The Lake (The Lake Trilogy, Book 1) (26 page)

“Back off, Will!” Marcus stands in between us. “You’re scaring her.” Will stops in his tracks, panting,
with his chest heaving.

“Just keep your hands off of her.” Will wipes the blood from his lip as he moves his dagger-filled stare from Marcus to a less deadly glower at me. He holds his gaze on me for few long seconds. “I’ll deal with you later.” I struggle to look beyond his rage, but it’s difficult. He gets back into his car, tires screeching out of the driveway the same way he entered.

It takes another few minutes before I’m confident I can speak without bursting into tears. “I’m so sorry, Marcus. I’ll talk to him and get him to apologize,” I say examining the cut by his eye.

“You’re
staying
with him? Layla…
that
was Gregory Meyer. You can’t seriously still want to be with him?” Marcus tries to furrow his brow but it aggravates his cut and he winces.

“Just because things are…complicated…doesn’t mean they can’t work.” I realize as I’m saying this that I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince. I spent years in a complicated situation with my grandparents. It wasn’t what I wanted but I made it work for their sake. If I c
ould do it then when I didn’t even want to, I can do it now…for me, can’t I?

We don’t talk about it anymore
, and I decide not to address his lack of respect for my personal space. If it happens again I’ll be forced to, but I’m hoping he had a momentary lapse in judgment and it won’t be an issue. I take him in the house, tend to his wound and send him home.

Over the next days at school it isn’t difficult for me to pretend to not be with Will. I’m confused. Part of me understands Will’s anger. I can’t imagine how I would feel to see him with another girl
, but another part of me, a part that I don’t want to admit is really there, is afraid that Marcus is right. I witnessed the fury that boils inside the Meyer men. His last words to me ring in my ears.
I’ll deal with you later.
Now I’m something to be dealt with?

Will tries to talk to me in the covert way we learned to communicate in front of others, but I can’t respond. I’m not sure what to say, but more afraid that I’ll cry if I start to talk. He comes to the house, but I don’t want to see him…not yet. I just need some time to figure things out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Claire asks, finding me in my favorite spot in the loft again. She didn’t have to look hard. I come home from school every day and sit here, staring out the window until dinner. I can see the lake even better now that the leaves have fallen from the trees. It’s a perfect picture of the changing season in so many ways.

“This…it’s just harder than I thought it was going to be. I thought it would be romantic. You know…clandestine love and all.
It just makes me feel…alone. I can’t be myself because myself loves Will. I don’t know what to do.” I feel more confused now that I’m verbalizing the garbled mess of my emotions. It’s like when you cut a pan of brownies but haven’t waited long enough for them to cool. They crumble and fall apart and there’s no way to piece it back together so that it remotely resembles a square.

“Layla, you’re not obligated to any
thing
or any
one
. If you’re not sure what you want, you’re allowed to take a step back and reevaluate. You’re still
so
young and so much is going to change for you over the next few years of your life.” Claire always has a way of letting me off the hook and making me feel empowered at the same time.

“I love him, Claire. But…” I don’t want to tell her about Will’s rage. She’ll pull the plug for sure and then it won’t be my decision. I need her help, and I did promise that I would tell her if anything happened. “Will kind of freaked me out the other night.”

“What do you mean?” Claire tilts her head in suspicion.

“Marcus stepped in at Halloween and covered for us in front of Will’s parents. He was a little touchy-feely and Will didn’t like it. He and Marcus got in a fight and then Will…well…he got really angry and yelled at me because he thought I was taking Marcus’ side.”

“Layla…” Claire starts.

“He was just hurt because he didn’t like seeing me with Marcus that way. I didn’t like it either,” I say in Will’s defense.

“This is what I was talking about.” Claire’s eyes get bigger and I can see that she’s upset. It’s the first time I’ve seen this expression. Usually Claire is soft and tender, but right now she looks like she could fight a lion and win.

Luke interrupts us to tell me that Will is there and wants to see me. Luke never answers for me. He always asks in case my decision has changed.

“Tell him I’ll be there in a minute,” I answer Luke. “Claire, I’m willing to understand what happened. I really can’t blame him for being upset. Marcus went overboard, but the whole thing made me realize that I don’t think I can do this until graduation…or indefinitely. I don’t think I can pretend anymore. I mean, I thought everything was going great, but…after what happened I realize that as long as we have to pretend, Will is going to be faced with seeing me with someone else. It just doesn’t seem fair to either one of us.” I’m devastated at the idea of telling Will. We’ve promised so much to each other. I don’t like going back on my word.

“The most important thing is that you’re true to yourself. Even though we love someone, sometimes we have to let go because loving them compromises who we are. I’m proud of you, Layla.” Claire gives me a hug of support before I go downstairs and break Will’s heart.

I meet Will in the living room. He looks sad and it breaks my heart to add to his pain.

“Hey,” I say as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

“Hey. Thanks for seeing me.” He embraces me and I get emotional at the thought that this could be the last time I feel Will’s arms around me like this. “Layla, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It just drove me crazy to see his hands on you. The way he looked at me while he was doing it…it was like he was punishing me.”

“Will…he may have gone a little over board, but we asked him to help us make it look like he and I were together. You can’t punch him when he does it.
What happens when we go away to school? Are you going to hire bodyguards to keep an eye on me? There might actually be guys that hit on me. You have to trust me to handle myself, but that’s not what bothers me the most.” I’m serious now; intent on making sure he knows what he did.

“I know, and I’m even sorrier about that. I…I can’t believe I yelled at you like that.” He reaches out to touch me but I pull away. “Baby, I’m sorry. I really am.” My pulling away has hurt him deeply. I hate that, but once I get
to thinking about that moment, his touch is the last thing I want.

“As long as we have to pretend that I’m with someone other than you, this is going to happen again. I don’t want to walk on eggshells for the next seven months, Will.” I can’t look him in the eye. I know if I do I’ll be drawn in and will go back on what I know I need to do. “I was wrong to think that we could pull this off anyway. Your dad doesn’t buy it and it’s only a matter of time before it all comes crumbling down around us.”

“No, you were
right
! We
can
do this. Layla, before I met you I thought I’d never get close enough to anyone to feel this way. I was too scared to even try, but you make me want to be brave. You make me realize that love is real and worth every risk just to have it.”

“Will…”

“Layla, please. We can do this. It won’t happen again. I can deal with Marcus, I promise. I’ll even apologize to him if you want. You don’t understand what this is doing to me,” he pleads. The tone in his voice is new. It’s full of pain; pain that I can take away if I change my mind. The whites of his ocean blue eyes are now red and watery. He’s holding back tears and I have to look away.

“No, Will,
you
don’t understand. For five years I
pretended
that I was ok living with my grandparents. I
pretended
that game shows and puzzles was sufficient entertainment; I
pretended
to be ok with having dinner at 4:30 and going to bed at eight. I
pretended
that having friends and doing things girls are supposed to love doing wasn’t important to me. I gave up everything I loved about me because I had to, and I don’t want to do that anymore. The only silver lining to moving here was feeling like I had a chance to start over; feeling like I didn’t have to spend the another five years waiting for the next important person in my life to die.”

“I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?” Will’s demeanor is softer now, like the Will I fell in love with.

“I didn’t want to be the girl with baggage at 17. I just wanted to start over. Look, if we’re meant to be together, then, we will.” It’s a lame response and I hate giving it. “Right now, your dad makes
us
an impossibility. Standing up to him isn’t an option, so what else are we going to do, Will? I don’t want to be with you and pretend to not love you. It’s not so easy turning my feelings on and off. I thought I could do it for the sake of keeping you safe, but it’s only hurting us.” I can’t take it anymore. I walk to the front door and open it. “You should go.”

Will steps to the door and stands as close as he possibly can in front of me. I can feel the warmth of his breath and the heat from his body.

“I understand better than you think I do. You’re not the only one who’s spent their life pretending to be someone they’re not.” He moves a quarter step closer, taking my face in his left hand. “I am
never
letting go of you. If I have to wait a hundred years, I will. I love you, Layla. We belong together and you know it.” He puts his other arm around my waist, leans down and kisses me like he did the first time on the porch that amazing summer night. I force myself to be still so I don’t wrap my arms around him and melt into him.

I close the door behind him, not watching him leave as I usually do. Then I drop to the floor and cry like never before. It is in this moment that I realize my season of punishment had not been those five years in Orlando. My season of punishment is now.

The days move slowly and I find myself in automatic mode. I go to school every day, come home and do my homework. Then
after that I either read or stare out the window of the loft from my favorite chair, except for the days I meet with Marcus for tutoring. He’s asked me what happened with Will a few times, but I don’t answer, changing the subject. He eventually stops asking and I assume he’s either finally put two and two together, or just plain gave up.

I don’t feel completely alone, as Gwen and Caroline haven’t abandoned me. They did their best to talk me through things in the days that followed, but I wouldn’t say anything about Will or what happened. I don’t want to paint any kind of picture of him. Everything they know about the break up comes from Will. I feel bad for being so mute about the whole thing but I just don’t know how to express myself without looking or feeling stupid. So they press on, making things as normal as possible.

I sit next to Tyler and Chris in the classes we have together, and with the girls in study hall. The hardest part is the two classes I have with Will. We’re seated alphabetically, so I don’t normally sit with him, but now that seems to be more awkward. He skips class a lot, and when he is there, he isn’t really. He leaves notes for me in my locker, and sometimes Chris and Tyler will deliver them. Each one reads the same:
I will never stop loving you
. If I didn’t still love him deeply I would consider a restraining order. By the time Thanksgiving break arrives I have 84 notes from Will.

I keep every single one of them in my nightstand.

Though the days drag on, Thanksgiving eventually arrives. Luke and Claire spent the holidays with some other couples from the firm at the Meyer’s house over the last few years. Had Will and I not split I would have looked forward to the chance to be together on the holiday, but this year they told Mr. Meyer that they’d be celebrating the holidays with me at home. Not surprisingly, he didn’t mind at all.

I thought it would be weird having a holiday without any of the family I
grew up with. I’m a little sad, but it isn’t like I thought it would be. I’ve been with Luke and Claire for almost six months now, but with everything that’s gone on it feels like so much longer, like we’ve always been a family.

Claire and I brave the Black Friday sales, standing in line at Target at four in the morning. Later at the mall she swears she’ll eventually get something for Luke, but I ultimately have to tear her away from the shoe department and we settle on some things we think Luke will love.

Shopping for Claire with Luke is an entirely different experience, and takes a fraction of the time. All we have to do is walk up to the counter of Claire’s favorite stores – Tiffany’s and Neiman-Marcus – where she has set aside the items Luke and I can choose from. Luke says he learned a long time ago that this is the safest way to shop for Claire.

A
s I scan the cases at Tiffany’s, something catches my eye – something I think Claire will love – and I know what I’m going to do with some of the money I saved from Gramps.

The whole weekend we decorate the house for Christmas, play holiday music, and eat more than we should. I end the weekend feeling closer to Luke and Claire than ever.