The Irresistible Bundle (63 page)

"Thigh-high boots with that outfit" Desirae called out.

"Where's her baton" Melissa questioned. "She needs it if she plans to beat people with it."

"Are you sure you want them handling weapons" Valentino chuckled. The girls definitely spiced the club up.

"We'll see" Nicholas nervously stated.

"We could add cheerleaders to the mix" Ariel suggested. The girls brightened as they sifted through scantily clad outfits.

"There are other fetishes I'll want addressed first" Nicholas replied. "I'll need a few staff members dressed as cats, tails in the ass and all."

"You mean like a butt plug with an attached tail" Andrea squeaked.

Nicholas nodded. His eyes sparkled with laughter. "You volunteering for the job sugar?" He teased.

"Will I get petted a lot" Andrea saucily countered. She wiggled suggestively at the group. Sati immediately set to petting Andrea who began purring. Nicholas liked seeing this side of Andrea. She hid behind Desirae and Carina too much. Andrea was just as fiery as the other two; she just didn't know it yet.

"I have a meeting regarding this weekend's festivities." Nicholas stated over the giggling and cheers. "I'll let them know of your plans." The girls waved goodbye to him. Marco and Valentino followed. There was too much estrogen in the room and it threatened their masculinity.

Chapter Fifteen

Carina walked around the estate knowing she'd find him within these walls. She'd looked for him all week and somehow he'd evaded her. Jaxon Wright wasn't a coward. But he was nowhere to be found. She walked towards his designated suite. She hadn't wanted to seek him out in his private space but she wanted to see him before the crowds came in for the themed night.

Carina's ears roared as she approached the door. Jaxon had every right to be upset with her. She'd handled things poorly and he'd been the one ostracized. She knocked on the door and stood to the side away from the peephole. She wasn't sure if he'd open the door if he saw her standing there.

~

Jaxon dried the water dripping down his shoulders. He preferred taking a shower before the festivities. It was like a fresh start to the weekend. He'd successfully managed to avoid Carina all week though he'd watched her from a distance. Leticia had been a comforting presence these last few days. She hung out with him when she wasn't busy working.

Leticia asked nothing of Jaxon. She didn't throw herself at him or demand more than he was willing to give. Jaxon was somewhat blindsided with their budding friendship. He didn't really know what to expect as the days progressed. His interactions with females had always been fuck them or leave them alone.

He threw the towel over his shoulder and walked briskly to the door hoping it was Leticia knocking. She was somewhere on the estate finalizing the last details before members were allowed access to the premises. Jaxon was grateful that Nicholas allowed him access to the property at all times. He opened the door and froze in shock. He sure as hell hadn't expected Carina to come knocking.

"I'm starting to get a complex" Carina's playful voice stunned Jaxon. "I think you're avoiding me."

He smiled wickedly. "I have been..." He admitted. There was no point in lying to her. "Rather successfully I might add" his eyes twinkled. Carina didn't need to know that he'd looked out for her.

"Was I that lousy of a lay" She huffed. Her smile let him know she was joking. Jaxon didn't know what to make of her presence.

"You've never been a lousy lay" Jaxon drawled. He motioned for Carina to enter the room. He looked down the hall seeing no one else in either direction. He was surprised to find her alone. Valentino and Marco were nowhere in sight. Did they even know she was here?

"Thank you" Carina looked down as she entered the room. Two weeks ago this would've been dangerous territory but she was on better ground now. She entered Jaxon's domain confidently. Even if Nicholas knocked at the door Carina wouldn't hide.

"Good to see you belleza" Jaxon smiled. He hung the towel in the bathroom before sitting down. They were both aware of his shirtless state. He watched Carina pick something up and immediately stiffened. The framed picture had been tossed to the side and virtually forgotten. Jaxon loved that picture of him and Carina.

She'd noticed the frame buried underneath random items. She gently pulled out the picture and stared at it. It was the same picture Jaxon had hung on the wall the day of the scene. Carina rarely went to Club Luna. There were too many memories of her and Jaxon there. They weren't bad memories. If anything this picture reminded her of his easygoing nature. She admired the handsome couple. Her dark hair and eyes contrasted beautifully against his light hair and bright eyes.

"We were really happy here" Carina whispered. Jaxon inhaled sharply but didn't respond. What could he say? It was the reason why he'd printed and framed the picture. His time with her stood out above most of his other college memories. His rowing accomplishments were the only things that could possibly outshine it.

"I miss those days" She softly confessed. She tore her eyes away from the picture and stared at Jaxon. The image was less than a year old but it felt like a lifetime ago.

"Me too" He sighed. What was the point in denying it? Didn't Carina see it? They were good together.

She put the framed picture on the small table. She sat close to Jaxon but remained a safe distance away. "It was easier in those days. We didn't have expectations of each other. There were no spiteful bitches meddling in things."

Jaxon bitterly laughed. He hadn't pegged Carina as the type to give a shit about what other people thought and said. "No one could've been harassing you in those first weeks of class."

"No" She agreed. "But I had sorority groups welcoming me to the '
we've fucked Jaxon club
' and making me an elite member."

Jaxon growled with frustration. "That fucking orgy"

"Not this last time" Carina corrected, "The time we were first together, when we fucked in the hallway of the sorority house with an audience. I was inducted shortly after you went downstairs."

Jaxon frowned; trying to figure out what Carina was saying. How could he forget that party? It was the night she'd left him. But it was also the night he'd been so desperate to be inside her that he took her against the wall because all the rooms were occupied.

"Is that why you left me the first time? Because you didn't realize you were an exhibitionist?"

Carina rolled her eyes. He really did have selective memory. "Jaxon we weren't even a couple back then. We were fuck buddies who met up and went to parties and clubbing together. The most we knew about each was behind closed doors."

"But we had something" Jaxon insisted, "Even back in those days."

"We had an intimate familiarity. It was easy." Carina replied. She didn't want to have the same conversations from these last few months with him over and over again. "What we had required nothing more than we were willing to give.... No strings attached... Everything was uncomplicated then." She explained. Jaxon opened his mouth to say something but she motioned for him to listen. "And we tried again. This time with expectations and it was harder."

"Because you made it harder" Jaxon accused. He rubbed his hands over his thighs. She was absolutely frustrating. "You never really gave us a chance!"

"You might be right" Carina conceded. Jaxon's eyes widened with disbelief. He hadn't expected her to admit to what he'd been saying all along.

"How was that fair to me? To us" He quietly asked. She may have finally admitted what he suspected but it didn't make him feel any better for it.

"It might not have been" Carina sighed. "Diego said the same thing. I was too busy protecting my heart from what could happen."

"So you never let me in" Jaxon whispered in defeat. Carina was an amazing woman. Everyone who met her could see it and they instantly fell in love with her. Jaxon envied what Valentino and Marco had with her. She obviously let her walls down with them. What had he ever done to make her build a fortress around her heart?

"My heart still bears a few cracks and fissures from some really hard lessons" Carina confessed. "When I love... I love completely."

"But you couldn't risk loving me" He finished for her. That was the crux of it all and it crushed Jaxon. "I gave you pieces of me" The words caught in his throat. He'd told Carina about his past. He'd let her in when he'd denied so many others.

"And I still have those pieces, and I cherish them" Carina whispered. His glistening eyes clawed a hole in her chest. "I'm grateful that you entrusted me with them. But the day will come when someone will knock the sails out of you. She'll shatter every belief you had of me and you. She'll give herself completely and unconditionally; and you will too. And I'll be nothing more than a fond memory."

"Is that how it is with you and the guys?" Jaxon questioned. "How can they share you if they claim to love you?"

She tilted her head. This was the unspoken question many of her friends had. "Love can be a fickle thing. Sometimes it hits hard and fast. Other times its soft and slow."

"That sounds like sex" He drawled. His flirtatious smile took Carina's breath away. Her chest loosened at the glimpse of old Jaxon. Maybe they could start a new chapter together, not as lovers but better than platonic friends.

"That too" Carina breathed. She waited a moment before continuing. "Valentino is and was exactly what I needed. I think sometimes he knows me better than I know myself. When he looks at me he sees forever and at first that scared the shit out of me. Valentino understood that. He loves who I am and how I am. He's willing to allow me to explore outside of our relationship knowing I'll always come home. I won't ever wonder if there's something better out there because I've been there and tried that. I'm the reason Marco's in the relationship but not because one man isn't enough for me. I saw something that both men refused to acknowledge. I voiced the thing they tried to deny themselves and each other."

Jaxon couldn't hide his shocked expression. Everyone assumed Valentino wasn't enough for Carina because of the two men in her life and their frequent mix of partners. Carina wasn't a slut like Chelsea but she was insatiable. He had first-hand knowledge in that department.

"I offered to bow out to give Valentino and Marco an opportunity to try a relationship but they insisted that it should be the three of us. I was honored that they wanted to share their love with me. Valentino and Marco have shared other women before. Older than me - some already established on their path in life but they didn't want them; they chose me. We fit perfectly together and even though our mold is different than most of the world's it's what we want and need."

Jaxon remained silent for a long time. Carina wasn't sure if he was trying to process everything she'd just said. She hadn't needed to explain the complexities of her relationship but she wanted him to understand. It was something more than just being with one man in a monogamous relationship. Valentino and Marco fulfilled something in Carina that no one else ever could.

"I could never share you" Jaxon sounded far away. His eyes weren't focused on anything in the room.

"But you didn't see anything wrong with adding a female into the mix" Carina softly reprimanded. "You were okay with me sharing you but not with you sharing me. If I truly was
the one
then you never would've messed around with those girls. Keeping your dick in your pants or not...You would've survived the one week we were separated. I would've been enough."

Carina's words were like razor blades cutting into his skin. The cuts were small but deep enough to scar. Jaxon squeezed his eyes shut. Her words hurt. Was that what she'd felt all along? That she hadn't been enough for him. Had she?

"I don't hate you" Carina's words snapped Jaxon's head up. "But I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved. I hope you find her... but in the meantime I don't want to lose you."

"You have Valentino and Marco" Jaxon made it sound more like a question than a statement. Wasn't she the one saying Jaxon never had her?

"But it doesn't mean that I have to cut you out of my life. This summer has made me realize that I missed seeing you. I've missed just hanging out with you - no strings attached."

"Can you and I really be in the same vicinity without spouting off pheromones" Jaxon retorted. It was amazing the atmosphere around them wasn't chemically enhanced with their sexual chemistry.

"We won't know if we don't try" She shrugged. "We'll have deal with it. Maybe you can go fuck someone after hanging out with me to get it out of your system. Maybe with time Valentino and Marco will add you to the mix like we do Nicholas."

"I'm not having sex with some dude" Jaxon scoffed. He needed to focus on that rather than envisioning her beneath him. He prayed she didn't notice his flushed skin and bulging jeans. If he couldn't have Carina this was the best case scenario he could ever dream of. Getting his fix of his belleza on occasion would be enough... it could be enough... Maybe... Sure... Had to be...

"No" Carina laughed as she shook her head. "Nicholas has never done anything with the guys other than double penetration with me."

"Fuck me" Jaxon groaned. "Did you really have to say that?"

Carina smiled wickedly. "If we're going to be friends this is the kind of thing I'd talk to you about. Can't talk about that with other guys but I'd be comfortable talking about it with you."

"Would you also talk to me if you're irritated, sad, or just want to vent?" Jaxon pressed.

"Absolutely" Carina replied. "Just as I'd hope you'd do the same with me."

"And would Valentino and Marco be onboard with this" Jaxon challenged. "Hell would Desirae try to castrate me."

"Can't vouch for Desirae's mental stability but I've already had a long talk with the guys. They're okay with this. They want us to get past this 'drama' phase." She was immensely relieved that she'd made the effort to search him out. They'd needed to have this conversation and it was a hell of a lot easier without an audience. The guilt that constantly gnawed at her was finally gone. She would find a way to balance Jaxon in her life. It sure as hell wouldn't be easy but it was better than what they'd been doing for the last few months.

"I'll make sure to wear a cup whenever she's around" Jaxon snickered. Carina thought he was kidding but he wouldn't put it past Desirae to kick him in the balls when he least expected it. Once upon a time he might've deserved it but not now. He wasn't sure how the hell they were going to pull it off but he was willing to try.

"She should be too busy to notice you tonight" Carina teased. "Speaking of which; I gotta head to the dressing room anyways. They've assigned me as a referee in the game room."