The Lady Astronomer (14 page)

“Now, King, that’s not nice.”

“But, Queen, didn’t we do well?”

“We did, my love. Ms. H, how nice to
meet you. His Majesty tends to forget the names of our children, so they are
numbered one to thirteen with thirteen being the youngest.”

“It is an honour to meet you all.”
Lucretia smiled. “Thank you for having me to stay.”

The queen laughed at that, knowing full
well the king had demanded her presence, rather than requesting it. “Well
my dear, your manners are good enough for me.”

A little princess broke from her family and
ran to Lucretia. “What’s that thing on your head?”

“Twelve! Now that’s not nice. Where
are your manners just as we were talking of them?”

“Sorry, mama.”

“Oh, that’s alright.” Lucretia
bent down until she was at the little girl’s level. “I need it so I can
see, and I stargaze with it too.”

“I love stars,” replied the child
solemnly.

“Oh, so do I.”

“Will you be my friend?”

“It would be an honour.”

The princess reached up and hugged
Lucretia.

“That’s enough now, sweetling. Let Ms.
H stand up again. There’s a good girl. You shall see her again when it is time
for lessons.”

“Well that is all for now, Ms. H. You
may go and write to your brother,” the king said. “We have a full
morning of fawning courtiers to get through, what what?”

“Oh, Your Majesty. Honestly, how are
your children to learn their manners if yours are so lacking?”

The royal children giggled.

“But my dear, I am the king. I may do
as I please.”

“See you soon, Ms. H!” Princess Twelve
shouted her goodbyes.

*

The King’s Castle

Freddie–

The king is more than eager to know how the
Forty-Foot progresses and asks that I write to you every day. I have no doubt
that if you do not reply with even the tiniest bit of information that this
shall be increased to many times a day. I beg of you, please send letters by
strict return as I am not sure my hand will take the strain.

I have met the king’s family. The queen
seems very nice in particular, and their children, whom I am to teach
Astronomy–though I am sure only the Younger ones will partake.

I am not entirely sure how to tutor anyone
without my equipment. But the king probably has more than you and I put
together so all will be well. And yes, I am trying to assure myself, how
perceptive of you Fred.

You may tell Al that I have not, as yet,
seen much evidence this is indeed Clockwork Court, but then again, I am a lowly
guest.

I am being waited on by a butler called
Wodehouse, an animated suit of armour in sore need of Al’s attentions.

I did catch sight of what I thought was a
clockwork crocodile as I approached the Castle yesterday. Dear Mr. B sent a
drawing back from his far-flung travels once, if you remember.

Speaking of which, I would be grateful if
you forwarded any letters I receive at Slough as I am not sure how much sitting
around and gossiping I can cope with. I have been taken under the wing of two
courtiers, and am hearing such things as you wouldn’t believe, like the king
refuses to get out of his bed in the morning if the royal astrologer has foretold
anything even slightly bad. Apparently the man wears a robe emblazoned with
stars and carries a staff–I ask you!

It is certainly interesting here, Freddie,
but I miss you and Al and the Os and even Mr. Trotters. Did he come back from
courting Miss Porky at Mrs. P’s home yet? I was asked about him yesterday.

I’ll end here as I need to let Orion and
Leibniz roam. Remind me to tell you about the Most Important Personage in the
whole Castle!

Your sister,

Lucretia.

*

“
Lead on, Wodehouse. This little creature is desperate
to see his surroundings properly. I’m most impressed that he hasn’t made a
break for freedom yet. How is Orion, heavy?”

The butler walked on, owl perched on his
arm.

“Oh, dear. This is like talking to
myself. I really miss the banter from home. I’ve only been here for a day. And
now I’m talking to myself. Again. I never considered myself to be the most
talkative of people. It seems I have proven myself wrong. This has to stop. I
am babbling.”

She followed Wodehouse through endless
hallways, corridors, doors and atriums. She had to stop to catch her breath.
Her mouth fell open as she stepped down into an orangery–inside!–complete with tiny
birds nestled among the leaves, flowers and fruits of the trees. Their branches
reached toward a glass ceiling that could be opened to the elements.

Lucretia stood back from the trees, hoping she hadn’t lost her butler, but soon found herself
engrossed by the largest crystal chandeliers she had ever seen, more stuffed
and mounted stags’ heads than she could count, and all manner of trinkets from
far-flung Kingdoms, no doubt gifts to the royal family. Wodehouse backtracked
though, and took her arm to lead her on again.

Finally, after what seemed a lifetime, and
she was quite sure she would never be able to find her way again by herself,
Wodehouse opened a door and late afternoon sunlight spilled in.

Lucretia let Leibniz down and he scampered
up an apple tree, pulling at a young fruit until it came away into his paw,
whereupon he feasted in delight.

“Not too many, Leibniz. You’ll get a
tummy ache.” Lucretia shielded her eyes and watched Orion spread his wings
and fly off into the distance. She put her hand down only when she could see no
more.

“Well Wodehouse, this is lovely. Thank
you. I think I’m just going to sit down on the bench and chatter inanities
again. How does that grab you?”

The butler looked on as impassively as
ever.

“That’s what I thought, too.”

“Talking to yourself again, Ms. H?”
Mr. E sauntered into the walled garden.

“Please don’t tell, Mr. E. Wodehouse
is a marvellous butler, but not so marvellous on conversation.”

He joined her on the bench. “Don’t
worry, I am the soul of discretion. So, having ascertained that, tell me about
your audience with the king. I am all ears.”

*

Our House, Slough

Dearest Lucretia–

I got this letter written and back to you
as quickly as possible, so do forgive the ink spatters, won’t you dear?

We too are missing you, and you may tell
the king when you next see him, that the work proceeds admirably.

Word has spread of your ‘visit’ and Mr. D
has sworn he will call on you. I believe he is also friends with Mr. B who is
in turn friends with the queen.

Mr. Trotters is as yet still residing with
Mrs. P, and I would have preferred to tell you face-to-face, but I think I
shall ask her to marry me. I know you have had your differences, Lucretia, but
she makes me very happy and I am not getting any younger. I hope to have your
blessing.

Al was most interested to hear about your
butler, Wodehouse, and went off into one of his Inventing Trances–you know the
one, where his eyes glaze over and he becomes completely incommunicative.

I am sure he will be able to do something
for your new friend. And speaking of which, do steer clear of politics, won’t
you, my dear? They can be extremely tedious, and can rebound until you aren’t
sure what people are on your side.

However, I shouldn’t think that you have
anything to worry about, it’s not like you are carrying state secrets or
anything.

Indeed, the king has many astronomical
devices, which you may well be allowed to teach his children with.

In closing, I will look forward to your
missives, even if they are written on the directive of the king. It is not the
same here without you at all.

And, you have had a letter from a Mr. W,
one of those Hymnodists I believe, an acquaintance of Mr. C, the graveyard
poet. We met them in Bath and Mr. C was rather taken with you if you
remember…how could you not!

Your brother,

Freddie.

Bath

Dearest Ms. H,

I hope I am not being too forward in
writing to you. We met in Bath, some time ago, when I consulted with your
brother on a hymn I was having a little difficulty with–the interlude if I
remember correctly.

My friend, Mr. C was with me, a shy fellow,
tall and thin, and rather taken with the macabre.

It is he who asked me to write to you,
including a poem penned by himself, which he was too shy to send.

I enclose it, wish you the best, and hope
that we meet up again one day soon.

Your servant,

Mr. W

Lucretia, My Reflection

A Poem, by Mr. C

Lucretia, My Reflection

As I gaze on a life gone by

As I wither and sigh

I moulder and die

Lucretia, My Reflection

As I moulder and die

My corpse gives a cry

As a worm gnaws as I lie

Lucretia, My Reflection

As a worm gnaws as I lie

I issue forth with a sigh

Why did I not make her mine

*

Lucretia set down her letters and poem and
shuddered. She couldn’t imagine why a nice man would want to write about death,
so morbid! As for Freddie, if he was happy, so was she, and she would write
soon to tell him so.

A shriek shattered her thoughts.

“Empress! He has Empress!”

“Orion!” Lucretia stumbled and
fell in her haste. She picked herself up and raced from the room.

“Ms. H,” panted Lady K. “Quickly
now, your owl has the Most Important Personage in the Castle! Follow me. I
think Mr. E has the matter in hand!”

They raced on in a most unladylike manner
until they came upon Mr. E, Orion perched on his arm, blinking sleepily.

“Oh, Mr. E, what happened?”

“Well, I saw this owl close in on
Empress,
a la
cat and mouse, and stepped in, scaring the feline away.
No, no. No need to thank me. We all know what trouble both yourself and your
owl would be in should anything unthinkable happen, and we couldn’t have that.
Not now that we have become close–even though we haven’t known each other for
that long.”

“Mr. E, I don’t know how to thank you.
And Orion! What will I do with you?”

“I would recommend keeping a closer
eye on him, my dear. And I’m quite sure you don’t need to thank me. After all,
isn’t that what friends are for?”

Makeovers And Manners Maketh Maidens
Adventures In
Ether
The Nanny
In Which Lucretia Takes To The Skies
Whomsoever Commits
The Crime… Must Serve The Time

“Now Ms. H, seeing as you have
absolutely no earthly idea how long you will be staying here for, might I
suggest that we overhaul your wardrobe? Don’t look at me like that, dear. Mr. E
and I are just trying to help, isn’t that so Mr. E?”

He nodded.

“It’s just, Ms. H, that we all know
quite how clever you are but one such as young as yourself need not look so,
well. Mr. E, your assistance?”

He took Lucretia’s arm and pulled her to
her feet.

“Point one, your monoscope. Nothing we
can do about that particular ocular device, but we could pin flowers over it to
dampen its somewhat fearsome appearance. Or even better, drape curls hither and
yon. Point two, your dress and cape. Really dear, you are not in Slough now.”
He sniffed disdainfully.

“Point three.” He lifted the hem
of her dress. “Boots such as worn by a working man? Tut tut tut. This will
not do at all. Come with us to Lady K’s quarters, and we shall soon have you
looking like the belle of the ball.”

“But I’m happy with the way I am,”
Lucretia protested.

“Oh, come now. Let us do this for you,
my dear. You shall soon outshine all the ladies at court–barring Lady K of
course, whose beauty and grace could not possibly be out-beautied or out-graced
by anybody.”

“You are a charming rogue!” Lady
K giggled.

*

The bed was entirely covered by masses of
frippery and fluffery, colours vying to outdo themselves in technicolour
brilliance.