The Lady Astronomer (15 page)

“I’m not sure.” Lucretia eyed
herself doubtfully in the mirror.

“Nonsense, you look lovely. The
watered silk is magnificent, and the grey suits your colouring. And look at
what a difference your hair worn like that makes, it hides much of the contraption
you have to wear. It is a shame we could not get some new footwear for you–such
small feet!–but nobody really looks down to that part of a person any more, not
really.”

“It does need a certain something,”
remarked Mr. E.

“I know!” Lady K clapped her
hands. “I have just the thing.” She walked to her dressing table,
opened her jewellery box and rummaged around in it until she found what she was
looking for.

“Perfect!” She held a silver
necklace aloft and walked over to Lucretia with it, smiling triumphantly.

“Oh, no,” Lucretia said. “I
couldn’t possibly. Look, this is very kind of you, but I don’t feel like me
very much anymore, and I like being me.”

“Ms. H, how utterly noble and perfect
of you to value your sense of self so much,” said Mr. E. “How sweet
that you still retain such a sense of worth. But let me tell you, dear, that you
are at Court now.” He took her hands and looked into her eyes. “You
should trust us. We only have your best interests at heart.”

“That is very kind of you, as I have
said, but there is no need. You have both been lovely, but…”

“But nothing, young lady. We like to
include newcomers, it makes their lives, and ours, so much easier. Now, let me.”
Mr. E fastened the silver around Lucretia’s neck.

“Beautiful.”

“It is lovely.” Lucretia bit her
lip and toyed with the elegant filigree necklace. “I do not mean to sound
ungrateful, it is just that in my particular line of work, the only glittering
gathering I am party to is the light show laid on by the stars and moon at
night.”

“Well, you are looking marvellous, even
if the dress is a little large. The belt helps to ruck it up to the right
length for you, but we still need to turn you into a court lady.”

“A court lady?” Lucretia was downcast.

“There is no need to look so worried.”
Lady K laughed. “Mr. E and I shall lead you through the etiquette required
at Court. You know, my dear, makeovers and manners maketh maidens. Not that
there is anything amiss with your manners, but they are so frightfully
important.” She turned to Mr. E. “We need a gentleman to offer Ms. H
his arm and teach her the steps of the latest dance.”

“The fencing master is light on his
feet.”

“That is a capital idea, Mr. E. This
week’s dance steps are a mite troublesome to conquer.”

“There are weekly dances?”
Lucretia sank into the chair by the foot of Lady K’s bed. “Oh, dear, I’m
not a very good dancer.”

“All the more reason for a master to take
you in hand.” Mr. E showed his wooden teeth as he smiled.

*

“Ah Rapier, do come in. This is our
newest guest Ms. H.”

“Ms. H.” The fencing master bowed
low and kissed her hand. “The pleasure is all mine.”

Rammstein was the last man to kiss her
hand, but she didn’t think the fencing master would have a chance in a fight
with the German. She giggled at the imagined duel.

“Have I said something to amuse you?”

“I am sorry, Rapier, just a memory.”

The frown left his handsome features, and
he twirled his moustache, smiling once more.

“The steps we are to master today are
from the Watt Waltz. Do not let the fact that it is a waltz deceive you. It is
a Steam Waltz, in which one speeds up with the orchestra and slows down again.
Deliciously difficult indeed, for if you put a foot wrong the whole thing is
thrown out.”

“No pressure then,” Lucretia
muttered softly.

“Nonsense, my dear! We shall soon have
you up to scratch. Now, stand with Rapier, and put your hand in his like so,”
Lady K stood in an exaggerated dance pose with Mr.E.

“Shall we dance?”

As Mr. E waltzed Lady K around the room to
a tune from an imagined orchestra, Lucretia could only stand and wonder at
their complicated steps.

*

Lucretia’s feet ached. She sat on the bed
in her room again, and unlaced her boots, pulling them off and sighing in
relief. Hours spent under Rapier’s tutelage left her poor feet throbbing in
imitation of a rousing drumbeat. She lay down and wriggled her toes while
stretching her arms above her head. She really couldn’t dance for all the tea
in China. Soreness wracked her body from top to toe, and if she could sleep for
a week she’d gladly take the option.

Someone knocked at the door. Lucretia
groaned as she stood and smoothed down the borrowed dress. She plastered a
smile on her face and opened the door

“Hello, little sis.” Al stood
there, grinning like a loon.

“Al! Oh, my goodness me, it is so
wonderful to see you. I’ve missed you, come in, come in and tell me all,”
she squealed, without pausing for breath, dragging her brother into the room
and hugging him with all of her might. Leibniz ran over to him for a cuddle,
and Orion deigned to open an eye before closing it again.

“But how can you be here? Is there
something wrong at home?”

“Freddie wrote to the king,
separately, promising that the work would be finished a full day sooner if I
could come and spend a little bit of time with you. O the Younger has been baking
himself into a stupor. Rammstein sends his best, ah, regards.

“He and the
Zwerge
will be
moving on as soon as the structure for the scope is finished, but we have had
to cut much extra wood, the whole thing must be much stronger this time, so it
is taking a little longer. It would be such a disaster if it fell again.”

“I don’t think I’ve heard you say so
much for the longest time. But here, put your bag on my bed. A bit fancy, isn’t
it, the bed? Useless though, I keep getting caught in all the frippery.”

“Speaking of frippery.” Al
stepped back and looked her up and down. “What have you done? You don’t
look like yourself at all.”

She sighed. “My new friends at Court
have been making me fit for a king.”

“Well, I prefer the other you.”

“Me, too. But it’s not forever. Now,
sit and I’ll ask Wodehouse to get us some tea. Al, he really needs your
attentions.”

“Another reason that I’m here, but tea
first, yes?”

*

Lucretia looked on in awe of her brother’s
talents, again. He had shined and buffed Wodehouse, oiled his joints and opened
him up to more thoroughly investigate the problems the butler suffered.

“Now, my friend,” he said. “Your
main problem was that your animator, the potted plant, was in need of more
watering. That will have slowed you down considerably. And,” he wagged his
finger in rebuke, “you standing out in the rain does no favours to your ironwork,
and doesn’t actually get much water to your sapling source, so watch out for
that.” He closed the breastplate and buffed it gently with the cuff of his
shirt sleeve.

Al admired the butler and the butler
admired back. He reached out his hand and Al hugged him.

“You are most welcome. I have been
told that you are caring for my sister admirably, so it was the least I could
do. But I am afraid that I must take my leave–my time is almost up and a deal
is a deal. I would hate to bring the wrath of the king down on you, Lucretia.”

Seeing her forlorn face, he tried to cheer
her, “Lovely, the work will be done and you will be home really soon. You
are most missed, and Freddie is working double time to finish. Now let me see a
smile, for you are to have another visitor. Mr. D is coming from Bath to see
the king and has heard that you are a visitor so he is most eager to take tea.
Apparently the king is always on the lookout for something for his ‘heads’
which put him in a dire mood, in desperate need of cheering up. So he put a
call out far and wide, and our friend answered the call.”

Another knock came to the door, and the royal
message carrier walked in.

“Ms. H? Excuse me, I was unaware that
you had company. The king wishes to see you.”

*

“So, Ms. H. I have in mind a little
plan, a plan-ette, oho, ha ha! You will forgive my little pun, what what?
Plan-et, get it? Oh, never mind. Though it made me laugh.”

Lucretia laughed, dutifully.

“Quite. Your brother is gone, hmmm?
Good, a short visit only, it is enough. I hear from your other brother that
work progresses well, marvellous. But that is not what I brought you here to
talk about. Tell me Ms. H.” He leaned forward. “Being an Astronomer,
you can chart your way across the skies as a mariner would across the seas, isn’t
that so?”

“Well yes, Your Majesty,
theoretically, but there are no ships that make their way across the skies.”

“Not ships… but imagine ballooning!”

“Ballooning, Majesty? I have heard
that two French men, the Misters M, have created such a vehicle, but I have never
seen one, never mind been in one, or piloted one for that matter.”

“Pshaw, a small detail! It may
interest you to know that the men of which you speak shall be attending Me soon
and setting up a royal ballooning team. Marvellous. But I have been unwell, and
must see some applicants with their medicines beforehand, what what.”

Lucretia was saddened to see the bombastic
monarch deflate so suddenly.

“While you are waiting for me, you
shall teach the children some Astronomy. The Younger ones are most keen. And
then we shall take to the night skies in search of the treasure of the Pirate Queen
Grace O’Malley. She stole treasures from my ancestors, and they are said to be
buried under her castle on the west coast of Ireland.”

“Your Majesty?”

“We shall do marvellously! How
wonderful! Now, you are dismissed.”

Lucretia backed away nervously; sadly
something was truly amiss with the king.

*

“Dearest!”

“Mr. D! I am being quite spoiled
today, two visitors. It is good to see you.”

“And you, but have you done something
different with your hair?”

“How terribly observant of you. My new
friends have given me a makeover, but I shall be sick if I keep having to talk
about it. Tell me instead how the ladies of Bath liked their new cure that you
were working on?”

“They liked it very much indeed. The
attar of roses was a splendid idea, even if I do say so myself. But tell me,
you have talked with the king, how do you find him?”

“I saw him earlier today, in fact. I’m
not sure, Mr. D. I have already heard that a trip he wanted to make–a rather
fanciful one, involving buried treasure and pirates–has been called off. I am
still to balloon to the Heavens, but shall be glad not to have ruffians wearing
eye-patches and sporting wooden limbs racing after me.”

“Fanciful indeed,” Mr. D replied
thoughtfully.

“His physicians are closeted with him,
leeching and letting no doubt, to try to release the humours that plague him.”

“You seem terribly well informed.”

“I am.” She plucked the skirt of
her dress. “Friends at court and all that.”

“Well, I am eager to see his Majesty
and bring him my latest Cure-All. Would you like to try some? It is a gas,
ether, and has the most pleasant of effects. Lie back and I shall administer
some, just a little, I promise.”

“I’d better not, Mr. D.”

“You, my girl, are no fun. And I have
to travel back to Bath immediately after seeing the king. Who knows when we
shall meet again?”

“Ever the dramatic, Mr. D.”

“Just a little bit? You will feel
wonderfully light and float away on a lovely bubble of loveliness.”

“I think not.”

“Spoilsport.”

“I have to go tell two little princesses
about the wonders of the Universe. I honestly don’t think I would be able to do
so with a head full of fluff and nonsense.”

“You mean there is something other
than that in there at the moment? I joke, I joke. Very well, I shall have my
own adventures in ether with the king. Wish me luck.”

“I wish you luck.”

“With meaning?”

“With meaning.”

“I hope to see you soon again,
Lucretia H. I do so love our word play. Hope that the king does not chop off my
head.”

“You had better be on your best
behaviour then, my friend.”

*

The two little girls sat solemnly in the
large, airy room, tiny in chairs that engulfed them, dwarfed by Astronomy
equipment that littered tables. Flamsteed’s Star Chart adorned the wall near
them, and an astrolabe was on the table in front of them.

Lucretia quickly realised that they were
actually very young to be learning such things and to grasp the concept of the clockwork
universe.