The Heart of a Girl (2) (18 page)

Chapter 26

             
“How was your shower?” Nolan asked, coming into the bedroom and sitting down beside me on the bed. I looked up at him and smiled.

             
“Nice, thanks.”

             
“No problem. Why are you looking through my old yearbooks?”

             
It was later that night and I was back at Nolan’s apartment. He’d never driven away after he’d dropped me off earlier, as though he already knew exactly what I’d end up doing. I’d considered asking him to drop me off at Bella Vista but eventually changed my mind and just let him drive me back here. I felt safe here, somehow. It was where the truth had finally shown itself.

             
I flipped to a page, and pointed at a picture.
Natalie Cohen
, it said underneath. “I know her,” I told him. “I’ve talked to her.”

             
He took the book from me and studied it, frowning. “How? She left before you were even in high school.”

             
“The grocery store back in August and then again a few weeks later when Hannah and I were getting lunch. She had the nerve to talk to me and comment on Harper when she was -”

             
“Okay, you’re getting upset about it again,” Nolan said, taking the book and closing it before throwing it across the room. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. “It’s going to be okay Lainey, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You’re going to be okay.”             

             
“How am I going to be okay?” I demanded, brushing the tears that were escaping once again. “My boyfriend – no, my
fiancé
– cheated on me for two months with his ex-girlfriend and I had no idea about it. And not only was it his ex-girlfriend, but the girl that
would
have had his baby if she hadn’t gotten an abortion.”

             
“I know, Lainey. It’s bad. Adam is an ass. But you can’t get yourself so worked up about it. Harper needs you and you can’t be there for her if you’re going to be a total wreck all the time.”

             
“I’m going to be a wreck forever,” I predicted. “How am I ever going to get over this?”

             
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But you will. You’re stronger than you might think.”

             
I snorted and the sound came across so loudly that Nolan began to laugh. I glared at him for a minute before I felt the anger crumple and I began to laugh, too.

             
We lay back on the bed together and I placed my head on his chest. “I told him you kissed me,” I said after a few moments. “So don’t be surprised if he tries to kill you or something.”

             
“Eh, I can take him,” Nolan said with a grin. He kissed the top of my head. “I should have punched him when I found out he cheated on you the first time. Maybe it would have prevented all the other times.”

             
“Maybe,” I agreed, pulling away from him and sitting up. Harper was on the floor next to the bed, sitting on her blanket and playing with her octopus by lifting him in the air and dropping him to the ground. She laughed joyously every time he hit the ground and the sound of her laugh filled me with more love than I ever thought I could feel.

             
“I wish I were that easily amused,” Nolan commented, sitting up next to me and grinning over at Harper.

             
“Me too,” I agreed.

             
“I’m going down the street to pick up some dinner, okay? Want anything in particular?”                           

             
I shook my head. I was far from hungry. “Whatever you get is fine.”

             
“Okay, I’ll be back in a little bit.” He kissed my temple and walked out of the bedroom. A few minutes later I heard the apartment door close. I sighed and slid onto the floor next to my daughter, running my hair over the little bit of dark hair that covered her head.

             
“What are we going to do, Harper Grace?” I asked her. “Do you have any suggestions?” She picked her octopus up again and handed it to me instead of throwing it down on the floor again. I studied the toy and smiled.

             
“Thanks, but I’m not sure Otto over here is going to get us very far. We could try to get a submarine, but something tells me the $500 I have isn’t going to put a dent in how much that would cost.” I sighed.

             
Leaving Adam seemed easy at the time. He’d betrayed me so there was no other choice. I hadn’t taken into consideration the fact that I was almost entirely dependent on him. While I stayed home and got my school work done and cared for Harper, he worked and brought in the money that paid for our food and everything Harper needed. He didn’t want me to put the rest of my savings into our joint bank account, so that was all I had left.

             
If I were a spiteful person I could take my debit card to the nearest ATM and drain the account or close to it, but I wasn’t. I didn’t want anything more from Adam, anyway.

             
I knew Nolan wouldn’t mind me staying there but I wasn’t sure how realistic that was. We weren’t together and we probably wouldn’t be. There was no way that would work out with everything else going on. I could go back to Bella Vista but that had been the original plan and there was probably a reason I’d ended up here instead. I didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to end up living with my dad again, even if Nora were gone and never coming back. I loved Mason and Hannah and even my dad, but I wasn’t over the events of last year. As much as I wanted to be completely moved on from all that, I wasn’t.

             
I knew I could go to Julia and Ned and explain the situation and they’d probably ask Adam to move back into his old bedroom and let me have the guest house. They wouldn’t punish me for his mistakes and I knew they loved me like their own daughter and loved Harper even more. But I didn’t want to do that. Even if the guest house was home, I didn’t want to be that close to him again.

             
Nolan returned half an hour later with a bag of takeout and a Pack N Play. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud when I saw him.

             
“What did you get that for?”

             
“Well, I was going to buy a crib,” he admitted with a grin. “But I explained that this was probably temporary and the girl told me to just get this since it serves a double purpose. I figured Harper would need a place to sleep at night.”

             
“She could have just slept on the couch with me,” I reasoned.

             
“No way and you’re not sleeping on the couch. I did it for the week I was with you, I’ll do it again.”

             
“Nolan –”

             
“Nope,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to hear it. You get the bed and I’ll set the Pack N Play up in there after dinner. End of story.”

             
I fed Harper before sitting down to eat with Nolan. He’d gotten chicken fingers and fries, a pleasant surprise as I hadn’t eaten that in so long. We didn’t talk much as we ate sitting on the couch in front of the TV, but it was a comfortable silence. I was suddenly filled with gratitude that he’d come when he had, that he’d forced me to see what should have been right in front of my eyes.

             
Nolan put the Pack N Play together as soon as we were done eating and I took Harper into the bathroom to give her a bath. She fussed about it at first but as soon as she saw me take out her blue rubber duck and place it in the bath with her, she calmed down. I think it was safe to assume blue was her favorite color.

             
When she was all nice and clean I took her out and dried her off with her special towel that looked like an alligator, hood and all, and carried her back into the bedroom. I laid her down on the bed, covered her in baby powder and dressed her in a pair of pajamas. Her eyes began getting droopy as I combed her hair, so I put her right into her Pack N Play with Otto the octopus and said my goodnight to her. She was already sleeping by the time I reached the door.

             
“Thanks for everything,” I said as I went to the couch, where Nolan was sitting and watching TV. “Here’s the money for the Pack N Play,” I said, handing him a few twenties. He looked at me and shook his head.

             
“I don’t want your money, Lainey.”

             
“But you bought it for her and you shouldn’t have. I should have thought to bring her something to sleep in, or –”

             
“Or you’re human and you’ve had a bad day and you’re entitled to not be perfect. Just leave it here so she has it whenever she’s over.”

             
“You plan on us being over a lot?” I asked, smiling. He grinned but avoided my eyes.

             
“Well, you moved out of Adam’s place and I know you don’t want to live with your dad again, so let’s just say I assumed so.” He turned to me and his eyes softened. “Seriously though, you can stay here for as long as you want.”

             
“Are you sure? I don’t want Harper and me cramping your style or anything,” I teased.

             
He rolled his eyes. “Like I had any to begin with. I was such a tool in high school.”

             
“Since you bought my daughter a place to sleep and brought me food, I won’t comment on that.”

             
“Thanks,” he said, and I moved closer to him, resting my head on his shoulders. We sat like that for a while, until the movie got boring and I became all too aware of how close he was. I lifted my head slightly and he turned to me. I lifted my face closer to his and our lips met.

             
For the second time that day, I was kissing Nolan Reeves. Except this time I wasn’t sure exactly who started it and I didn’t care. I allowed him to deepen the kiss and felt myself sit up straight before climbing into his lap.

             
His arms wrapped around my waist and slid up my shirt, his fingers running circles on my bare skin. I broke the kiss off long enough to move to his neck, smooth and smelling faintly of aftershave. He moaned softly and pulled me closer and I became aware of how much I wanted this to go further.

             
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, kissing my eyelids. “So perfect.” I wanted to tell him I wasn’t at all, tell him how wrong he was but I wouldn’t allow the mood to be ruined. I moved my lips back to his, running my fingers through his soft blonde hair. He moved me even closer.

             
“Let’s go in the bedroom,” he suggested, but I shook my head. Harper was in there, fast asleep and it seemed wrong. It was here or nowhere and with the way I was feeling, it had to happen somewhere.

             
“Okay,” he said, unaffected. He began kissing my neck and I closed my eyes, enjoying every moment. I felt truly desirable for the first time in forever, and that alone was amazing.

             
I wondered if this was how Adam felt, being with Natalie for the first time in forever. I wondered if he thought about me at all and how much it would affect me. I wondered if he thought about Harper and how cheating on her mother could destroy her family, the one she deserved so much. I wondered why I was thinking about Adam during the one time I was really supposed to be thinking about Nolan.

             
I kissed him again but whatever was there before had disappeared. I pulled away and slid off his lap, burying my face in my hands.

             
“What’s wrong?” He asked. “Did I do something?”

             
I shook my head. “No,” I whispered into my hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong at all. I just… I can’t do this.”

             
“Why?” He asked and I could hear the disappointment in his voice. I felt even worse. Nolan didn’t deserve this. He’d been so amazing to me, today and every day since he’d been here. He’d kissed me because he wanted to and I could tell how much he meant it when he told me I was perfect. He deserved so much more than what I was able to give him.

             
“Because I don’t know if I’m doing it because I have real feelings for you or because I want to get revenge on Adam.”

             
Silence followed and I was scared to look up. Scared to see the look on his face, whether it was devastation or anger. I didn’t want to use Nolan. After everything he’d done for me, that wouldn’t be fair.

             
“I understand,” he said finally and pulled me against him again. He kissed the top my head. “It’s okay, Lainey. I’m not mad. You should get to bed, though. Things might seem a little clearer in the morning.”

             
I nodded and stood up but didn’t make a move towards the bedroom. “Don’t sleep on the couch tonight,” I whispered.