The Keys to Jericho (76 page)

As Dash starts the car, I squint my eyes from the early evening sun, and move down the visor. He says, “I’d ask how class was, but I can only guess.”

“It was fabulous,” I dryly state.

He turns onto the main road and looks over at me. “I’m hungry. How about we get some takeout and go somewhere?”

I glance to the dark sky through the side window. “It’s going to rain.”

“It’ll be dry. What do you want to eat? We could get Arby’s, Wendy’s, Boston Market—”

“Not Wendy’s. Subway works.” Not that I’ll eat it.

He smiles. “Okay.”

I grumble at his smile, “You didn’t even get drunk last night. I shouldn’t be hanging around you. Deserter.”

“I said I’d drink with you. I had a drink.”

I roll my eyes. Unlike him, I drank until I didn’t remember. Dash said I eventually passed out on the couch, which I discovered this morning when I awoke with the blanket over me. I slept heavily. No dreams. No nightmares. No crying. No pain.

Pulling into the lot and parking, Dash asks, “What kind of sandwich you want?”

I shrug. “Chicken with mustard and pickles.”

“Anything else?”

“Nope.”

When he leaves, I check my phone, but nothing. No messages or missed calls. Is he even thinking about me? Missing me? Or has he already moved on? I know I never will. I never have.

After eons of staring at my dark phone, the car door opening jars me to seeing Dash climbing in. He hands me the tray with our drinks, and sets the plastic bag with our sandwiches on the console between us.

I ask, “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere that might make you smile.”

“Not your mom’s shop, is it?”

He laughs. “If that’s your happy place, I guess.”

I shake my head. “No more flowers.”

“I concur, Merrick.”

I continue to slyly stare at my phone, waiting for it to light up with
Ball and Chain
, having not changed his name, but nothing, its dark silence only depressing me more.

When we slow and take a sharp turn, I finally look up to see the familiar parking lot. I whisk my head to Dash. “Why are we
here
?”

“It’s one of your favorite places, and it’s a dreary day. You said you and I should come back here.” Dash bobs his head from side to side. “Well, we’re here.”

When he parks, and before I can protest, he grabs the bag of sandwiches and gets out of the car. Damn it.

Growling to myself, I diffidently take the drinks and follow him to the walking path, hating that he didn’t run this by me first. Looking around, the lot is nearly empty, apart from a couple other cars. I sigh and trail behind him to the large gazebo.

Crossing over the footbridge, I glower at the place where Jared and I had lain in the grass, gazing at the clouds. This
used
to be my favorite place.

Dash stops, giving me a concerned look, before asking, “What’s wrong? This is a happy place for you, I thought.”

“I would’ve said no to coming here.”

“Why? It’s all
The Sound of Music
and everything, especially if it rains.”
Jared
was my Rolfe. Always.

Moping, I walk ahead of Dash and up the stairs to the empty gazebo. Thank God, we’re not inundated with a bunch of people. At least they have the good sense to stay away from my bad mood.

As Dash comes up the stairs behind me, I hear the plastic bag rustling with him, while I carry the drinks over to a bench along the back of the gazebo. Setting them down, I sigh. The heaviness of being here weighs too much on me. The cloud watching, the bench walking, the kiss I wanted to give him, and his erection I noticed, causing me to fight every urge in me not to grab onto it. God.

I close my eyes and say, “I can’t be here.”

“I’ll take you home then.”

Holy fuck.

I whirl around to see Jared standing at the top of the stairs, and my breathing ceases.

Holy fuck.

I’m a statue, seeing him, especially wearing a light green, long-sleeved dress shirt with a gray-and-black-swirled tie, and gray pants. Another moment I feel so inadequate.

Blinking several times, I cross my arms over my faded shirt with
Ocean City
emblazoned across it, and look around for Dash. When he’s nowhere to be seen, I hoarsely say, “Dash. Where’s Dash?”

Jared shakes his head as his concerned gaze pins me to the spot. “He didn’t leave.”

I want to run to Jared. I want to slap him. I want to kiss him. I want to hate him. I want to love him.

I state, “I didn’t see your car.”

He nods to the left. “It’s at the pavilion.”

“Oh.” I nervously shift and look to the grounds nearby, searching for Dash, but I don’t see him. Turning back to Jared, my heart lurches when I ask, “Why are you
here, Jared?”

“I’d say trick-or-treat, but it’s a little early for that.” His smile is trifling, while his eyes are uncertain as they sweep over me.

I strive to remain unaffected by his presence. “If you’re here to fight with me, then no, I’m not doing it.”

“I’m not. I promise.”

“I have a hard time believing you.”

He nods and brushes his hand through his shorter hair. “I know, but I had to take the chance with you.”

My eyes widen. “So, I’ve been set up? Dash was only pretending to help me, just so you could show up here to… To what?” I swallow, pushing down the sobs, and inhale. “I said I’m not fighting anymore.”

“Not set up. Last night, I told Dash I needed to talk to you. He said only if he were present. I negotiated that. He’s here, but I told him to keep his distance.”

Despite my efforts, tears well and I bite my lip to rid them. When they somewhat subside, I whisper, “I can’t fight anymore. It hurts too much and I have nothing left for you to break.” He probably could find the thread from which I’m dangling, and cut that.

Jared slowly walks to me as he says, “I’m not here to hurt you. Dash is still around, and if I say the wrong things, he’ll yank you out of here so fast.”

I uncross my arms to rub my nose with my hand. “Just get it over with then.”

“With what?”

I glance at his arms, the ones I loved having around me, and I squeeze my fingers until my nails dig into my hands, causing me pain for a needed diversion. “Whatever it is you want to say. An apology or an excuse. Goodbye or fuck off. Whatever.”

Stopping in front of me, he says, “I’m sorry, Kat.”

Crossing my arms again, I laugh, but it only makes the tears fall. Staring at his tie, I ask, “Does it make you feel better now?”

He faintly shakes his head. “No.”

Looking up at his lips, the ones I kissed with so much love, my heart aches. “Then why are you here?” I ask my unanswered question again.

“Because I missed you.”

An involuntary sob bursts through my mouth and I cover my lips with my hand, while closing my eyes, asking a stifled, “Why?”

“
Why
did I miss you?” I nod into my hand, keeping my eyes closed. He says, “Because I did.”

Expecting that answer, my eyes open as I drop my hand and laugh, which only causes more tears. “Wow. That’s deep.”

Jared sighs as he thrusts his right hand into his pocket to pull out a metallic object. The sunlight flashes off the metal and he says, “I wanted to give you this when we were in Philly, but I couldn’t find it.”

“What is it?” He hands it to me, and I see that it’s a large key on a keychain.

Looking up at him, he explains, “I bought that for you in high school, for when you got your driver’s license. After your accident, I couldn’t give it to you because it didn’t feel right, so I held onto it.”

I turn the key around in my hand, studying it. It’s a simple, silver skeleton key, but it already means the world to me, and from the thought he put into it, especially all those years ago, is astounding.

I peer up to his worried expression, and I surprise myself by smiling. “Thank you. That’s…so sweet of you. Why’d you keep it all these years?”

His gaze falls to the key. “I always hoped to give it to you, and if I couldn’t, I wanted to hold onto it as a reminder of what I had.” Jared returns his gaze to mine and says, “Or didn’t have and lost anyway.”

I swallow, unable to keep up my defenses or stop my tears, and I whisper, “Jared, I’ve missed you. I’m sorry for being so horrible.”

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Jared shakes his head, his spicy brown hair catching the sunlight. “You haven’t been.
I was the one who said some terrible things to you. I should’ve been honest with you from the start. I thought I had been, but it turns out, I’ve never been honest with myself.”

I nod and study his handsome face with fresh stubble, to the newly, but only slightly, shorter hair on his head. “Same here. I screwed up so much.”

He faintly smiles. “We both saw the things we wanted to see, not what was really there.”

“I know.”

Clearing his throat, he lifts his gaze to the interior of the gazebo. “My best friend is getting married here.”

Shocked again in such a short amount of time, my mouth falls open at that bit of news. “Rio and Liberty got engaged? I had no idea! She didn’t even tell me!” I shake my head in surprise, but smile as I peer around the gazebo. “It’s the perfect place.”

“It is.”

When I look back to Jared, he licks his lip before he says, “I learned a lot in this past week that I should’ve known earlier. I tell you everything and you know more about me than anyone. It ruined me to live without you, and when we found each other again, I thought it was a miracle. I just was afraid to acknowledge that.”

“Jared, I—” He doesn’t let me finish my confession about Pennsylvania.

“And I know it’s taken me forever to figure out how I felt about you, but I know it now.”

What?

My heart starts to race, flipping over hurdles, waiting for him to shove me or love me, and now I’m afraid of why he kept Dash here.

I nearly slur over my words, not wanting to really know how he feels anymore. Yet, I still ask, “How
do
you feel about me?”

Jared narrows his eyes. “You really haven’t noticed? Everyone says it’s obvious.”

Petrified, I whisper, “What is?”

His hands go to the sides of my head, digging into my hair, and his greenish brown eyes anxiously flicker as they search mine. “That I’m fucking in love with you, Kit Kat.”

My heart and world both stop.

I can’t think or speak straight. “You said… You called me a… I can’t believe…” I shake my head, and his arms along with it, to get my bearings. “When I told you I loved you, you flipped out, Jared. How can you say that now? You didn’t believe me, since I was married before.” I shakily wipe the tears from my face, just to make sure I’m not imagining this.

“When you said those words, it was like you slapped me across the face again, only harder. I had thought I had felt…that way…about you, but wasn’t sure until at my apartment, when we were in bed. I said that you mean so much to me, and begged you to stay with me, even after I leave Annapolis. I almost said the actual words to you. I was so damn close, but when you said we still couldn’t be together, it fucking hurt.”

I stare at him, absorbing everything that he just said, but he still goes on. “Over the years, I had been endlessly trying to bury my feelings for you, but they kept coming back and when we found each other again, they became even more powerful. So when you told me
you
were leaving Annapolis, I finally snapped. I said those things to you. Some were out of rage, but most were out of fear. I didn’t want to feel the pain or…the love.”

“Oh, my God, Jared. I…” I’m again at a loss for what to say, and I blankly stare at him, awestruck by what he just confessed to me, and trying to find the words I want to say in response.

He says, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I wasn’t sure that I was, and the fear became too much.”

“What were you afraid of?”

“Of you rejecting me again.”

“Again?”

He nods and winces. “You didn’t want me in high school.”

“Yes, I did. I told you that I did. I was in love with you, Jared. I meant that. I wanted to be with you, but I thought you were dating that girl and I—”

Jared shakes his head and sighs. “I wasn’t. She was a decoy, Kat. She let me use her as bait to make you jealous. I wanted you to fight for me, but you didn’t.”

I stutter, “W-what? Please say you’re kidding.”

As he looks at me, unsmiling, his gaze quickly falls to the floor.

I laugh, but not because I find it funny. I say, “So instead of us really going out on a date, like you kept asking me, and possibly many after that, you never called me. Never followed through. We were stuck in limbo for two
years
. And when I thought you gave up on me and moved on with someone else, you were playing a
game
instead of telling me how you felt?”