The Inner Struggle: Beginnings Series Book 7 (11 page)

Ellen swung her legs over the couch. “What am I watching?”

“Can you sit on the floor or will it be too much for you?”

“I can sit on the floor.” She lowered herself down. “Now what?”

“Watch this.” Frank’s eyes lit up.

Henry stepped closer to see what was going on. He watched Ellen’s excitement as Brian stepped to her. He listened to both of them laugh in such excitement, leaning to each other and making Brain do it over again.

Frank clapped his hands as Ellen hugged Brain. “Make him come back to me.”

Ellen set him down. “When did he do this, Frank?”

“Just a few minutes ago. I had to rush and let you see. You would have seen it second but fuckin Dean stopped me and made me show him. Man.” Frank tilted his head. “I saw it, El. I saw his first steps. Brian is the first one of my kids I ever saw do that. I saw his first step. There’s just something to be said about seeing your kid do something for the first time.” He gushed. “Let him go so he can walk to me. Come on, Brain.” As Frank extended his hands out, he looked up at the same time as Ellen when they heard the front door close. Henry was gone.

<><><><>

It seemed that his own house was the only house with a light still on. Henry knew he had been gone a long time, but he didn’t realize how long until he wandered back onto his street. With his hands in his pockets, Henry approached his house, not wanting to see who he did when he got there… Frank.

Frank stepped out onto the porch. “Where have you been?”

“Excuse me, I’d like to go into my house now.” Henry tried to get by him.

“Really? Do you realize that fifteen minutes after you left, El was worried and wanted to go look for you herself. She sent me out to find you, Henry. Three times I went out.”

“Did you really look?” Henry asked with an edge.

“Yeah, I looked. I was worried.”

“Yeah, right.” Henry took a breath and reached for his door again.

“Six o’clock you walked out. It’s two in the fuckin morning. You were this close.” Frank’s words were sharp as his hand cut outward. “This close to me closing down the perimeters and going beyond the wall to find you. Security searched this entire community. We thought something happened to you.”

“That would have worked out just perfect for you, wouldn’t it.”

“Henry, I don’t think you realize . . .”

“No Frank, I don’t think you realize. I don’t want to stand here and talk to you. I owe you no explanation on where I was and I think you know why. You won, Frank. You won. If you wanted to break me, you did it. My heart is broken right now and I give up. It’s a losing battle because you have to keep pushing and pushing the point, just like you did when you brought Brian over. You got what you wanted. You got Nick and your family and I know damn well you aren’t stopping until you get Ellen back too. Just keep in mind, Frank, right now she is still my wife and until you succeed in taking that away from me too,” Henry swallowed, “stay away from her.” He brushed by Frank and walked into his house, closed the door and locked it. He stood there, trying to control his breathing.

<><><><>

Frank stood a long time outside on the street facing Henry’s house, wanting to go back in. He felt a need to talk to Henry. But when he watched the lights in the house go out, Frank knew it was time to go home. Sometime in the journey back to his own house, he took the long way, the real long way, through town and to the clinic. Nick was strong on his mind as well as Henry. Letting the night nurse know he was there, Frank walked into the dimly lit nursery and directly to a sleeping Nick.

He was quiet as he pulled up the chair close to the baby. Frank rested his elbows on his knees, bringing his cupped hands to his chin, flicking the roughness of his goatee back and forth across the tops of his fingers. Frank stared upon Nick. The more he looked at Nick, the more he saw Henry.

Henry.

What had happened in the past five days? One week earlier, he and Henry were discussing who would do what with the baby. Now Frank couldn’t walk by him without striking out verbally against him. One thing was for sure, Frank knew that he couldn’t possibly have that much contempt or hatred for Henry if he was so worried about him when he didn’t come home. The discovery of that certainty hit Frank as he looked at Nick. No matter how much wrong he felt Henry did to him, Nick was the recipient of the most wrong.

Despite how it happened and how Frank felt about the paternity, it was clear Nick was Henry’s son. Frank, more than anything prided himself on being a good father. He loved being a father. As angry as he was at Henry, he felt badly for using the child as punishment.

He spotted that right hand corner of the incubator, the one that held that toy that very afternoon. That toy stayed strongly on Frank’s mind after he had made his first sweep of town looking for Henry. The same toy Frank searched the house up and down for while Ellen was taking a shower. Something so small, but it meant so much, in a good way and in a hurtful way.

Looking like a sneak, Frank lifted some from the chair and peered into the next room to Glen who read a book. Seeing the occupied clinic worker, Frank reached forward and lifted the top to the incubator. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out the small teddy bear Henry had made. He looked at it once, gripped and almost buried in his hands, then Frank sat that toy in the corner of the incubator where it belonged. Pressing his lips to the tips of his own fingers, he gently touched them to Nick’s cheek, closed the top to the incubator, and sat back down to watch the baby some more.

“Any signs of illness at all?” Dean asked, looking up to the speaker in the wall of the communication center as if he were looking at Robbie.

“None,” Robbie answered. “We all feel fine. I did a check of everyone about ten minutes ago.”

“Excellent.” Dean smiled. “All right. It’s ten o’clock now. Two more hours, if still the same, pack up and come home, Robbie.”

“Yes. Thank you, Dean. Dad?” Robbie called out. “You still there?”

“I’m here.”

“See in about three hours.” As Robbie hung up the phone, his faded voice yelling to his men, ‘we’re heading home’ was heard before the call was disconnected.

Dean ran his hands through his hair. “O.K., I have to head out. Let me know when they get here, Joe, I still want to check every single one of them for infection before we let them inside.”

“Got that.” Joe stood from his seat next to Mark who was monitoring. He looked at the signal which still flashed from Robbie’s location. “He is so close. Soon he’ll be back.”

With a pat to Joe’s back, Dean walked by him. “Talk to you in a little bit.” He hurried past Frank who stood there.

“Dean, wait up.” Frank chased him.

“I’m busy, Frank.” Dean walked faster down the tunnel.

“Wait.” With four long steps, Frank caught up to him. “Did you think about it?”

“Yes,” Dean said.

“So you’ll do it.”

“No. I thought about it. No.”

“Dean, come on. You have to do this. What will it take to get you to do this?”

“What will it take to get you to see I don’t want to be hypnotized.”

“What are you afraid of?” Frank asked as they walked.

“Being an idiot maybe. Forgetting things I should know.”

“Remembering things you put away in your mind?”

“Why are you so convinced it’s not a dream?”

“Why are you so convinced it is?”

“Why are we going back and forth like this? It drives me crazy.” Dean stopped walking. “Look, I don’t want to do it but let me speak to Godrichson about it and then I’ll give you a definite answer. O.K.?”

“I’ll settle for that.”

“Good. Now go to work or something.” Dean shooed his hand as he went into the cryo-lab.

“Man, he has such attitude.” Frank looked down at his watch. “Maybe I’ll head to the clinic before I do my rounds. Yeah.” Tapping on the open cryo-lab door, Frank gave a gesture to Dean to let him know just because Frank was being nice to him lately, he still didn’t like him. For no reason at all Frank flipped Dean off and headed up to the street level.

````````

Was Henry really hearing a baby crying, or was it just his imagination? He stopped to listen while picking up a folder for Ellen from the clinic lab. He knew there was no way he could hear a baby. Nick was the only one in the nursery and that was pretty much a ways from the lab.

Walking with the folder, Henry thought he heard it again. Turning in the hall, he followed it. It ceased the closer to the nursery he got. It was his imagination. Ten or so feet from that long window, Henry felt pulled to do something he said he wouldn’t do. Go back and see Nick just one more time. It really wouldn’t hurt. Would it?

Tucking his folder under his arm, he pushed open the nursery door. Patrick was walking in from the other side.

“Hey, Henry.” Patrick smiled and approached the incubator.

“The lid’s up.” Henry pointed and walked closer.

“Yep, I was getting ready to change him and take him out. But . . . you’re here.”

“Patrick, I don’t . . .”

“Here.” He handed him a diaper. “You know how to do this.”

“No, really I don’t.”

Patrick laughed. “If you have any trouble, I’ll be in the room doing Joe reports for clinic supplies.” He stepped backwards. “Make sure you keep him in the blanket when you hold him.”

Henry’s hand that held the diaper dropped when Patrick was gone. “Shit.” He looked down at Nick whose little legs kicked about. After setting the folder on the floor, Henry stuck his hand under Nick’s bottom and lifted him some. “Great. Sorry Nick.” Henry took a deep breath and opened the new diaper. He laid it in the incubator then reached for the pin on Nick’s diaper. Struggling some, and afraid of moving the baby, Henry opened it. “Remind me immediately to reinvent Velcro.” Taking the pin from the diaper, Henry saw it, the teddy bear that he had made, the one Frank took from Nick the day before. In the midst of his wondering and shock about it, Henry pricked himself. With an ‘ow’ he brought his finger to his mouth, still staring at that toy.

“Henry.”

His voice shot threw Henry like a knife. Taking his finger from his mouth, Henry shifted his eyes to Frank, who walked in.

“I was watching you. What are you doing?”

“They had the lid off this thing and Patrick asked me to . . .” He lifted the new diaper and dropped it. “Sorry, I was changing him.” Henry pointed to the teddy bear. “Frank, did you or did Ellen . . .”

“Changing him?” Frank moved closer. He looked in the incubator to Nick, his diaper was half off. “Henry he’s gonna piss all over the place if you leave his diaper off.”

“Sorry. I’m lost. Frank, where did the . . .”

“Here.” Frank stepped in Henry’s place and grabbed the new diaper. “The trick is, you have to do it fast.” Frank grabbed the baby’s legs and lifted them. “This is my own little secret. You have to put the fresh diaper under his butt so you can do that quick action thing of switching the diaper. You have to, or else he’ll pee on you.”

“Ellen, uh, told me about that.”

“Happens all the time.” Frank put the new diaper under the baby and removed the old one. “Their little legs stiffen up like rigor mortis, but you can’t be afraid to bend them. They won’t break. You have to show them who's boss.”

“He’s a week old, Frank.”

“Never too early to start. There.” Frank secured the pin. “All done.”

“Frank, I’m sorry I was in here with him and seeing how I was with such a simple thing as changing a diaper, maybe you’re right about the whole thing.”

“A diaper is not an easy task Henry. It takes practice.”

“Practice.” Henry shook his head. “Then I guess I don’t have to worry about that do I?”

Frank stared silently at him.

“It’s a good thing you showed up or I’d have to hold him. The only baby I ever held was Brian and I didn’t do that well.” Henry stepped back.

“Henry, wait.” Frank wrapped the baby in a blanket. “Come here.”

“I have to get this folder back to Ellen.” He bent down to retrieve it.

“Forget that.” Frank lifted Nick from the incubator. “Here.”

“I can’t, Frank.”

“Here.” Frank stepped closer with the baby.

“I don’t want to hold him Frank. If I do, I won’t let him go.”

Frank moved as close as he could to Henry. “Take him.” Waiting for Henry’s arms to hesitantly extend, Frank gently laid Nick into them. He positioned Henry’s arms the way they should go. “Hold him close to your chest. They need to feel the heart beat.”

Henry closed his eyes as he brought the small bundle closer to him. He let out a shivering breath as he felt the tiny body of the baby next to his.

“Last night, after you came home,” Frank spoke softly, “I came back here. I sat for two hours and I stared at Nick, just stared at him and as much as I love him, as much as I want him to be my kid, he’s not. He’s yours. Stupid understanding laws or not, there’s no denying it.” Frank ran his hand over the baby’s head. “I’m not going to stand in your way anymore. He’s your son.” Frank pressed his lips to Nick’s head and stepped back.

“Our son, Frank,” Henry spoke up.

Frank stopped walking.

“I always assumed he would be ours. I always assumed that you would be primary father. I just never assumed you’d want to push me out.”

“I am pissed, Henry.” Frank faced him, “really pissed. How could I not be? This baby was the only way I could strike back at you and really get to you. I realized last night that was wrong. Nick will be the loser in all this. Not you, not me. Him.”

“He’ll still be the loser if we don’t do this the way it’s supposed to be. You and I can’t tear each other apart.”

“Henry, I’m not happy with you. The only reason I haven’t killed you is because you and Ellen say you don’t know how this kid happened and because I am well aware of how the time machine has fucked things up, I’m willing to accept that. But marrying, her … I can’t. We’ll never be what we were.”

Head slightly lowered, Henry nodded.

“But I’m not gonna be a dick about this baby anymore. You’ll be a part of his life, Beginnings rules or not.”

“Thank you, Frank.”

“But not until you learn how to care for him.”

Henry exhaled. “I’ll tell you. I’m not very good.”

“Yeah, I know. I saw by the diaper changing thing. And … I have to tell you, this baby is the cutest baby I have ever seen in my life. Everyone is talking about him.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He’s gonna be the only Asian kid I know with blue eyes.”

“Blue eyes?” Henry smiled. “How can you tell?”

“Simple. The shade of gray says it all. Blue eyes. The gray of his eyes is too pale to be brown.”

“See Frank, all this little stuff you know. You’ll teach it to me, right?”

“Yeah, I will. First things first though.” Frank moved around front of Henry. “You have held this kid way too long. Give him up.”

“No Frank.”

“Henry hand him over,” Frank reached.

“All right.” Henry gently handed over the baby. “Careful Frank, don’t break him.”

“Henry.” Frank took him in his arms then quickly pretended he was dropping the baby. “Whoops.”

“Frank!”

Frank laughed, “Just kidding.” Frank placed his face close to Nick’s. “Yeah, we’ll drive Henry nuts yet, won’t we?”

<><><><>

It was the moment of truth and debate. Dean had to make up his mind or he knew he’d never get Frank off his back about the hypnotizing thing. He walked over to containment on a break from his clinic lab work to see Jason who was working for Ellen until she returned. Jason looked comfortable sitting at Ellen’s desk, fiddling with something in his hands. Mel, the new survivor was seated, as if waiting, across from him. “Jason.” Dean knocked on the archway. “Can I speak to you?”

“Yes.” He still kept his eyes down to what he made.

“What are you working on?” Dean asked him.

“A miniature log cabin. Ellen had this for hand therapy and I want to accomplish it first before I teach the others.”

“Are you showing um . . .” Dean looked at Mel, “him, the new guy?” Dean snapped. “Hey you look different than yesterday. Your hair is gone.”

Mel ran his hand across his now cropped hair. “Yes, that big mean guy gave me clippers and told me I’m not twenty-one and to lose the hair.”

“Looks good.” Dean gave a thumbs up. “That was a lot of hair to lose.”

“Yes, well, Joe took it and said it was needed elsewhere.”

“What?” Dean chuckled then remembered this was Beginnings and everything was either done differently or weird around here. “Anyhow, Jason, I need to talk to you about what you and Frank have been discussing.”

“Enlighten me,” Jason said. “But before you do, when is Ellen returning to work? This is quite boring.”

“Another week or so. Getting back to what Frank and you talked about. You know hypnosis.”

“Hypnosis?” Jason didn’t move his eyes from his house. “No, what are you talking about?”

“Frank didn’t come in here talking to you about hypnosis?”

“He may have.”

“Don’t you know?” Dean asked.

“Nope, I don’t listen to Frank.”

“Forget it then.” Dean moved back to the door. “See you, Mel.” Trying to get out of the office at that second became a physical impossibility for Dean. Frank stood in the doorway. “Frank, I just came to see Jason. He said he doesn’t remember talking to you about hypnosis.”

“Get the fuck out of here. Jason,” Frank yelled in the office. “Didn’t you and I talk about hypnosis?”

“Yep,” Jason answered.

“Don’t you know it?”

“Yep,” he answered again.

“See Dean.”

Dean’s head turned from Frank to Jason. “Jason, did you hear anything he just said?”

“Nope.”

Dean threw his hands in the air. “Talk to me, Frank, when you get a real answer from him.” Giving up, Dean began to walk down the hall. About five or six steps into his quick pace everything went blurry, very blurry. Shit. Knowing that Frank was there, Dean had to keep going. He could still see the door, and then, it was gone. All went black. Shit. No, I can do this. I know this place. I’ll just go to the door. When I get through, I’ll wait until I can see again. Hopefully it will . . . BAM! Dean felt the searing pain to his face as he lost his balance and almost fell backwards to the ground. With his vision coming back, he could hear Frank laughing behind him.