The Lair (17 page)

“It’s a done deal. He already agreed. Ely is going to take us. Have you met him?”

She babbled on about Ely while she packed. McKenna didn’t interrupt again. McKenna’s gut instinct to protect her baby would win out. By the time Lily had packed the last of her stuff, McKenna seemed convinced. Lily only wished convincing herself was that easy.

Once her bag was packed, she headed up to the food storage rooms to stock up on nonperishables. Carter was standing outside the RV when she stepped out.

She couldn’t make herself look at him. The flickering fluorescents cast harsh light over his face, making him look like he’d aged about five years in the past couple of days. Or maybe having people die under your command just did that to someone.

Knowing how hard what happened yesterday had hit him, she almost felt bad about leaving. But it had been his idea.

“Hey,” she said.

McKenna came out right after her, stopping short on the steps. Then she edged past Lily down the steps. “Why don’t I go find those snacks and stuff. I’ll just . . .” She didn’t finish the sentence but trotted off toward food storage.

“Hey.” Carter nodded back.

Lily opened the door and stepped back into the RV, holding the door open behind her so he would follow her in. When he stepped inside and shut the door behind him, she admitted, “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“You didn’t think I’d come to say good-bye?” Carter was nearly a foot taller than she was and when he stood up straight in the RV, the top of his head brushed the ceiling. So in here, he always stood with his head ducked a little. It made him look bashful, maybe a little shy. It was charming, even if it was an illusion.

In this tiny space, he was awkward and off balance. Give him more room and he could kick anyone’s ass. That was Carter all over: tough as hell until you got him up close.

“Is that what you’re doing?” she asked. “Saying good-bye?”

He leaned his hips against the countertop, stretching his legs out in front of him. The stance bought him a little more head room and he was able to meet her gaze as he said, “I want you to be safe. When you’re traveling.”

That wasn’t what she wanted to hear. Not at all. Her arm hurt like hell. She was tired and hungry. She felt miserable. Inexplicably, she wanted to curl up on the bed in back and just cry. She wanted someone to stroke her hair and tell her it was going to be all right. That was fair, right? To want that.

She distracted herself by sorting through the belongings she and McKenna didn’t have room to bring. Everything they owned had been scavenged from somewhere else, and it would go back to the storage rooms. It would be sorted through and “owned” by other people after them. Somehow, packing up this stuff that hadn’t really been hers brought her some peace. It gave her something to do while her heart was breaking.

She knew why he was doing this. At least, she could make a pretty good guess. It was all tied back to the conversation in the truck. To not wanting to be with her anymore.

Forget that he was doing it for the good of all mankind. Forget that this was best for humanity and for the rebellion and so that someday they could all live free again. Forget all that.

All that didn’t make it any better. It just made it harder to hate him for this. No, it made it impossible to hate him. He was such a good guy. He was the best.

And it killed her that she wasn’t good for him. He would never say it like that, but that’s what it came down to, right? She wasn’t good for him.

Carter watched her for a few minutes before saying, “So we’re not even going to talk about it?”

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”

“Damn it, would you stop packing long enough to at least have a conversation with me?”

For a second, her hands clenched around a bath towel then she forced herself to let it go. She dropped it into a box and turned to face him, even if she couldn’t make herself meet his gaze.

“About the conversation we had in the truck, listen, I . . .”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said automatically.

“Lily, I didn’t want—”

“I know.” She waved a hand, cutting him off. “McKenna needs me.”

“Damn it, Lily—” Carter broke off and paced away and then back again. His expression was hard and wounded all at the same time. “This is killing me. Do you know what it feels like, knowing you’re going off with some other guy? Some guy who can protect you and who’s willing to walk away from all of this.”

She nearly laughed at that. “This was your idea and besides, you know it’s not like that. Ely’s a total ass.”

Carter’s lips curved and he looked a little relieved. “You think so?”

“Yeah.” And then she did chuckle. “He’s arrogant and annoying. I barely met him and I can already tell you that. I’m not going to fall for him. Certainly not in five days.”

Carter reached out and grabbed her hand, giving it a gentle tug so that she stepped into the space between his legs. “You promise?”

“Yes.”

“And promise you’ll stay safe. That you won’t take any stupid risks.”

She had to swallow the lump in her throat before she could answer. “I wish I could—”

“I know,” he said quickly.

“I could get hurt just as easily here.”

“I know.” He took her hand in his. His fingers were warm and strong where they grasped hers. She turned her hand to link her fingers through his.

“Jesus, Lily, I would do anything to protect you. Anything.”

His tone was so fierce, she wanted to pretend it was enough.

That wasn’t so much to ask, was it? For just a few minutes of clinging to the fantasy that there was someone in the world who would put her above all others?

She wanted to believe it so badly that when he gave her hand a tug, she stepped even closer to him, wedging her body against his. His hands clutched at her shoulders as he pressed his lips to hers. He tasted like cranberries and cinnamon. His mouth was warm and spicy. His hunger was palpable. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, like he couldn’t stop touching her. On her hips, her ribs, in her hair. Pulling her closer, like he could absorb her through his skin. She met him move for move, practically trying to crawl into his body. Everything else faded except the two of them.

He pushed away from the counter and backed her up a few steps until she felt the edge of the table bump against the back of her legs. His lips never left hers as he grasped her hips and lifted her onto the edge of the table. Her legs wrapped around him and she pulled him close, relishing the feel of his body against her, of his chest under her hands. Except he was too tall or the table was too short. The height issue must have frustrated him, too, because he lifted her up, turning around until she sat on the counter.

She didn’t know how long he kissed her. Minutes, hours. Days. And it still wasn’t enough. Even if she had a lifetime with him, she’d want more. But she didn’t have a lifetime. All she had were these few minutes before they were ripped apart, maybe forever.

She wanted to believe that she would come back. That everything would be okay. That she, McKenna, and Ely would make it easily into Canada and that McKenna would get the care she needed. Then Lily could come back here, having done at least one thing right.

She wanted to believe all of that just as desperately as she wanted to pretend that when she came back, Carter would welcome her. That he wanted her—that he needed her—just as much as she needed and wanted him.

The feel of his lips on hers and the urgency of his kisses let her pretend. So she kept kissing him and she let herself get lost in his touch.

So lost that she barely registered the pounding on the RV door. Or the sound of it being flung open and rattling as it banged against the cabinetry.

“Damn,” a sarcastic voice drawled. “I can see why you’re reluctant to let this walk away.”

Carter pulled his lips from hers. For a heartbeat, he just stared into her eyes. Just when she thought her heart might break, he stepped back, setting her on the floor as he did. Slowly they both turned to face Ely, who was standing in the doorway.

“Did you need something?” Carter asked tightly.

Ely stepped farther into the RV and McKenna waddled in after him.

She pulled a visible cringe. “Sorry! I didn’t—”

“It’s okay,” Lily said, even though it wasn’t. “What’d you need?”

Ely slanted her a smile. “You, sweetheart.”

Carter took a half step toward him. Less than a half step. Given the tiny space in the RV, it was tantamount to getting right in his face. “What?”

Ely ignored his question, nodding in Lily’s direction. “Grab your stuff and let’s go. It’s time to head out.”

“Now? We’re not going to wait until morning?”

Ely faked looking at his watch. “It’s only ten. Elite recon says there are no Ticks in the immediate area. We should leave while we can. We can be in Butte by nightfall.”

As soon as he said it, Carter rocked back a step. Like the words were a physical blow. That was how they felt to her, too. Even though she’d packed a bag, she wasn’t ready.

But she didn’t have a choice. This was best for everyone. Even though it broke her heart.

Again, she wanted to fall to her knees and cry. To wallow in sorrow and never get up again. But she couldn’t. There wasn’t time. Besides, in times like these, depression was for wusses.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Carter

I could hardly breathe as I stalked out of the RV and headed out to the deeps. I kept moving for one reason and one reason only. If I stopped moving, I would turn around, go back, and ask Lily to stay. I’d fucking beg her.

The idea of doing that terrified me. Because if I did, she would know just how much I loved her, how much I needed her. I couldn’t ever let her know that because then she really wouldn’t leave. She would stay with me. And eventually, she’d get hurt again. Something worse than being shot in the shoulder. Something more permanent. Something more horrible. Something I couldn’t even consider.

Even the thought made the blood in my head pound. It was like I was in a fight with a Tick, the way my vision faded to black at the periphery.

Which was why I didn’t even hear Ely approaching behind me until it was too late. Ely grabbed my arm and before I even realized what I was doing, I turned on him, slammed him into the next rock column, and held him, dangling there with my forearm wedged against his neck.

My vision cleared just enough for me to realize what I’d done. I lowered my friend to the ground. Ely just stood there for a moment with his hands raised and palm out in a gesture of innocence.

“What the hell, man?”

I didn’t answer that question. Instead I jammed a finger in his face. “You keep her safe. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah. I got that.”

“No. I mean, no matter what. You keep her safe.”

“Of course.”

“Like she was yours. That’s how safe she needs to be. Like she was your sister, your whatever. You put her first. Above anything else. Got it?”

Ely dropped his hands to his side. He jutted out his jaw and bumped up his chin. “I’m insulted you even think you have to say it.”

I studied him. The outrage in his expression, the anger.

Yeah, I was taking a huge risk in sending him with Lily instead of bringing him with me to San Angelo, but if I couldn’t go with Lily myself, then I wanted Ely with her. No one had been on his own longer than he had. No one knew how to stay alive like he did. There was no one in the known world who could keep Lily safer than Ely could.

And when it came down to it, Ely would be able to protect her in a way I couldn’t. If it came down to protecting Lily—not the body, not the life, but the person she was, Lily the
human
—Ely would do whatever was necessary. He would make the tough call in a way I knew I would never be able to.

She’d said it herself more than once. If she was exposed, she’d all but begged me to take the next step. To do what was necessary. Today, she’d realized exactly what that meant.

But would I do it? If it came down to it, would I be able to kill the girl I loved and mutilate her body? Probably not.

But Ely would do it.

I just hoped that it never came to that.

“Listen, if you make it up to Canada—”

“We’re gonna make it,” Ely interrupted.

“If you make it and there’s still something there. If there’s any kind of civilization, if there’s any guarantee of safety at all, you make sure she stays.”

Ely studied me for a second, like he was trying to figure out just how serious I was about this.

“I mean it. If you find someplace she can be safe, you leave her there. Got it?”

“What about coming back for everyone else? Isn’t that what you said she should do?”

“Yeah, well, I lied. If you find safe haven for them, then that’s where I want them to be. You can come back yourself, but you leave them there.”

“You really think Lily’s going to put up with that?”

“You say or do whatever you need to do. If you find a place she can be safe, then I never want to see her again.”

I didn’t wait around to see if Ely responded after that. He understood just what I meant.

Ely was the one person I trusted to keep Lily safe and to kill her himself if he didn’t.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Lily

Lily waited for Ely and McKenna just outside Base Camp. She couldn’t say good-bye to Carter more than once.

Ely had pulled the sleek SUV right up to the front gate. He hopped out as she walked toward him with her bag. They both stood there awkwardly while McKenna hugged the last few people who’d come to see her off.

After a minute, Lily said, “Nice car.”

He nodded. “One of the perks of surviving the apocalypse: you get your choice of rides.”

She cringed. She didn’t like to think about the people whose stuff she was borrowing. Using. Whatever.

Ely must have noticed. “What? You squeamish about that kind of thing?”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Why? You think the guy who drove this Porsche would have given a shit about you in the Before? ’Cause I can tell you right now that he never once thought about what your life on a Farm was like when he was parking this Porsche at the airport in Houston and taking that last flight out to LA or wherever the hell he went. All those people, all those so-called responsible adults, they bailed on us. They shoved their kids into Farms and just left.”