The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero (27 page)

‘You looked really pretty,’ he said generously, when she went into the room. He eyed Rick. ‘Didn’t she?’

‘Yeah…’ Rick’s voice had a gravelly edge that Sarah could feel deep in her belly, like the sparks from the scrape of a match.

‘Did you remember the battery?’

‘Oh, no! Sorry, Josh, I completely forgot about that. I wonder if the hospital shop is still open?’

Rick checked his watch. ‘It’s seven-thirty but they do stay open for evening visiting hours. I could go and have a look.’

Katie came into the room. ‘You finished that dinner yet?’ she asked Josh. She looked at the plate. ‘Hmm. At least you’ve had something. Anyone else hungry?’

‘Starving.’ Rick and Sarah spoke at the same time. They looked at each other and smiled.

Josh was watching them. ‘You could take Sarah somewhere,’ he suggested to Rick. ‘Cos she’s all dressed up.’

Rick’s gaze slid away from Sarah instantly. He shrugged. ‘You think?’

Josh nodded.

‘But I’ve already been gone for ages,’ Sarah said. ‘Don’t you want some company?’

‘I was asleep while you were gone so I didn’t notice.’ Josh smiled winningly at his nurse. ‘You could keep me company, couldn’t you, Katie?’

His smile had been so similar to one of Rick’s that Sarah’s heart gave an odd little lurch. Would he grow up to be like his dad? She’d love to watch that happen.

‘Sure,’ Katie said with a grin. ‘Go on, you two. Go
and have some dinner and let me have some time with my boyfriend here.’

Rick was still being careful not to catch Sarah’s gaze and give anything away but her heart was thumping erratically. Josh
wanted
her to date Rick?

That fantasy future she’d conjured up in the bath lost some of its fuzzy edges to take on a more believable shape.

‘No worries,’ Rick said to Josh. ‘We’ll see if we can find you a battery along the way.’

‘See you later, then, short stuff,’ Sarah hoped he couldn’t hear the tiny tremor in her voice. ‘If you’re still awake, that is.’

Josh
was
awake when they finally returned.

Katie gave them an unmistakably knowing smile as she excused herself but Josh seemed too sleepy to notice anything that might have given them away, like Sarah’s dress being somewhat crumpled and her eyes glowing like stars. Her hair could do with a brush, too. Rick’s fingers itched to bury themselves in its soft length and comb it into less of a tumble.

He was feeling a bit rumpled himself. Maybe next time they should make the effort to hang their clothes up instead of leaving them in a pile on the floor of the on-call room where they’d got trampled in their haste to get horizontal.

Worth it, though. Way better than the first time. Slow and sweet and so good, they’d both forgotten they were hungry for food. The less-than-adequate dinner of sandwiches from a vending machine on the way back downstairs had also been worth it.

Rick was standing close to Sarah. Close enough to be aware of her warmth and the scent he could quite easily become addicted to. She’d said he didn’t need to come in and say goodnight to Josh because he’d probably be sound asleep but Rick said he wanted to rescue that photo and put it on the corkboard. If Josh slept with it clutched in his hand, it might get wrecked and it could be a while before he could arrange to get another one.

Josh blinked sleepily at them. He’d obviously made an effort to stay awake till they returned. He smiled.

‘Hi, Dad.’

It was the first time he’d called him that. Rick couldn’t analyse the odd squeeze in his chest. Didn’t want to, anyway.

‘Hi, buddy.’

It was Sarah’s turn next.

‘Can I call you Mum?’ Josh asked.

Sarah’s smile was poignant. ‘Sure, hon. If you want to.’

‘I do.’ Josh let his eyes drift shut. ‘I want to have a mum and a dad cos it’s cool. And when I get out of hospital we can all live together.’

Rick felt his blood draining away from anywhere particularly useful. He felt suddenly chilled. He couldn’t think even.

There was a moment’s loaded silence and then Josh’s eyes snapped open.

‘With Harry,’ he added firmly.

And that was that. Within seconds, he was asleep. Sarah fussed with his pillows and blankets. She didn’t
seem to know what to say and no wonder. Rick sure as hell couldn’t think of anything. His mouth felt dry.

‘I…um…guess I’ll see you tomorrow.’

‘Sure.’

Sarah glanced up and Rick knew she would be smiling but his gaze involuntarily averted itself so fast he couldn’t be sure. He knew he should say something. Make sure that he and Sarah were on the same page and that they would be able to come up with some explanation for Josh as to why the happy-family thing wouldn’t be happening. Laugh it off maybe and everything would feel right again.

But the words just didn’t seem to be available. Or rather there were too many of them. Loud words, crowding his head. Making him feel trapped.

He had to escape.

‘Chill? How can I, Max? Josh thinks we’re all going to live together. That I’m going to sell my place and find something with a picket fence and be there every day to help him throw sticks for his dog.’

‘He’s a little boy, Rick. He’s got a wish list with what every kid wants at the top of it. A family.’

‘I’m
not
a family man. You know that.’

‘Do I?’ The voice on the other end of the line sounded thoughtful. ‘I know you didn’t think you were but things change, you know? It’s not as bad as you think, mate. In fact, I have to say, it’s got its advantages.’

Rick closed his eyes, shutting out the lights of the wharf. He hadn’t been home for that long but the sanctuary of his bachelor’s pad didn’t hold any of its customary magic. He let his head sink onto the back of the
couch and used his free hand to rub his forehead. Max was being no help at all here. He should have expected that. His friend was newly married, with a family home and a baby. There might not be a picket fence around that hillside property on the other side of the harbour but he was happily hemmed in by what it represented.

‘Rick? You still there?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Don’t get freaked out. He’s just a kid. They say stuff.’

‘Sarah could have said something.
Hell,
maybe she
did
say something. Maybe that’s why he’s thinking like that.’

‘I’m sure she didn’t but it makes no difference anyway.’ Max sounded serious. ‘The pace is your choice. You’ve had some big stuff to get used to in a very short space of time.’ His voice lightened. ‘It might not have been the best idea to jump Sarah so soon but, hey, I can totally see why it happened. You guys are perfect for each other.’

‘We’re just seeing each other, that’s
all.
Having fun. Nobody’s supposed to get hurt, including Josh.
Especially
Josh.’ Rick groaned. ‘I put my hand up to help. I was happy to be a donor. I even quite like being a part-time dad but if I’d seen this coming, I could have stayed a million miles away.’

There was a moment’s silence before Max spoke quietly.

‘Would you?’

Rick said nothing. That confusing mix of guilt and desire he’d felt before this thing had started between himself and Sarah had nothing on how he was feeling
right now. His life was a mess. He couldn’t even think where to start trying to unravel it all.

Into this silence came the bleep of his mobile phone.

‘Got to go, mate,’ he told Max. ‘I texted Jet to call me when he had a moment and that’s probably him.’

‘No worries. Talk to you later. Just…hang in there, OK? It’ll sort itself.’

‘Yeah…sure.’ Rick ended the call on his landline and picked up his mobile. ‘Jet…Hey! ‘

‘Hey, man. I’ve got precisely two minutes. There’s a pilot about to start tapping his foot out on the runway. What’s up?’

No pressure here. Any hope of finding a starting point evaporated. It would sound silly to say that his son had acquired a dog but wasn’t that what had started this? He wanted a place to live with Harry. Parents to go along with the house. A twenty-four-seven family. The spiral of thoughts was getting faster. Too quick to catch. Much easier to shove it all into that ‘too hard’ basket.

‘What’s up with you? Where are you flying off to?’

‘Haven’t you heard? There’s an island exploding. What planet have you been on for the last few hours, man?’

One that he’d really, really like to get off. ‘Tell me.’

‘Major earthquake on this island north of New Zealand somewhere. There’s a team of people from the Department of Conservation there and there’s been major injuries from the ‘quake. It’s kind of urgent to evacuate them because this island happens to be an
active volcano and the ‘quake seems to be a pre-eruption warning.’ Jet was talking very fast. This was clearly an exciting mission. ‘There’s nowhere to land a plane and any ships are too far away to be helpful. We’ve got choppers deployed in other places so they’re calling in a civilian Medevac bird. I’m flying into Auckland to collect it. Should be first on the scene.’

‘Wow.’ This certainly wasn’t the time to be asking Jet for advice on how to manage the insignificant problem of how to deal with an exploding relationship. He knew what he’d say anyway.

Cut loose, man. Plenty more fish in the sea.

And maybe he didn’t actually want to hear that despite having rung for precisely that advice. There weren’t plenty more like Sarah out there.

Or Josh, for that matter.

This wasn’t helping any more than talking to Max. His mates were at opposite ends of the spectrum and Rick didn’t want to climb onto that seesaw to find himself sliding up and down, completely out of control. His head was quite messed up enough already, thanks very much.

‘Good luck,’ was all he said. ‘Enjoy.’

‘I intend to.’ Jet’s chuckle was carefree. ‘Talk soon.’

The beeping on his phone told him that Jet had hung up. Rick dropped it onto the couch beside him and closed his eyes again. Silence settled around him, as heavy as his heart.

Happiness and misery.

Two sides of a coin that could get flipped. Just like that.

Sarah had seen the expression on Rick’s face when Josh had been dreaming out loud in an uncanny echo of her own fantasy.

Nobody could have missed the way his face had gone pale. How he couldn’t get away fast enough.

From Josh.

From her.

From any notion of a shared future.

And then, as if things weren’t bad enough already, Josh had woken an hour or two later. Sarah had scrubbed the tears from her face to find him running a temperature. Another few hours and he was coughing. His oxygen saturation levels started dropping and his breathing had an ominous sound.

By morning it became alarmingly obvious that Josh had somehow picked up an infection that was serious enough to be a match for any of the antibiotics he was already on. His consultant, Mike, had been here for some time, along with his registrar. A technician with a portable X-ray machine had come and gone. Blood and other samples had been despatched and results were expected soon. Katie had just been sent to chase up the labs.

So many people in and out of this small room but one person was still conspicuously absent. Was Rick going to deal with some new emotional obstacles by doing a repeat of his avoidance tactics? Now? When Sarah needed him there so desperately? Josh needed him here, too, even if his level of consciousness was so low he might not realise it.

Mike was listening to Josh’s chest with a stethoscope. The disc looked too large against small ribs that
were so prominent due to how hard it was getting for him to breathe.

‘We might have to intubate him and get him onto a ventilator,’ Mike said as he straightened. ‘I’m sorry, Sarah.’

She couldn’t say anything. The lump in her throat was too painful to try and shift it by swallowing.

‘Could you go and get Katie for me? We’ll need some extra hands.’

It was good to have something to do when you felt so incredibly helpless. It wasn’t far to the nurses’ station where Katie was probably still on the phone, talking to lab staff.

Josh’s nurse
was
talking but not on the phone. Rick was leaning against the other side of the counter and they were both smiling at whatever was being said. Sarah’s steps slowed. She was shocked by how relaxed they looked. Didn’t they know the world was falling apart?

She was also shocked by Rick’s smile and his body language. It took her right back to when she’d seen him that very first time at the wedding. The way he’d looked at her. She’d known he’d fancied her and she’d seen that he was used to getting what he wanted from women.

Was he looking at Katie like that?

A knee-jerk reaction to the awful prospect he’d been presented with last night of having to spend the rest of his life with only one woman?

She was closer to the desk now. Katie and Rick both looked up and any lightness seemed to drain rapidly from their expressions to the point where they both looked…worried. Guilty, even?

Oh…Lord…

‘You’re needed, Katie,’ Sarah managed to say. ‘Mike said—’

She didn’t get a chance to pass on the consultant’s message. An alarm began to sound behind the counter and a red light on the wall was flashing.

‘Cardiac arrest,’ Katie gasped.

‘Where’s the crash cart?’ Rick snapped.

‘Here.’ Katie was already pulling it from the corner of the station area.

‘What room?’

But Katie was running. Sarah had to step aside to let her pass and Rick was following. They were running over the same route she’d just taken to get to them.

She watched them skid to a halt and her silent prayer became pointless.

The door to Josh’s room was flung open.

S
ARAH
could only see the backs of the doctors bent over Josh’s bed when she rushed into the room.

Were they doing CPR?

‘Suction.’ That was Mike’s voice. ‘Katie, grab a bag mask, would you, please?’

The nurse was standing beside the crash cart, holding a package that Sarah knew contained paediatric patches for defibrillation. The package was dropped, unopened, as Katie pulled open a drawer beneath where the lifepack was positioned on top of the trolley.

Were the patches not needed? Was it too late or were they just going to give some respirations first, the way you had to with children?

Oh…God.

Sarah wrapped her arms around herself, pressing closer to the wall to stay out of everybody’s way. This couldn’t be the end, surely? Not like this. If she’d ever let herself think of such a dark moment, she had imagined she would be lying on the bed with Josh. Holding him in her arms.

Was it only yesterday she’d been feeling so hopeful? So damn
happy?

Her dreams were nothing but a cloud of dust right now. If only she’d been there with him last night. How could she live with knowing that in their last hours together she’d gone away to lie in a bath, dreaming about a man? Even worse, that she’d left him with his nurse so that she could go and spend hours in bed with her lover. A man who only wanted to have fun. What had he called it?

Stress relief.

The thoughts flashed as fast as bolts of lightning in her head. Blinding and painful.

Sarah hated herself.

No. She hated Rick.

She had to move as the door opened behind her and more people tried to come into the room.

‘Crash crew,’ someone announced.

‘Stand down.’

Mike stepped back and Sarah’s breath caught as she saw Josh. Propped up on his pillows, an oxygen mask covering his face. His eyes were open. Moving. He looked terrified, until his roving gaze found Sarah. And then she could see his relief. His
need.

With a sob, she pushed past Rick to get to the bed. Close enough to touch Josh. To make that close eye contact that had helped them both through countless, frightening incidents since this nightmare had begun.

‘I’m here, hon,’ she whispered fiercely. ‘I’m here with you.’

The expression in his eyes was heartbreaking. She wouldn’t leave his side again. Not for anything. Or anyone.

Dimly, she became aware of Mike, talking to the new arrivals who were still hovering at the door.

‘Respiratory arrest…suction…cleared the obstruction.’ His words became more authoritative. ‘Everybody out, please. This is an isolation area.’

Rick’s voice was much closer. ‘He’s OK, Sarah. His breathing’s improved and the saturation levels have gone up with the oxygen.’

Josh was still breathing too fast, though. And his skin was hot and dry. Sarah smoothed back his hair, resting her palm on his forehead, knowing that it would feel cool for him. She looked past Rick to find Katie.

‘I need a cloth,’ she said. ‘And a bowl of tepid water.’

Mike also had instructions for Katie. Different drugs that he wanted to add to the IV fluids. A monitoring schedule and a list of the tests that would need to be repeated. A plan had been made and was being put into action.

Josh slipped in an out of consciousness for the rest of that interminable day. People came and went, gowned and masked so that they almost blurred into one entity. Even Rick failed to stand out from the rest.

She knew he had a right to be in there, as Josh’s father, but it still didn’t feel right. He had only ever wanted involvement on
his
terms. Part time. Nothing that would really disrupt his life too much.

Sarah would do anything it took to get Josh through this but she had nothing to offer except her love and the desperate, silent pleas that he would survive. She sat beside his bed and held his hand. Things happened around them but she was so focused on Josh she just let
them happen. Josh was hanging on and she was there with him. Helping him.

Giving him all the strength she had in her heart.

‘Did you sleep here last night?’

‘Yeah.’ Rick patted the arm of the reception area chair and managed a smile. ‘Bit hard on the neck but it’s not so bad. Katie gave me a couple of blankets.’

At least he’d had a few hours’ rest. He could be pretty sure that Sarah hadn’t slept a wink, even though this crisis had been going for thirty-six hours now.

Max and Ellie exchanged a glance.

‘Have you persuaded her to take any kind of a break yet?’

Rick shook his head wearily. There was no point whining about Sarah not listening to anything he said. Or caring about how he might be feeling. He could understand her preoccupation with Josh, of course, but she didn’t seem to understand that he was a part of all this. Or maybe she didn’t want him to be now that crunch time had arrived.

Whatever. He had been shut out. Sarah was so silent. Sitting there, almost ghostlike, by that bedside. Even when she did look at him, Rick had the feeling she couldn’t see
him.
He was just another staff member orbiting the unit that she and Josh had been welded into.

‘I’ve brought her some fresh clothes and a few things she might like to eat and drink.’ Ellie looked down at the bags she was holding. ‘I’ll go and tap on the window or something. Max?’

‘I’ll sit here with Rick for a bit.’

Ellie’s face creased into a sympathetic smile as she
looked back at Rick. ‘She knows you’re here,’ she said quietly. ‘What you’re doing is important, too.’

Rick gave a single nod. Both he and Max watched her walk into the business end of the bone-marrow unit. Then he cleared his throat.

‘Any news?’ he queried. ‘About Jet?’

Max nodded. ‘Helicopter did go down. They both survived. They’re trapped on the island now, though, thanks to the ash from the eruption. It’ll be a day or two until a ship can get there.’

Rick smiled wryly. ‘He’ll be all right. He’s a survivor.’

Max grinned. ‘He’s probably thriving on the adventure of it all. He’s never happier than when his adrenaline levels are sky high, eh?’

‘Yeah. He does seem to attract it, doesn’t he?’

‘What, adventure? Danger?’

‘Excitement, anyway. Bikes, planes, dramatic emergency medicine.’ Rick snorted softly. ‘Women.’

Max shook his head. ‘He’ll get tired of bouncing around like a human ping-pong ball ones of these days.’

‘When he grows up?’

‘Yeah…’

Rick lapsed into silence. Was that what had done it for him? Had he grown up enough, thanks to recent events, to feel tired even thinking about a lifestyle like Jet’s?

Like his used to be?

What had been so great about the freedom of being a bachelor anyway? That he could do whatever pleased him? Jump on his bike and roar off up the motorway
without anyone telling him how dangerous it was? Maybe he wanted someone to care about him that much. Or was it the fact that his sexual playground would be fenced off for ever? The thrill of the chase and conquest gone?

Rick felt his lips curl in distaste. A future, even with an endless array of beautiful women to play with, was just so unappealing right now. Relationships that were so shallow because they never got past a single dimension.

He only wanted one woman.

Sarah.

And why had he been so afraid of taking a step towards being a real father and having a family of his own? Because his had been an unhappy example? Well, he wasn’t his father, was he? Knowing what
not
to do should give him a great springboard into creating something good. Something so powerful it would keep him safe for the rest of his life.

Yes. He’d grown up all right. He had wisdom. He knew exactly what he wanted. What he
needed.

Ellie came back, looking very sombre. ‘Poor Josh,’ she said, her voice choked. ‘And poor Sarah.’

Her gaze, as she blinked hard, included Rick amongst those needing sympathy. She hugged him. And then Max hugged Ellie. They all sat together in silence for a while. One long minute dragged into another but it seemed that it was all they
could
do.

Wait.

Everything possible that could be done for Josh was being done. The raft of drugs, support for his breathing, intense monitoring of all his vital physical functions.
The invisible battle being fought was in full cry and they were simply spectators.

‘Can we get you anything, Rick?’ Ellie whispered.

He shook his head. There was only one thing he wanted right now and, sadly, even his best friends couldn’t give it to him.

He wanted Josh to pull through this. To get better. So that he didn’t lose him.

He wanted to throw that ball for Harry, dammit, and see the grin on his son’s face. He wanted to take them both to that beach with the sand dunes and watch them run and play until they’d both had enough and then to go…somewhere.
Home.
With a soggy, sandy dog and a slightly sunburned small boy and have Sarah waiting for them with that look that women only had for the menfolk in their lives they loved. That tolerant ‘boys will be boys’ kind of look.

‘You guys should go home,’ he said a little while later. ‘Look after Mouse. And Harry. I’ll call if…if any thing happens.’

Which could be tonight. How long could a small, frail body hang on under the onslaught of infection?

And why was he sitting out here, for God’s sake?

‘I’m going in,’ Rick said, standing up. ‘I need to be with my…family.’

The word had come from nowhere, the hesitation barely perceptible.

Max and Ellie understood.

Would Sarah?

Sarah couldn’t feel her body.

An odd kind of numbness had crept in, due to
exhaustion and sitting so still for so long. Her eyes could move normally, though, and she’d seen Rick come in and position a chair on the other side of Josh’s bed. She’d seen him take hold of Josh’s other hand and then he’d looked up and she’d met his gaze properly for the first time in what felt like for ever.

She found her head could still move, too, as she nodded slowly. Even her lips curled and it felt strange to be smiling, even this tiniest bit.

But this felt right. So right she overcame the numbness and stretched out her other hand over the top of the bed, towards Rick. He did the same and their hands touched, their fingers interlacing.

They became a small circle of humanity. Each adult touching Josh and connected to each other.

Sarah could feel Josh’s small hand enclosed within hers and her hand within Rick’s. It was so much more than simply physical awareness. Time—place, even—ceased to be relevant. The world was holding its breath, maybe pushing just a little, as something new was born.

Something that held all three of them. Sarah could almost hear the echoes of laughter and tears around them. She could feel the warmth of ultimate comfort and a bottomless well of strength.

Love.

In its purest form. Flowing from hand to hand in this precious circle. And when Sarah raised her gaze to meet Rick’s it seemed to flow faster. To make everything brighter. Clearer.

Part of it hurt. Maybe it was the truth she could see
in the dark gaze cradling hers. She’d wanted Rick to be more than just involved by being the donor in this journey she’d been on with Josh. She’d pushed him into getting to know his son and having an emotional investment in the outcome. Well, she’d got what she wanted, hadn’t she? The love Rick had for his son and the pain he was experiencing himself was as solid as his presence in this room. And his pain was her pain.

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered.

‘What for?’

‘I’ve put you through so much and it might be.’ The next words died on her lips.

Don’t say it, Rick’s gaze commanded. Don’t even think it.

‘I’m not sorry,’ his voice said. ‘Never think that.’

His gentle smile nearly undid her. He really meant that. Oh…dear Lord. Sarah had to look away. To focus on Josh again. She couldn’t fall apart now. She had to concentrate.

To hang on.

Rick could see exactly what Sarah was doing as she took what remaining strength she had and gave it to Josh.

It was in that precise moment that he realised how much he loved this woman.

Not that he could tell Sarah that. This wasn’t the place and it certainly wasn’t the time.

All he could do was try and show her that he was there for the long haul. For better or worse. By being here now. By holding her hand and trying to infuse her with some of
his
strength.

He had enough for both of them.

For
all
of them.

When Katie came in to check on Josh she worked quietly around his parents. The first few times they were sitting up and were aware of her taking Josh’s temperature and making notes of everything the bedside monitors were recording.

On her visit when a new day was almost breaking, she caught her breath on entering the room. Josh lay pale and still. Sarah had her head down on one arm, her face covered, and so did Rick. When she came closer, she breathed a sigh of relief and then found herself smiling. They were all sound asleep but they were all still holding hands.

She smiled again a minute or two later. Josh’s fever had broken. His breathing was a lot closer to being normal.

The crisis appeared to be over.

Everybody was exhausted.

Josh continued to improve steadily physically but he was miserable. Too weak to do anything remotely interesting. Even concentrating on watching a DVD was too much, days later.

‘I hate being sick.’

‘I know, hon, but you’re getting better every day.’

‘I’ll just get sick again.’

‘Maybe not.’ Sarah’s smile was full of genuine hope. ‘Your blood count’s getting heaps better. Dr Mike was pretty happy this morning, wasn’t he? He says the new
bone marrow is starting to work and that’s why you’re getting better.’

But Josh wasn’t listening. He had his hands on his head and tears welled in his eyes. ‘I’ve got no hair. I’m a freak.’

‘It’ll grow back.’

‘No, it won’t,’ Josh sobbed. ‘I want…I want my mum.’

Sarah’s heart squeezed painfully.
‘I’m
here, short stuff.’