The Lake (The Lake Trilogy, Book 1) (14 page)

At the end of the night, Will tells his parents that he offered to stay and help clean up. His father says he doesn’t understand why Luke and Claire never hire anyone to do that for them, but he allows Will to stay. It is, after all, good PR for the Meyer family.

We sit in the courtyard attempting to sort through the situation. I just couldn’t go to the dock. I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to think clearly if I sat there with Will in what I consider to be our place.

“I didn’t tell my parents we were friends because I was afraid my feelings for you would be apparent. Just the thought of you makes my whole world stop.” Will clears his throat, realizing he’s made quite a statement about me
to
me. “In my world, girls like you and Holly are almost non-existent. My father would love to choose the girls I date, and has, but his criteria for women are different than mine, which is putting it mildly. I want someone of substance and he chooses girls based on how photogenic they are. His ideal woman wants a guy so obsessed with his job that she can lead her own life separate from him, only to show up on his arm at the appropriate black tie event or ribbon-cutting. That’s what my dad wants for me.” Will sighs heavily. “That’s what my mother became: this submissive
thing
bending to his every whim. Now that he’s met you, he knows that you’re different, you’re not like the others.”

“How could he possibly know that I’m not like the other debutants around here?”

“Anyone who takes half a second of time with you knows that you’re brilliant and focused. You are so beautiful but you have no idea just how beautiful you are. You’re opinionated and have dreams that extend beyond being someone’s arm-candy.” I smile and am sure I’m blushing, too. No one has ever said such amazing things about me before. “And if he meets you again as the girl that
I
have chosen, it’s only going to reinforce how hard I work not to be like him. It infuriated him that I was with Holly. He considered it a slap in the face to the empire he thinks he’s built for me. It’ll do the same for me to be with you. Layla, I can’t risk losing you. I can’t risk never seeing you again.”

My head is spinning. His description of me tells me that I didn’t completely lose myself while living with Gram and Gramps. The real Layla has been there all along, just waiting to be unearthed. I know the surfacing has been because of him.

“If we can’t be together, why tell me how you feel at all?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I guess I just wanted you to know. We’ve spent so much time together. It was killing me not knowing if you felt the same way. And I know I’ve acted a little hot and cold at times.
I’m sorry about that. I know it’s not ideal, but we can make the most out of the time we do have together until graduation, and the summer.”

Wait. He’s serious about us not being together.
“Will…” I sigh, not sure what I’m about to say.

“I want you to always feel safe with me, Layla
, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure you do. I’ll do my best to protect you. I’m never going to let anyone hurt you.” Will leans forward in his chair and takes my hand.

“I do feel safe with you. I’m just…confused and…I…I wish you hadn’t told me. I could have at least gone along, obliviously pining away
for you like some silly schoolgirl. Eventually I may have even given up. But now…” Not knowing what to say, I do the only thing that comes to mind. I stand, walk inside the house, and leave Will sitting there in the moonless night, alone.

I’ve spent the last
few days in seclusion in the loft, not sure what to think or how to feel. Nothing is unfolding the way I thought it would and I don’t know what to do.

I tell Luke and Claire that I don’t want to see or talk to anyone. Claire tells Gwen and Caroline that I’m sick when they call, and brings food up to me when Will is working with Luke, which
has been every day. I avoid the lake because I know Will would look for me there. Claire also brings messages from Will. They’re all the same: he wants to see me.

Sometimes I can hear him talking with Luke in the foyer. I love his voice and miss watching his lips form the words. I hear him tell Luke he just wants to talk to me for a minute; that he just wants to make sure I’m ok. Luke defends my wishes and tells Will he has to wait until I’m ready to talk to him. My heart wants me to scream out to Will and tell him that I miss him, but my mind won’t allow it.

I spend hours in my favorite chair thinking…not thinking…staring. I don’t want to move from this spot. I close my eyes and I can still feel Will’s body against mine as we bet on the view that night. It allows me to be close to him when I’m not ready to see him yet.

I have to snap out of this and consider my options. I’ve wallowed long enough. I’m not about to stop being a sensible girl altogether.

I run through my options. First, I can leave. If I’m not here, I won’t have to see Will and one day maybe it’ll be as if I never met him. I can tell Luke and Claire that I want to go back to Florida. Maybe there’s still a spot for me at that boarding school. After that I’ll be at Florida State and out of everyone’s hair. But, I’m growing closer to Luke and Claire every day and I don’t want to leave them. They’re all the family I have left and the thought of being without them is too painful.

Second, I can tell Will I want to be with him. I can throw caution to the wind, follow my heart, and let the pieces of Gregory Meyer fall where they may. If we do that, we run the risk of God only knows what. Everything I understand about Will’s father tells me that he doesn’t rest until he gets what he wants
, and this scenario assumes that we are somehow impervious to the perils of Gregory Meyer.

My decision comes one morning as I wake from a dream that changes my perspective forever.

I’m in my room. Not my room at my parent’s house, or at Gram or Gramps’, but my room here with Luke and Claire. On my bed are several boxes marked with my name. Some are marked
old Layla
and some,
new Layla
. I find the boxes marked
old Layla
and put them on a high shelf in the closet. These are the boxes I brought when I moved in with Gram and Gramps. The other boxes marked
new Layla
are the ones I brought from Gram and Gramps’ here to Luke and Claire’s. I don’t recognize all the things inside, but I accept them as mine, unpack them, and put them away.

My mother walks in and I’m so happy to see her that I stop what I’m doing immediately and run to her. She’s dressed in her usual broomstick skirt, t-shirt, and sandals. My little hippy wraps her arms around me and I’m filled with oozing warmth from head to toe. I haven’t felt that warmth in so long.

“What are you doing?” she asks in her sweet voice that I have missed so much.

“I’m unpacking,” I say.

“Why did you put your things away in the closet?” she asks.

“Because those things belong to the old Layla. That’s not me anymore.”

“Why is that not you?” she says, crunching her face in confusion.

“I had to make life here easier for Gram and Gramps, so I put away everything I used to be,” I say.

“But Jack and Carol aren’t here. You aren’t living that life anymore, are you?”

“No, I guess not,” I say, my voice pitching up at the end with a tone of realization.

“When you were younger, you were the most tenacious little girl anyone had ever seen. If you wanted something, you did what you had to do to make it happen. You sacrificed so much to make things work with your grandparents. We all make sacrifices, Layla. It’s part of growing up. Isn’t it time you did something to make
you
happy?” She walks out of the room and I try to catch her. I reach out, try to run to her, but my arms won’t stretch and my legs won’t move.

And then she’s gone.

I wake up, my face wet with tears, my heart aching from watching my mother vanish in front of my dreaming eyes.

Light is streaming almost blindingly through the thin line between the drawn curtains and I know it is mid-morning. Will should be here by now, wo
rking with Luke in the basement.

I stand at the top of the stairs in my pajamas, my hair in a ponytail. A shower will have to wait. I walk downstairs after several days of isolation and find Luke, Claire, and Will in the kitchen. They look up, startled by my emergence, but clearly happy to see me. They’re all smiles. Will’s brighter than the others.

“Layla!” Will says excitedly. He starts toward me but Luke stops him. I like Luke as a protector. It suites him well.

“It’s ok, Luke.” I look at Will, almost emotionless, not certain of how his feelings may have evolved over the last few days. Has he regretted telling me? Does he now feel I’m not worth his affection because of how I chastised him? But his beaming face shines a light on the probability that my refusal to see him hasn’t changed anything. “We need to talk,” I say as I walk outside and go to the only place I know where things somehow become clearer.

Without stopping, I walk straight to the end of the dock, not looking behind to see if or how far behind me Will might be. With every step I consider the reality that in moments I could be making the biggest fool of myself. Is Will satisfied having just made his feelings known? He made it clear that is impossible for us to be together. But since he didn’t have to say anything in the first place, I resolve that he must truly care for me, and that tenacious little girl emerges once again, ready to claim what is mine.

“Layla. I’m so happy to see you.” He tries to touch me but I pull away. I know it sends the wrong message, but I need to keep a clear mind. Feeling Will’s skin against mine in any way is far too distracting. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“What is it that you really want, Will?” I need to hear him say it, whatever it is. It has to be more than he
just needed me to know
before I bare my soul to him.

“I want…you,” he says.

“What does that mean?”

“It means…I care about you, Layla. But…” I cut him off before he can tell me again that we can’t be together.

“When I moved in with my grandparents I was dropped into a life that I didn’t want. I didn’t really know them and all my grandmother did for two years was prove why we never had a relationship with her to begin with. Nonetheless, I made sacrifices in order to make my grandparents happy.

“
When I moved here with Luke and Claire I discovered that life didn’t have to be that way. I didn’t have to make sacrifices for everyone else’s happiness at the expense of my own. I can make choices based on what will make me happy.”

“What are you saying
?” He looks at me, a bit bewildered.

“I’m saying…don’t I get any say in the situation?
” Will looks at my, wide eyed. “I’m saying…what if your father isn’t the only one who doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants? I want to be with you, Will. If you want to be with me…then maybe we can make it work,” I say, fully aware that I’m doing something I haven’t done since before my parent’s died: making my desire known, regardless of the risk of getting hurt.

“It’s not safe, Layla. I…I don’t know what he’ll do…” he protests.

“Then he won’t find out. I’m not going anywhere,” I say with conviction.

“You…want to be with me…even though no one can know? Even though if my father finds out I can guarantee he’ll make our lives a living hell?” Will’s tone reflects both elation and disbelief.

“Will, I spent the better part of two years being reminded daily that I wasn’t worthy of anything good. Then I spent three years taking care of my grandfather, both loving him and believing that I was being punished. So, with all due respect to your father, I’ve already been through hell. I won’t let someone else determine my worth anymore. I was recently reminded that I used to be full of audacity. I’m reclaiming that.”

“I…can’t believe I found you,” Will says brushing my cheek with his hand. “Are you sure you
can do this? Hell,
I
don’t even know how to do this. I’ve
never
defied him, Layla. But for the first time in my life, I have the uncontrollable urge to do so. I have you to thank for that.” He smiles, taking my hands in his. My heart literally flutters as his skin connects with mine and I’m overwhelmed.

“Yes. I’m sure. But…the only way it’s going to happen is if we have Luke and Claire on our side. I already told Claire about our conversation
at the bar-b-q…and about Holly.” I watch him cringe slightly and can only pray I haven’t broken him a little in the process. “But maybe now that some time has passed, it’ll be different with me?”

“No offense, but he’s not going to be anything more than cordial to you, if that.
He’s certainly not going to look at you as a viable option for me.”

“Why not?” I know I shouldn’t be, but I’m a bit offended.

“You’re inconsequential to him,” Will says matter-of-factly.

“Harsh.”

“It’s not you. My father only gets to know people he can use to his benefit. You have nothing to offer him, so he’s not going to waste his time. Personally, I think it’s a tragedy
not
to get to know you.” Will says the last part so sweetly I feel my heart swell. “But you need to really grasp the reality of the situation. I know now that what he pulled with Holly’s family is just the tip of the ice berg of what he’s capable of.” I can see that Will means what he says.