The Knitting Diaries (3 page)

“E
llen,” Anne Marie called, walking from room to room in their small apartment. “Where are you?”

“Here, Mom.” Ellen emerged from her bedroom, dragging her backpack.

Anne Marie knew Ellen had placed her most precious items inside the backpack instead of entrusting them to a box for someone else to transport. She had her knitting and her list of twenty wishes, along with a framed photograph of her grandmother and a book of poems Tim had given her. From the obvious weight of the knapsack, she’d stuffed other things in it, as well. Anne Marie hadn’t checked; she was busy enough doing her own last-minute packing.

“Tim’s here,” Anne Marie told her. Of all the friends who’d offered to help, he was the first to arrive.

After knocking once, he’d let himself into the apartment. “How are my girls this morning?” he asked cheerfully. He held a take-out coffee in one hand and wore blue jeans and a sweatshirt with the Mariners logo on the front. Both Tim and Ellen enjoyed baseball and declared themselves to be diehard Mariners fans.

“Girls?” Anne Marie repeated, one eyebrow cocked.

“How’s my
girl?
” he corrected, and seemed rather amused with himself.

“Daddy!” Ellen raced to her father as if she hadn’t seen him in at least a month rather than the day before.

After setting his coffee on the kitchen counter, Tim caught Ellen and lifted her up for a hug.

Anne Marie looked away. She was happy Ellen had found her father and grateful for the affectionate relationship between them. Still, moments like this were hard to watch for reasons she couldn’t—or didn’t want to—identify. Finding him had been one of the girl’s wishes, which had prompted Anne Marie to allow the former addict into their lives. She could tell he genuinely loved the child.

“I brought my truck,” Tim said when he’d put Ellen back on the floor. “I can start taking down boxes if you like.”

“Can I ride over to the new house with you?” Ellen asked.

“That’s up to your mom.”

Anne Marie appreciated the fact that he’d acquiesced to her authority. “Fine by me. The others will be here any minute.”

She had plenty of volunteers—so many she’d had to turn some down. Her stepchildren, Melissa and Brandon, and Melissa’s husband, Michael, had offered, too. But they lived quite far away these days and she didn’t want to inconvenience them.

In her usual organized fashion, Anne Marie had carefully planned the move. She’d decided her friends would transport the boxes before the hired movers showed up. Whatever didn’t fit in Tim’s truck would go in their individual cars. With Lydia’s husband and family helping, Winter and Pierre from the French Café, plus Tim and his truck, Anne Marie thought it would only take one trip. They’d have lunch while the movers hauled the furniture from the apartment to the house, and after the truck had left, her small crew of friends would place the boxes in the appropriate rooms.

Tim sipped his coffee. “Where’s…?” He didn’t finish his question.

“Mel is stopping by after lunch. He had an appointment with a couple of out-of-town clients this morning.” Mel owned a thriving architectural firm and often met with clients on weekends.

She held her breath, waiting for some derogatory retort from Tim, which never came. She was relieved he’d kept his opinion to himself. Honestly, those two men could be as bad as junkyard dogs, so intent on challenging each other. Anne Marie sometimes felt like a scrap of food they were competing for. Her one hope was that Ellen
didn’t sense the undercurrents between Mel and Tim. If she did, she hadn’t said anything.

“Alix has Baxter for the day,” Ellen explained to her father, obviously missing her adored dog.

“That’s good, don’t you think?” Tim asked.

Ellen shrugged. “I guess.”

“He might get lost or stepped on by someone if he was here. And you know Alix will take great care of him.”

“Alix and Jordan promised to bring him to the house this afternoon,” Anne Marie said. “Then Baxter can help you unpack your bedroom.”

Ellen nodded, but it was plain to see that she wasn’t happy to have Baxter with someone else, even someone she knew and trusted.

Within ten minutes, the Goetz family arrived. Brad, Cody and Casey ran energetically up the stairs; Lydia hadn’t been able to leave the store, as Saturday was one of her busiest times. Soon, with Anne Marie doling out instructions, they hauled boxes down to Tim’s truck. Pierre and Winter followed five minutes later.

“Winter won’t be lifting anything,” Pierre said.

“Pierre,”
she muttered under her breath, looking slightly embarrassed.

Her husband replied in French. Anne Marie had been to France and had taken a few lessons, but he spoke far too quickly for her to understand. The one word that leaped out, though, was
bébé.

“You’re pregnant?” Anne Marie clapped her hands in delight. “That’s fantastic!”

Winter smiled. “We just found out last week.”

His expression proud, Pierre slipped his arm around his wife’s waist. “We’re due in early December,” he said. “Just in time for Christmas,” he added with a grin.

“Congratulations!”

Winter elbowed her husband. “We weren’t going to say anything until after the first trimester, but apparently Pierre forgot about our agreement.”

Again he replied in French, and whatever he said made Winter laugh and hug him. “I should’ve known it would be too hard for him to keep quiet. He said he can’t resist telling everyone because he’s so excited.”

“As he should be.”

“Since Pierre doesn’t want me to lift anything, I’ll volunteer to prepare lunch.”

Anne Marie had planned to purchase pizza or chicken wings, but she certainly wasn’t turning down Winter’s offer. “That would be wonderful.”

“Okay, let me go back to the café and get started. Sandwiches okay?”

“Your sandwiches? Better than okay!”

Soon after Winter had left, Lillie and Hector came up the stairs. Anne Marie had met Lillie and her daughter, Barbie, through the reading group she’d held at the bookstore. They were both widows and had compiled their own lists of twenty wishes. Shortly afterward, Lillie had met Hector. They were dissimilar in superficial ways but alike in the ways that mattered and had fallen in love. Anne Marie assumed they’d eventually get married.

“We’re here to help,” Lillie said, “even though we’re not on the official duty roster.” She wore a man-size faded blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up past her elbows and jeans with white tennis shoes. Nevertheless, she looked as elegant as she always did. “Oh, Barbie and Mark send you their best,” she added. Barbie, who owned an upscale dress shop, had recently married Mark Bassett, the man
she’d met around the same time Lillie and Hector had begun their relationship.

“Shall we begin?” Pierre said. “
Allons-y.
Or in English, let’s go.”

Anne Marie wanted to do her share of the physical work, but she was needed to supervise and direct traffic. With so many people helping it didn’t take long for everything to be loaded. Winter had coffee and pastries delivered from the café and during their break, Ellen sat next to Tim, keeping her backpack close to her side.

Since they had a quiet moment, Anne Marie asked Tim, “Would you mind looking after Ellen next weekend?”

“Sure. I don’t have anything planned.”

“Mel is taking Mom to see
Jersey Boys
at the 5th Avenue Theater,” Ellen informed him.

“Oh.” His gaze held Anne Marie’s. “I’ll be happy to stay with Ellen.”

“Thank you. I—”

Her cell phone chirped and she glanced quickly at call display. Seeing that it was Mel, she walked over to the kitchen sink, turning her back to Tim and the others.

“Hi,” she said in a low voice.

“Hi. How’s everything going?”

“Great. We’re on a break. The boxes are all loaded and ready to go, and once the van shows up I’m out of here.”

“Listen, it looks like this meeting might go longer than I realized. I can’t tell you how bad I feel about letting you down.”

“Mel, please, we’ve got lots of people. You aren’t letting me down. There’s no reason to apologize. I understand.”

“I’ll come as soon as I can.”

“Yes, but take all the time you need with your clients.”

“Okay.” His voice was regretful. “I’ll see you later, then.” When she shut off her phone she could feel Tim’s eyes on her. She didn’t explain the call; it simply wasn’t his business.

Once they’d all headed over to the house and the moving van arrived, the rest of the morning passed in a blur of activity. While the two professional movers carried the furniture inside and set it in the various rooms according to Anne Marie’s instructions, Winter came over with lunch. The small work party sat on blankets spread out on the lawn and enjoyed their soup and sandwiches—croissants with tuna, smoked salmon and turkey fillings.

Tim brought Anne Marie a small container of cream of mushroom soup, which she refused. “No, thanks. Don’t have time.” She continued to direct the movers.

“Save it for later.”

“Okay.” She was hungry but she had more important things to deal with.

When the movers were finished, her friends unloaded the boxes, piling them in their designated rooms.

“Can Baxter come home now?” Ellen asked when they were done for the day.

Anne Marie phoned Alix and Jordan, who drove to the house with their infant son—and the dog—half an hour later.

“Baxter!” Ellen crouched down and held out her arms. The Yorkie didn’t need any encouragement; he ran toward Ellen at top speed, leaped into her waiting arms and licked her face frantically.

Soon the only volunteer left was Tim. Alix and Jordan went home. Brad had to take Cody to baseball practice
and Casey wanted to be dropped off to spend time with Lydia’s mother at the assisted-living complex. The girl had grown close to her adoptive grandmother, which Anne Marie knew would benefit them both. Hector and Lillie had plans with his family that afternoon and Pierre had to go to work. Anne Marie thanked them all. She’d been blessed with generous friends. Exceptional friends.

Ellen had gone to her room; Tim lingered. “Anything you need me to do?” he asked.

She shook her head. She’d prefer it if Tim wasn’t around when Mel arrived.

“Baxter!” Ellen suddenly yelled. Looking upset, she dashed out of her bedroom. “Where’s Baxter?”

“I thought you put him outside,” Tim said.

“I did, but he isn’t in the backyard!”

“You didn’t let him inside, did you?” Tim asked Anne Marie.

“No. He must be in the yard,” she said. “There isn’t anywhere else.” He was probably asleep under the apple tree and Ellen hadn’t noticed.

The three of them hurried into the yard.

Baxter was nowhere to be seen.

Tim walked along the fence and squatted down to examine it, concentrating on the side that led to the alley. He raised his head and waved at Anne Marie.

She ran over. “What?” she asked fearfully, her heart pounding as she crossed her arms over her chest. She knew what he was about to tell her.

“Looks like he dug a hole under the fence.”

“Baxter!” Ellen wailed. “We
have
to find Baxter.”

Tim tried to soothe her plaintive cries as he hugged his daughter tight. “We will, sweetheart,” he murmured. “Don’t you worry, we’ll find him.”

“W
e have to go after him!” Tim could hear the panic in Anne Marie’s voice. Ellen had run back outside, clutching the dog’s leash.

“He couldn’t have gotten far,” Tim said. “You two go search for him and I’ll stay here in case he comes back.”

Anne Marie seemed uncertain. Normally she liked to be in charge but she’d gone pale and was obviously as upset as Ellen.

“Go,” he urged. “He’s got to be close by. He’s probably confused and can’t find his way back.”

His own thoughts were tumbling over each other. Someone could easily take a dog as cute and friendly as Baxter. Or maybe he’d tried to return to the familiar territory of Blossom Street; Tim had heard of such things.

Ellen herself felt that Blossom Street would always be her real home. The apartment represented safety and
security to her and she couldn’t yet imagine feeling that way anywhere else.

“Come with me,” Anne Marie said, decisive now as she reached for Ellen’s hand. “We’ll find Baxter.”

“Of course you will,” Tim confirmed, hoping his words lent them both confidence.

“He’s wearing the green sweater I knit him,” she whispered. “And his collar.”

Anne Marie nodded. “Yes! And he has all his tags.”

“That’ll make it easier to locate him,” Tim said. “People won’t forget seeing a cute dog wearing a green hand-knit sweater—plus he’s got ID. Just you wait. He’ll be home in no time.”

While Anne Marie and Ellen scoured the neighborhood, Tim went inside the house. Baxter might have gone into one of the still-empty rooms and fallen asleep.

He did a thorough walk-through of the house, checking every closet and behind every door.

No Baxter.

He returned to the backyard and once again walked all the way around. Still no Baxter. When he examined the hole beneath the fence, he found a piece of green fuzz. So, as he’d guessed, Baxter had slipped through that hole. He got a board from the garage and immediately blocked the escape route.

When he’d finished, Tim started pacing. He regretted now that he hadn’t gone with Anne Marie and Ellen. He couldn’t tolerate this anxiety, and his fears, for Ellen in particular, tormented him.

When his cell phone rang, he grabbed it so fast it nearly sprang out of his hands. Some quick juggling saved it from falling onto the lawn. “Hello,” he said loudly, certain it must be Anne Marie with news.

“You sound mighty eager to hear from me.” Mel, and his tone was sardonic.

Tim’s shoulders sagged with disappointment. “What do you want?” he asked, not bothering to disguise his dislike of the other man. Actually, Mel was all right, and in other circumstances they’d probably get along fine. But, in his opinion, the fiftysomething architect was too old for Anne Marie. Then again, she seemed to prefer older men; her husband, Robert, had been about the same age. This could all be a lost cause, he reminded himself, feeling even more discouraged.

“I called to talk to you,” Mel told him.

“How’d you get my number?” Tim demanded. “Why are
you
in such a bad mood?”

Tim sighed; he was taking his frustration out on Mel. “Okay, I apologize. What’s the problem?”

“No problem, and in answer to your question—”

“What question?”

“How I got your phone number.”

“Yeah?”

“From Anne Marie.”

Anne Marie? That didn’t make sense.

“A few weeks ago her battery was dead, and Ellen was with you, so she borrowed my phone. Your number’s on my call log.”

“Okay.” He remembered the occasion, since Mel’s number had come up on
his
phone. “This isn’t a good time,” he said. “I’ll tell Anne Marie you called.” Maybe. Mel considered Tim competition, as well he should. And vice versa… Tim had ruined his chances with Anne Marie, but he was working hard to win her back, although that was difficult with Mel in the picture.

“Is she around?” Mel asked, disregarding Tim’s comment.

“No,” he said curtly. “Baxter’s missing.”

Mel exhaled audibly. “Oh, great. I suppose Anne Marie and Ellen are in a real panic.”

“They’re looking for him now. I’m waiting at the house in case Baxter comes back here.”

“So you’re still there. I thought you would be,” he said cynically, “especially since I got delayed.”

“Listen, I really don’t have time for this. Like I told you, Baxter’s lost and Anne Marie and Ellen are out looking for him.”

“When did the dog go missing?”

Tim glanced at his watch. “Thirty minutes ago, maybe forty.” It felt much longer.

“Who let him get out?” Mel asked in an accusatory voice, as if Tim was personally responsible for what had happened.

“No one,” he snapped, allowing his irritation to show. “Baxter either dug a hole under the fence or found it there.”

“Shouldn’t someone have been keeping a closer eye on him?”

“Yes, probably, but the deed is done. There’s no point in looking for someone to blame.”

“Poor Ellen,” Mel said kindly.

Anne Marie wouldn’t take the loss of her pet lightly, either. Increasingly on edge, all Tim wanted was to get off the phone. “What can I do for you?” he asked brusquely. “I don’t want to tie up the line in case Anne Marie needs to get hold of me.” And why was Mel calling him in the first place?

“It’s about Anne Marie,” Mel said, his voice serious.

“What about her?” Tim could almost feel what was coming.

“She’s dating me, not you. Do you understand?”

“Oh, I understand, all right.” Tim didn’t even try to keep the derision out of his voice.

“I know she had feelings for you at one time, but that’s over. I’m in the picture now.”

“And you’re telling me this why?” What went on between him and Anne Marie was none of Mel’s business, nor was her relationship with Mel any of his.

Tim started to pace the lawn once more, the phone still pressed to his ear.

“I don’t like the fact that you hang around Anne Marie and Ellen so much.”

“Fine, whatever. But you need to understand something, too, Mel. Ellen is my daughter and I have every intention of being part of her life. Nothing you say or do is going to change that.”

“I have no objection to you being part of Ellen’s life.”

“Big of you.” This time his words dripped with sarcasm.

Mel disregarded his slight. “I just felt it was a good idea for the two of us to clear the air.”

“The air is already clear,” Tim said. He clenched his fist at his side. “The only reason I see Anne Marie is because of Ellen. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I wouldn’t be anywhere near her.” In fact, if it wasn’t for Ellen, he wouldn’t even know Anne Marie.

Just as he turned the corner of the house, he came to an abrupt halt as he almost walked straight into Anne Marie. One glance at her face, and he knew she’d heard every word of his last statement.

“I have to go.” Not bothering to explain further, he snapped his cell phone shut.

“Daddy! We found Baxter!” Ellen dashed toward him, clutching Baxter’s leash, the dog at her heels.

Tim had been too unnerved to even notice them. Anne Marie held his gaze, her eyes narrowed and filled with—was that pain? He opened his mouth to speak and realized that anything he said now would only make matters worse.

“Daddy, guess what?”

“What?” he asked, without looking in his daughter’s direction. His focus was on Anne Marie as she blinked rapidly, then turned and walked into the house.

“I met a girl named April and she lives down the street. I met her at the flower shop. Baxter was with her.”

Tim started toward the house, wanting to at least
try
to talk to Anne Marie.

“April’s my age, too.”

“That’s nice, sweetheart.”

Ellen grabbed his shirt. “That’s not all.”

“You mean there’s more?” Obviously excited, Ellen smiled up at him. Although his heart was racing with dread, he gave the girl his full attention.

“She has a dog, too.”

“Named Baxter?”

“No, silly! Her name is Iris and she’s a Yorkie, just like Baxter.”

“You have a new friend and so does Baxter,” he said, pleased for his daughter and worried about Anne Marie at the same time.

“April wants me to teach her how to knit.”

“That’s great. I need to talk to your mother now, all right?”

“Okay. April’s going to ask her mother if she can come over and help me finish unpacking my bedroom. She likes books, too.”

Tim hugged his daughter, grateful that she’d found a new friend. He hurried toward the house, leaping up the front steps. “Anne Marie?” he called when he didn’t see her.

She came into the hallway, her arms crossed. “You don’t need to explain. You made it fairly evident that your only interest is in Ellen, and I accept that.”

Tim shook his head. “Not true.”

“Who was that, anyway? Vanessa?”

“I haven’t seen Vanessa in months. We’re finished. It was Mel.”

Her eyes widened in shock. “Why? Was he looking for you—or me?”

“I told him I’d pass on the message that he phoned,” Tim said, skirting the truth but not lying, either. Not exactly.

Tim struggled to find a way to tell Anne Marie that he cared for her as well as Ellen. He wanted to confess how foolish he’d been not to recognize his own feelings. Now that he had, it seemed too late.

“Tim, listen, it’s okay,” she said. “Ellen loves you and you love her. I won’t stand between you. Our daughter is all that matters, and what goes on between the two of us isn’t important. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to unpack.”

“Can I help?” He didn’t want to leave. In fact, he was willing to do just about anything to stay.

“No.” She marched to the door and held it open for him. “Thank you for everything you did today. I appreciate it, but I want you to go now.”

He nodded. Without further argument, he walked to the door—and then hesitated. “Can we talk about this?”

“No.” Her denial was flat.

He nodded again, although he wished he could explain that hurting her was the last thing he wanted to do. Every time he was with Anne Marie, he realized how important she was to him. He’d learned a lot about life in his AA meetings, a lot about himself, too. He knew better, but he’d let his pride take over. Mel had gotten to him and he’d lashed back—with unintended consequences. Serious consequences.

He had the distinct feeling that he’d just ruined whatever chance he might still have had with Anne Marie.