The Heart's Shrapnel (6 page)

Wes

My fist makes a cracking noise as it comes in contact with the man’s narrow jaw. His dark blood spurts onto my face.

“Who hired you?”

Leonard, Dylan, and I have been dealing with this piece of shit for hours. We’d trailed him for a few days. He isn’t giving us anything. Instead, we’re out in the middle of nowhere in some tiny run-down shack. It’s a good thing no one’s around for miles because a doorless building with busted windows doesn’t have much privacy.

We found him lurking near army headquarters. What an Iraqi is doing here in Germany at an army base is beyond me. I have a feeling it might have something to do with my brother’s murder. Hence, the reason I’m here.

I grab a nearby chair and bring it over to the guy so I can sit. I want him to look me in the eyes.

“Just give it up, man. He won’t talk,” Leonard says.

Dylan pats me on the shoulder. “Yeah, man. It’s no use. Let’s pack it up until tomorrow.”

I let out a deep breath and stare at them before turning back to the guy I’ve been beating all day. He’s unrecognizable. What was once dark skin, is now red and smeared with his blood. His eyes are swollen black and blue, and he’s missing a few of his front teeth. Courtesy of my fist. My knuckles start throbbing just looking at him. They are so bloodied and swollen I can’t make out the grooves. From how I feel and how he looks, I know he’s got to be in a tremendous amount of pain. The mutt is already too scrawny looking. Whoever hired him sure didn’t pick the cream of the crop. His dishdasha vibrates over his trembling body. He’s scared. Good.

Why the hell would someone hire this useless coward?

“Yes, let’s pick this up tomorrow,” I say while standing up. I lean into his ear. “Tomorrow will be worse.”

A tear escapes down his swollen eyes, and he starts mumbling what sounds to be like some chant.

“Pray all you want. Allah can’t save you,” I snap in Arabic.

Leonard stands in next to me. “Should we leave him tied to this chair, or what?”

“No,” I say. “Someone will probably be looking for him. We have to find somewhere else. Someplace they won’t think to look.”

The hell if I know where that is
.

I scratch my chin and rake my hand over my beard. I need to shave. Shit, I need a damn shower.

“What do we tell the general?” Leonard asks.

“Nothing. I’ll just tell him we were completing a training exercise. He has no reason to suspect otherwise.”

“I can tell him, my
amigo
,” Dylan offers.

“Thanks, man,” I say.

Leonard nods. “Any other news, man?”

I look down at the Iraqi, wondering if I should say anything in front of him. I can’t blow this mission. Every little step has to be perfect, or it all goes to shit.

“No. And this time, I want something I can tell him.”

***

We arrive at Francesca’s. The parking lot is packed, so we park on a side street and walk the few blocks. The crisp air feels good on my skin.

As we walk in, I find myself searching for her. I force my mind onto other things not wanting to get sucked into that headspace again.

Our usual table is occupied, a rarity from what I’m told by Ryan because everyone knows we sit there. Seems to be new recruits. They can have a free pass tonight. I don’t plan on being here long.

We find a small booth near the bar and order our drinks. I feel my heart slow almost immediately, and like a sixth sense, I can tell who just walked in.

I smell her before she comes into my line of vision—a sweet mix of jasmine and lavender. It instantly pisses me off. Ever since I saw her last, I haven’t been able to wash her from my thoughts. She’s affecting my ability to focus, which never happens. I can’t be distracted right now. But damn, she was also honest and refreshing.

“Girls, over here!” Ryan calls, placing his hands on either side of his mouth.

Shit
.

“Hey there, sexy.” Mandy makes herself comfortable next to Ryan, who leans in for a kiss.

When the hell did this happen?

Jane hasn’t taken a seat yet. She looks uncomfortable and stares at the floor. I did storm out the last time we were together. That would probably explain her indecisiveness about sitting by me. Her eyes stay downcast as she bites the corner of her plump lip, which sets my blood on fire. As if she can sense me staring, she peeks up from beneath long, dark lashes.

Hell
.

“Well, have a seat, Jane, so we can order some food,” Mandy says, interrupting our staring contest and bringing me back to reality.

Ryan kicks me under the table and gives me a look telling me to be more hospitable. I glare at him but move to make room for Jane. Big mistake.

It’s like my damned body is drawn to her. Since my last relationship, I’ve had no problem ignoring the opposite sex. Just thinking about women puts a bitter taste in my mouth. But, not Jane
.

Why not Jane?

A waitress comes over and takes everyone’s order. Jane orders first. She doesn’t eat light, and for some stupid reason, I find that sexy as hell.

The waitress turns to me and I give her my order. I finish, but she keeps staring and batting her lashes. God, it’s annoying.

Jane looks up, probably because no one else is talking, but the waitress is still here. I look out the window after Jane turns her questioning eyes in my direction, one, because I don’t want to see in her eyes what she’s thinking, and two, because I don’t want the waitress to get any ideas.

Finally, the waitress takes a hint and leaves.

“Jeez, what was that about? Talk about uncomfortable,” Mandy remarks.

I ignore her comment and drink my beer. Ryan starts talking about the new training, and I silently thank him for it. I try to focus on what he’s saying, but every accidental brush of Jane’s knee against mine distracts me. This is torture—and I’ve been tortured plenty of times.

Only five minutes pass, but I have to get away from her. My hand wants to crawl under the table and bury itself under that skirt of hers.

“Excuse me, I need to use the restroom,” I say abruptly, interrupting a startled Ryan mid-sentence.

“Oh, okay. One second,” Jane stammers and gets up from her seat to let me out. I want to shove everyone out of my way, but tamp down my temper.

Once inside the bathroom, I head to an empty stall, close the door, and press my forehead to the cool, hard metal.

This is bullshit, McClintock. Get your head centered and focus on what’s important. Your mission. She’s just a woman like the rest of them.

I laugh. She’s not just some woman like the rest of them. I’m smart enough to know that. She has a kind at heart underneath that little prejudice of hers—something is up with that—and exudes pureness. I hope to God I never have to witness it personally, or I’m done for. I’m done with letting my heart get involved—never again. Punching the stall, I wait a few more seconds before heading back out.

“Hello, Phillip,” a blond, attractive woman says as I exit the stall. What the hell is she doing in here? “You haven’t been returning my calls, or stopping by for our . . . chats.”

This must be that Amy chick Ryan was telling me about. I can see what my brother saw in her. She is gorgeous but married from what I gather.

Hell, Phillip. Couldn’t you find anyone else?

“I’ve been busy,” I say, hoping she’ll leave it alone and move on. Fat chance.

Ignoring my brush off, she places both manicured hands on my chest and pushes me back into the stall. “I can make this quick,” she purrs. She unfastens my belt and slides my zipper down in just seconds.

God, am I tempted right now. I need to let go of all of this tension. But, I’m not that guy, and I’m not Phillip.

“Stop.” I put a hand over hers on my aching dick.

Amy looks baffled but quickly recovers. “Aw, poor baby. Overworked today?”

To put it mildly
.

“I’m sorry but I can’t.”

“Oh, but I think you can.” She giggles while cupping me tighter.

Phillip, even dead you’re messing with me.

I don’t know what compels me to say this, but it’s out before I can stop it. “I’m in a relationship. She’s with me tonight.”

Her smile disappears. “What?”

“That’s why I haven’t come over.”

She let’s go of the firm grip she has on me. She blinks uncontrollably while her mouth hangs open slightly.

Here we go.

“I was going to leave my husband for you, prick. You told me we had a future together. Who is she? Huh? I want to see her.” She moves to leave, but I catch her in a firm hold.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Her eyes open wide in shock. Leaning in closer, I say, “Go home to your husband.”

Amy abruptly turns around, yanking my hand to let her free. She sobs before opening the door to escape.

Jesus Christ.

After zipping back up, I fasten my belt and head out. Making my way through the crowd, I spy Jane sitting by herself, and the food has already arrived. The nearly eaten food has me wondering if I was back there longer than I realized.

Jane looks at the plates and says, “They already ate and wanted to dance. I’m not finished yet, but I’m almost done. I’ll just be a few minutes.”

Shit, she looks frightened of me
.

Nice going asshole. And why the hell are we always left alone?

“It’s fine. You don’t have to rush,” I say. She’s still sitting on the end, and so I sit on the other opposite and switch Mandy’s mostly eaten food for mine. There is a note of sadness in Jane’s eyes like maybe she feels in the way. It creates the need to explain. “This will give you more room.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine.” She grabs her Labatt’s Blue and eagerly takes a swig. I watch as a drop of beer runs down the corner of her mouth, and I have to fight the urge to clean it off with my tongue. My pants tighten, making it uncomfortable to sit.

Not being able to stand it anymore, I peer into the crowd, wondering where Ryan and Mandy are. Knowing Ryan, they’re probably making out in the back. I wish he would hurry his ass up. Something tells me that he’s doing this on purpose. I’ll get on him later. For now, I just need to get through this meal and then I can leave.

Jane

For some reason, I wasn’t expecting him to be here tonight. Maybe because last Friday was a bust. But, here he is, sitting across from me while we both eat our meals and drink our beers. He’s still uncomfortable and a bit irritated, though not as much as last time. I keep wondering if it’s me or women in general.

I study him as he eats. It’s the only time I allow myself to get a good look. His broad shoulders strain the shirt he’s wearing. I imagine he works out on a regular basis. From what Ryan says, he’s the one who trains his men. The man is built, and it intimidates me a little, but not so much where it overshadows how undeniably sexy I find him. Earlier when we sat next to each other, I felt so small compared to him. The odd thing is. . . while I’m a bit intimidated, I also felt protected and safe.

As he eats his burger, I stare at his sculpted, full mouth. His dark brows furrow as he takes another bite. His lips and the motion of his mouth are entrancing.

Lifting his head, he catches me staring. He swallows, and I force myself to look away so I don’t make a fool out of myself.

I flush as though I’ve been caught doing something wrong.

“How do you like it here so far?”

Oh, good. He’s not going to bring it up.

I slink back against my seat as I fidget around with my fork. “Better. When I first got here, I didn’t know exactly what I was getting into. It can be pretty rough most days.” I smile shyly down at my food. Why does he make me so nervous? I raise my eyes to meet his.

He regards me intently—his green eyes glow in the dim light. “You must see a lot of trauma on a daily basis. I imagine that would be a lot,” he replies warmly.

My eyes roam to a faint scar on his brow, and I’m reminded of what he does and feel foolish for what I’ve said. “It can’t be anything like what you have to go through.”

Phillip looks out the window.

“Is it like that on a daily basis for you?”

He scratches his chin before he turns back and smiles reassuringly. “Nothing I can’t handle. We’ve got people like you to help us when need be, so we deal.” He winks.

Did he just compliment me? I don’t want to think about it too much and let myself feel anything for him. My mind keeps stepping in the way, but my body—my body, wants him completely. With Kevin, I never felt this connection even in the beginning.

I clear my throat, trying to shake the direction of my thoughts. “We try. Though now that a bunch of nurses are leaving, the rest of the staff will have to work harder.”

“More nurses are leaving?” He leans forward, invading my full line of vision with his presence. It’s disconcerting.

I find myself leaning back just a hair farther than before so I can breathe and focus my thoughts.

“The nurses? You say they are leaving?” he repeats.

“Um, yes.” Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he does have a girlfriend, and I’ve just told him she has been sent packing. “They said those that are going have wanted to for quite some time. I was a little confused because they hired on extra women like me due to a shortage of nurses, but, of course, that could also be why they needed new people. To make up the difference.”

Phillip squints.

I clear my throat and offer a weak smile. “Anyway, all of us in this unit get our own place to live.”

He hasn’t taken his eyes off mine. A good solid minute must go by before he leans back in the booth. His features soften, though maybe with great effort.

“A place all to yourself, huh? Got to say I’m a little jealous.”

I’m about to respond when a vaguely familiar voice interrupts me.

“Jane?”

I look over my shoulder and see Cody, looking completely healthy and very handsome tonight. He has a big smile that lights up his whole face. It’s a lot different from the brooding man who sits across from me now.

“Cody!” I shout before I stand and give him a hug. He squeezes me and lifts me off the ground before setting me down. “How are you?”

“Better.” He looks me up and down. “You look amazing. Not that you don’t look mighty fine in that doctor’s outfit of yours.” He winks. “I believe all the men in the hospital have a hard time keeping things professional.”

I flush crimson and quickly peek at Phillip. He’s glaring at Cody and looking upset again. Turning back to Cody, I force a smile on my face. Cody shifts on his feet and looks at Phillip and then back to me.

“Well, nice seeing you again. Hope to see you around.” Cody nods at Phillip and Phillip nods in return without smiling.

I don’t know what possesses me, but I kiss Cody on the cheek.

He startles and his eyes widen while bouncing back and forth from me to Phillip.

“See you soon, Cody.”

He nods, a smile barely forming on his lips, and disappears in the crowd.

Stalling for time, I sit down, set my napkin on my lap, and mess with my food while I pretend what I did didn’t just happen. When I finally have the courage to look up, his face holds no emotion.

“Friend of yours?” he finally asks.

I pick up a fry and pop it in my mouth. The kiss was completely unprofessional. Cody must think I’m some floozy. But, something about Phillip makes me want to needle him—to give him a valid reason to scowl at me. I’m playing with fire, and I know it as I stare into his heated eyes.

My stomach flutters. Clearing my throat, I finally respond. “I took care of him when he was wounded. He almost died.” Thinking back to that day, I can still picture all the blood—the look on Cody’s face when he thought he wasn’t going to make it. Honestly, I thought at one point I’d lose him. I love what I do, but the aftermath can be devastating.

Something rough but warm covers my hand, and it immediately comforts me. Phillip has his hand on mine, and I look from his hand to his concerned face.

“I didn’t mean to bring up something like that. I’m sorry.”

“You know, for someone that always gets upset when I’m around, you sure do have your hands on me a lot.” My eyes go wide at what I’ve just said. What would prompt me to say that?

Phillip removes his hand and clears his throat. “You’re right.”

“Besides, you must have a girlfriend or a wife . . .”

His eyes instantly harden, and his jaw dangerously clenches with strained effort. “You saying I’m the type of man who would cheat?”

“I’m saying most men in your position get lonely.”

He leans in, much like before, but with purpose as he commands my eyes to look into his. If looks could kill.

“I don’t cheat,” he says roughly.

A chill goes down my spine, first from fear and then from excitement. I can’t move as his gaze travels down to my mouth, lingering just a moment before returning to my eyes. Then he sits back suddenly, and once again leaves me a flustered bunch of nerves.

What did I see in his eyes earlier—hatred, hurt? I’m not quite sure, but something tells me I may have rubbed salt in an all too fresh wound.

“I’m sorry. That was mean and uncalled for.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He places his elbow on the table and rests his chin in his hand.

“Yes, it does,” I whisper softly. “What happened?”

“It doesn’t . . . oh, this?” He twists his hand back and forth.

“Looks painful. From practice?”

He laughs. “You could say that.”

I stare down at my hands, and my mind drifts to Kevin again and how he is much like Phillip in lots of ways—same career and same confident nature. Memories of him are mostly unpleasant, and my mood sours. This isn’t right. I have to stay away from him. He isn’t good for me.

“Excuse me,” I say, getting up from the table. It’s my turn to leave. Plus, I could use some fresh air.

Walking into the crowd, I search for Mandy, who is nowhere to be found. I’m starting to lose hope when someone comes up beside me. For a second, I allow myself to hope it’s Phillip coming to console me, but then his hands wrap around my hips. These aren’t Phillip’s hands. They’re much too small.

Turning around, I come face to face with some guy who has one thing and one thing only on his mind. He’s handsome but drunk out of his mind.

“What’s the rush, sweet thing? Looking for company?”

“Oh, no . . . uh, I just need to get through, please.”

His hands slide down and grasp the upper part of my behind. A sudden panic attack threatens and my chest feels heavy. The music and happy chatter around me get louder. God, I can’t think. I just want him to leave me alone. I don’t want his hands on me.

“I think you don’t know what you want.” His warm beer breath invades my nose. My stomach starts to heave.

“No, really. I just need some fresh air.”

Drunk man pulls me against him and whispers into my ear, “I’ll go with you.”

“I believe the lady said no,” a deep threatening voice says.

Phillip?

Philip tosses the man across the room. The crowd around us scurries in every direction, leaving Phillip alone in the center. His fists clench as he goes to where the drunk man landed. He bends down and lifts up the guy by his hair. Phillip quietly talks to the drunk man who nods agreeably.

My insides clench from not knowing what he’s going to do or say.

What is he saying?

“Oh my God, what happened? Are you all right?” Mandy asks as she rushes to me. Ryan heads over to Phillip.

“I’m fine,” I assure her, though I’m a little shaken.

Mandy looks at the scene before us and then gives me a doubtful look. “Well, you are now. Mr. Big Shot Sexy Pants came to the rescue.”

I wave her off. “The guy put his hands on me. He’s also a bit tipsy, but he didn’t do anything.”

“Yeah, because Phillip stopped it before anything started. Don’t worry, though.” She glances at the men. “Ryan will calm him down.”

She’s right. Ryan is doing an amazing job calming him down. Phillip scratches his chin and looks at me. When his eyes meet mine, they soften. He nods his head and walks over to me as Ryan helps the man off the dirty, wooden floor.

“Sorry about that,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “That was a bit overboard.”

I wrap my arms around myself to fight a sudden coldness. I hate unwanted attention especially like that of the drunkard. It evokes too many nightmares. “It’s okay. Thank you.”

He smiles, making everything better.

The crowd finally settles down and continue with their conversations and dancing.

“You ready?” Ryan asks Mandy.

“Yeah, I’m taking Ryan home.” She smiles at me. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Do I mind? Yes, I mind. She’ll take him home, and I’ll have to stay over most of the night while they get more acquainted.

“I’ll take her,” Phillip says. All eyes turn to him.

“You sure, boss?” Ryan asks.

Phillip turns to me, a slight smile on his lips. “I don’t mind if Jane doesn’t.” Everyone looks at me expectantly. Like I can say no. Frankly, I’m tired. Today has been stressful, and I need to go home and think about Phillip’s mixed reactions.

“That’d be fine. Thanks.”

“Oh, I still need to pay my bill.” Mandy opens her purse.

Ryan puts his hand on hers to stop her. “I’ve already taken care of it.”

“Yours is paid, too,” Phillip says to me.

Huh?
When?

“Um, thanks.”

“Not a problem. I’ll bring the truck around.” Phillip leaves to get the truck, and Ryan and Mandy take off.

I wait outside under the blanket of stars and wonder if they’re getting serious. They seem to really like each other. And someday, way down the road, I’d love to have what they have.

Someday
.

Phillip comes to a stop, quickly gets out of a big black truck and opens my door. Once I’m in, he shuts the door and gets back in on his side.

I can’t make anything out on his face. He’s very good at hiding emotions it seems. Except when he’s throwing drunken men off damsels in distress. I grin to myself.

“What’s so funny,” he asks as he shuts his door and starts the engine.

“Nothing.”

He keeps silent as he drives.

I wonder what being a soldier in the army means to him. And for him. They leave at the drop of a hat. Who knows if we’ll ever see each other again. He never knows where he’ll be sent or if he’ll get badly injured or killed on a mission. It shouldn’t hurt just to talk. Maybe he is lonely as I suspected earlier. Even with Mandy and Lily, I’m lonely. Nothing wrong with trying to at least be acquaintances, right?

Staring out the window, I try to summon the courage to speak.

“I’m sorry about that back there,” he says in a thick voice that breaks the silence.

I wait to see if he will say anything more.

“I sometimes forget that not everyone is a criminal.”

I turn in my seat to face him. “It’s okay. I guess I can understand that.”

He peers at me and then looks at the road. “You can tell me it’s none of my business, but a few times you’ve hinted that you’re all too familiar with what I do.”