The Heart's Ashes (24 page)

“
Ara!” David called, and everything went quiet under his
voice. The moonlight lit the water with a pale-blue line, the wind
stopped blowing and the trees became so still I was afraid I’d
managed to die in the first rush of cold.

“
How did you do that?” I turned back to look at him, standing
on the shore, his head angled to the ground, his trench coat
dripping, seeming heavy with the weight of water. “How did you stop
the storm?”

“
I can manipulate many things in my world, Ara-Rose.” His
fingers folded around my arm suddenly. “But the one thing I cannot
control is
you
.
And what scares me is that I know—” He sharply turned my face to
look at him. “I know, from the thoughts in your head, that you
will—that if I leave you, you will kill yourself, and it
scares
me. How do I
compete with that? What am I supposed to do with that?”

The stillness
in the lake, the trees and the breeze made me feel almost
breathless. The water around us felt warmer than it first was, and
even David’s icy touch became heated somehow. “Just let me die,
David. You won’t stay, and I’m no good without you. I don’t know
why you keep taunting me with this falsified love.”

“
Falsified!” His eyes darted over my face. “You know exactly
what you are to me, Ara-Rose.”

I tried to
pull away, but he wouldn’t let me.

“
Don’t. You. Ever. Think—for one second, that you don’t matter
to me.” He planted a restless, aching kiss to my lips and pulled
away. “You are
everything
to me. Do you understand?”

I responded
only with a sniffle, being silent like the night before speaking.
“But not enough to risk punishment.”

“
Ara—”

“
Did you think of me?” I asked. “When you were gone, did you
ever even think of me?”

He shook his
head. “I tried not to.”

“
Why?”

“
Because I couldn’t imagine you in my dreams the way you
really were.”

“
What did that matter?”

He swallowed
hard, his throat moving with the lump. “I had to force myself to
close my eyes, just to picture the way yours lit up when you
smiled—the way your eyelids fluttered in your sleep, the way your
body shivered under my touch. All those little subtleties were so
uniquely you. No other creature in the world responded to me the
way you did. There was no movie I could watch to compare your
touch, no actress I could look upon to see the turn of your lip
when you were thinking, and when I laid awake, remembering you,
remembering the things we did with each other, it was sterile.
Bland. All those little things were gone. I could never have
imagined them—could never have dreamed of such beauty, because you
are not anything like I’ve ever encountered before.”

“
So you tried to forget me?”

“
No. I just didn’t want to insult your memory by picturing you
wrong. It would be like hanging a Monet in a hall lit with disco
lighting.”

I smiled at
that.

The calm of
David’s magic on the night remained, a feeling like silk on my
heart, and I knew the storm was constant up above our secret little
world, raging, and I’d be called to return to it too soon, leaving
David, the calm, the warmth, the lake, behind.

“
Can we pretend?” I looked at him in the darkness, wishing I
could see his face clearly. “Just—can we pretend you’re staying?
Just for a while?”

“
What good would that do?”

“
So I can feel alive again—to know what it feels
like.”

He raised a
brow. “You sound like a vampire.”

“
Ha.”
I wish I was.

“
No, you don’t.” He grabbed my hand and pulled it gently until
we faced each other, the silky water lapping just under my bra
line, dragging the ends of my hair downward in a weighted
tug.

“
No, but I do wish we could have been immortal
together.”

“
If there was a way—” He left it hanging. I wondered why he
didn’t mention the Lilithians. Wondered if it was because it was
too late to choose that option, or if maybe he didn’t want that
anymore.

“
We can have one thing, though,” I said. The hopeful glint in
my smile, hinting at the obvious things I wanted to do with him,
brought a surge of heat to my chest.

David checked
his watch. “I don’t have long.”

“
Long enough,” I said, reaching forward to slide my hands
inside the neck of his jacket, pushing it from his shoulders. It
floated on the surface of the lake before dipping, then
disappearing beneath the dark.

David and I
watched it; he shrugged. “Never liked that coat anyway.”

I looked up at
the strange calm; the clouds overhead were moving fast, flashing
blue with streaks of lightening every few seconds, but here, in
David’s world, we couldn’t even hear the thunder. “This doesn’t
feel real.”

His hands
tightened on my body, scrunching my clothing up inside fists of
desire as I wrapped my legs around his waist, letting the water
lift me into his arms. “Well, if this is a dream,” he said, “it’s a
damn good one.”

“
Just shut up and kiss me.”

He laughed
once then forced his lips on mine, shocking me with the ferocity,
the tension and lust he’d saved up all this time, the kind that
left everything else on our bodies wanting, starving for
oxygen.

My hands moved
fast across his chest, memorising each bone in his shoulder, his
ribs and his jaw, and he met my passion and fury with the same fast
searching, his fingers daring to inch beyond my waist, to my hips,
and along my shoulder blades under my shirt.

His sweet
scent and the flavour of his breath had been gone so long it was no
longer enough. I needed him—all of him. I needed him inside me, on
me, everywhere I could have him—everywhere humanly possible.

He leaned back
and smiled at me. “Clothes off?”

I didn’t even
think then. I grabbed the base of his shirt, peeling it upward as
he arched his elbows and lifted it from his skin, casting it to the
shore with one flick.

My breath
shuddered.

In the pale
moonlight, he looked like a vampire; his features chiselled and
more refined, his eyes dark and mysterious, his smile, with his
fangs showing, deathly.

Without taking
his eyes off mine, his fingers crept up my spine, tracing every
knuckle of bone until he lifted my shirt and unclipped my bra. My
breath fell hot and short through my smile. I lifted my arms as he
rolled my sticky, moisture-heavy shirt off my body, and sent it
flying to the shore as well, then let out a long breath, infused
with profanity, as he studied me.

“
What?” I said.

“
I forgot how beautiful you are.”

A rush of love
flooded through me as our skin touched. I folded over, burying my
face in his neck, wrapping my arms tightly around him, my breasts
falling heavily against his chest. He traced loving lines over the
back of my neck, then pressed each digit of his fingertips into my
shoulder blades.

When the
desperation to feel love passed, up rose the desire again, making
everything in my body hot against the cool water. Lightning flashed
above us—illuminating the lake like a stage, and as I pressed my
lips to his again, not bothered by the wetness exchanged with each
touch, the storm broke through his hold—cracking thunder bringing
down a torrent of rain on top of us.

He laughed
into my mouth, his breath becoming my next. “Sorry,” he said, “I
can’t hold the elements while concentrating...elsewhere.”

“
It’s okay,” I said, nibbling his neck, “I like the rain on
our skin.”

He stopped me,
lifting me from his flesh with a gentle hand, then leaned out from
our hold a little so he could study me. With soft hands, a touch
reserved for the most breakable things, he cupped my breast and
sighed. “I’ve never touched you here before.”

“
Yes, you have. In my dreams.”

He smiled.
“And what else have I done in your dreams?”

I felt my
cheeks blush, but the heat that rose with it only made me want him
more. As I reached down between my legs to unbutton my jeans,
David’s hand caught mine.

“
Stop.”

“
Why?” I met his eyes just in time to see a smile spread
across his lips. “Why?”

He dropped his
shaking head, kissing the place my locket used to sit. “You know
why.”

“
Oh my God! The virginity thing?”

“
Yes.”

“
But that’s not fair.” I placed my feet back on the sandy
surface of the lake. “I don’t want to give it to anyone else—ever.
Except you. Why don’t you want it?”

“
Oh, Ara.” He placed his thumb to my quivering lip.
“Sweetheart—it was never that I didn’t
want
your virginity.”

“
Yes, it is.”

“
No, my love. It’s not.” He bundled me into his arms and
kissed the top of my head. “I never told you this, but, when a
vampire takes the virginity of a human, she’s bound to him—for all
eternity. She will be incapable of feeling for another man. The
connection will go deeper than just the physical—deeper than the
soul.”

“
Then why won’t you let me have that with you?”

“
Because you won’t be able to forget me, Ara.”

“
I can’t now. Can’t you see that?” I studied his
eyes.

“
But there’s a hope.”

I wanted to
hate him for that, but if there wasn’t a hope, or at least a hope
of hope, then I would be a lost cause.

David chewed
the inside of his lip. “What are we going to do?”

“
Run away together?” I smiled, wishing he would.

“
Wait!” His eyes narrowed as he pressed his nose to my hair.
“Ara—when did you see Jason?”

“
Tonight.”

“
I knew it. I knew I could smell him on you.” He took my face
in both hands and looked deep into my eyes with his liquid-green
stare; “What did he want—did he hurt you?”

“
No.” I shook my head, unclenching David’s fingers from my
face. “No, he—he saved me.”

“
What?”

“
It’s a long story.”

“
Show me,” David ordered in a short tone, touching my face
again.

“
No.”

“
Ara. Show me. Please?”

“
Okay, okay.” I closed my eyes and replayed the memory of
everything that happened today with Eric and Karnivale, Jason and
our chat, Emily and...Mike.

David pulled
back suddenly and tilted his head. “Shit.”

“
Did you just say shit?”

He didn’t
answer, but simply placed his hand over my heart. “It hurt you to
see Mike and Emily like that.”

“
It shouldn’t though, should it?”

“
Of course it should.” His brow pulled, making rivers for the
rain to travel down. “Poor girl. Ara, I’m so sorry.”

“
It’s okay. I kind of pushed them in that direction, I
guess.”

“
By telling him to move on?”

I shrugged.
“Yeah, I guess. Sort of.”

“
That doesn’t excuse it.”

“
I know. But I
am
happy for them—kind of.”

“
Liar.” He smiled, pressing my nose with the tip of his
finger. “They do make a good couple, though.”

“
So did we—but it didn’t matter.”

“
It does matter. I’m still here. I still love you.”

“
But for how long? By the time this rain stops, you’ll be
gone, and I’ll just be dead again.”

David took a
breath and let it out slowly. “Come on, you’re cold. We need to get
you home.”

“
We
?”

He nodded.
“We.”

The lift of my
cheeks into a smile spread uncontrollable joy across my face.
“Really?”

He pushed the
stray hairs from my cheeks on both sides. “Just for tonight.”

“
I’ll take tonight.”

“
Come on then, let’s not waste it in this freezing
lake.”

He took my arm
and helped me to the shore, dressing before I’d even picked up my
shirt.

“
Great, my bra is gone,” I said to myself, then looked up as
David, with round eyes under a frown, took my arm and forced me to
stand. “What?”

“
Have you been eating?”

“
Yes.” I hid my breasts from his stare.

“
Why are you so thin?”

“
I’m fine—I eat,” I said, turning away to put my shirt over my
head. “I just don’t put weight on anymore.”

David’s
fingers smoothed down my shoulders from behind and rested in a
clasp around my stomach. “Is it because you’re so sad?”

“
Maybe. I don’t know.” I rolled my cheek into his
face.

“
If I stay for a while—maybe—a little longer than just one
night, will you be happy again?”

I shrugged.
“Depends—on how long.”

“
Long enough for you to be healthy.”

“
Yes, but then I’ll never get healthy again.” I turned in his
arms and smiled up at him. “You abandoned the Set, why can’t you
just be with me now?”

“
Because the laws are strict. I was a council leader. It comes
with great consequences if you abandon that. They will imprison
me—and kill you—if they catch me with you.”