The Heart's Ashes (13 page)

I shook my
head, biting my teeth together hard enough that I heard a small
crunch, then felt sand against my tongue. “You know, if I ever see
David again, I’m telling him all about you.”

“
You wouldn’t.”

“
Wouldn’t I?” I turned around to get my clothes out my dresser
drawer, and when I looked at Eric through the reflection of the
mirror, saw nothing.

Wait, vampires
have reflections.

Confusion
littered my face. I glanced over my shoulder at the empty bed.
“Eric?”

Gone?
Seriously, he’s gone?

I turned back
to my mirror with a look of utter pleased astonishment in my smile.
Wow, that was easy.

Not that I
want him gone—not really. I like him. I just don’t want my
virginity to slip into his persistence...and I can’t resist that
cheeky mannerism. It’s going to be the end of me, I’m sure. Which
will, in the end, drag him down, too.

“
Ara?” Mike knocked on my door.

Man. Can’t a
girl have some peace to get dressed? “Hang on, Mike.” I wrapped the
sheet around my chest and under my arms. “Okay. Come in.”

“
I thought I heard voices in here?” He popped his head in the
door, scanned my bed with his eyes, then looked back at
me.

“
Yeah, I was just talking to myself.” I flashed him an
innocent smile.

“
Mm, of course you were.”

“
You know me—crazy as,” I said, then let out a long hint-laced
breath.

“
Anyway,” he said, opening my door fully. “I was just
wondering if you were working today.”

“
Yep, and I’m actually late, so—”
can
you get out of my room and stop looking at me like I tore your
heart out.

“
Sorry. I’ll uh—I’m sorry.” He shook his head and backed
away.

“
Mike, wait.” When he stopped, I almost slapped myself. I
wanted to say
Wait, I love you, please
stop hurting for what I did to you
, but
only a few quivering G’s came out as I walked over and placed my
hand on his arm. “I just—”

“
Ara, don’t.” He shook his head and took a step back, holding
his hands up. “I can feel that—the energy between us. It’s still
just as intense as it was before. I know you love me. I know you
want me—so please, just don’t.”

“
Mike?” I reached for him, but he gently moved my hand
away.

“
Just don’t, Ara. Just please stop trying to make everything
right again.”

“
I just want you to be happy.”

“
If you wanted that, you would’ve married me.” His voice broke
on the word that meant we would’ve been together forever—human
forever. Our gazes held all the pain of truth long enough that he
saw my eyes water; he pressed his lips in a tight line and backed
away from me—taking my resolve to be alone with him.

As the shudder
of cold confusion rose up under me, I slammed my door shut and fell
onto the bed.

I needed to be
strong. I knew it was in these moments that you learned what it
meant to be strong. Mike would get by—I had to hope he’d eventually
move on, find the true love I so badly wanted him to find. But each
time I watched his heart break for the love I wouldn’t give him, a
little piece of me wondered if he was right—if he had already found
it.

Compiling all
my external strength, I left my heart on the bed, and walked to the
shower. Only as the steam fell around me did I find the will to
breathe again.

The cool glass
under my fingers seemed to bring relief to the sinking energy I
felt within my soul all the time. Water, like raindrops, fell from
under my palm, and I looked at the tiny scar on my right wrist that
David made when he sliced my skin and drank from me. This was my
good side, but the other hand—the one down by my side—I couldn’t
even look at. Those were the scars of pain, from when Jason cut
viciously with his teeth, through my skin, through the vein, and
drank from deep inside me.

I studied my
hand for a while; smooth, and youthful.

But I wanted
it to be aged. I wanted it to be so wrinkled and ready for death
that people would shake their heads and ask how I was still
breathing.

Life without
David is too painful to live with; Mike being here makes it worse,
but also, somehow, better. But I want to be old—so that death will
be closer. I can’t take the pain much longer.

My mind, as I
closed my eyes for a second, imagined David stepping up and placing
his hand against the glass—mirroring mine, as he had done, so long
ago, in a different time; a time before we ever knew that
immortality could tear us apart.

“
I don’t expect you to move on with your life anymore, David,”
I said to the apparition, “I understand now. We never can move
on.”

Drying myself
off in front of the mirror, I cringed at the sight of the skeleton
peering back at me; the bones in my shoulders stuck out like
branches seeking sunlight, and my once pretty white skin had become
grainy and bluish, settling around my eyes in a combination of
misty greys and purple.

Since the
blood transfusions, after being attacked last year, my iron levels
had been really low. I felt tired all the time. All I wanted was to
go back to bed and sleep it off. But I had to go to work—to that
pokey little shop, to teach kids that didn’t want to learn.

I covered my
hideous face with my magic concealer and, satisfied with my new
bright skin, threw on some clothes that covered my shoulders, and
wandered out to the kitchen. “Mike?” I called, looking around, half
expecting him to be right outside my door.

All the
windows were open, the morning light helping itself to my dark
little world, bringing with it a cool, dewy breeze. I stopped near
the bench, confused by the cold toast sitting popped up in the
toaster, and the two mugs half-filled with milk and coffee,
awaiting the hot water. There were signs of life, but no Mike.

He probably
went for a run again. That’s what I’d have done after our heated
little…moment. Poor guy—he’s lost so much in these last few months.
I bet he planned to win me back by coming here.

With no sense
being made from wasted toast, I stole it from the toaster, popped
it on a plate then grabbed one of the coffee cups.

“
Where’s mine?”

The start of a
face right behind me made the mug jump from my hands and smash,
splattering coffee-stained milk all over the cabinets, my shoes and
my pants. “Eric! Don’t do that. You scared me.”

“
Sorry, my bad.”

Sighing, I
bent down to pick up the glass—stacking the smaller pieces inside
the biggest one. “I wish it really was true about vampires and
thresholds.”

“
Now what fun would that be?” Eric grinned, squatting down to
help me.

“
Fun wasn’t what I had in mind.”

We stood up,
and he tilted his head, smiling softly. “I’m sorry—about this
morning. That was rude of me.”

“
Yes, it was. And invasive and creepy and—”

“
I know.” He traced a circle on the floor with the tip of his
toe, then, when he looked up, sincerity flooded his face. “I am
really sorry.”

With a huff, I
dropped the broken glass into the sink. “Okay. Fine. Apology
accepted.”

“
Here, let me take that.” Eric reached toward the puzzle of
shards, then drew his hand back with a jerk. “Ouch!”

“
What happened?” I leaned around his arm, gasping when I saw
blood. “You cut yourself?”

He held his
thumb up and watched the red liquid pool around the tip. “Just a
little.”

“
Wait, vampires don’t get cut by glass,” I said with wide
eyes, taking a step back. “You did that deliberately.”

“
Perhaps.” He grinned, squeezing the base of his finger.
“You’ve tasted vampire blood before. It’s addictive, isn’t
it?”

My breath
shuddered, cold heat rising up to my cheeks. “David never warned me
about that.”

“
Well, he didn’t need to. He wasn’t counting on you making
friends with a vampire.”

“
Eric don’t. It was intimate with David—it took me a long time
to stop craving his blood.”

“
But I’m here now—you can have it whenever you
want.”

“
No. I don’t want it.”

“
It’ll make you feel good.”

“
I know, that’s why I don’t want it.”

When Eric
stepped toward me and grabbed my face, my heart stopped in my
chest. I wanted it so badly—wanted it for different reasons to what
I wanted David’s. It was the lure of the warmth, the energy, the
life force that flowed through me like a drink of ecstasy. But if I
drank Eric’s blood and became compelled by the lust to make love to
him, he’d do it. He wouldn’t stop out of respect for me, like David
did. “Eric, I’m not doing this with you,” I said with zero
resolve.

He licked his
lips; the pupils of his eyes spread out over the whites, like black
ink. “Just a little.”

“
N—” I tried to turn my head as he jammed his thumb against my
lips, forcing them apart. I scratched his arms, digging into his
skin like a cat trying to remove a collar.

Get off—let me
g…

But a rush of
warmth eradicated the fight in me, giving rise to a thirst, an
involuntary desperation for blood—his blood.

With each
breath I drew, tension cuddled my chest, making my lungs expand the
way they did only when I was running—pumped full of adrenaline. The
sensation of calm saturated me at last and the splendour of his
taste came into focus as my heart and soul suffered the elation of
his life force, fighting only for the will to drink—to make this
moment last forever.

I gripped his
hand with mine, drawing at his flesh—swallowing his blood in the
small gulps the tiny cut would allow. And I didn’t care that it was
blood, that it was considered gross by human definition. I didn’t
care that, as he moved his foot between my legs, I parted them,
completely submitting to my humanistic desires. He was like my
favourite meal, the one you have after being on a camp for four
days eating nuggets and badly cooked eggs.

He slid his
finger further into my mouth, and I bit the base of it with my
teeth, pushing the blood out—moving it around with my tongue. He
tasted so different to David—almost sweeter.

His mouth came
up alongside mine, and I felt his cool breath on my upper lip,
turning my head to invite him—to show him I wanted his touch. He
slipped his other foot between my legs and I wrapped my arms around
his neck.

“
Amara?” his whisper was hesitant.

“
Mm?”

“
That’s enough.” His grip released and his thumb came away,
leaving me cold where my lips searched the air for absent
flesh.

“
But I wasn’t ready,” I said.

“
I know.”

When my eyes
opened to his smiling face, instant regret flooded my sinking
heart, like gravity dropping inside me. “Oh my God! What’ve I
done?”

Eric lifted my
face with his fingertips. “You liked that—don’t be ashamed.”

“
Why? Why did you do that to me?” My eyes glassed.

“
Your cheeks are all flushed. Don’t you feel good
now?”

“
I do, but I feel like I just—”

“
Ara!”

Eric drew back; I jumped ten mile into the air, turning
around, my breath stopping somewhere under the rise of my
shoulders. “Mike!”
How long was he
standing there?

Eric walked
confidently over to Mike and extended his hand. “Hey, I’m
Eric.”

With his shirt
soaked in a triangle of sweat from his run, Mike stood stiff,
obviously holding his breath, his tight-lipped glare presenting all
the facts I needed to know. “Nice to meet yo—” his voice trailed
off to a grunt as he pulled Eric close with a jerk, flipped his arm
over and looked at his wrist—then at me.

“
Mike?” I pleaded, watching as the pink in his face became
bright red and his shoulder rolled back, taking his elbow with
it.

I had no time
for any reaction other than to cover my face as he drove his fist
forward, ploughing Eric, by the face, into the kitchen bench;
crumbling the dent Eric’s body left when he struck again—missing
the vampire.

“
No!” I grabbed Mike by the sleeve, but he yanked loose,
folding over to scrunch his probably broken hand against his
chest.

“
Get back here, you little shit,” Mike yelled. “I’m not
finished with you.”

“
What is your problem, man?” Eric held his arms out
widely.

“
You
are my problem.”

“
Mike!” I yelled, grabbing his arm as he stomped toward Eric
again. “Mike stop.”

“
No, it’s all right, Amara.” Eric stood tall. “Let him go. Let
him get it all out.”

“
No!” I rushed between them.

“
Leave. Now,” Mike growled through his teeth, removing me, by
the arm, from between them.

Eric looked at
me and exhaled loudly. “Okay, I’ll leave, but only because I know
it’ll kill her if I hurt you. Amara?” He took a step closer to me;
Mike moved sideways to block his path. “I’ll see you later,
okay?”

I went to say
okay, but he turned and headed out the front door before I had the
chance. “Mike, how could you?” I moved away from him. “Eric’s my
friend.”