The Immaculate Deception (41 page)

I heard “Oh-Donna…”

~*~

I opened my eyes. I spied brown. My arm was dripping with drool. Scooby Doo-ette had returned. I sat up. She licked my face.

“
Oh-Donna, are you all right?” Tammy was kneeling on the floor, petting the dog.

“
I dunno. I’m so cold.”

Mrs. Meddlestein brought a blanket and covered me, tucking it in just so. “I’ll go and make you some hot tea, dear. Doc Goldfarb is on the way.”

“
No!” I moaned, not him again. Why didn’t he find somebody’s butt to crawl up?

Tammy said, “Oh-Donna, I’m moving in with you.”

“
What? Oh no, you aren’t.”

“
I’m so worried. You shouldn’t be left alone. I’ll get Arnold and Ziad to bring some of my things by later. It’ll be fun.”

The doorbell rang out “Aura Lee”. Scooby Doo-ette barked ferociously and scrambled for it.

Mrs. Meddlestein came in and set a steamy cup on the end table. “You have a wonderful watch dog.”

“
She’s not my dog. Who let her in?”

Tammy scurried into the foyer, calling out, “She came in the door when I arrived. We walked in together.”

“
What time is it?” I panicked. How long ago did Mr. Meddlestein leave with the murderer?

Perry and Doc Goldfarb came in, behind Tammy. I struggled to get out of the cocoon. Mrs. Meddlestein obviously had summoned the clan. Great, was I about to die? Hey, that would be interesting. No, wait, I needed to write a will first.
I leave and bequeath all of my worldly possessions to Scooby Doo-ette.

“
We need to go and get Mr. Meddlestein. Quick,” I said.

Mrs. Meddlestein said, “Oh, it’s all right, Roddy’s a big talker, you know. That nice Dicky must be a fisherman. Roddy could go on all day talking about the gazillion that got away. You finally have a nice boyfriend.” She giggled.

“
No! He’s a murderer! Thief! Criminal!”

“
My Roddy is an attorney. Now you just take that back, young lady. After all he’s done—”

“
No, no, no! Officer Dick Fiddler. He murdered Vera Blandings and stole the hundred-dollar bills. Continuing the family business his father Wimpledink started in the forties.”

Tammy burst into tears. “She’s on her way out, isn’t she, Doc?”

Tammy held my hand. I flung her away.

Perry said, “Back up. What’d you say about my mother?”

“
Officer Dick killed her. Poisoned bread. 1970. He was after the counterfeit money he thought was rightfully his. His father and mother killed my—killed a Secret Service agent investigating their counterfeiting operation. Shirley Fiddler is Dick’s mother. Dick was born in jail. Wimpledink never married her.”

“
Oh-Donna, you are deranged. Doc, can you give her a sedative?” Perry asked.

“
No!” I jumped up and shoved past my elephantine half-brother. Or was that my half-elephant brother? “Call the cops. Come on, Perry, Farts, Tammy…Scooby Doo-ette, I need backup.” I raced to the front door. It opened.

I said, “Chief Wrigley!”

“
Gloria called me. How are you feeling, Miss Donna?”

“
You have a radio in your car? One that will still summon the police dispatch?”

“
Well, yes—” the retired DC police chief drawled.

“
Get on the horn and request a unit. And back us up.”

I shoved past him. I raced across the street and around to the rear of Officer Dick’s house. Nobody but Tammy followed me.

Tammy said, “I’m here for you, little sis. You can count on me.”

I could count on Tammy. Yeah, right.

I whispered over my shoulder, “Don’t brush up against any plants. I don’t know how potent they are. You might drop dead on contact.”

“
Don’t say that, Oh-Donna. You’re scarin’ me.”

“
Sissy-girl,” I muttered.

She smacked my back.

I stopped and turned, “Hey.” Donna, focus, dag nabbit. You can spar with Tammy any day. Poor Mr. Meddlestein might be in mortal danger.

We crept up the redwood stairs of Dick’s deck. I peeked in the French doors. Mr. Meddlestein lay prostrate on the floor, with a large piece of bread in his hand. I turned the knob. It did. We hurried in.

“
Did you eat his bread?” I asked.

He grunted. “He forced me to. He had a gun. I’m hot and nauseated. The room’s spinning. I have…terrible pains in my spine. Throat…burning.” He gagged. “I just took one little nibble of bread. I tried not to swallow it. Fiddler watched me keel over. He cried and said he wanted to stop the killing but he couldn’t. Then he ran…”

Tammy screamed like a sissy-girl.

I charged through Officer Dick’s house. He wasn’t around. I opened the front door. The men were all congregating on the stoop.

I yanked Doc Farts inside. “Quick, the kitchen. Meddlestein—poisoned bread!” I shoved the old physician toward the kitchen.

Tammy met him halfway, hysterical. Perry and Chief Bubba shuffled in.

“
Call an ambulance!” I ordered.

Chief Bubba Wrigley trotted back out to his Crown Victoria. Perry was shaking all over.

I said, “Perry, we’ve gotta find him. You check the basement. I’ll go upstairs.” Perry shook his head negatively.

“
Fine, we’ll team up.”

I opened the basement door. Perry led the way. Tammy clung onto the tail of my shirt. The pine stairs and taped drywall indicated it was unfinished. We three Payne siblings choo-chooed down the steps. They creaked and squeaked. Somebody expelled gas. Wait, that was me. So much for a surprise entrance.

Perry started giggling. I tripped on the hem of his black robe. We all landed in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, on the concrete floor. Make that the cold and cracked concrete floor.

Tammy said, “Oh-Donna! You could’ve killed us all.”

I examined my abraded left elbow. No blood oozed. “Not my fault. If Perry wasn’t such a big show-off, wearing his judge’s robe all over the Washington Metropolitan region, I never would’ve fallen.” I grabbed Perry’s arm and rolled him onto his back. “You okay?”

He laughed. We all did. The tension relief was much needed.

Tammy announced, “Well, he ain’t here.”

I glanced around the one big empty room. Empty except for a pile of boxes. Funny, some of them looked almost identical to the round wig boxes in Tammy’s closet. A siren wailed. I raced up the stairs.

Chief Bubba led the emergency medical technicians into the kitchen. They loaded poor Mr. Meddlestein up onto a gurney and Doc Goldfarb said he’d ride along to the hospital with them.

I asked, “Where are you transporting him to?”

A medic replied, “Reston Hospital Center.”

I said, “I’ll follow behind with his wife. Oh no, no one told her
.
”

Chief Bubba said, “No, let me. I’ll lay on the siren, we’ll beat the ambulance.”

A uniformed cop trotted down from upstairs, a second cop scoured the main floor.

“
He’s not in the basement.” I volunteered. They checked anyway. A third cop came from upstairs with a bulging evidence bag. Tammy, Perry and I were interviewed and told to go home.

One of the cops scraped vomit off the kitchen floor and placed it into an evidence bag. The remaining bread was also confiscated.

~*~

Rain splattered down on us Payne siblings as we crossed the narrow black asphalt of Spyglass Street. We ignored the curious crowd with umbrellas and trotted into my house. The street was littered with police cars.

We plopped down in my living room. Perry in a gold recliner, Tammy posed on the sofa and I just sprawled on my back with my arms spread out like a totem pole on my hardwood floor. I listened to the water rushing through the gutter. My house wasn’t very well built. I could hear the wind blowing against the cream-colored vinyl siding. At least there were no leaks.

Perry grabbed onto the arms of the old recliner and hoisted himself up. He unzipped the wet black robe and tugged it over his head.

Tammy busted out laughing. “I always wondered what you wore under that.”

He had on black shoes and socks, yellow terry cloth athletic shorts with the drawstring tied in a knot and a black muscleman shirt.

“
What’s wrong with this? It’s hot wearing that dress all day.”

Tammy snickered, “Dad said you liked wearing dresses.”

He smiled. “Dad liked to think that. I went along with it. Got me more attention.”

Tammy said, “Well, and then why haven’t you gotten married?”

“
I’m selective.”

Tammy snorted. “Been looking at yourself in Mom’s magic mirror lately?”

I said, “Hey, I looked in it. Didn’t work for me.”

Tammy said, “Well, I’ve been there and done that twice for all of us. Marriage. There isn’t much to recommend. Maybe you guys have the right idea.”

I cleared my throat. “So Perry, did Dad give you the bogus bucks?”

Perry shot me a surprised look. “Yeah, he said he found them in the safe when he was cleaning out my mother’s personal effects.”

“
Why’d Dad give all that money to you?” Tammy demanded. “You get it all.
The golden boy
.”

I said, “Tammy, they belonged to Perry’s birth mother. It is only fair that they were passed to him.”

Tammy sulked. “Must be nice.”

Perry said, “No, it’s not nice, being sixteen years old when your mother dies.”

Tammy said, “At least you know who your mother is.”

I said, “
I know
who your mother is.”

Tammy said, “Yeah, I know. Chloe is, well, was adequate.”

“
No. I mean I know who your
birth mother
is.”

Perry leaned forward. Tammy brushed a silky bang from her left eye. I smiled.

Tammy said, “
Well?
”

“
Katherine Lagossee.” I didn’t get a reaction. “Mommy Kay. Your special babysitter.”

Perry said, “I knew it! Dad was a playboy. I’m a chip off the old block.”

I wanted to giggle but it would’ve been inappropriate to laugh at such a revealing time for Tammy.

She said, “How do you know? Did Dad tell you? He was always making up wild stories.”

“
No, Daddy didn’t tell me. She did, sorta.”

“
When? You never even met her, Oh-Donna.”

“
Yeah, I did. She came to Daddy’s fake wake. You would’ve met her had you
bothered
to attend.” I glared at her and shot a disapproving look at Perry.

Tammy said, “Right. She comes to the wake and announces her love affair with the deceased
.
Don’t ever try writing romance novels, Oh-Donna.”

If she only knew. “No, she didn’t tell me at the wake. I caught her at Little Mount Vernon a couple days later. She lost an earring, so she said, and I confronted her and she sort of spilled the jelly beans.”

Tammy clutched the blanket that was now folded neatly on the back of the couch.

Perry said, “Oh-Donna, how’d you know about the guy that poisoned Rod Meddlestein? How’d
you
know he poisoned my mother?”

Time to come clean. I swallowed. “I’ve been having these dreams…”

Tammy said, “We know. You sleep more than a lion reading
Rumpelstiltskin
.”

“
No, I mean I’ve been having
special
dreams since my accident.”

Perry said, “You mean like clairvoyant or crossing-over or something?”

“
Kinda. I’ve been going back into our parents’ pasts. A different scene each time.”

Tammy said, “You must just be remembering stories Daddy told you. And we know they were a bunch of hooey.”

“
Maybe. That would explain things. You could be right.” I wouldn’t go any further with them right now. Perhaps someday, but for now I thought it best to ease them into my special secret, not just blurting it all out at once. They would for sure think that I was nuts. And I knew the power Perry had. I didn’t want him to have me committed.

I asked, “Perry, why were you hiding the money in your office? Of all places, couldn’t you have put it somewhere else?”

“
I was going to use the paper cutter some night after my secretary left.”

“
And you told Tammy to open up a bank account in an old name. You were going to have her deposit it, right?”

Tammy smiled. “You were going to give me some? You’re sweet. Hey…wait a minute. If that stuff was counterfeit, it would be worthless. Why, the bank wouldn’t even accept my deposit. I’d get into a whole lot of trouble. Perry, you son-of-a-bitch!”

I smiled. Good for Tammy. She seemed to have a few brain cells in that pretty little head of hers.

“
Nah, I wouldn’t leave the deposits up to Tammy. I’d hire a couple professionals to do it.”