The Kiss (35 page)

“Are you mad at me, Daddy?” she asked cautiously. She had the same voice she'd used when she'd crashed his car in her junior year of high school, and he laughed easily.

“Of course not. Why would I be mad at you?” He smiled, thinking about her, and the good time they'd just had.

“I didn't know how you'd feel about me and Joe.”

“How do you feel about him?” He was beginning to wish they'd had this conversation earlier at the house, so he could see her face while they talked. Her voice had a serious tone.

“I love him a lot. I've never known anyone like him before.”

“I like him too. And he's been through some very tough things.” Losing the use of his legs, the trauma of the accident, losing his fiancee and his twin. A whole life forever changed.

“I know. He told me all about it. Daddy, the girl he
was engaged to died in his arms. He says he'll never forgive himself.”

“From what I know of it, the accident wasn't his fault. What he has is survivor guilt because he's alive and other people died. He'll get over it in time.”

“I want to be there for him, Dad.” There was a long pause as Bill absorbed the full weight of what she'd just said.

“What are you saying to me, Janie?” All of a sudden he wondered if she was telling him they were getting married, and he didn't think it was a good idea. They were both too young, and Joe had a hard road ahead of him. There was no hope of his ever walking again. And Bill felt that was too much responsibility for her. As a romance, it was fine, a couple of years even, if it worked out for them, but he thought that anything more serious than that would be wrong for both of them.

“I think I'm telling you this is serious, Dad.”

“I'm beginning to get that message. Does he feel that way too?”

“I think he does. We haven't really talked about it, but he's that kind of guy.” Bill liked that quality about him, Joe was a man of substance unquestionably. But he still didn't think it was right for them.

“I don't think you can consider anything too serious right now. You're still in school, and well… we'll talk about it sometime.” He changed the subject then, and they talked about what a nice holiday they'd had, just like old times, only better actually. There had been no tension between him and Cynthia, and Bill liked her new friend. And then Jane said she'd stop in to say hi, when she came to see Joe the next day.

The conversation gave him a lot to think about when they hung up, and he told Isabelle about them late that night when they talked.

“I don't even want her to think about marrying that boy,” he said honestly. “It's a shame too, because he's a great guy.”

“Then why couldn't they get married one day? Lots of people get married at their age. They're young, but she sounds very mature for her age, and he's been through so much, poor boy.”

“It would be a disaster for her, Isabelle. She needs someone who can keep up with her. She loves to ski and run and ride a bike. She'll want to have kids one day. He'll be stuck in that chair for the rest of his life. She deserves more than that.” So did he, but he had no choice. Jane did.

“That's a terrible thing to say,” Isabelle said, sounding upset. “What difference does it make, if she skis with friends, or dances with someone else? Are you telling me that if they love each other, you wouldn't want them to marry because he can't ride a bike? That's incredibly limited of you. I can't believe you mean something as stupid as that.”

“I know what I'm talking about,” he said stubbornly, frowning at his end.

“No, you don't!” she said firmly. It was the first argument they'd ever had. “I hope Jane's mother is smarter than you are. I've never heard anything so stupid. I hope you don't say that to Jane. She'd never forgive you for it, and she would be right.”

They passed on to other subjects then, and they both calmed down. He told her about sharing Christmas
with Cynthia and the girls, and of course didn't mention Cynthia's new man, since Isabelle didn't know Bill was out of her life. She told Bill that Gordon was leaving for Saint-Moritz the next day, to go skiing with friends. She was staying in Paris with Teddy, and they were going to see the New Year in alone. Sophie was already away.

Bill never ceased to be amazed by how inattentive Gordon was to Isabelle. But he was also relieved that Gordon wouldn't be there to torture her. His absence was a blessing in disguise. They talked for a long time that night, Bill was feeling open and vulnerable and a little sad. He hadn't seen her in four months, and missed her terribly, as she did him. They couldn't even talk about meeting again, he still had months of rehab ahead of him.

After the call, he lay there for a long time thinking about what Isabelle had said about Jane and Joe. He still disagreed with her, she didn't know what she was talking about, or how great the challenges could be for them. He wanted something far simpler for Jane, no matter how much he liked Joe. And for once he disagreed with Isabelle vehemently. She was too kind and idealistic to understand the implications of what she had said. And Bill was determined to say something to Jane about it, if need be. At least they didn't seem to be in a rush to make any decisions so far. And Bill hoped they'd come to their senses before they did.

He fell asleep dreaming of their Christmas tree, and for the first time in a long time, he dreamed of the white light again. He was walking toward it, holding Isabelle's hand, and when she turned toward him, he
kissed her, and even in his dream he was disturbed to see Jane and Joe coming toward them on the same path. He was in his wheelchair, and she was walking along slowly beside him, looking pained, and when she stopped in the dream, she turned to her father and asked why he hadn't warned her how hard it would be.

Chapter 15

When Gordon left for Saint-Moritz
, and Sophie for Courchevelle, the house was deadly quiet, as Isabelle sat in Teddy's room all afternoon, reading to him. It was a dark day outside, and the weather was unusually cold. It was drafty in the house and she had bundled Teddy up in a sweater over his pajamas, and tucked him in under a quilt.

He'd had a good Christmas, and got a ton of books and new games. She'd bought him a big teddy bear to keep him company. And all Isabelle wished she could have given him was good health. He was a constant source of worry to her.

Bill called Isabelle more frequently since he knew that Gordon was gone, and she called him once or twice. Bill was calling her twice a day. She longed for the days when they were in the hospital together, and could talk to each other anytime. She had no desire to go out, or see friends. And when she opened the mail right after Gordon left, she was surprised to see an invitation addressed to both of them. It was from a couple Isabelle knew were very fashionable. The wife was the head of a couture house, her husband was very old, had
a title, and had been the head of an important bank. Isabelle couldn't recall ever meeting them but she assumed that Gordon had met them through some of his social activities that didn't include her, or perhaps he knew the husband from the bank. The invitation was very beautiful, and it was for their daughter's wedding in January. Isabelle made a mental note to send the bride a gift, and then forgot about it. She never went to events like that anymore, and Gordon no longer invited her to join him when he did.

She spent the next few days with Teddy, and talking to Bill. He was staying at the rehab center for New Year's Eve, and they were planning all kinds of festivities. He promised to call her at midnight in Paris on the thirty-first, so they could see the New Year in together, and she was going to call him at midnight in New York. She was waiting for his call when the telephone rang, and a woman at the other end sounded startled to hear her voice.

“Oh, how stupid of me!” she said, “I'm terribly sorry, I dialed the wrong number. I was calling to say I missed my flight.” And with that, sounding even more confused, and a little drunk, she hung up. Who she was, and where she was flying to was a mystery to Isabelle. And she assumed the woman had dialed a wrong number entirely, and Isabelle hung up.

Bill called promptly, as he had said he would, they toasted the New Year in Paris, and Teddy was asleep by then. And Isabelle called him back at six in the morning, her time, when it was midnight for him. It had been a funny thing to do, but it amused them both. And after she spoke to him, she went downstairs to make a
cup of tea, read the newspaper, and then came back upstairs. She had given Teddy's nurse the day off for New Year's Day, and she was happy to take care of him herself.

He slept late that day, and she started reading the paper again, and was surprised to see Gordon's name in a gossip column, mentioning his stay in Saint-Moritz. It said that he was there with friends, it mentioned the Aga Khan, Prince Charles, and a number of notables. And then she noticed another name. The column said that the Comtesse de Ligne was expected to join them for New Year's Eve as well. She was the woman who had invited them the day before to her daughter's wedding, and Isabelle could only assume that she and Gordon were friends. And then, as she thought of it, she remembered the call the night before, from the woman who said she had missed her flight. And for the oddest moment, the hair stood up on the back of Isabelle's neck. Why would the woman have called Gordon's house? And why on earth would Isabelle assume it had been the Comtesse de Ligne? Her first name was Louise. Isabelle couldn't imagine that she was involved with Gordon in any way, she was probably a friend of the other people going to Saint-Moritz. But the coincidence of it haunted her all day. And at six o'clock, Isabelle decided to do something totally insane. She had nothing else to do, and she wanted to hear Louise de Ligne's voice. She called information and got the number easily, sat thinking about it for a long moment, and then dialed. The phone answered at once at the other end.

“Allo? Yes?”

“Is this Madame de Ligne?” Isabelle asked, eliminating her title.

“Yes.”

“I'm calling to confirm your flight to Saint-Moritz,” Isabelle said, with no idea what she'd say after that.

“I told you an hour ago, I can't go now until tomorrow. My husband is very ill,” she said, sounding irritated, but Isabelle had heard what she wanted to know. It was the same voice as the night before when the slightly confused, seemingly inebriated voice had called to say she'd missed her flight.

“Oh, I'm terribly sorry. That must have been my co-worker. Of course. I apologize, Madame de Ligne.”

“Do I need to confirm it again?” the countess asked, sounding somewhat imperious. It was odd, she had the same dismissive quality of arrogance in her voice that Gordon had, Isabelle noticed. They sounded like twins.

“No, you don't. Have a good trip,” Isabelle said pleasantly, and then hung up. And she didn't know why, but she was shaking at the other end, trying to figure out what she had learned. She had no idea why she'd been suspicious of her, but she knew she was. And suddenly she couldn't help wondering why the countess had called Gordon the night before. She didn't want to jump to conclusions, but it seemed obvious to her. She had a sixth sense that Gordon was having an affair with her. She had meant to call him in Saint-Moritz to tell him she'd missed her flight, and she'd obviously been drinking and called the Paris house instead.

“Who was that?” Teddy asked as he wandered into
his mother's room, which he seldom did. But he was startled when he saw the look on her face. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I… I was just calling Papa in Saint-Moritz. He was out.”

“He's probably skiing, or gone to a dinner party,” Teddy said sensibly, and she nodded her head.

And when Bill called later on, she mentioned it to him.

“It sounds pretty far-fetched to me,” he said cautiously. “But women have amazing intuition about those things. I trust your gut more than my head. I've always known when Cynthia was sleeping with someone. She always looked different to me, she was friendlier and more jovial. I guess she was having more fun than she did with me.” It had happened to him a lot, and he was almost always right when he guessed about her affairs.

“I don't even know why I called. It could have been a wrong number, but she was too polite about it. If it had been, she would have just hung up. And why would she invite us to her daughter's wedding?”

“If your theory is right, he probably told her you wouldn't come, and she wants him there. She screwed herself with good manners,” Bill commented dryly, “she should have just invited him.”

“I should frighten them both and accept,” Isabelle said.

“Do you care?” Bill asked, curious at her reaction. He knew she hadn't slept with Gordon in years, but she was still married to him. And Gordon had been so nasty with her since the accident, that in some ways it
would have been a relief to have something on him. It wasn't a nice way to look at it, but that was how she felt. He'd been acting like outraged virtue ever since she'd come back from the hospital, and Isabelle was sick of being treated like a criminal in her own home.

“I don't know what I feel,” she told Bill honestly. “Angry, hurt, relieved, avenged, humiliated, I'm not sure. Maybe they're just friends and I'm wrong.”

“It would be interesting to know,” Bill said quietly.

“How would I ever find out? If I'm right, he's not going to admit it to me. He'd be crazy to. I have no idea what he does, where he goes, or who he sees.” He hadn't shared any of that information with her in years.

“Hire an investigator,” Bill suggested practically.

“That would be too rude. And he'd be furious if he found out. He'd torment me even more to cover his guilt.” Bill agreed that that was probably true.

“Well, keep your ear to the ground. Maybe something will come out in the press after she's been to Saint-Moritz.”

“Gordon's too smart to expose himself that much,” Isabelle said, thinking about it. And after they hung up, she had another idea. There was a woman she had known years ago, in the haute couture world. They'd gone to school together and been good friends, but Isabelle hadn't seen her in years, ever since Teddy was born prematurely and was so sick. Her name was Nathalie Vivier, and as young girls they had been very close.