The Heartbreaker Series: Books 1-3 (26 page)

We step into what appears to be the dining room and find two younger women who look just like Martine. Why after a year of FaceTiming with Martine I’ve never seen or talked to them, I don’t know, but I’m looking forward to getting to know them now.

Nico walks to his mom and kisses both of her cheeks. Then he does the same to each sister. They’re all speaking Italian, so I have no clue what they’re saying. Nico stands next to me and makes the introductions.

“Mila, Gaia, this is Jill. Jill, these are my sisters.”

I step forward, extending my hand to shake each of theirs. Mila jumps up and hugs me. She tells me it’s nice meeting me and then kisses both cheeks. Gaia looks at me like I’m a cockroach but reluctantly shakes my hand. She mumbles something under her breath in Italian, and it’s obvious that it’s something mean about me.

Nico gives his sister a look and then starts speaking Italian to her. It sounds like he’s scolding her. I ignore them and go to Martine, who has my baby girl in her arms. Nicola immediately lunges for me. I catch her and hug her.

“Hi, my precious girl. Did you miss Momma?”

“Ma, ma, ma!” she shouts happily. She goes on to tell me some long-winded story in her little baby talk that I can’t make out. I just smile and nod at her.

“Did you sleep well,
dolce cuore?
”
Martine asks as she cups my cheek in her palm. “We need to feed you, put some more meat on your bones.”

I shake my head and stand awkwardly to the side as I watch Martine and her kids interact with each other. It’s clear they all love and care about each other very much. I feel like I’m intruding on their time, especially since I know that Martine is sick.

I start to miss my family. I grab my cell phone, step out into the hall, and call Gabe.

“Hey, baby girl. How’s it going?” Gabe says.

“Hi, Gabe. It’s going good. It’s beautiful here. How’s my nephew?” I knew it wasn’t going to take Gabe long to notice that something is off with me.

“He’s great, but what’s going on? You sound weird.”

I look behind me to make sure that no one is standing there. I walk down the hall as I whisper, “His sister, Gaia, hates me. I’m not family. I don’t belong here.” My eyes start to fill with tears.

“Baby girl, please don’t cry. Martine loves you. She wanted you and Nicola there. Nico and Gaia are really close. She’s just being protective of him.”

Again, I look to make sure no one is listening. “Gabe, why do I still love him? Every time I’m around him, it feels like my heart knows it and it aches for him. God, I’m pathetic. You think I’m pathetic, don’t you?” I kiss the top of Nicola’s head.

“You’re going to start pissing me off. You are far from pathetic. No one faults you for loving him. When Nico’s sober, he’s a lovable guy. Yes, he hurt you badly, but sometimes we just have to forgive someone. There is so much you two need to talk about. I hope, while you’re there, that you will. Trust me when I say that when you hear everything, you might find yourself ready to forgive him. I love you, kid. No matter what, you’ve got a lot of people here that will always have your back. Now go and be brave.”

We hang up and I wipe the tears from my face, take a deep breath, and head back into the dining room. I know they can tell I’ve been crying, but I really don’t care. At least now Gaia is looking like she feels maybe a little bad for how she behaved, but I won’t hold my breath for her to be nice to me.

Martine wraps her arm around my waist. “Are you okay? Gaia can be very protective of her siblings.” She lowers her voice and adds, “She will come around.”

We all make our way outside. The restaurant is down the street, so we walk.

Before I can stop her, Mila takes Nicola right from me. I watch her retreating back and smile. They love my little girl already, and she seems to love them already too.

We reach the little restaurant, and Nico opens the door for us. His sisters walk in first then Martine and I follow behind them. Nico steps in behind me.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to go home? I can leave.”

I stop and look at him. “No, don’t leave. Sorry, I don’t know what has me being all emotional tonight. It’s probably from lack of sleep. Did you enjoy spending time with Nicola?”

“Sì.
She is such a beautiful child. I haven’t done a whole lot of good in my life, but when I look at her, I know I did at least two things worth something. I fell in love with you and planted her in your belly.”

I don’t know what to say. My mouth opens and closes, but nothing comes out. There is so much that we need to talk about, but his sister, Gaia, comes out to get us. She, of course, gives me a dirty look, hooks her arm through her brother’s, and leads him back to where we’re sitting.

Maybe I should just go. I’m not strong enough for this.

I sigh. For now, I’ll go inside and eat with them. Tomorrow I’ll call my parents and see if they can help get Nicola and me an earlier return flight.

***

I wake up to the sound of my little princess talking to her baby doll. She seems to have had no trouble getting on a good sleep schedule. We’ve been here for a week. The morning after dinner, it was my dad who actually convinced me to stay. I was surprised, seeing as how he isn’t Nico’s biggest fan, but he was right. Nicola needs to get to know her dad, regardless of my feelings toward him. Those feelings have been giving me a constant headache. I love him, but I know we’re just not meant to be and that hurts most of all.

In the time we’ve been here, I’ve gotten to know a lot about Martine and Mila. Mila is very sweet and artistic. She took me to her studio the other day, and I bought two of her paintings.

Martine had her first chemo treatment yesterday morning, and we all took care of her, but really all she wanted was to snuggle with Nicola all afternoon. I was worried about Nicola. What if she’s carrying a virus that she could pass on to Martine? With her weakened immune system, Martine could be more susceptible to illnesses, but Martine said she didn’t care, because she needed some snuggle time with her grandbaby.

I crawl out of my comfy bed and order room service before going to the portable crib, where Nicola is bouncing up and down. We go through our morning routine. I’m just snapping her jammies back up when breakfast arrives.

I take the carafe of coffee and the rest of breakfast out to the balcony. My baby girl munches on a chocolate croissant, grapes, and apples while I eat an omelet, a plain croissant, and fruit. Food is definitely better in Italy.

Nico hasn’t really spoken to me since the night we went out to dinner. I’m not surprised, though. I’ve been avoiding being alone with him. I know he’s been trying to talk to me, but I’m not ready for that, so now he seems mad at me.

As long as it doesn’t affect his relationship with our daughter, then I’m okay with our non-relationship. Of course that’s not true, but that’s what I tell myself because every time I see him, my heart feels like those old scars are being torn open.

We’re gonna be here for two more weeks, so I need to sit him down so we can discuss visitation. I want him to be able to spend time with Nicola. I need to know if he plans on moving back to St. Louis or if he’s staying here. Unfortunately, distance would affect his visitation.

“Ma, bite. Ma, bite!” Nicola says in her baby talk as she reaches up, trying to reach my mouth with her chocolate croissant so she can feed me. I bend down and take a bite. The rich chocolate melts on my tongue and I moan. Nicola claps and smiles at me with chocolate-covered lips.

“
Buongiorno.”
I scream and scoop Nicola into my arms
.
Nico is standing in the doorway. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you heard me come in. My mom gave me the key card you left at her house.”

“That’s okay,” I reply. Ugh, I’m lame.

He gets down on his haunches, and I set Nicola down on the ground.
“Ciao
, bambina,”
he says to her.

“Pa, Pa.” A knot forms in my chest as I watch the biggest smile grace Nico’s lips.

“That is right,
bambina.
I’m your
pap
a.”

On her chubby little legs, she toddles over to Nico and shoves the croissant in his face. He laughs and takes a bite before he picks our daughter up and hugs her to his chest. I can tell he’s more comfortable holding her now.

“How’s your mom?” I ask.

He sits down across from me with Nica in his lap. “She was drinking some tea when I left. I have to stop and get some medication that will help with nausea, but so far, so good. She is desperate for you two to come over. I think she wants Nica snuggles.”

“Absolutely. If you want, I can pull out some clothes for Nicola and you can get her dressed while I shower.”

“That’d be great.
Principessa
and I will be just fine.”

I lay out her clothes. Then I grab mine and head into the bathroom. I shower quickly, opting not to wash my hair.

When I’m done, I apply enough makeup so I don’t look like death warmed over. I’ll be happy when our sleep schedule is on Italy time. I quickly braid my hair. Then I throw on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a red camisole, and a red and white long, fitted flannel shirt. I put on a pair of brown riding boots and look at myself one more time before I step out into the main room and find Nico crawling around on the floor with our daughter. My heart lurches at the sight.

They don’t notice me at first, so I’m able to watch them for a bit. He’s speaking in Italian as he crawls after her. Baby giggles fill the room and tears fill my vision. He could’ve had this the whole time. He could’ve been there for everything, but he chose not to. He didn’t want us. On silent feet, I go to the balcony and slip outside. The air is cool against my skin.

I stare out at the rolling green hills and feel so lost and confused. How can I still have such strong feelings for someone who has hurt me so badly? I don’t get it. With my eyes closed, I try to calm my warring emotions and the memories that flood my mind.

***

Four Years Ago

I run to the toilet, barely making it before I lose the contents of my stomach in the toilet. I’ve been sick for two days: fever, body aches, congestion, and now vomiting. I shiver as I half crawl, half drag myself into the bedroom, where my phone is.

When I last checked my temperature, it was 102 degrees and since I just threw up my Ibuprofen, I’m sure it hasn’t gone down. I feel like I’m dying and pretty sure I need to go to the hospital. My parents live too far away and my brother’s on the road, so I grab my phone off of the nightstand and scroll through my contacts until I reach Nico’s number. He doesn’t answer, so I leave him a message begging him to come and take me to the hospital.

I drop my phone to the floor and hustle back to the bathroom as my stomach rolls. I get sick all over the bathroom floor, my body contorting. My stomach twists and cramps when my stomach is finally empty. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but I know, at this moment, I want to die.

I crawl out of the bathroom and pull myself to a standing position when I hear a pounding on my front door. I call out that I’m coming. When I make it to the door and open it, I find Nico on the other side. His eyes widen when he looks me up and down. I know I must look terrible. My hair is wild and I’m in the same clothes from two days ago.

“Jesus baby, are you okay?” All I do is shake my head before I feel myself falling, my vision going black around the edges. “Fuck! Jill? Jill?” Then nothing.

My eyes slowly open and I can hear an annoying beeping sound. The glow of a TV illuminates the room and I have no clue where I am. I look down and see an IV in my hand and follow the tube as it runs from my hand up to a bag of clear fluids. I try to move under the blanket, but it’s stuck, and when I look I see it’s stuck because of a pair of feet. I follow the feet to their attached body.

Nico is sound asleep in a chair with a small blanket over his chest, his feet resting on the bed. I vaguely recall him coming over to my house. I try to sit up, but I ache all over. “Nico?” My voice sounds hoarse and raspy.

I watch him fly up from his chair and come to me. “Hey beautiful, how are you feeling? You scared the shit out of me.”

I clear my throat. “What happened?”

He sits down on the bed, strokes my hair out of my face, and grabs my hand between his. “You called me and didn’t sound right, so I came rushing over. When you answered the door, you passed out in my arms. I couldn’t get you to wake up and you were burning up, so I brought you to the hospital.” He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it. “You tested positive for influenza. You were severely dehydrated. Why didn’t you call me sooner? Or at least call Gabe or your parents?”

“I’m a big girl. I figured I could take care of myself. You didn’t call them, did you?” I don’t need them rushing here because I have the flu.

“No, I didn’t. I did call a cleaning service to take care of your house. Your bathroom looks like someone died in it.” My face heats up in mortification. I remember getting sick before he got there and completely missing the toilet. I groan and cover my face with my free hand. “Baby, don’t worry. I don’t think your stomach had much in it at that point. I’m going to let the nurses know you’re awake.” He kisses my forehead with a tenderness that melts my heart.