The Keys to Jericho (77 page)

He nods at the floor and I step back from him, shouting, “Jesus Christ, Jared! We could’ve been together all this time? Maybe since fucking
high school
! After you left, I slept with the first guy who paid attention to me—gave him my virginity—wishing it were you, and crying afterward for months because it wasn’t! I went on to marry a guy who I thought could fill the void, but he couldn’t even come close to you! Then when I told you I love you, you threw all this shit back in my face! My failures! I did it all because of the pain I felt for losing
you
! I may have been on life support after my accident, but I’d rather be put back on that machine instead of dying another painful death over you!”

His eyes huge, he now seems to be the one taken aback. “Kat. Jesus. I didn’t… Fuck, I—” Jared’s phone buzzes, and he slightly jumps, before looking around us as he pulls it from his pocket.

I peer around us, as well, catching my breath and asking, “Dash?”

Jared nods as he sends a text. “I told you he’s here.” He glances up from the phone. “I didn’t lie to you, and I didn’t murder him. Yet.”

Feeling somewhat calmer having Dash nearby, I abruptly smile as Jared’s phone buzzes again with a response. Looking up at me, he rolls his eyes, while returning his phone to his pocket.

My phone takes its turn vibrating, but I don’t answer it. Lowering my voice, I say, “I thought you were taken, Jared. You were dating her, or so I thought, and I didn’t compare to her. She was so pretty and I wasn’t even in her league. I didn’t have a prayer.”

“You’re wrong. I only wanted
you
.” He sighs. “Please, Kat, don’t be upset. It’s in the past, I’m—”

“In the past? My past has become my present. I can’t believe this. You were playing a
joke
on me?”

He fervently shakes his head. “No. I really thought it’d work. For you to flirt with me more, pay more attention to me. For you to tell me you wanted me. I was shy with you, believe it or not. Shy in the sense that I didn’t want you to reject me, so I fucked around instead of being honest with you. I was such a pussy and I didn’t want you to notice.”

I sweep hair and tears off my face, and cross my arms again, striving to comprehend his mindset at the time. “You tried to look unavailable so I’d want you?”

He nods. “But I
wasn’t
available. I’ve been
yours
since we met in class.” He steps closer to me and says, “Thinking back, the day you bumped into me in the school parking lot is when I fell in love with you, and I’ve been in love with you ever since, Kit Kat.”

Jared takes a hold of my hand, as I hold tightly to the keychain with my other, treasuring it. Without forethought, I blurt out, “I applied for a Pennsylvania teaching license.”

His fingers tighten between mine. “What? Why’d you do that?”

“I want to be with you. I’ll move to Philadelphia.”

He lets go of my hand as he resolutely shakes his head. “Kat, no. I don’t want you doing that.”

Confusion hovers over me like one of the clouds we had observed here. “Why not? This is me fighting for
you
.”

His jaw twitches as he puts his hands on his hips. “Because you’re
not
moving to Philly.”

“I thought you had wanted me to? In the kitchen, you even said you didn’t want me dating anyone else because I’m dating
you
. I don’t get it. Do you want me to be your girlfriend or not?”

He again shakes his head, exuding determination. “I’m not doing that shit again, Kat.”

“Oh,” I numbly say, as my gaze falls to the floor. I listlessly mutter, “How stupid could I’ve been? Jesus.” I rub the tears from my eyes, jingling the key in my hand.

Jared shoves his hands into his pockets and whispers, “You’re not. You already said Philly isn’t for you. I don’t want you living there.”

“But—”

He looks over the interior of the gazebo, before returning to me. “Look, I promised I wouldn’t fight with you.”

I clear my throat and sniff. “I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m trying to understand you.”

He sighs. “Believe me. I’m trying to understand myself, too.”

Crossing my arms, seeking some sort of comfort, I avoid looking into his eyes, but I can feel his on me. He asks, “What do we do now?”

I limply shrug. “I honestly don’t know. You don’t want to be with me.”

He firmly refutes, “I did not say that.”

My stomach begins to tighten and my body trembles, bracing for what he’s going to say next. Looking at the trees outside the gazebo, I hesitantly ask, “Then what
are
you saying, Jared?”

He says, “For starters, I wanted to cordially invite you to the wedding here.”

I immediately look to him, confused, yet again. “Why? I mean, that’s up to them if they want to invite me. I’m hoping they will, but isn’t the guest list up to the bride and groom?”

Jared nods. “Yeah, it is. And as the groom, I’m inviting you.”

“What?” My eyes strain as they widen, and my heart stops for a second time. Holy shit. No. He
couldn’t
have moved on that fast.

Or changed his mind.

Slowly becoming a statue again, I stammer, “Inviting me?”

He smiles at my breakdown before whispering, “To be my bride, Kit Kat.”

I stare at his grin because I know I didn’t hear him right, and because I can no longer move.

Suddenly, Jared plummets, kneeling down in front of me, the setting sunlight a halo around his hair. My gaze follows him as I continue to stare in utter shock, dazedly watching him take my left arm away from my body with his right hand, while balancing a gray box in his left. 

He pries the lid of the box with his fingers, and it squeaks open, showing me a simple, square diamond, with tiny diamonds on the gold band, but it all begins to blur as the reality of what he’s doing dawns on me.

As I gawk in disbelief at the ring, I hear him say, “I like the square because our journey hasn’t been an easy circle. We’ve had to turn sharp corners, but we still made it back to each other.” When he sniffs, I look back to his face as he peers up at me with sodden eyes. “
You
are my best friend. You’re the only one I want by my side. To not only be my permanent driving partner, but my life partner. I may not say it all the time, or be good at it, but I love you, Kit Kat. It took me a while to realize it, but I’ll spend my lifetime making it up to you.” As the tears begin to streak his face, he whispers, “I just hope you can love me back.”

Still in a stupor, my right hand, holding the keychain, goes to my face, wiping the tears on the back of my hand. Jared says, “Let’s cut the bullshit.” He smiles, but his apprehension suddenly returns and he bites his lip before saying, “I’ve loved you for half my life, baby. Please, let me love you for the rest of it. Make me yours for eternity.”

Taking a deep breath and blinking away his tears as he peers up at me with nervous, hazel-green eyes, Jared Beckett asks, “Katriona Elyse Merrick, will you marry me?”

CHAPTER 30

“Because from the way you look, you’re already in Hell.”

“I am.”

“Good. You’ve finally hit rock bottom. Welcome, Jared. I’m your angel of mercy. Where would you like to start?”

“I know exactly where.”

“Perfect. Let’s do this.”

“If I let you help me, anything I tell you doesn’t leave your mouth. Understand?”

“Okay.”

“Not even to your boyfriend.”

“I promise. Now, where did you want to start?”

“What’s your favorite jewelry store?”

“Good idea! Something sparkly always makes me feel better and more open-minded. What do you want to get her? Necklace? Bracelet? Earrings? How about a watch?”

“A ring.”

“Uh, what kind of ring?” When I didn’t answer, her eyes grew large, and she whispered, “Jared…”

“We met in high school. It’s long overdue.”

“But proposing
marriage
? Jared! You aren’t even dating! It’s so sudden!”

“Not that sudden, but like you said, I’ve hit rock bottom. I can only go up from there.”

“But that’s a big climb.”

“Are you with me or not?”

“You really love her?” Answering with only a dead stare, she muttered, “Wow. I’m blown away.”

“This stays between us. I can’t stress that enough.”

“Why don’t you want River to know?”

“I just don’t yet.”

Through her shock, she eventually smiled. “Okay, then. Let’s get you and Kat engaged.”

Watching Kat say nothing, makes me even more anxious. As her swift breathing causes her chest to rapidly rise and fall, I can’t help but think of how perfect her tits feel in my hands. I want them to be all mine, along with the rest of her, but she won’t even give me a goddamned answer.

When Kat finally does speak, she falters, “I-I don’t… How could… Jared, you…” Her right hand goes to her forehead, dangling the key from her fingers. “Five minutes ago, you wanted nothing to do with marriage, and two minutes ago, you didn’t even want me to move to Philadelphia.”

“I still don’t want you to move to Philly.”

She looks to the gazebo before asking, “Is this just another game for you? To get me to stay in Annapolis?”

I shake my head, rather stunned she’d ask that right now. She pulls her hand out of mine, stepping back, and that’s when I start to panic. “Kat, what are you doing?”

“I can’t believe you’re using my ambitions against me.”

“I’m
not
.”

Turning to pace, Kat gives no indication she’s going to give me an answer, which leaves me thunderstruck. Getting married is what she’s wanted. I thought she’d be all over this.

“That’s what you did when you said you’d…
inseminate
me,” she says, glancing at me over her shoulder and wrinkling her nose, borrowing the term I used. “To impregnate me. Jesus. It’s like some sort of business deal just so I won’t leave.”

“It’s not. I’ve been—”

“Now
this
?” She asks, waving her hand at me with surprising disdain, in the middle of my proposal. “Are you so…desperate…for certain, familiar sex that you’ll
marry
me to ensure you’ll have a routine lay?”

I scowl at her. “If I only wanted to get laid, I’d go to a bar every weekend.”

“Then you should do that.” She completely turns from me and I watch in astonishment as her wavy, coffee-brown hair lightly swishes against her upper back.

Hearing her sniff, I incredulously grumble, “What the fuck?”

Standing, I snap the box shut and shove it into my pocket for the time being. “Are you fucking serious right now?”

“Are
you
?” She twists to look at me, crossing her arms. “You can’t just change your mind that fast without some kind of miracle or epiphany, and you don’t do those, Jared.”

“That’s exactly what happened.”

Kat regards me with doubt, and glaring back at her, she eventually blinks and looks away, saying, “That’s hard to believe, especially after everything you’ve said on the subject.”

Going to her, I grasp her chin, tilting her face so she looks at me, but her gaze still falls. “Kat, I just made some major confessions to you. Can’t you give me some credit?”

Her eyes shine with tears when she finally looks at me. “That’s why I find it hard to believe. You said that since I had been married—”

I interrupt her. “Why’d you get married the first time?”

“To get over you. A Band-Aid.”

“Is that the truth?” She nods and I say, “Then fuck what I told you. I’m here. No more Band-Aids.”

“But how? Tell me how can you just change your mind so fast?”

“How did
you
? You got a PA license. Why?”

“Because… Because I want to be with you. Fuck. I’ll move to Philadelphia just to be near you. I’ll give up everything I thought I wanted, because I’m kidding myself if I think I can move on without you again. I can’t. None of it is important without you.”

I nod. “Then I guess you could call that your epiphany, wouldn’t you say?”

Kat gawks at me before she shakes her head. “My head is a fog.”

Dropping my hand, I continue, “Well, I can’t move on, either. I don’t want anyone else. It’s always been you. At first, I sought out your look-a-likes, but that was rough for me, so I had to purposely stay away from anyone who resembled you. Yet, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. Finding you again was something I never thought would happen and when it did, I dove in headfirst. Then you said you’re leaving Annapolis, and the years of pain crashed down onto me all at once, so I ran to Philly. When I was there, I realized I can’t do it. I can’t lose you again. I won’t survive this time.
That
was my epiphany.”

Kat steps further back from me, scoffing, “How can we be married if you don’t want me in Philadelphia? That’s why it comes back to you making a last-ditch effort to not let me leave, but on
your
terms! I can’t live with you, but I can’t take the job, either!”

“You got the job?”

She sighs and looks to the side. “Yes, but I haven’t accepted it.”

“Take it.”

Kat swings her head to me, her gaze horrified. “No!”

“Where is this job? What city?”

“Tuckahoe. Roughly 10 miles or so outside of Richmond.”

“Oh, shit. That’s fucking perfect. I can work—”

“No! God! You are
not
quitting your brand new job to take a demotion, Jared!”

“It won’t be that much of a difference.”

“Yes, it will! Richmond isn’t nearly the size of Philadelphia!”

“It’s just cost of living. I can work out a deal, I know it.”

“No! Philadelphia is where you need to be!”

“With
you
is where I need to be! Christ! I’m not a millionaire and I don’t see myself becoming one, but I’ll still make enough money for us—!”

“Holy hell! That’s not what I’m worried about! I won’t allow you to quit!”

“
Allow
me?”

“You’re damn right! If you won’t
allow
me to move to Philadelphia, then no, you cannot quit your job to move to Virginia.”

I cuttingly inhale, looking around the gazebo as I grasp what she’s saying. Returning my glare to her, I ask, “Is that your fucking answer then? Are you turning down my proposal?”

She answers me with more tears. Covering her mouth with her hand, she garbles, “I won’t be the source of your bitterness, having to take a lesser-paying position.”

“You won’t be. It’s just a fucking job.”

Kat throws her hand out. “It’s your
career
! You talked about doing this in high school, being an engineer in a huge city, designing skyscrapers!”

“I wanted to be with
you
more!” Burrowing my hand into my hair, despair rips at me, but I don’t want Kat to see it. I won’t lose it in front of her.

I can’t.

Therefore, I go on the offensive. “You can’t even give me a
no
? You just keep coming up with reasons why this can’t work? I think
you’re
the one playing fucking games now!”

She shakes her head, looking up at me with wet, but hesitant brown eyes. I growl, “If you don’t want to marry me, then fine. I was stupid to open myself up for this level of rejection. I won’t fucking beg you to be my wife.”

Turning away from Kat, I storm to the steps, hearing her gasp from behind me, “Jared!”

Reaching the top step, I grit my teeth and angrily rub the heel of my hand over my eyes. Impulsively, I spin around, and we both stalk back to each other. Grabbing her face, I look into her tear-filled brown eyes with my own wet gaze. “Yes, I
will
beg.” Before she can object, I gruffly say, “Screw the goddamned details. I’ll give up anything for you, Kat Merrick. You’re what I’ve lived for, and now that you’re here, I know for sure I won’t be able to go on without you again. So don’t fucking argue about me moving to Virginia. I want to. I know Philadelphia isn’t for you, and you won’t be happy. So
I
won’t be happy.”

Crying, she asks, “I… How will this work? I still have a school year left here. I don’t want you quitting your job to take two
more
jobs. It won’t look good on your résumé.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of long-distance relationships?” I ask the same question she had thrown at me.

“For a year? We’d only be together on the weekends.” Just like my sister and Finn. My big mouth, lecturing Finn… Fucking karma.

“I know, but look what we’ve already gone through. At least we’ll be together this time with an actual future ahead of us.”

“I don’t want you going against what you believe, just to make me happy.” 

“I’m not. This is exactly what I want. Only
we
matter. Our happiness. I’m doing it for us.”

I reach into my pocket, and in another effort, I risk my pride by putting my heart on the line, dropping to my knee, yet again.

God, help me.

“I love you, Kit Kat. I had no clue what love was until we met, but I fell for you so hard, and I never got back up. I loved you for two years in high school, teasing you, touching you, and aching for you. I loved you, singing karaoke with you. I loved you, teaching you how to drive, laughing with you, yelling at you, and encouraging you. I loved you on the stupid paddleboats. I loved you when you played with the Mystery Machine, and listening to that mouse song in my car. I loved you every time we had sex and all the times we didn’t. I loved you during our fight in your apartment when you told me you loved
me
, and during every other fight we’ve had. I loved you when I was watching you walk over here. I loved you when I got down on my knee, proposing marriage. Twice. I love you right this second and every second left of my life. We’ll make this work. Just trust me. I’m begging you. Marry me, Katriona. Please, be my wife.”

Kat takes a shuddering breath and says, “I trust you.” Wiping her cheek, she sniffs and whispers, “Yes, Jared. I’ll marry you. Make me yours.”

Even though I had hoped she’d say yes, my fingers still shake and I skeptically ask, “You will?”

Kat enthusiastically nods and laughs through her tears. “Yes!”

I promptly stand and Kat throws her arms around my neck as I hug her tightly to me. I whisper, “Fuck. I nearly had a heart attack.”

Her hands go into my hair, gently brushing through it, while moving her head to catch my lips, and we kiss as if I hadn’t been stupid. As if we haven’t been apart for weeks.

Abruptly leaning away, I say, “Shit. I forgot.” Still in my hand, I pull the ring out of the box, careful not to drop it, while Kat removes the silver flower ring she’s wearing on her left ring finger, and putting it and the key into her pocket. I shakily slide on the diamond ring, and we both stare at it as it takes its place on her finger.

She says, “I still can’t believe this. Forget
boyfriend
. You’re my
fiancé
now.”

“I can’t, either. You’re
my
fiancée.” I look up to her face. “But it’s what I want. I’ve always wanted this with you. Just you, Kit Kat. No one else.”

Kat smiles. “I always wanted to marry you, if you didn’t catch my hints.”

“You didn’t even catch any of mine.”

“At least we finally figured it out.”

“We almost didn’t.”

She repentantly smiles. “I know. I’m sorry. No more hints.”

“No. They nearly cost us…
us
.”

“Does this mean you’d let me wear your jersey now?”

I sniff as I bite back a smile. “I’ll think about it.”