The Heart's Shrapnel (5 page)

“I hope the girls are okay.”

His brows furrow. “Why wouldn’t they be?”

“Well, just you never know with . . . Not that I think your friends are bad,” I rush out. “But . . .”

“Does my uniform offend you, Jane?”

“What? No. I wasn’t trying to say that.” I don’t mean to, but I stare at his uniform longer than necessary. I’ve always found any military uniform to be sexy, but certain events changed that for this one in particular.

“You know what, it’s getting late. I need to go.” He stands from the table. “Have a good night, Jane.”

“Phillip, wait.” I grab his arm.

He looks at my hand and then turns away. He won’t look at me.

“I didn’t mean anything by that. I’m sorry. Please believe me. Never would I dream of offending someone like that. I’m . . . I don’t know. I’m just a mess right now. And that was rude of me.”

“It’s fine. Take care.” He leaves.

I feel horrible for ruining what was a great night. Why do I have to let my fears run my life?

Phillip

I pay for the girls’ tabs along with the guys’ and get the hell out of dodge.

We were doing great. Well, not great, but adequate. That was until she had the nerve to look at me like she did—like I wasn’t good enough because of the uniform I wear. The fact that I even care what she thinks pisses me off. I don’t have the time, nor the privilege, to worry about something like this. I have a job to do. People depend on me, damn it. And she doesn’t know this, but this uniform represents something special to me.

I hop in my truck and head back to the place I share with the three guys. Dylan and Ryan are going to be pissed I left them, but I sure as hell couldn’t stay. When she looked at me as if everything about me disappointed her, I took it as a challenge. She has no idea who I am.

Her jasmine scent clings to me like a damned disease. I’ll have to take several showers to remove it, but it won’t help. I’ve committed it to memory.

Trying to steer my thoughts, I think of my mission, but it’s pointless. I can’t think of anything but her. Giving in, I allow myself to get lost in her beauty. Yeah, she’s beautiful all right—the kind of beautiful that cuts deep and leaves you to pick up the pieces. I can’t let myself get trapped again. Not after Kathleen. But, the more I try to forget her, the more I remember. Her bright eyes—a chocolate brown that matches her hair. Her skin was soft as cotton. I’d almost forgotten how good a woman’s touch can be, and I wanted it—I still do. She stormed into my life and reminded me.

I had entertained the idea of kissing her. What the hell’s wrong with me?

My phone rings, jolting me out of my personal mind battle.

“McClintock,” I snap into the phone.

“Any new leads?” the voice on the other end asks.

I pause, turn the cell away from my mouth, and utter a curse.

“No. Nothing yet. Just my hunches to go on.”

“I’m counting on you, McClintock. Do whatever’s necessary. We can’t mess this up. The other groups were informed as well. Tell those in yours. I’ll be checking in as soon as I can. Destroy this phone. Get a new one.”

The line goes dead.

I toss the phone in the passenger seat and slam my hand hard on the steering wheel. I’ve been here for a week, and nothing new has come up. Leonard and Dylan arrived here a few months before me. Same thing. Nothing.

I park my truck, head inside my place, and go straight to the fridge. I don’t even bother with the lights. After taking out a beer, I head to the couch, fall back on it, and take a swig.

I’m going to catch the scumbag. Me and my men will make sure of it.

Something has me on edge. This past week I’ve been going out of my mind. I feel so close and yet so far away from the truth I can barely take it. All I need is a break, one false move and I’ll have him. Or them.

The sound of crunching gravel puts me on alert. Removing my gun from my holster, I flatten my back against the wall and peek out the window. It’s a vehicle I don’t recognize. Clutching the gun with both hands, I wait.

I shut my eyes and listen for any new sounds. My head whips to the main door where someone is jiggling the knob. I move over, place my hand on the knob, and throw open the door. It’s so dark I can’t see who the intruder is, but I put the bastard in a headlock.

“Dude,” the voice squeaks out.

What the?

I shake my head and squint, trying to see in the dark. “Ryan?” Immediately I let go and turn on the lights.

Ryan is on the floor, grasping his neck. “What the hell, man?” He pants as he looks up.

Putting my gun back in its holster, I help him up. Headlights shine through the windows as the car pulls away.

Dylan walks in just moments later and goes from happy drunk to scared shitless. “
Mierda
. What happened?” he asks.

Ryan rights himself, a look of irritation masking his face as he wipes his hands down the front of his shirt. “Ask him.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”

“Oh? Why not? Could it be because you left us at Francesca’s to find a ride home?” Ryan’s voice drips with sarcasm, and his neck is red from where I squeezed.

Shit, I could have killed him. “I’m sorry about that, okay. I had to get out of there.” I throw my now empty beer bottle in the trash in the kitchen and lean against the counter, crossing my legs at the ankles.

I’m losing it.

Dylan takes a seat at the kitchen table while Ryan gets into the fridge for some water. Ryan looks at me. “Well, thank goodness those ladies were nice enough to drive us or we’d have had to walk here.” He stops to take a drink. “What the hell was that about anyway? One minute I see you chatting it up with that chick, and the next thing I know, you’re flying out of there like your ass was on fire.”

“Nothing. I don’t want to discuss it.”

“Yeah, you never want to discuss it. Dude, there is nothing wrong with being friendly with a sexy woman once in a while. Hell, Amy keeps on giving you the signals she’s interested. And you can’t tell me that you and she haven’t been getting cozy. You told me you had.”

Hearing Ryan call Jane sexy has my jaw ticking with anger that comes out of left field. What the hell do I care if he finds her attractive? She is. Anyone with eyes can see that.

And I don’t give a shit about this Amy person.

“I almost kissed her. It was careless.” I face him head on, and he cowers back slightly. Taking note, I back away. “Sorry about the headlock.”

Ryan pauses before speaking. “It’s fine. But, listen man. I get that you’re dealing with some personal shit recently, and I get that out in the field you don’t want to risk thinking about it. But, when we are off, you need to have a life. I mean—look at you!” He gestures toward me.

With what he’s saying, he could really be talking about me. But, his remark only raises questions.

“What personal shit?”

He snorts. “Don’t act like I’m an ignorant ass. You’ve been acting strange ever since you came back from our last mission. And I’m not talking about the mental effect it usually has on a soldier. It’s something different.”

Here’s my lead.

I look at Dylan.

His mouth thins, but I ignore it.

“I’m fine. We’re here to do a job and
only
that,” I say. “My personal shit has to stay in the background.” My voice sounds harsh, so I soften it as much as I can. “Thank you for your concern, but this is how it needs to be. I’m going to take a shower, then get some rest. You two should do the same. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

“You’ve gotten the call?” Dylan whispers as he stands from the table. Ryan has gone to his room.

“Yes. Things need to speed up.”

“Listen,
mi amigo
. I get that I may have gotten a little carried away tonight. But you probably shouldn’t get involved with this girl. Women can be intuitive. Then they start asking questions. She could ruin it for you. She thinks you are a soldier in the United States Army. You aren’t. You’re a CID agent and your name is Wes. Not Phillip, even if you are the spitting image of him. Remember that.”

Yes, I know my own name. And, yes, I know exactly what Jane thinks of me. And I don’t think knowing I’m CID and not a soldier will change her opinion of me.

I hear what Dylan is saying, though. I’ve never gotten involved with someone while on a mission. I’d be stupid not to take his advice. He’s been doing what I do for the same number of years. He’s one of my best friends. But he’s wrong.

“
No one
will stop me from finding my brother’s killer.”

Jane

The hospital is slightly more demanding than the one we were trained in when we first arrived. Out of the ten women, Mandy and I were the only ones sent here. The others were sent off to some small clinic. Apparently they didn’t make the cut but were still deemed useful.

“Summers,” a nurse shouts over all the chaos.

I turn in her direction.

She’s wheeling someone in and fast. “We’ve got a gunshot wound to the abdomen. Take him down for surgery.”

As she pushes the stretcher up against the wall, I try to assess the situation quickly. It’s a male in his early twenties. His face contorts with pain.

“Did the bullet go all the way through?” I lift him forward as gingerly as possible, but he still screams in agony.

“I didn’t see an exit wound,” the nurse responds.

I examine his lower back more closely. She’s right. No exit wound. Setting him back, flush against the bed, I talk to him. Hopefully to put him at ease so I can get some answers.

“Sir, my name is Jane, and I will be the doctor taking care of you.”

He grits his teeth and strains to open his eyes; breathing heavily.

“Cody. Cody Shotwell.” He extends a shaking bloodied hand, and I smile as I take it in mine. “Ironic, huh?”

Smiling from his humor at a time like this, I say, “Nice to meet you, Cody, although I wish it were under better circumstances.” I offer another small, reassuring smile, and he returns it.

He’s so well mannered and polite.

“Cody. What happened?”

He laughs through the pain. “Some recruit forgot to turn on the safety.”

“Seems to happen a lot around here.”

“Unfortunately.”

Grabbing the bed, I wheel him down to surgery.

“We’ll get you all fixed up.”

Shouting out orders to the few nurses helping me, I prep for surgery alongside Dr. Green. Once I’m fully scrubbed and gloved, I go to Cody. Fear grips me as I see his body go limp. He’s barely moving, and he’s white as a ghost. Then I see it. That look one gives when they silently plead for their life. And he does so right at me.

“He’s flat-lining!” Dr. Green shouts.

The staff comes rushing over and set out everything I’ll need. I order one of the ladies to charge the paddles.

“Clear!”

His body jolts up from the bed.

Nothing.

“Clear!” I shout again.

Nothing still.

I’m starting to sweat. I’d told this man I was going to get him better. What if he dies? What if he has a wife and child? I can’t accept this.

“Clear!” This time, the sounds of the monitor spring to life as Cody gasps for air. I start to tear up at how close he came to dying.

He blinks a few times. “Am I healed?”

I laugh through my tears, and the other nurses start laughing, too. Cody looks at us as if we’ve gone insane.

Placing my hand on his shoulder, I say, “I’m sorry, tough guy, but I’m afraid we haven’t even started yet.”

He raises a brow in confusion. “But—my chest feels like some fat chick has been sitting on it. I assumed it was from the surgery.”

I shake my head. “Sorry, no fat chicks. You flat-lined. We had to jolt your heart a few times to wake you back up if you will.” I leave him long enough to grab the general anesthesia.

As I administer it, I say, “Here you go. You won’t feel a thing. When you wake up, I’ll be here, and you’ll be all better.”

Cody relaxes as I place the mask over his nose and mouth and turn on the gas. He’s out in seconds. The surgery takes roughly a half hour. The bullet went deep but didn’t puncture any major organs. He’ll be here at least a week to heal.

It’s the end of the day, and Mandy and I throw all of our things on the living room floor and fall onto the couch exhausted. Lily had sent a text earlier, saying she would be in bed by the time we arrived.

“Must have been a rough day out there for the men, because it was hell for us.” Mandy rubs her eyes as she yawns.

I thought about that during my shift. More than I probably should have. Men were coming in left and right, all for various things, and we couldn’t seem to keep up. That man at the party, Phillip, kept creeping up into my thoughts at the most random times. I couldn’t concentrate. His dark hair and piercing hazel eyes kept taunting me. Then I’d get angry at the rejection I felt when he stormed out.

“Yeah, it was stressful,” I say absentmindedly.

I hear Mandy laugh. “You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” She shifts a little, looks me in the eyes, and folds her arms across her chest.

I sit up and scoff. “No! I was just thinking about my rough day at the hospital.”

Mandy watches me closely as I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Like I believe that.” She snorts. “Please. That guy was smoking hot, and you’d be an idiot not to think so. I’d go for him myself, but he seemed very disinterested in women—except you.”

I check to see if she’s angry or teasing. The last thing I need is to get I a fight over a guy with a roommate. Not that I would fight over a man, but some women can be so caddy. Mandy doesn’t give me that impression, but she does like men perhaps a little too much.

“Why would you say that?” I worry my hands to feign interest.

It’s Mandy’s turn to scoff. “Phillip, that’s his name, right? He looked like he wanted to eat you for breakfast. I was getting hot and bothered just looking at how he was eyeing you.”

Yeah, I can imagine. I felt that powerful, magnetic pull. But, something tells me this Phillip guy is a loner. I can’t shake the image of how disinterested and cold he was those first few moments I met him.

“Doesn’t matter anyway, I suppose,” she continues. “A man like that isn’t looking for a relationship, let alone settling down.” She glances over and studies me. “And, let’s face it, honey, you aren’t the kind of girl who wants a onetime thing.”

I sigh. She’s right. Phillip is the kind of man I need to forget. He’s the kind of man I never wanted to meet again. After Kevin, my interest in anyone in a uniform has diminished. Never again will I allow myself to succumb to their advances.

***

I miss home. Another week has gone by without one single phone call to my family. The only one I had was the day I left for Germany assuring them that everything was fine and that I was going to be learning so many new things. It’s been nonstop ever since.

Today, after Mandy and I arrived at work, I overheard some women saying that a few nurses had been called back home. Must be the nurses we’re filling in for.

“Hey, girl.” Mandy comes up behind me and drapes her arms loosely around my neck.

Grabbing my clipboard, I scan down the list of patients that I need to check on before our shift is over. “Yes.”

She laughs. “Our shift is almost over . . . and it’s Friday.”

“What?” I’m only half listening as I check off the names of people I’ve already helped for the day. “Yeah, listen. I can’t go tonight. I just want to stay in—maybe take a bath and relax.”

Mandy unlinks her arms from around me and pouts. “You’re such an old grandma sometimes, you know that? Ugh.”

I smile at her dramatics.

“Anyway, Lily is going over to Dylan’s. I swear if you only knew how wrong that is—her being more fun than you.”

I finally look up from my chart. “Is there a point to all of this, Mandy?”

“Yes,” she whines while bouncing back and forth. “I don’t want to go to that crappy place by myself. Have you seen some of the men in there? I’ll get eaten alive!”

I roll my eyes. I know perfectly well what she is trying to do, and it won’t work. She’s a woman who can handle herself. It didn’t take me long to discover that.

“Mandy, really, I can’t—”

“Please, oh please. You do remember that due to the extra rooming available, we’ll be getting our own place, and I won’t be able to see you, ever?”

“We work together,” I remark.

“Yeah, but that’s not the same. We can’t exactly bond over a bleeding man with his guts hanging out.”

“Wait, wait a minute,” I hold up a hand to stop her. “What do you mean we’ll each have our own place? They building on?”

“No, I was talking with Chatty Kathy, and she said that since a few went home that’s been here a while, we’ll all get a place of our own. Isn’t that cool?”

“I guess.” Walking over to Mr. Simms, I grab his chart and start taking his vitals with Mandy in tow.

She isn’t going to take no for an answer. She’s so close that we’re practically sharing the same lab coat.

“It’s that Sex God, isn’t it? That’s why you don’t want to go. Afraid you’ll not be getting plenty of sleep after all?”

“Seriously Mandy? I’ve just met him.”

“Ha! Like that matters.”

Yeah, probably not. “Look, the last time didn’t go so well.”

She abruptly turns me around to face her, and the clipboard almost falls out of my hands. “Shut the front door! What happened? What did you say? Or rather, what did he do?” her voice lowers.

I’m glad she’s amused. I wasn’t. I walk over to my next patient and prepare his meds. Of course, Mandy follows. “I just said some things that he didn’t take kindly to.”

“Huh? Like what? You’re perfect.”

“Oh, please. Far from it.”

“So, what did you say. It couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Good night, Henry,” I say to my patient before walking to the back to grab my things and leave for the night. “It’s not so much what I said—more of what I was implying, which was I didn’t like him because of his uniform.”

“Damn. That is bad.”

“Gee, thanks.” I reach inside my locker and grab my purse. Mandy does the same in her locker.

“But, why the hell would you imply that? Were you that drunk? You must get mean when you’ve had a few, huh?”

“Look. It was wrong and I feel terrible. But I’d rather not talk about it. It’s another story I’d rather forget about.”

Mandy’s look turns suspicious. I know she is thinking about the bruises she saw the first night in the bathroom.

“Fine. But, I really need you to be there. Plus, it sounds like you’ve got some smooching to do to this sexy soldier.”

Did she have to add that? Exasperated, I say, “Yes, Mandy. Fine, I’ll go.”

Mandy bounces on her feet again and claps her hands in excitement. As we make our way to the main lobby, men watch her with grins on their faces. They’ve come to know both of us pretty well as they all come and go. We both make it our mission to take the time to listen to them and take an interest in their lives. I might go overboard by staying after my shift to keep up the conversations, but it’s enjoyable and makes me feel like I’m helping.

With the relationships I’ve formed and the supposed new place I’ll have eventually all to myself, I’d say this job just might be better than I’d originally thought.