The Heaven I Found In Hell (24 page)

"Come on, Cindy. That's harsh." Nathan said, sounding forceful.

I heard Cindy let out a small groan of resentment, and immediately, I knew why she didn't like Nathan backing me up. She wanted his attention.

"Well, did you think that when you dumped me for some other...I don't know...!" She answered in a loud voice. "That was harsh too!"

"I did not dump you..." Nathan returned, in a much calmer voice than Cindy's. "We weren't even together in the first place."

I rolled my eyes at Nathan's idiocy. What he said was far from being the right thing. In fact, he might have hurt and angered Cindy even more, but he looked like he didn't really care. By the determination in his eyes, I saw that what he wanted was to tell Cindy straight to her face that she shouldn't bring up the fact that he wasn't going to take her back anymore. That is if they were even together to begin with. Cindy let out a very short shriek, before she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Stop it, Nathan. You're the one being harsh right now." She said, tears starting to well up in her eyes.

As a girl, I guess...it's normal to get teary-eyed, but beginning to cry? In front of everyone? Hell...I'd say she just wanted some attention, even more, Nathan's attention, and unfortunately for me, it was working. Nathan was born caring, and even though Cindy made him look like an ass by telling us how he just dumped her, he couldn't stop himself from helping someone in need. And right now, here he was making his way to Cindy's side, as he enveloped her into a tight embrace. I willed the Gods to make Nathan stop, and did they listen...? Hell no. Nathan and Cindy stayed so close to each other for a good five minutes, and to take advantage of her nearness with Nathan, the Homecoming Queen's hands found their way to Nathan's cheeks, and cupped them. To get rid the discomfort everyone was feeling, I let out a fake cough, and immediately Nathan pulled away. I looked at him, and saw no emotion on his face, but I quickly figured out that he was just deep in thought by the way he wrinkled his forehead.

"I guess I’m going to look for Charlie now." I said to them, not at all excited by the thought of sharing saliva with someone I didn't know a damned thing about, except that he was a geek. Sorry for being so straight, but that's just the way I am.

I guess what I said brought Nathan back to his senses since he immediately looked up, before he blinked his eyes rapidly. He turned to me and gave me an are-you-serious look, and in return I nodded at him.

"Hey, it's not like I have a choice..." I said, sounding sad (definitely). "I lost fair and square."

Before I started to walk, and look for Charlie, Nathan tried to change Cindy's mind for the second time tonight. God...He was such a sweetie, and the more my feelings towards him grew. How could I not like him? He was always there for me when I needed help, nothing serious (so far) though.

"Don't I have a say in this? I won too!" Nathan tried, as he held his hands up in the air for exaggeration.

The whole of us retreated back to our table, since the middle of the dance floor wasn't really the right place to have a serious talk like this. Kendra, Jackson, and Natalie decided to sit down, but the rest of us remained standing.

"I'll let you choose who Anthony will kiss, and I won't interrupt." Cindy said, looking a little bit pissed off...at me. By the way she looked at me with that deep unmoving glare of hers I knew I had it going on. She wanted me to vanish from their sights. I just knew it.

"Cindy...that's unreasonable. You know I’ll choose my sister for Anthony since you know..." He reasoned out, before stating the obvious, "...they're together."

Cindy let out a grunt, before she threw her arms up in the air in surrender. She gave all of us a loud 'hmph' before she turned to Nathan, and gave him the evil eye. Nathan who had no idea why Cindy was acting all messed up, tried to calm her down by telling her that she was acting immaturely, and that she should stop, but what the other winner was doing actually angered her even more...and she cracked.

"Fine! I don't care anymore! I don't give a damn who she'll kiss! You decide since you're always objecting to every one of my decisions!" She went off, and the rest of us couldn't help but leave our mouths open in shock.

A few heads turned, and I knew in that instant, people were going to start whispering. We were going to be the center of rumors and gossip, like always, and that annoyed me. It wasn't like the magazine articles weren't enough...but what irritated me really was the way Cindy was acting, like a complete child, lost. She was now crying, breaking down in front of us, and each of us looked at each other, hesitating to decide if we were going to help her. It was Nathan who stepped forward, and when he reached his arm out for Cindy to take, the stupid blonde took it immediately, and pulled him closer to her. She was making me jealous without even knowing it, and sooner or later, I was just going to crack like her.

"Forget it. If kissing Charlie will make you act like the adult you are, I'll do it. Are you happy now?" I said, not at all feeling sorry for her. What was I supposed to be sympathetic about anyway? It's not my fault Nathan didn't go to the dance with her, and it's not my problem that the guy she had her eyes for was one of my most trusted friends and that we spent most of our time together (with Riley)!

"Alex...you don't have to...really..." That was Nathan for you.

"No!" I shouted, about to crack. "I'll fucking do it since the Queen asked me to! And of course what the Queen wants, she gets!"

Oh god...I was acting just like Cindy...

"This isn't about you kissing Charlie! Okay?" Cindy said, confusing me the more. "It's about Nathan liking you!"

WHA?

"Wha-...What?" I asked in disbelief. 
No, it couldn't be
...I knew the right thing for me to do was to jump with joy...but in this situation, it just seemed so wrong with all that was going on.

I turned to Nathan just to see how he'd react, and to my surprise, he wasn't correcting Cindy, or doing anything to stop her or tell the rest of us that what the blonde said was a lie. He just kept his gaze on me the whole time, as if he was trying to tell me something. I looked away from him...
no...

"You got it wrong...Nathan likes someone else...he's going to tell me later..." I said, starting to rant.

Cindy rolled her eyes at me, irritated, before she let out a sigh and said, "Why would he ask you to the dance if he likes someone else? Shouldn't he have asked that girl?"

Honestly, I never thought of that.
 Why did he ask me really? 
And the more I grew curious. I turned my attention back to Nathan, and waited for him to speak, but nada. He remained silent, so I turned to the others, and waited for them to say something, something that was going to assure that what Cindy was saying were all crap, but like Nathan, they weren't stopping her. It even seemed like they were letting her continue, like they wanted me to believe what she was saying.

"Is this true?" I asked Nathan.

I felt happy and mad at the same time, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do in this kind of situation. Out of happiness should I tell him I returned his feelings? Or because of anger should I distance myself away from him? I was confused before, and all the more now. I turned my attention back to him, and waited for his response. In return, he simply nodded. Just a very small head movement. That was all.

"Can we go outside?" I asked, wanting to have a more private conversation with him.

He nodded again, and followed me out of the ballroom. We looked for a sitting room where there were only a few people, and when we found one, we took our seats beside each other. I crossed my legs, and then rested my hands on my lap, as I looked down at the carpeted floor. I didn't feel like looking at him, for different reasons that gave me a full palette of emotions. His stare had the ability to make me feel happy, nervous, and comforted and a lot more feelings depending on what he wanted to do to me. To keep myself safe, I settled my eyes on something lifeless. Something that wasn't going to give me any problems.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Was the first question I asked.

"Because I didn't want anything to happen..." He answered, sounding like he had done some grave sin.

I rolled my eyes at his answer, while my brain went on overdrive (again). The things he said contradicted each other, really.
 He liked me, but he didn't want anything to happen? 
I wanted to hate him at this moment since he was making me use my brain so hard. I sighed. My mind felt much worse now compared to every minute I had to endure of Calculus. I turned my attention back to him, before I gave him a stern look. I wanted him to know that this wasn't teasing time. He had to be serious with me, which made me feel unsure of myself. I'd never been serious with Nathan...

"You like me but you don't want anything to happen?" I asked, as I raised one of my eyebrows up at him.

He looked away from me, put his head down, and rested the palms of his hands at the back of his head. I heard him let out a soft slightly irritated groan, before he spoke up.

"It's your fault I don't want to be with you..." He said, confusing and irritating me more.

I was already damn-straight perplexed, but feeling seriously irritated with Nathan was a first. 
Was he blaming me for reasons I didn't even understand?

"My fault?" I said, trying to remain placid, though I felt like it wasn't working. "How the hell can it be my fault? I didn't even know you liked someone until we overheard Cindy!"

My voice raised which each minute passing, and at the same time I felt myself getting weak. Dancing was tiring enough, but confronting Nathan, and trying to get something out of a rock? That was the hardest job anyone could ever get. And lucky me since I got it! Sarcasm, mind you. I stood up from the couch, towering over Nathan which was a definite rarity, and before I put one arm over the other, my stern look never leaving my face. He remained sitting on the sofa, his hands covering his face, with a tired, thoughtful look, and I knew by his agitated posture that he didn't want to talk about 
this
.

"It's still your fault...the things you do..." He said, as he ran a hand through his soft tangled brown hair. "I can't stand them..."

"What are you talking about?"

He exhaled deeply, before he contemplated about his answer. I saw by the way his eyebrows furrowed together that he was thinking deeply, and even though he didn't want to talk about this topic, I felt what he felt. Both of us just needed to get over with it with our questions answered.

"I can't stand the way you play us guys..."

I had to laugh softly, just to hide the hurt I felt inside. The way he said it made me feel like a heartless prostitute, and I knew that he knew that he could've said his words in a much nicer way, but no...he had to use the word 'play' which made me feel like I was the sick Game Master and they, the guys, were the playing pieces I could control effortlessly. I guessed my silent laugh made him think that I was amused by his answer since he started shaking his head at me, looking disappointed.

"See...you're not hearing me..." He said, shoving my heartlessness even more to my face. "You're even laughing..."

I frowned at him, and sat down beside him on the couch again. I knew we weren't hearing each other right. He thought that I wasn't taking him seriously because I laughed, but really I was hurting because of how harsh he made me sound, and I thought that he was being mean, and apathetic about my feelings, but maybe, he just wanted me to know the whole truth without any left, right, or U-turns. In other words, he wanted to tell me the things he needed to say to me and get straight to the point.