The Housewife Assassin's Guide to Gracious Killing (31 page)

Democratic political campaign consultant Ben Brinker can’t remember the last time he was excited by a candidate’s vision. He feels he’s lost his way, both emotionally and professionally. Worst yet, his show-me-the-money policy seems to have finally caught up with him. Two of his recent clients have been disgraced in one way or another: a senator is caught in lurid sex scandal, and a congressman is indicted in a kickback scandal. In no time at all the political pundits are calling Ben a "candidate cooler." Now Ben is desperate for any campaign gig he can get.

As luck would have it, Andrew Harris Mansfield, the charismatic junior senator from North Carolina
 
and former Marine pilot, asks Ben if he wants to run his soon-to-be-announced campaign for president.

Little does Ben know what's in store for Andrew, or their country—

Nor does he realize that the key to saving both have been placed in his hands.

The Baby Planner

"Brown takes baby mania to its illogical, hysterical extreme in this bubbly romp. . . . But what begins as a light foray into Bugaboo country turns into something bigger than a satire of status-obsessed Bay Area yummy mummies as Brown takes a dark look at the fears of parenthood and family, with Katie's heartbreaking longing for a child unveiling a disturbing reality about her marriage and family. Still, the message from the somber realities is one full of hope: love makes a family, commitment keeps it together."

—Publishers Weekly

“A funny, engaging, and often bittersweet tale from the author of Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives."
 

–Cincinnati Public Library Spotlight Feature

PRAISE FOR JOSIE BROWN

"Hollywood's got nothing on the cast of characters living in the bedroom community of Paradise Heights, who have the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Josie Brown is a skilled observer whose clever dialogue makes for truly entertaining reading."

—Jackie Collins, bestselling author of
Hollywood Wives
and
Poor
Little Bitch Girl

"Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heart wrenching pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!"

—Lisa Rinna, actress, and author of the novel,
Starlit

"The Baby Planner is as a delight. I wondered, as I was reading it, how I every managed without a baby planner, and by the end I wondered how I ever managed without its author, Josie Brown."

—Eileen Goudge,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Once in a Blue Moon

"Josie Brown’s writing is whip-smart as well as wickedly funny, and just as you are enjoying the ride she takes you on, she shatters your heart with her insight into modern lives."

—Tatjana Soli,
New York Times
bestselling author of
The Lotus Eaters

"I loved this juicy-as-it-it-is-heartfelt novel about love, marriage, friendship and sharp, manicured claws. Could not put it down!"

—Melissa Senate, author,
The Secret of Joy

"Poignant and funny! Josie Brown's protagonist is strong, resilient, and unflinchingly honest: she has all the skills she needs to navigate the 'mean streets' of the gated community of Paradise Heights. A great read!"

—Wendy Wax, author,
Magnolia Wednesdays

“Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Secret Lives of Husbands and Wives is a probing, entertaining fishbowl of married life in a well-heeled, wayward neighborhood. Loved it!”

–Stephanie Bond, author of
Body Movers
series and
Two Guys Detective Agency
series

COPYRIGHT INFORMATION

The Housewife Assassin’s Guide to Gracious Killing

A Novel by Josie Brown

© 2012 Josie Brown. All rights reserved.

Published by Signal Press Books 

San Francisco, CA / [email protected]

All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and authors assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of information contained herein.

This is a work of fiction. All incidents and dialogue, and all characters with the exception of some well-known historical and public figures, are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. Where real-life historical or public figures appear, the situations, incidents and dialogues concerning those persons are entirely fictional and are not intended to depict actual events or to change the entirely fictional nature of the work. In all other respects, any resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental. Capishe? Comprende? It ain’t you. It ain’t even about you. It’s about me. Always. Just sayin’.

THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN’S GUIDE TO GRACIOUS KILLING
 

and Design are registered trademarks of Josie Brown.

© 2012 Josie Brown 

p. cm.

V121914KBL

ISBN# 978-0-9740214-4-7

Fiction_ General 

2. Fiction_General_Romance 

3. Fiction_Contemporary

Title produced in the United States of America

Note: This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the authors and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance or advice, a qualified professional should be consulted.

The author and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability, loss or risk, personal and otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request

Cover Design: Andrew Brown, ClickTwiceDesign.com