The Honeymoon Trap (10 page)

A morning ritual, every morning of every day.

Eli sat watching, his expression inscrutable. He hadn’t said a word since she’d left the bathroom. ‘Multivitamins?’ he asked finally.

‘Some of them.’ Zoey reached for her coffee and slumped gracelessly back in her chair, she didn’t have the energy for much more than sitting, breathing, cradling hot coffee in her hands and worrying about how Eli was going to react.

Some people tended to back off a little once they knew what was wrong with her. Some got all smothery. As for what Eli would do, given the baggage he carried, the lovely dead Simone… who knew? She lifted her chin, took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘Do I smell omelets?’

‘Mushroom and bacon.’

Good food. Plenty of protein. Zoey would have some in a minute. Sophie would be pleased.

‘What are the rest of the pills for?’

Guess he wasn’t much of one for letting things pass. ‘You’re very direct.’

‘I like asking questions and getting answers.’ He tossed her own words of yesterday back at her and she winced and dredged up a rueful smile.

‘I have a congenital heart condition.’

He’d gone very still. He stayed that way for quite some time and then slowly, deliberately he pushed his half-eaten omelet to one side. ‘What does that mean?’

‘It means I get tired fast and that I’m a little thinner than I ought to be,’ she offered lightly, willing him to listen and to see that this didn’t have to be that big a deal. ‘Means I try not to get bacteria in my bloodstream because that would be bad. It means that getting pregnant and continuing with medication is going to require careful assessment of options and risks. There are other niggles but those are the highlights.’

Eli looked like a man who was trying hard to hold on to his composure. ‘No going out on the trawler for you.’

‘But I’d like to. Just once, to see what it is you do out there.’

‘We catch fish.’ Little bit of temper there, eking its way to that calm, collected surface. ‘Is there anything I need to look out for when it comes to this heart condition of yours? Symptoms? More symptoms?’

‘What you see now is about as symptomatic as it gets. I start to look a little pale. I warm up to the day a little slowly sometimes. I make up for it though – with enthusiasm and gluttony. Is one of those cinnamon rolls mine?’

He handed one to her in silence.

‘Eli,’ she said pleasantly.

‘What? More jam? Or juice? Probably juice. Coffee? Wait! Should you be having coffee?’

‘One cup’s not going to kill me. And if you don’t stop looking at me as if I’m about to break, I’m going to thump you. I may not be as big as your brothers, who doubtless also thump you on occasion, but I
will
make it count.’

‘You’ve just swallowed a fistful of pills and told me you have a heart problem. You need to dial back on the righteous indignation, Zoey. Now.’

She couldn’t. It was her only defense against the possibility that he might just get up and walk away, that he might not be able to deal at all well with having a person in his life who had a heart defect. ‘Let’s call it misguided indignation, then. The indignation stays.’

He didn’t like that. ‘How close have you come to dying?’

‘Almost dead doesn’t count.’

‘
Jesus
, Zoey. I’m pretty sure it
does
.’

‘Eli. Do me a favor and don’t dwell on it. I sure as hell don’t.’ She stood up and crossed to the table where he sat, and placed a palm to his cheek. Handsy again, but he didn’t call her on it, and then she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his temple. ‘It’s all good, healer. Live a little lighter. I’ll even show you how.’

His gaze took on a dangerous glint as he took her wrist and sat her none to gently back down in her chair. ‘You don’t think you might have mentioned this before we went swimming yesterday? Or before we worked ourselves into a lather last night?’

‘Would we have still gone swimming if I had? Mister
no going out on the trawler for you
. Would you have loved me the way you did last night if you’d thought me fragile and about to expire?’

He looked horrified. ‘
Were
you about to expire?’

‘
No!
For heaven’s sake, Eli, who’s got the overactive imagination now? I know my limits. I’ve reached them before. The swim yesterday was taxing but still within spec. Last night was downright divine. And if you think I’m going to live life by halves because it’d be safer, then you don’t know me very well.’

‘That’s the problem, isn’t it?’ He stood abruptly and ran a hand through his hair, his big body radiating tension. ‘I barely know you at all.’

So physical, this man she’d fallen for so deeply. So afraid of loving and losing. Of getting hurt.

‘Eli—If it’s any consolation, I’ve no more secrets,’ she offered quietly. ‘This is all of me. Right here and now, no costumes, just me, and it’s okay if you don’t like what you see anymore. It happens. Last night was a revelation and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.’ Eli flinched and she tried not to let her pain show. ‘I’d take up with you properly, in a heartbeat, because I look at you and really like what I see. But I haven’t forgotten that last night wasn’t real. No promises and no regrets – wasn’t that the agreement? It means that you don’t have to worry about my medication or illness or the limits of a malfunctioning heart. It’s not your problem.’

The look he shot her was vicious as he grabbed his car keys, wallet and phone from the bedside table. ‘I’m going for a walk.’

‘Lucky you.’

The door closed behind him.

Damn
.

Stupid mouth. Stupid, broken girl.

And one angry, hurting man.

Zoey pulled the omelet towards her and took half a dozen quick bites, swallowing them down because it was good for her to get food in her stomach now and because she did know how to take care of herself. An angry tear tracked hotly down her cheek as she pushed the half-finished omelet aside and reached for the melon and tried to figure out what she’d just done.

Waking up. Pain. Medication. Pain. Eli looking at her differently now. Pain.

A fogged-up brain and a deeply held longing for Eli Jackson to see her for all that she was, both good and bad, and want her anyway.

And then he’d come at her with questions and recriminations and she’d started coming apart at the seams. Pain, too much to bear, so she’d cut him loose.

Go away, Eli. Just go away.

Not two minutes later, and she wanted him back.

So much for her seize-the-day-and-pay-for-it-later philosophy. It really wasn’t working for her here. Neither was the one about living with no regrets, because she deeply regretted this.

Come back, Eli. Please. For me.’

Heaven help her, she was in love with the man.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, Zoey wrapped her arms around her legs and hugged them tight while the words
fixit fixit fix it
rattled around in her brain.

Okay, so Eli was a little fragile when it came to people dying on him, that was all. What she needed to do was show him that she was fearless and functional and so damn ready to have him in her life. See what he has to say
then
.

‘
Didn’t you just do that?
’ another little voice inside her head said.

Well, maybe she needed to do it again.

With added zest.

Chin up. Her chin came up and she listened to the beat of her heart. An old ritual this one, and one that had served her well. Nothing wrong with tears. She could still feel them tracking down her face. ‘Life is good. Life with me could be damn good.’

Don’t go. Eli, please. Let me show you.

Ten not entirely restful minutes later, Zoey got gingerly to her feet and made her way over to the big mirror over the fireplace to survey the damage.

Wild hair that stuck out every which way. A too pale face. Eyes dull with pain. That was what Eli had seen. This is me, she’d said to him.

She could do better than that.

She stuck out her tongue and made a face, oh so very childish now, but this too was ritual for when she looked in the mirror and saw her own limitations staring back at her. And then she squared her shoulders and straightened.

‘Hey you, I’ve seen you look better,’ she murmured, and watched resolve bleed into the mirror woman’s eyes. Time to cover up the blue, brush some color into her cheeks and show people what she was made of. Not Zoey the fragile, not Zoey the ill. Zoey the conqueror, in splendiferous fancy dress. Resilient. Above all, she was that, and if – no –
when
Eli came back he wasn’t going to see the sick girl. He was going to see a vibrant, loving woman who was easy to love and damn hard to resist.

Tapping her hands restlessly on the mantelpiece, Zoey thought her way through the contents of her suitcases. She needed a statement costume today. Nothing too formal. Definitely something heroic. Heroic but prone to mistakes. But not too many mistakes. A noble villain with a raggedy edge. Oh, yeah.

Hello, Captain. You’ll do.

Walking didn’t help. Eli could walk to Sydney and the thick rope of anger and remorse would still be there. She’d lied to him, goddammit, by omission if nothing else. Presenting herself as whole and loving and fearless and funny and…
no!

He couldn’t be in love with her already. He couldn’t.

It was just lust. Walk away when the weekend was over, no promises and no regrets. She’d said as much, several times over and he’d agreed to it. He could do this. Other people hooked up casually all the time.

Have fun at the con and take her out fishing on the way home if that was what she wanted, and…
no!

No goddamn way was he putting her on the boats. Wasn’t going to happen. Ever. All the wonder, energy and forthrightness in the world wasn’t going to make him change his mind on that.

He fished out his phone. He damn well needed to talk to someone; it was either that or go quietly insane. Caleb or Cutter? Or his mother? Caleb would listen and at least
try
to understand. Cutter would mock him and realize his mistake about two minutes later, but by then Eli would be in no mood to share. As far as talking to his mother about what he’d been up to last night…

Caleb it was.

‘Hey, how’s it going?’ Caleb asked when he heard Eli’s voice.

‘Yeah, convention’s good. Lots of people. Met a few. Made friends.’ He felt like a second grader reporting his school day… which, now he thought about it, was something he’d always done to Caleb as a kid.

‘How’s the dressmaker?’

‘Zoey.’

The way Eli said her name was enough to give Caleb a heads up. ‘Trouble in the honeymoon suite?’

‘I like her.’

‘And this is a bad thing?’

‘She has a heart condition.’

He could almost hear Caleb thinking. ‘How bad?’

He’d half drowned her, made her orgasm in the shower, hadn’t let her finish her sweets and then screwed her senseless. She was still breathing. That was good, right? ‘I don’t know. I like her a lot and she has a heart problem and if you tell me that a person can get killed while walking across the road I’m going to kill
you
.’

‘Easy, Eli. It’s not the end of the world. It’s not as if you’re in love with he—oh,
hell
. No.’

Finally, they were on the same wavelength.

‘How? How can you be in love with her? You’ve only known her two days!’

‘Three. And two years’ worth of Friday afternoon computer games.’

‘What about Simone, your one true love? Remember her?’

‘I do remember her. I remember the way she smiled and the sun in her hair and I remember listening to her goddamn eulogy. What if it happens again? What if Zoey dies too?’

‘Okay, putting aside the fact that you left here
three days ago
still pining for your one dead love, you can’t think like that, man. If that’s what’s in your head you need to get gone and leave the goddamn sick girl alone. Sounds like she has enough on her plate without you and your emo bullshit making it worse.’

He’d forgotten that Caleb could be just as ruthless as Cutter when it came to ripping a person apart.

‘
If.
If
you plan on letting this girl stick around, you need to come to terms with her not being as healthy as she could be.’ Caleb’s voice had hardened. ‘Keep a better eye on her. Find out what she needs in order to stay on top of things. Watchfulness… paying attention to the little details that others miss and getting all up in their faces about it… isn’t that what you do?’

‘That’s not what she’s wanting from me.’

‘What does she want?’

She’d told him already. Zoey had been totally upfront about the way she intended to live her life. Full speed ahead and no regrets. ‘She wants to live life fully.’

‘Big, bad wishes there, man.’

‘She wants to go out on the trawler, dysfunctional heart and all.’

‘Now,
wait just a goddamn minute
.’

Hah!

‘She kisses like there’s nothing else she’d rather be doing. As if it’s the best thing in the world.’

‘
Jesus
. Did I
ask
?’

‘If I bring her home I’ll be asking all of us to care for her, worry about her. If I go all in, you’re going to cop it too.’

‘And you think we don’t put up with all of your shit already? This is just you pulling out every excuse you can think of to push her away.’

True.

‘I get it, Eli. I do. You want to walk away.’ Caleb sounded uncommonly wise all of a sudden. ‘But if you can’t, so be it. Bring her home. Keep her. You know damn well that we’ll cherish her too.’

His family… these people he’d been given… they could make him feel so goddamn blessed.

Eli sat on the bench and stared out at the vivid blue ocean, phone to his ear but saying nothing. Zoey would have liked it down here this morning, sun on her face and a playful breeze in her hair. He wondered if she’d ever had fresh golden snapper for breakfast, liberally slathered in tartar sauce. He wondered if she’d eat it with her fingers, same way he always did. He had a feeling she would. ‘I think—’ He cleared his throat. ‘I don’t think I can walk away from this one, Caleb. I’m gonna go all in.’