stream of sunlight pouring down on your head, almost like a shower. It appears like sunlight, but flows like liquid. Imagine that this sunlight has the ability to dissolve any kind of obstacle.
   
5. As you imagine this flow of sunlight coming into the body via the head, imagine it is dissolving any aches and pains, any negativity or disturbing emotions, almost as though everything dissolves into sunlight.
   
6. Take 5 minutes to watch as this sunlight fills the body, starting from the toes and slowly moving upwards through the torso until it reaches the top of the head.
   
7. Even though the entire body is now full, maybe even overflowing, imagine the sunlight still flows from above, and enjoy the feeling of being bathed in warmth. Acknowledge and remember this feeling.
   
8. Letting go of any focus at all now, allow your mind to do whatever it wants in the next 10–20 seconds. If it wants to think, let it think; if it wants to stay with the feeling allow it to stay. Whatever it wants, allow it to be free.
   
9. Now, slowly bring the attention back to you feeling the sensation of the body against the chair, the feet on the floor and the hands in the lap, as well as any sounds. Give yourself 30 seconds or so before gently opening the eyes.
   
10. Take a moment to acknowledge how different you feel. Remind yourself of this feeling and, in your own time, slowly stand up and imagine carrying that feeling with you into the day.
    

INTEGRATE:
Just because we’ve opened our eyes, doesn’t mean the exercise is over. Maintain this idea of nothing but sunlight in your body as you go about your day. At any time, should you get stressed, grab two minutes and remind yourself of this exercise, almost reliving it, remembering the feeling as an experience. By doing this, we are able to cultivate a very calm environment in the body.

APPROACH:
At this time, the mind is likely to be extremely restless and agitated. The last thing you want to do is try and ‘stop’ thoughts during this exercise. Instead, take a step back and allow them to come and go, each time returning to your object of focus. The mind instinctively knows what to do if we approach it in the right way. This exercise will actually prove invaluable, not only now, but at any time during pregnancy or parenthood.

PRACTISE:

1. Find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place. Sit upright; back straight, with arms and legs uncrossed and hands on lap. Or lie down on a firm surface if preferable. If so, remember to set a timer for, say, 10 minutes in case you fall asleep.
   
2. With eyes open, take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. With the third exhalation, close the eyes and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
   
3. Take a minute, noticing how the body feels (any obvious aches or pains), without trying to change the breaths, whether they are long or short, deep or shallow.
   
4. Move your attention to the top of the head. Take 30 seconds to slowly scan down through the body, noticing every different physical sensation in more detail, both those that are pleasurable and those that are not.
   
5. Bring your attention to the breath and take a minute or two to notice how the breath
   feels
   . For example, note if you feel the movement in your chest or in your belly, and if the natural breaths are long or slow, deep or shallow.
   
6. As you follow the breath, and to help maintain focus, begin to silently count the breaths as they pass: 1 with the rise, 2 with the fall, then 3, then 4, all the way to a count of 10. Stop and start again. Try this several times through.
   
7. The mind will naturally want to run off in different directions right now, but as soon as you realise you’re getting lost in thought, simply return to the breath in a gentle way and pick up the counting from where you left off.
   
8. Letting go of any focus at all, allow your mind to do whatever it wants to do in the next 10–20 seconds. If it wants to think, let it think; if it wants to stay with the feeling, allow it to stay. Whatever it wants, allow it to be free.
   
9. Now, slowly bring the attention back to you feeling the sensation of the body against the chair, the feet on the floor and the hands in the lap, as well as any sounds. Give yourself 30 seconds or so before gently opening the eyes.
   
10. Take a moment to acknowledge how different you feel. Remind yourself of this feeling and, in your own time, slowly stand up and imagine carrying that with you into the day.
    

INTEGRATE:
Given the news you’ve just received, regardless of whether that comes as a surprise or a shock, the mind is likely to be highly agitated throughout the day. Use the breath as an anchor, a place of safety to return to every time you realise the mind is spinning off. There is no need to count as we did in the exercise; instead, gently focus attention on the breath for 30 seconds or so, before continuing with whatever you’re doing.

APPROACH:
This exercise is our go-to technique throughout the trimesters, to be used any time. It is about helping to create a calm and conducive environment, while fostering greater connection with yourself, your partner and your baby. As with all visualisations, don’t focus too much on the details; instead focus more on the feeling it generates. Also, be aware that sometimes the feeling just isn’t there; it doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong – it’s simply like that some days, so try to sit free from any expectation.

PRACTISE:

1. Find a quiet, not-to-be-disturbed place. Sit upright; back straight, with arms and legs uncrossed and hands on lap. Or lie down on a firm surface if preferable. If so, remember to set a timer for, say, 10 minutes in case you fall asleep.
   
2. With eyes open, take three deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth. With the third exhalation, close the eyes and allow your breath to return to its natural rhythm.
   
3. Take a minute, noticing how the body feels (any obvious aches or pains), without trying to change the breaths, whether they are long or short, deep or shallow.
   
4. Next, take 2 minutes to imagine yourself sitting happily and comfortably in your favourite place. Then watch – as you picture yourself looking increasingly relaxed – the tension melt away and any difficulties dissolve into space, leaving nothing but calm.
   
5. Repeat this exercise, but now with your partner in mind, in just the same way. Take 2 minutes to imagine them looking happy and well, perfectly at ease, free from stress. As you send them love, picture them until they can’t look any happier.
   
6. Now, take 2 minutes to imagine the baby in the womb. Imagine he/she looking as happy as he/she can – the serene picture of peace. Imagine sending your baby feelings of love and kindness, as if mentally transmitting feeling.
   
7. Finally, return to that image of yourself, sitting comfortably, perfectly at ease, safe in the knowledge that the family unit is happy and well. See yourself smile, see yourself relax, see yourself laugh, as you feel that sense of connection.
   
8. Letting go of any focus at all, allow your mind to do whatever it wants to do in the next 10–20 seconds. If it wants to think, let it think, if it wants to stay with the feeling, allow it to stay. Whatever it wants, allow it to be free.
   
9. Now, slowly bring the attention back to you feeling the sensation of the body against the chair, the feet on the floor and the hands in the lap, as well as any sounds. Give yourself 30 seconds or so before gently opening the eyes.
   
10. Take a moment to acknowledge how different you feel. Remind yourself of this feeling and, in your own time, slowly stand up and imagine carrying that with you into the day.
    

INTEGRATE:
As with all these exercises, it seems a shame to leave them on the meditation seat, so to speak. There’s no need to run through the whole exercise, but when you find yourself with any free time, or perhaps having a particularly tough part of the day, then simply imagine yourself looking calm and content. Yes, it’s only an idea, but it has a real effect on the body. Likewise, if you’re looking to support your partner, direct it towards them. And something you can both do, all day long, is imagine directing feelings of kindness and love to your baby or child.

APPROACH:
Grieving is an incredibly personal thing and different for us all. With this in mind, there is no generic technique which will work in such tragic circumstances, neither is there any suggestion that this exercise will make the pain go away. But view it as a kind and silent friend who will offer support through your loss. Sometimes, this exercise is about feeling more at ease; at other times, it is being OK with those moments when we fear we might never be at ease again.

In the same manner, you may also like to consider this exercise for fertility, not to suggest you are necessarily ready to move on and try again, but its dynamics can be extremely effective in coping with grief.

Although painful, when we experience crying, sadness and difficult emotions during our meditation, it is simply those things coming to the surface. Meditation didn’t make them happen, we simply become more aware of them while creating a framework to let them go. Never discourage such feelings, and be confident in sitting with whatever arises. Most of all, be kind and gentle with yourself as you take this practice into your life.

This exercise utilises a slightly different type of technique. When you ask the questions provided, it’s important to ask them exactly how they are presented, in the second person, saying, ‘How do
you
feel …’, rather than asking yourself, ‘How do
I
feel …’ It’s almost as though you are asking someone else. You are not trying to answer these questions with the thinking mind, you are simply noticing what feeling arises when you drop the question
into
the mind. It’s a technique which requires a little practice – it asks us to pause, step back and listen. And yes, sometimes there is seemingly no emotion at all, and that’s fine too. Sit free from expectation and if there is nothing obvious, just take a moment to come back to the breath, before moving on to the next question.

The questions are based on the four foundations, with which by now you will already be familiar. Pause and come back to the breath for a minute or so between each question.

PRACTISE: