The Hidden (26 page)

Getting up to throw away the empty cracker box, I stopped when I saw the nearby container of recyclables. There were two empty tin cans sitting on top (sliced cranberries), and a strange
thought crossed my mind. Of a game we used to play in elementary school. Telephone …

What the hell. I needed something to keep me occupied.

I grabbed the cans and rinsed them out, patting them thoroughly dry with a paper towel. Then I peeled off the labels and threw them away. I found the string in the junk drawer and pulled a sharp knife off the counter. Positioning the knife on top of the tin, I hammered down with my fist, and the blade poked a jagged hole through. I repeated the motion with the other can. Then I pulled out a long piece of string, threaded one end through the hole, and tied it into a large knot. I left plenty of slack and tied the other end into a knot in the hole of the other can.

Tucking the tins under my arm, I went back upstairs. I felt a little silly when I got there, glancing down at my homemade tin can telephones, and it took a couple of minutes to actually work up the courage to use them.

Wedging one of the tin cans in between two books to hold it still, I propped the books up by Caspian’s ear. Then I pulled the string until it was taut, and carried the other tin can into my closet. I was able to close the door and thread the string out under the bottom, so I could sit inside. Somehow it made me feel less silly if I didn’t have to face him as I spoke into an empty cranberry can.

I leaned my head back against the wall. “Testing, testing,” I whispered. “One, two, three.”

There was no reply, but I hadn’t been expecting one. I guess mostly what I’d been expecting was the chance for someone to listen.

“I don’t know if this is going to work,” I said, putting the open end of the tin can up to my mouth. “This is a game that I played once in third grade. The strings are pulled tight so you can hear sound and words across it. Like a telephone wire.”

The stuffed bear sitting next to me stared up with one glassy eye. I pulled him into my lap and stroked his dark, smooth fur.

“I’m really scared,” I whispered, hoping that somehow Caspian could hear me, wherever he was. “What if I can’t do it? What if I’m not strong enough? What if I tell the Revenants that I … I don’t want to die? What if I beg for a second chance?”

Tears burned behind my lashes, but I refused to let them fall. “Oh, Caspian. That’s what I’m afraid of most of all. What if I’m not strong enough to be with you?” I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can become nothing. If I can become just a shadow of life. And what if you think I don’t love you enough to want to be with you?”

I hugged the bear tightly against my chest.

“I have all of these thoughts always going around and around
in my head. I
want
to be with you. I want that more than anything. So how can there still be a part of me that doesn’t? How can there still be a part of me that wants to cling on? That wants things … other things. Like my shop.”

I closed my eyes and fell silent for a minute. It felt like I was betraying him somehow. By confessing all of this, I was exposing all of my inner secrets and fear. It was embarrassing. And overwhelming.

“I still want
you
, though,” I said. “But why do I have to choose? Everything I want, it comes with a price. I
should
be happy that I get to be with you. And yet I want …”

I put the tin can down. Pulled it away from my lips. I couldn’t tell him what I really wanted; him
alive
, and Kristen alive, and Vincent Drake out of the picture and no more Revenants hanging around.

Lifting the can back up for my farewell, I whispered, “All I want is for you to know that I love you. And I hope I’m strong enough for you.”
And I wish you could hear these words …

Caspian finally woke up two days later, on Friday, the day of the Hollow Ball, and I was sick with worry about him the whole time he was asleep. Cacey had eventually called me back, but I hadn’t answered the phone, and she didn’t leave a message. He
couldn’t remember how much time he’d lost, and that scared me. We didn’t really talk about it, though. What else was there to say?

On the way to school that morning, I took a quick side detour through the cemetery, and Caspian went with me. Kristen’s grave was only a foot away, but I felt apprehension fill me as I drew closer. Tonight was a big night. Slowly I stepped up to the tomb-stone.

“Hey, Kris.” I brushed away some dead leaves scattered on top. “Tonight’s the Hollow Ball.” It was chilly outside and I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “I’m going with Ben. I hope that … I hope that’s okay.”

A weird, prickly feeling ran down the back of my scalp, and I glanced over. Standing across from me, on the far side of the cemetery, was an older man in a white suit, staring at me.

I squinted, and stared back, positive that I’d seen him somewhere before. He looked so familiar.

But the memory wouldn’t come to me.

“I have to get to school,” I whispered to Kristen. “I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be thinking about you. I miss you. And I love you.”

I laid my hand on the top of the stone, but when I looked up again, the man was gone.

It was toward evening that Ichabod arrived at the castle of Heer Van Tassel, which he found thronged with the pride and flower of the adjacent country.

—“The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”

I
made last-minute plans with Beth and Ben for the Hollow Ball right after the bell rang for last period. “Are we doing the limo at seven or seven thirty tonight?” Ben asked. “I have to let the driver know.”

“Seven thirty,” I answered. Beth nodded her agreement.

“Your dress is red, right?” Ben said.

“How did you—”

“I told him,” Beth said. “Yeah, it’s red,” she confirmed.

“I’ll stick with a red bow tie, then, and I’ll be there around seven thirty to pick you up. I’ll be wearing my sexay suit.” Ben wiggled his eyebrows at us before turning to walk away.

Beth laughed, and I rolled my eyes at him. But I couldn’t help a small smile either.

“Are you going to the salon with me?” Beth asked as soon as he was gone. “My aunt works there and she does hair and makeup. I can totally get her to squeeze you in.”

“Yeah, sure, I guess.” Hair, makeup, the dress … it all seemed like such a process to go through.

Beth squealed. “Awesome! Drop your books off, then, and let’s go, girl! Time is wasting, and we have to get beautiful.”

Caspian was nowhere to be found as I made my way to my locker, so I sent him a quick
Gng 2 do hair w/ Beth
text.

A few seconds later his text came through.
Ok, have a great time.

I turned to Beth with a forced smile.
This is fun,
I told myself as we headed outdoors.
Just go and have fun with your friend.

I tried to keep my thoughts, and my expression, happy as we drove to the salon. But even with nonstop laughter from all the other senior girls around us getting ready too, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that this was it. This was the last chance I was going to have to spend time with Beth and Ben. The Revs wouldn’t have been sticking around all this time if it wasn’t going to be soon. If the day I was supposed to die wasn’t almost here.

As false eyelashes were applied to my eyelids, and my nails
were buffed, trimmed, and painted, it became harder and harder to keep the smile on my face.

“Hair up, or down?” Beth’s aunt, Lucinda, asked.

I didn’t answer quickly enough, and Beth poked my arm.

“What do
you
think?” I asked her.

“If you want sexy, I’d suggest up.” Her smile turned mischievous. “And if the date goes
really
well, you can always let it down later.”

“What about half up, half down?” I said. I didn’t really want sexy for Ben. That just felt … weird. “Could we pull the one side back and maybe put a flower in?”

“Oooh, a red rose. Yes, that’s it,” Lucinda said. “With your coloring it will be beautiful.”

Beth was in the next chair over, getting her dark hair piled high and talking to Lucinda’s right-hand man about Grant. “Nice,” she said, pausing to eye me up as Lucinda got to work. “Good choice.”

“Thanks.” I smiled back at her.

When we were finally finished, Beth dropped me off at home. Caspian was upstairs, sitting in my desk chair. He was reading a book, so I entered my room quietly so I wouldn’t disturb him.

“Hey, Astrid,” he said.

My special name made my heart trip, and I went over to him. Even after all this time, my first instinct when I saw him was to try to put my arms around him. “Hi,” I said back shyly.

He gazed up at me. “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” My cheeks were on fire.

“Tonight’s the big night, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you be careful?”

“I will. Cacey said she and Uri will be there, so don’t worry about Vincent. Besides, I don’t think he’d try anything. Too public. He seems to prefer alone time when he’s terrorizing me.”

He stood up and moved close. “Be careful about Ben, too.” His tone was half joking, but the serious half was still there. “I know I was the one who pushed you into this, but you’re still my girl.”

I stood there for a while, just looking up at him, trying to convey what I was feeling without words. Eventually he cleared his throat and took a step away. “I don’t want to interrupt you. You should probably be getting ready.”

“Okay,” I said, mourning the loss of his closeness.

“Do you mind if I stay up here?” he asked softly, not meeting my eyes. “I don’t think I can see you. All … dressed up and stuff. For him.”

“No, no, that’s fine. I don’t want it to be awkward. In fact, I’m going to get dressed downstairs. More … room down there. Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

He nodded. “Of course. I like Ben. He’s a nice guy.”

I went over to the closet and put the white Victorian dress behind the red dress in its garment bag. I wanted to surprise Caspian with it, and this way I could put it on downstairs when I got home. A tight ball of nerves sprung up in my stomach.
Tonight, at midnight, will officially be November first. Caspian’s death day.

I was ready, and yet so
not
ready. What if he didn’t like the white dress? What if he thought it was too old fashioned, or hated the way it looked on me? What if …

No more what-ifs. One thing at a time. Hollow Ball now. Caspian tonight. Just get through the Hollow Ball with Ben first.

Hanging the dress over my arm, I nudged the closet door open and grabbed some black strappy shoes. “I guess I’ll see you when I get back, then?” I said to Caspian as I made my way out.

He nodded.

“Mom and Dad are leaving for the weekend tonight. They’ll be gone until Monday afternoon, so …” My throat felt tight, and I didn’t want to start crying and ruin all of Lucinda’s hard work. “I wish I was going with you,” I said softly. “I’ll miss you.”

Caspian nodded again, and with a final glance behind me, I walked out the door. Leaving my dead boyfriend behind so that I could go to the dance with someone else. All because he wanted me to.

Mom was beside herself with excitement when I went downstairs to get dressed, and kept checking on me every five seconds. After the fourth interruption I told her, “Just stop. Chill. If I need anything, I’ll call for you.”

But she had the camera ready when I finally came out of the bathroom, and immediately started snapping pictures.

“Mom, I’m not even completely dressed yet,” I said. “I need to put my shoes on.”

“I know, but—
snap—
this is such an exciting moment and I—
snap
—want to make sure I have pictures of everything.”
Snap
.

Ignoring her, I went to the couch and sat down to put my shoes on. But my dress was too tight to bend in, and I kept contorting myself at awkward angles. “Hey, Mom, I think I need some help now.”

She came right over. “I’m here. I’ll take care of it.”

I slid my foot into the shoe, using the edge of the couch for balance, and Mom buckled it. Then she did the other one.

Dad came into the living room as soon as she was done, and whistled. “You look beautiful, sweetheart.” Mom grabbed him and pulled him beside me to take some pictures as I glanced at the clock.

I still had fifteen more minutes of this until Ben would be here.

“All right, Mom,” I said through gritted teeth. “Let’s take some pictures.”

She posed me and Dad by the fireplace, by the window, in front of the fridge. Then she wanted some pictures of herself with me. We stood in front of the bathroom mirror, by a vase of flowers, in front of the steps …

I was never so happy to hear a car beep outside. Ben was early. By a whole minute.

“Oooh, good. He’s here! Now I can get some pictures of the two of you!” Mom squealed.

I glanced at Dad. “Don’t worry,” he whispered. “We’re leaving by seven fifty, so there won’t be too much more of this.”