The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (24 page)

Jill doesn’t know it, but I’ve been sending Gabe money to put into an account for Nicola. Gabe said Jill is fine financially, but I feel like I need to do something. Jill can use it as a college fund for Nicola or for whatever else she needs it for.

I look at the monitor and watch my daughter shove a fistful of cake into her momma’s mouth. Jill’s whole face lights up as she smiles down at our daughter. To the naked eye, she looks beautiful, but I can see the fatigue around her mouth and eyes. I can see she’s too skinny, and I notice her eyes don’t sparkle like they used to.

Everyone says goodbye to my mom, and then Jill gets in front of the screen with the baby in her arms, not caring that she’s getting frosting all over herself.

“Nic, wave bye-bye to
tua nonna.
” I watch her take the baby’s hand and wave it at the screen. “I’ll call you Friday,” she tells my mom.

“Bye, my precious angel. I love you both,” she says, her voice cracking. I know it’s hard on her, not being near her only grandchild. Maybe someday they’ll finally meet.

When she shuts the lid of the laptop, I lower my head and stare down at my hands. What I wouldn’t give to do everything over again. I would’ve never made a move on Jill…okay, that’s a lie, but I wouldn’t have let my self-sabotaging behavior and my addiction win. I would’ve asked for help long before I did.

“My precious boy.” My mom kisses the top of my head and looks down at me. “Things will work out the way they’re supposed to. They belong with you, and when it’s the right time, it’ll happen.”

“I don’t think so. I think I can’t fix this.”

“Son, you’ve been focused on fixing yourself first, but now it’s time to fight for your family.”

I know she’s right, but I’m scared to death. Jill’s been ignoring me since the day I would like to forget ever happened.

Chapter Three

Jill

It’s been a week since Nicola’s birthday party, and my girl has finally started walking. I was lucky enough to catch it on video so I could send it to everyone. Now she’s getting into everything, so this past weekend I worked on moving everything up and out of her reach.

“Excuse me,” a man behind me says, startling me out of my thoughts. I turn around to get a look at who’s talking to me. The guy is extremely tall with shaggy blond hair and pretty green eyes. He fills out the suit he’s wearing nicely.

“Yes.”

“You have a couple of Cheerios stuck to the back of your skirt. I was going to try and knock them off, but I figured you’d probably punch the random stranger touching your butt.” He smiles, and I catch sight of his matching dimples. I feel my cheeks heat up in mortification and try to knock the Cheerios off as quickly as I can.

“Uh, thank you. My daughter just started walking, so she loves carrying her cereal around in a baggie. You’d be surprised by the odd places I’ve found them.”

Ugh, overshare. I smile up at him one more time before turning back to the counter and waiting for the barista to call my name for my coffee.

When I grab my cup off of the counter, I walk past the man, and he tells me bye. I give him a dorky wave and make my way outside. Maybe it’s time I start thinking about dating. On that thought, I climb into my car, smiling.

***

I open my laptop and dial Martine for our weekly FaceTime session. Nicola is in her little activity center on the floor next to me. FaceTime rings a few times, and then her face appears on the screen. She smiles at me, her blue-gray eyes lighting up. The woman is fifty-nine years old and looks like she could be Nico’s younger sister. Her sable locks are shoulder length with crazy curls going every which way.

“Ciao, Martine. How are you?”

“I’m wonderful
mio bell’amore
. You need to eat more. You are too skinny. I worry for you. You need to take better care of yourself.”

She says this to me every single time we talk. She means well—she really does, but I don’t think she wants to hear that I blame her son for my lack of appetite as well as my broken heart.

“Martine, I’m fine. Nicola just has been really cranky lately, and I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep. We’ll be fine once her teeth come in. She gets like this when she cuts teeth.”

I look down at my smiling girl. She says, “Ma,” over and over until I pick her up in my lap.

“Say hi to
nonna.”

Nicola squeals and reaches for my laptop. She says nonsensical words while smiling, drooling, and bouncing up and down on my lap.

I look back up at the laptop screen and smile at Martine, who is soaking up my baby girl’s smiles. “Every week she gets bigger and bigger.
Tua nonna
loves you, my little
bambina
.” She looks back at me. “Do you need anything?”

Here we go again.

“No, we’re fine.” I take a deep breath. “I think I’m ready to start dating again. I hope it’s okay that I’m telling you this.” I pick at my nails. “I’m…I’m just lonely. Ugh, forget I said that.” My cheeks heat up, and I kiss the top of Nicola’s head, avoiding eye contact with Martine.

“Jill, I love you. Do not ever think that you can’t talk to me about that stuff. I just want you to be happy.”

We say goodbye a short time later. I put Nicola back in her little play area and sit down to read for a bit before her bath time. She chatters away as I get lost in my fictional world.

After I give her a bath and slip her pajamas on, I comb her hair, laughing when I notice I’ve just given her a faux hawk. I grab my phone, and I take a quick selfie of my baby girl and me and post it on Facebook. We play for a while on my bed until she snuggles against my chest and passes out. I take in her baby scent and kiss the top of her head.

I don’t really want to move her. I’d rather snuggle with her all night, but last time I did that, she wouldn’t sleep in her crib for a week.

Chapter Four

Jill

My phone rings while I put the chicken in the oven. It’s Martine.

“Ciao, Martine.”

“Ciao,
bella
. How are you, sweetheart?”

She goes on for a while, telling me about her flower shop and some beautiful calla lilies she ordered. She has one of the biggest floral shops in Perugia. The way she speaks is so beautiful and lyrical. I can listen to her voice forever. Nico’s voice is deep but just as lyrical. I used to love lying in bed with him, surrounded by darkness, as we talked all night.

I pay attention to Martine and stop thinking about Nico and the past. All it does is depress me. I still love the asshole, but obviously he doesn’t feel the same. Otherwise he would’ve fought for us. Instead, he got clean and let us go.

Martine clears her throat. “Jill, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” I don’t like the tone in her voice. “I went for my yearly exam, and they found a growth on one of my ovaries. They took a sample of it, and it is cancer. I have to start chemotherapy. I know how you feel about Nico and sweetheart—I don’t blame you—but would you come to Perugia and bring Nicola? I just want to hold you and that beautiful baby. Please, please think about it. Promise me you’ll really think about it.”

I don’t even know what to say, but I can’t help the tears that start to fill my eyes. “W-what stage is it? Is it curable?”

“It’s stage one, and with chemotherapy and radiation, it’s very treatable. It hasn’t spread so far, but they’ll know more when they operate and take the whole ovary.”

I start to cry. “I’m so sorry this is happening, Martine.” I take a deep breath. “I don’t need to think about it. Nicola and I will come.”

I have no clue if I’m making a mistake, but I have to put my feelings aside and think about Martine. This could be her only chance to hold her granddaughter.

“Oh,
mio bell’amore! Grazie, grazie.
I’ll pay for your tickets and email you the forms to get an expedited passport for Nicola. I’ll email you the flight information and the hotel reservation I’ll make for you.” She clears her throat, which is clearly clogged with emotion. “I’m going to hang up, but I love you and can’t wait to hold you both in my arms.”

I tell her I love her too and that I’ll be checking my email and getting the ball rolling on Nicola’s passport.

***

“Are you sure about this? You can just tell Martine that you’re not ready to see him.” I know Gabe means well, but I made her a promise. She needs us.

“Gabe, I love you, but I have to go. She needs to meet her granddaughter. I may not even see him. She got us a hotel room, so we’ll spend most of our time away from the house anyway. If at all I wind up in the same room as him, I’ll ignore him. I’m sure he won’t even care that we’re there. I mean, seriously, he hasn’t called, wrote, or tried to see either one of us, which means he probably will avoid us like the plague.” The words hurt to say, but I’m resigned to the fact that we’ll probably be ignored by him the whole time we’re there.

Gabe gets a weird look on his face that I don’t have time to decipher. I smile as Gabe hugs my little girl to his chest and kisses the top of her head. He wraps his free arm around me and hugs me tight.

“If you need me, you call me. I’ll hop on the first flight and come get you. I love you, kid.”

I take Nicola from Gabe’s arms and kiss his cheek. We wave goodbye and make our way through the checkpoints until we find our gate. I offer up a little prayer that this won’t be a mistake, and that everything will go well.

We’ve been in the air for about five hours now, and Nicola has been wonderful. A week before our trip, she had her twelve-month well-baby checkup, and the doctor said it was okay to give Nicola a little Benadryl during the flight. She hasn’t slept the entire time, but she’s relaxed. I felt guilty about giving her the Benadryl, but I don’t want either one of us to be miserable.

I recline our seat and silently thank Martine for setting us up with first-class tickets. She said she wanted her girls comfortable. Feeding Nicola on my lap was tricky because she usually gets food everywhere, but it was like God wanted this trip to go beautifully so I wouldn’t be under any unnecessary stress.

I look down at my girl, who is knocked out, and cover us with a blanket. My eyes begin to feel heavy, so I let sleep claim me.

***

Six Years Ago

I set my duffle bag down by the rest of the bags as I wait for Gabe to come get me and bring me home. We’ve decided to drive since it would give us a chance to spend some quality time together.

The past three and half years, I’ve worked my ass off to graduate early. Social work has always been something I’ve wanted to do. I have a couple of interviews set up for next week.

I do one more quick walkthrough of my apartment and take a look around. It’s weird to be in here with the place empty. The movers left about two hours ago.

My parents were supposed to move me home, but Dad won a two-week trip to Australia. I completely understand why they took the trip. It’s a great opportunity for them. My dad is such a workaholic that my parents don’t get to take as many vacations as they’d like. Plus, Gabe volunteered to help me move back home.

I look down at my watch. He should be here any second. I might as well start loading up my car, so I grab my two bags and my car keys and make my way toward the door. When I pull the door open, I freeze.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

Nico is standing in my doorway, looking sexily disheveled. He’s wearing a baseball hat, t-shirt, basketball shorts, and tennis shoes. He gives me that devastating smile, and for a second, I forget that he’s a jerk.

“Gabe had an emergency meeting with his team, so he sent me. Is it a problem?”

I can be a grownup about this. It’s not like we were together back then, but still—I’ll never forget when Gabe and I came back to their suite and we saw him and that woman fucking in his room. He’d looked right at me as he pounded into that girl.

When we met, it was like everything in the world had clicked into place. Up until then, I liked boys, but Nico was the first man that I was attracted to. All night long that night, he gave me signals that he was into me too, but then he left to go have sex with someone else.

“Nope, no problem at all.”

I’m surprised by the look of relief on his face. I figured he wouldn’t care either way.

He helps me grab my stuff, and we lug it down to my car. Nico tells me to set the bags down and he’ll load up the trunk. I tell him I’m dropping the keys off to my landlord. I make my way to the office and try the door, but it’s locked, so I grab an envelope from the holder outside the door and stuff my keys inside. I write my name on the envelope and shove it through the slot.

When I come back to my car, I find Nico sitting in the driver’s seat. I climb in the passenger seat and shut the door. “Thanks for doing this.”

“It’s no trouble at all, my beautiful girl. Gabe felt bad that he couldn’t come, but he’ll call you later.”

“Okay, it’s not a problem. Thanks for riding with me. They treat me like I’m still five years old. God forbid I make an almost three-hour trip by myself.” I love my family, but sometimes I wish they wouldn’t treat me like I’m fragile.

“I hate to tell you, baby, but that’s not ever going to change. They will always watch over you.”

I don’t want to admit that it does something to my insides when he calls me baby. It takes all of my strength to not touch him in some way or another. I want to reach out and touch his brown curls that are sticking out from under his hat, but I don’t. Instead, I tilt my seat back, shut my eyes, and let the soft sounds of the music lull me to sleep.

“
La mia bella ragazza
,” Nico whispers into my ear. My heavy lids open as Nico helps me out of the car. “Wrap your arms around my neck.”

I do what I’m told. The last few days, I’ve had minimal sleep, and it’s finally caught up with me. I hand over the keys to my parents’ place, which is where I’m staying until I find a job.

Once inside, I trudge up the stairs to my old room. I smile when I step inside. My mom’s already turned down the covers on the bed, and I can tell the sheets are new. There’s also an envelope with my name on it on the nightstand. I’m so tired right now that I’ll read it when I get up. Not even thinking, I begin to strip out of my clothes until I’m in nothing but my simple cotton bra and panty set.

“Here are your—” I whirl around to find Nico standing inside my room with my bags. His eyes are downcast. He’s obviously staring at my breasts.

Maybe I’ll blame it on the fatigue, but my legs start moving. Before I can think better of it, I’m standing right in front of him.

“Baby, what are you doing?” His voice sounds hoarse.

I’ve dated and have had sex before, but I’ve never seduced anyone. I reach out and slowly slide my hands down his chest until I reach his cock. It’s hard against my palm. My heart beats wildly in my chest as I give him a little squeeze. For a moment, I don’t think he’s going to do anything, but then his hand is fisted in my hair and his lips are on mine.

I moan seconds before his tongue enters my mouth. I knew he was going to be a good kisser, but this blows all of the fantasies I’ve had right out of the water. The hand that isn’t in my hair slides down my back until it slides inside my underwear. He squeezes my ass and slides his hand down further. I whimper into his mouth as his fingers graze my pussy.

He pulls back. “I should walk right out of here. I should shut the door and walk away, but fuck, I can’t.”

I’m filled with relief when he picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist as he moves us toward my bed. Neither of us says anything as we stare into each other’s eyes.

My back finally hits the mattress, and Nico stares down at me with hungry eyes. He kisses my mouth before he begins his descent down my body. I writhe against him as he kisses down my throat to the top of my breasts. He roughly pulls the cups down, which pushes my breasts up. He tongues and sucks at my nipple while twisting and pulling at the other. I lift my hips to grind against his hard dick as he continues to torture my breasts.

From there, he moves down my stomach, nipping at the flesh below my belly button. He grabs my panties and pulls until I feel the material rip and then disappear. My pussy is aching. I’m ready to come already. I grip his hair as he works his way down until I feel his hot breath right where I want him to be.

He mumbles something in Italian right before his tongue swipes between my drenched folds. Over and over he drags his tongue over my heated flesh as I writhe against his mouth. My hands tighten in his hair as he starts fucking me with his tongue.

“Oh God, Nico!” I’m so close to coming, I can taste it.

“
La mia bella ragazza
. My beautiful girl, are you going to come for me? Let me hear you.”

With that, he shoves a finger inside of me and rubs my G-spot. While he does that, he sucks my clit into his mouth. I’m delirious with pleasure and embarrassingly wet, but I don’t care. The pressure grows in the pit of my belly. When I explode, I do it long and loud.

“Oh fuck, baby,” I barely hear him say before he slides a condom on his long, thick cock. In one thrust, he’s inside of me. My back arches off the bed, and I cry out as my pussy grips him. He holds still and gives me a second to adjust to his size before he slowly starts to move in and out of me.

“You feel so good, baby. I just want to stay buried in this sweet pussy forever.”

He starts to increase the intensity of his thrusts as he grabs me behind my thigh and pulls my leg up and over his waist. It makes his dick sink further into me, and I moan deep and loud against his neck.

“You like that?” he asks.

“Yesssss!”

He pulls out and flips me over onto my stomach. Nico pulls my hips up and drives his cock right back in, hitting me so much deeper. His grip on my hips is almost painful as he begins pounding into me.

He moves one of his hands and strikes my ass. I freeze at first, but when the sting fades, warmth envelops my body. This time I’m ready when he slaps my ass again and again.

He reaches around and starts strumming my clit as another orgasm starts to build. This one feels like it’s going to be so much more powerful. Before I can brace myself, I come so hard that my vision fades and a buzzing sound fills my ears. I’m vaguely aware of Nico’s shout as he comes inside me.

His lips touch my back as my heart rate returns to normal. I whimper when he pulls out of me and collapse on my stomach. He rubs his hand gently up and down my body and softly kisses my neck.

“That was amazing, baby,” he whispers against my neck. I think I mumble yes and hear his chuckle before I slip into an exhausted sleep.