The Lake (The Lake Trilogy, Book 1) (27 page)

I have a big trigonometry test the Friday after we get back from Thanksgiving break on verifying identities. My tutoring with Marcus is paying off – I’m only moderately lost instead of completely lost – but I’m still nervous. I ask Marcus to come to the house for all of our tutoring now. Luke makes sure Will isn’t there working on the basement, and I don’t want to risk running into Will in town or at school. God only knows what he’d do if he saw Marcus and me together.

“So that’s how we use Euler’s formula to show sine times x plus y equals sine times x times cosine times y plus sine times y times cosine times x. Make sense?”

“I…think so…no.” I toss my pencil down in frustration.

“Hey…it’s ok. We’ll just start over again,” Marcus says trying to calm my irritation.

“We’ve been going over this section for over an hour. How I’m passing this class at all is a mystery to me. Can we just pick this up next time?” I have a headache. My brain is fried and I’m sure it is making plans to crack open my skull and make a run for it any minute now. I don’t blame it.

“Sure. I’ll come by on Thursday. Sound good?”

“Yeah, thanks, Marcus. I appreciate it.” I close my books with a furious and thundering clap and shove them across the table. I wish there were some way out of this class altogether. Not only is it ridiculously difficult for me, this is one of the classes I have with Will. His being there makes it hard to concentrate, which only adds to my deficiencies in this subject.

“So…I wanted to ask how you were doing. You’ve ignored me every other time I’ve brought it up.” Marcus isn’t one to give up easily. It’s been several weeks and I can finally think about it without cry
ing, so I appease him, but only slightly. He’s been patient, and considering he shed some blood over the issue, I feel like he’s earned it somehow.

“There’s not much to tell, Marcus. Will and I broke up.” Maybe I’m not going to appease him completely, but at least I’m not ignoring him altogether.

“I know you broke up, Layla. I want to know how you’re feeling about it. I remember how Holly felt. It was really hard for her. Despite my feelings about Will, he’s apparently a good guy and one a girl would hate to lose. So…” he presses.

“It sucks. I hate it. I wish I could take it back, but I can’t. Does that answer your question?”
I answer with frustration.

“You could take it back if you wanted to. I’m sure Will would be happy for you to. I know I would be.” Marcus is tender and caring, but I don’t like it when he inserts himself into the scenario.

“Don’t say things like that,” I say.

“It’s true. But…I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“I know I could take it back, Marcus. That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”

“Listen, Layla…do you know what the most upsetting part about what went down with Holly was? It was that they let Gregory Meyer decide for them. As furious as I was with the Meyers, I was equally disappointed in my family. Love can’t be ruled with an iron fist. Meyer does whatever he wants because no one tells him he can’t. When does it end? One day the Meyers are going to pay.”

Marcus leaves and I sit there silently.
Could
I
stand up to Will’s dad?
I think about this seriously for a full minute before I come to my senses and realize that it would be pointless. I would simply be a silly little girl trying to
distract
his son. No. This is for the best.

Miraculously I pass my trig exam and coast through the weeks until Christmas. Luke and Claire make it a really special day. We get up early and make breakfast together. I make
mom’s ham and cheese brunch squares while we listen to Christmas music. Then, we all sit on the floor in front of the tree and eat. Before we open gifts we take turns guessing what we think the others got us. Luke and I are totally off base. Claire already picked out the gifts we could choose from, so she has an unfair advantage.

Luke loves the cufflinks Claire gave him.
He very
un
subtly dropped hints for weeks about wanting a charging station for his various and sundry electronic devices, so that’s what I got for him. The earrings and iPod Luke selected from his choices are a hit with Claire.

Before my trip to the jewelry store with Luke I had been at a total loss as what to get Claire. I knew
that just any gift wouldn’t do, not because she wouldn’t love whatever I gave her, but because it needed to be meaningful. I hand her the Tiffany Blue wrapped box with my gift inside and hope it means as much to her as it does to me.

“Oh, Layla,” she says as she raises the lid of the jewelry box. Inside is a silver necklace with three tubular charms. The charms hold the birthstones of Luke, Claire and me. In the center is a pearl for me, with a sapphire and amethyst on either side for Claire and Luke. “This is so beautiful. Thank you…so much.” Claire leans across the torn paper and empty boxes and hugs me tightly and then immediately puts the necklace on.

“I’m glad you like it. I know I didn’t pick from what you chose, but I wanted to get you something that…well…that meant something. It’s our little family.” Tears start to fill my eyes, but I choke them back.

“I love it, Layla. I love you. It means more to me than you’ll ever know.” Claire hugs me again, giving an extra squeeze before she lets go. “Ok, you’ve waited long enough. It’s time for you to open your gifts,” Claire says, shifting the attention onto me, which I don’t particularly love, but am learning to tolerate much better.

I open a few boxes with clothes that Claire knew I needed. The weather will be getting colder and I still don’t have enough warm clothes to get me through. Luke got me a new iPod, which is great because I’m running out of space on the one I already have. Then, Claire and Luke give each other a smile and hand me the last gift under the tree. I open the slender box and gasp. I cannot hold back the tears now.

It’s a Kindle Reader.

“We already downloaded all the classics and we set up an account online so you can download anything else you want whenever you want.” Luke’s eyes are wide and as excited mine.

“Thank you so much! It’s perfect!” I hug them tighter than I ever have before. I’m so happy. It isn’t the gift, but what it represents. They know me, really
know
me. After years of feeling like a lonely island, of being looked at and not seen, Luke and Claire have seen who I am, and it’s an incredible feeling.

We spend the afternoon playing with our new toys, and Claire talks me into doing a fashion show for Luke. She paid perfect attention on our shopping excursions. Every outfit she got me is both the right size and my exact style. Then we cook and eat more food than three people need in one sitting and it’s after midnight before we all go to bed.

It was the best day I’d had in a long time.
 

*****
 

Luke and Claire ask me for the hundredth time if I’m sure I want to skip the New Year’s Gala as they ready themselves for their annual New Year’s date. With a bottle of soda in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other, I confirm that I’m fine and send them on their way. They wish me a happy New Year as they leave to meet Caroline’s parents, who are Luke and Claire’s closest friends. I close the door behind them and settle in for a night of junk food and movie watching. If I spend too much time thinking about the fact that this could have been the first year I would have had someone to kiss
at midnight I may get depressed, so I focus on the gratuitous humor that awaits me.

I’ve just started the first movie when the doorbell rings. I think Claire may have come back for something so I run down to get the door as quickly as I can. I hate the idea of their date being delayed at all. When I open the door I’m shocked to see Caroline standing there in her pajamas, pillow in one hand, a stack of movies in the other.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the New Year’s Gala!” I can’t hide my excitement at her presence on my doorstep.

“Your aunt told me what you had planned for tonight and I decided
it was going to be way more fun than the Gala. So are you going to let me in? It’s freezing out here!” she says.

“Yes! Yes! Get in here!” I close the door behind Caroline and give her a huge hug. I’m really happy that she’s here.  Caroline and I march upstairs and settle in to ring in the New Year together.

I love having Caroline here with me, but I can’t deny that her presence is a reminder of Will and everything I’m missing now that we’re no longer together. The more I think about him, the more I think about Caroline and Gwen. It seems unfair that Will’s father would hate
me
so much and accept them.

“Caroline? Why me?” That’s all I have to say and Caroline knows exactly what I’m talking about.

“It’s not you, Layla. It’s anything that reinforces Will’s rejection of his father’s supreme authority, power, and control,” she says. It sounds a bit rehearsed and I wonder if this is what the conversation revealed when the smoke cleared after Holly.

“Don’t you and Gwen do the same thing? I mean, Will could have just as easily fallen for you. You feel the same way about things as
he does.”

“We’ve known Will practically our whole lives. Mr. Meyer has had time to get used to us. He sees us as one of them. We’re
in
this counterfeit world he treasures so much.”

“So am I, technically,” I say defiantly.

“Technically, yes, but it’s not the same. You just got here and haven’t had time to conform yet. Trust me, I know. I almost didn’t make it on his good list,” she says.

“What do you mean?” I’m curious. How could anyone not like Caroline? She’s absolutely the sweetest, most agreeable person I’ve ever known. To not like her would make you the devil himself.  Oh, that answers my question.

“I’m adopted. My parents got me when I was six,” she says without hesitation. She’s so matter of fact.

“I didn’t know that. But…what would that have to do with whether Mr. Meyer accepted you or not?”

“My birth mom was a prostitute and a drug addict. I don’t know who my father was; I don’t think she knew either. When Mr. Meyer found out he was concerned that it was too late for me to understand how things work around here – that I had already been corrupted beyond reform. When Will and I would play together as kids, he watched us like a hawk. I don’t know what he was expecting me to do. I was six. I wasn’t exactly hiding a dime bag of pot in my lunch box. But, I guess when he saw that I wasn’t going to damage his son he eased up. I remember those years well.”

“Years?” It’s going to take years for Will’s dad to approve of me? And even then there is no guarantee!

“Yeah, from six until about eight. My parents were great about it though. They’re a lot like your aunt and uncle. As I got older, they were really open with me and explained why my friend’s dad was so weird around me. It never really mattered to me. Will was my friend and treated me like a friend should be treated.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” I feel so defeated.

“You can’t do anything. It’s not the same, Layla. Will doesn’t want to just be your friend. He’s in love with you. You’re the one.”

“If I’m the one and he’s in love with me, why can’t we be together?” I’m emotional now.

“You
can
be together.
You
broke up with
him
, remember?” Caroline challenges.

“I broke up with him because I don’t want to be with him and have to pretend to not love him. How would you like it if you couldn’t go out in public with the person you loved most in the world? If you had to pretend to be with someone else because if the wrong people saw you together the most evil man on the planet would destroy you?
Since Will won’t stand up to his dad, there’s really nothing left to discuss. I just can’t do it, Caroline.”

“Layla, it’s not that he doesn’t want to, it’s that he can’t. I know more about what happened with Holly than Gwen or the guys. Will’s afraid of what will happen to you, or your aunt and uncle. I know this has got to be terrible for you
, but if it makes you feel any better at all, you’ve got to know that this is killing him. Will
really
loves you.”

I know that Will loves me. That’s what makes it so difficult. I’m torn between being grateful for his efforts to keep my family safe and angry because I want him to care more about loving me than any consequences.
Now I can’t help feeling like a hypocrite. If I love Will, why am I not willing to do what it takes to be with him?

I think about what my mother would say about me giving up like this. I was so tenacious as a child. Once I set my mind to something, I never gave up.
The last time I did that was when I moved in with Gram and Gramps. I set my mind to not set my mind to anything else. My one and only objective was to be agreeable and make their lives as easy as possible. It meant never even attempting to fight for anything, no matter how much I wanted it.

But…maybe I
can
do this for Will, for me. Maybe I just need to be patient and wait until graduation. Or…maybe not. At this point all I want to do is start over and wipe the slate clean…again. I miss Will. I miss his arms, his body, and his lips, but more than that, I miss his company. I miss the days he came to work on the basement and we would talk non-stop over lunch. I miss his friendship. If I’m going to start over I have to get rid of everything that only serves to complicate the situation. To do that, I have to talk to Marcus.