The Importance of Being Earnest (19 page)

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. It would ruin me. Arthur, the only thing for me to do now is to fight the thing out.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Rising from his chair.)
I was waiting for you to say
that, Robert. It is the only thing to do now. And you must begin by telling your wife the whole story.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. That I will not do.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Robert, believe me, you are wrong.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. I couldn’t do it. It would kill her love for me. And now about this woman, this Mrs. Cheveley. How can I defend myself against her? You knew her before, Arthur, apparently.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Yes.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Did you know her well?

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Arranging his necktie.)
So little that I got engaged to be married to her once, when I was staying at the Tenbys’. The affair lasted for three days … nearly.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Why was it broken off?

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Airily.)
Oh, I forget. At least, it makes no matter. By the way, have you tried her with money? She used to be confoundedly fond of money.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. I offered her any sum she wanted. She refused.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Then the marvellous gospel of gold breaks down sometimes. The rich can’t do everything, after all.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Not everything. I suppose you are right. Arthur, I feel that public disgrace is in store for me. I feel certain of it. I never knew what terror was before. I know it now. It is as if a hand of ice were laid upon one’s heart. It is as if one’s heart were beating itself to death in some empty hollow.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Striking the table.)
Robert, you must fight her. You must fight her.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. But how?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. I can’t tell you how, at present. I have not the smallest idea. But everyone has some weak point. There is some flaw in each one of us.
(Strolls over to the fireplace and looks at himself in the glass.)
My father tells me that even I have faults. Perhaps I have. I don’t know.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. In defending myself against Mrs. Cheveley, I have a right to use any weapon I can find, have I not?

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Still looking in the glass.)
In your place I don’t think I should have the smallest scruple in doing so. she is thoroughly well able to take care of herself.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
.
(Sits down at the table and takes a pen in his hand.)
Well, I shall send a cipher telegram to the Embassy at Vienna, to inquire if there is anything known against her. There may be some secret scandal she might be afraid of.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Settling his buttonhole.)
Oh, I should fancy Mrs. Cheveley is one of those very modern women of our time who find a new scandal as becoming as a new bonnet, and air them both in the Park every afternoon at five-thirty. I am sure she adores scandals, and that the sorrow of her life at present is that she can’t manage to have enough of them.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
.
(Writing.)
Why do you say that?

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Turning round.)
Well, she wore far too much rouge last night, and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
.
(Striking a bell.)
But it is worth while my wiring to Vienna, is it not?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. It is always worth while asking a question, though it is not always worth while answering one.

(Enter Mason.)

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Is Mr. Trafford in his room?

M
ASON
. Yes, Sir Robert.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
.
(Puts what he has written into an envelope, which he then carefully closes.)
Tell him to have this sent off in cipher at once. There must not be a moment’s delay.

M
ASON
. Yes, Sir Robert.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Oh! just give that back to me again.

(Writes something on the envelope. Mason then goes out with the letter.)

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. She must have had some curious hold over Baron Arnheim. I wonder what it was.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Smiling.)
I wonder.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. I will fight her to the death, as long as my wife knows nothing.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Strongly.)
Oh, fight in any case—in any case.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
.
(With a gesture of despair.)
If my wife found out, there would be little left to fight for. Well, as soon as I hear from Vienna, I shall let you know the result. It is a chance, just a chance, but I believe in it. And as I fought the age with its own weapons, I will fight her with her weapons. It is only fair, and she looks like a woman with a past, doesn’t she?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Most pretty women do. But there is a fashion in pasts just as there is a fashion in frocks. Perhaps Mrs. Cheveley’s past is merely a slightly
décolleté
one, and they are excessively popular nowadays. Besides, my dear Robert, I should not build too high hopes on frightening Mrs. Cheveley. I should not fancy Mrs. Cheveley is a woman who would be easily frightened. She has survived all her creditors, and she shows wonderful presence of mind.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Oh! I live on hopes now. I clutch at every chance. I feel like a man on a ship that is sinking. The water is round my feet, and the very air is bitter with storm. Hush! I hear my wife’s voice.

(Enter Lady Chiltern in walking dress.)

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. Good afternoon, Lord Goring!

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Good afternoon, Lady Chiltern! Have you been in the Park?

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. No: I have just come from the Woman’s Liberal Association, where, by the way, Robert, your name was received with loud applause, and now I have come in to have my tea.
(To Lord Goring.)
You will wait and have some tea, won’t you?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. I’ll wait for a short time, thanks.

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. I will be back in a moment. I am only going to take my hat off.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(In his most earnest manner.)
Oh! Please don’t. It is so pretty. One of the prettiest hats I ever saw. I hope the Woman’s Liberal Association received it with loud applause.

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
.
(With a smile.)
We have much more important work to do than to look at each other’s bonnets, Lord Goring.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Really? What sort of work?

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. Oh! dull, useful, delightful things, Factory Acts,
Female Inspectors, the Eight Hours’ Bill, the Parliamentary Franchise … Everything, in fact, that you would find thoroughly uninteresting.
LORD GORING
. And never bonnets?

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
.
(With mock indignation.)
Never bonnets, never!

(Lady Chiltern goes out through the door leading to her boudoir.)

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
.
(Takes Lord Goring’s hand.)
You have been a good friend to me, Arthur, a thoroughly good friend.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. I don’t know that I have been able to do much for you, Robert, as yet. In fact, I have not been able to do anything for you, as far as I can see. I am thoroughly disappointed with myself.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. You have enabled me to tell you the truth. That is something. The truth has always stifled me.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Ah! the truth is a thing I get rid of as soon as possible! Bad habit, by the way. Makes one very unpopular at the club … with the older members. They call it being conceited. Perhaps it is.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. I would to God that I had been able to tell the truth … to live the truth. Ah! that is the great thing in life, to live the truth.
(Sighs, and goes towards the door.)
I’ll see you soon again, Arthur, shan’t I?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Certainly. Whenever you like. I’m going to look in at the Bachelors’ Ball to-night, unless I find something better to do. But I’ll come round to-morrow morning. If you should want me to-night by any chance, send round a note to Curzon Street.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. Thank you.

(As he reaches the door, Lady Chiltern enters from her boudoir.)

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. You are not going, Robert?

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. I have some letters to write, dear.

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
.
(Going to him.)
You work too hard, Robert. You seem never to think of yourself, and you are looking so tired.

S
IR
R
OBERT
C
HILTERN
. It is nothing, dear, nothing.

(He kisses her and goes out.)

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
.
(To Lord Goring.)
Do sit down. I am so glad you
have called. I want to talk to you about … well, not about bonnets, or the Woman’s Liberal Association. You take far too much interest in the first subject, and not nearly enough in the second.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. You want to talk to me about Mrs. Cheveley?

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. Yes. You have guessed it. After you left last night I found out that what she had said was really true. Of course I made Robert write her a letter at once, withdrawing his promise.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. So he gave me to understand.

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. To have kept it would have been the first stain on a career that has been stainless always. Robert must be above reproach. He is not like other men. He cannot afford to do what other men do.
(She looks at Lord Goring, who remains silent.)
Don’t you agree with me? You are Robert’s greatest friend. You are our greatest friend, Lord Goring. No one, except myself, knows Robert better than you do. He has no secrets from me, and I don’t think he has any from you.

L
ORD
G
ORING
. He certainly has no secrets from me. At least I don’t think so.

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. Then I am not right in my estimate of him? I know I am right. But speak to me frankly.

L
ORD
G
ORING
.
(Looking straight at her.)
Quite frankly?

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. Surely. You have nothing to conceal, have you?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Nothing. But, my dear Lady Chiltern, I think, if you will allow me to say so, that in practical life——

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
.
(Smiling.)
Of which you know so little, Lord Goring——

L
ORD
G
ORING
. Of which I know nothing by experience, though I know something by observation. I think that in practical life there is something about success, actual success, that is a little unscrupulous, something about ambition that is unscrupulous always. Once a man has set his heart and soul on getting to a certain point, if he has to climb the crag, he climbs the crag; if he has to walk in the mire——

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
. Well?

L
ORD
G
ORING
. He walks in the mire. Of course I am only talking generally about life.

L
ADY
C
HILTERN
.
(Gravely.)
I hope so. Why do you look at me so strangely, Lord Goring?