The Last Princess (42 page)

Wearily, he said, “What do you want me to say, Lily?”

No attempt at denial? Lily’s heart sank. “Are you in love with her?” she asked curtly.

Harry hated having to look Lily in the face as he answered. Once, not so very long ago, he would have sworn that he would never fall in love with another woman, that Lily was the only one who would ever touch his heart. Yet it seemed as if a curtain had fallen on the stage, as if suddenly their scene together was played out. After all the ups and downs and travails of some twenty years, their love had simply worn itself out.

He had so recently thought his marriage was invincible, but already he knew it was not.

And then there was Kate, bright and clever. With her, there were no recriminations, no memories of old quarrels and past problems. He could be joyous and exuberant again, and suddenly the shared years with Lily didn’t seem to count for anything.

Yes, he was in love with Kate now, and not with Lily, but it was hard to summon up the courage to say it aloud. For how little he loved her, he still couldn’t bear to see her hurt.

“That’s a complicated question.”

“It’s not complicated at all, dammit! Yes or no—are you in love with her?”

Softly he said, “Yes. But—”

Not waiting to hear the rest, she raised her hand and slapped him across the face, crying, “God damn you, Harry! When I found out about Valerie Kirk, you swore to me that it was all a mistake and promised that it would never happen again! And I forgave you! Now you tell me that there is yet another woman!”

Lily was wild with hurt and rage. “I stuck with you through thick and thin … and this is how you repay me? Harry, I never want to see you again. I want you out of this apartment—tonight! Do you hear me? I can’t bear to be under the same roof with you!”

Turning, she started to leave, but Harry leapt to block her.

“Get out of my way, Harry!” she screamed.

“Wait a minute, Lily! Please listen—”

But Lily ran down the hall. She paused only to grab a wrap from the hall closet, then slammed the front door in his face.

She hit the elevator button three times, fighting vainly for self-control. Sobbing, she stumbled toward the stairs. She did not want to face the curious eyes of the doorman, so she let herself out the back door. She fled unsteadily through the dimly lit alley full of garbage cans, her vision blurred by tears.

How could Harry have betrayed her so? And after she had so quickly forgiven him for his affair with Valerie? Most important of all, why had his love for her evaporated?

This was as bad as having caught Harry in bed with Valerie in the villa at Safed. No, this was worse. What a fool she had been to take him back. Bitterness overcame her at the thought of her naiveté. She had been an idiot, a trusting simpleton.

Lily felt so overwhelmed by misery, she sank onto a doorstep, buried her face in her hands, and wept. She had been cursed from the day of her birth. Never in her life had she had a true, enduring, sustaining love. Not from her parents, not from Harry, not from her children.

Her parents had detested her, she’d always known that. Harry was the first human being to love her wholly and unconditionally. That was why she had never begrudged her lost inheritance, the hard work, or the poverty of their early years. To her, the struggles were nothing compared with what he had given her.

When success came, their life together had seemed to come apart, yet as recently as last fall it had seemed that they were going to make it. Their love was stronger than ever before. But apparently it had been merely the last flicker of a dying fire.

“Anything I can do for you, lady?” said a kindly though peremptory voice.

Seeing the blue of a policeman’s uniform, she quickly brushed away her tears with the back of her hand and shook her head.

“In that case, you have better not sit here. It’s not safe, this time of night.”

Mutely, she nodded, then rose uncertainly to her feet.

She had no idea how many blocks she had come or where she was; she had stumbled aimlessly through the streets, oblivious to her surroundings.

All at once, she recognized the familiar façade of Ellis’s building. Without consciously meaning to, she had walked almost directly there. Clad in a dressing gown, he answered the bell. When he saw her ravaged face, he registered pure shock.

Ellis collected himself quickly and drew her inside, asking, “What is it? What on earth is wrong, Lily?”

“I’ve left Harry.”

“Why?”

He drew her into his library, poured her a brandy, settled her into the loveseat near the fire. “What happened?”

“Harry told me tonight that he is in love with Kate Hathaway. He’s been having an affair with her; I imagine it’s no news to you.”

He made no comment, and she continued almost incoherently.

“I tried everything, Ellis. I really did. I supported him and encouraged him all these years—and believe me, sometimes it was as hard for me as it was for him—and Harry took it all for granted. But what hurts me most is that I thought that this past year was the best of our lives. It seemed as if we had worked it all out, that we’d conquered all our problems. Obviously I was wrong. Harry doesn’t love me. Maybe he never did.”

“Lily, that’s ridiculous!”

“No, I don’t think so. If Harry loved me, he wouldn’t have treated me like this. He couldn’t have.”

Ellis had never seen her look so unhappy. “I even went to Switzerland for a face-lift to please him. But I could have saved myself the pain. He was already sleeping with Kate Hathaway.”

“Maybe it’s just a passing fling, Lily.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want him under those conditions, Ellis. I don’t want a man who is capable of being unfaithful to me. And besides, he admitted that he is in love with her.”

What torture it must be for her to say those words, Ellis thought.

“My marriage meant everything to me. It was my life. And now I don’t care what happens to me. I don’t care about anything. I know that sounds melodramatic, but I just don’t feel as if I’ve got anything to live for.”

“Don’t say that, Lily. You’ve got someone very important to live for!”

“Who?”

“Yourself, dammit! If only you could see what a magnificent human being you are, Lily. You’re worth ten of Harry Kohle—a hundred!”

She shrugged, obviously unconvinced. “Harry apparently does not think so. Or is it just that all men grow tired of their wives?”

Pausing for a long moment, she asked suddenly, “Do you mind if I ask you a rather personal question? When you were married, were you completely faithful to your wife?”

Reluctantly he admitted, “Well, as a matter of fact, I was.”

“Why?”

He shrugged. “I guess that for me it had something to do with those vows.”

They fell silent.

Then, abruptly, Ellis stood up. “Lily, did you eat at all at the dinner? Let me fix you something.”

She shook her head. “No, thanks. I’m not hungry. But if you have some, I’d love a glass of champagne.”

He disappeared and returned a moment later with a bottle and two crystal champagne glasses. As he filled a glass and handed it to Lily, he asked, “Now, what are we going to drink to? This doesn’t quite seem like an occasion to celebrate.”

“On the contrary,” she said evenly. “If you say that I’m worth something on my own, that I have to go on living, I guess we can toast my new life—without Harry.”

With stern deliberation, she clinked her glass against Ellis’s.

“Here’s to you, Lily. Still the last princess in town.”

“Thank you, Ellis. You’re the best friend I have in the world.”

Lily found relief in the sudden lightheadedness brought on by the champagne. Ellis’s solicitude made her feel cozy and snug. As Ellis drained the last of the bottle, barely filling Lily’s glass, she cried petulantly, “Oh, don’t we have more?”

“Of course.”

Barely halfway through the second bottle, Lily set down her glass with a snap and tried to stand. She lurched unsteadily. Ellis sprang to his feet and caught her. Lily looked up at him and blinked to put him in focus. Huskily, she whispered, “Make love to me, Ellis.”

This was the moment Ellis had dared to dream of. His gaze slid down her ivory throat to the seductive curves of her body. Her lips were so close to his, so tempting. Ellis looked in her emerald eyes. They were still beautiful, though clearly fogged by alcohol.

Ellis abruptly regained his self-control. He longed for Lily, but this was not the way he would have her.

Gently, he disengaged himself from her embrace. “I don’t think it would be a good idea, Lily.”

“Because of Harry? He’s not worth your scruples.”

“It has nothing to do with him. It has to do with you and me.”

“So you don’t find me desirable, either.”

“That’s not it, Lily! But I don’t want to sleep with you for revenge.”

“But Ellis, that’s not the reason. I love you.”

Almost angrily, he turned on her. “Lily, we’re not children. Why should we pretend? I have always loved you, can you not have known? There is nothing I want more than to hear you say those words to me. But when you say it tonight, I know that you don’t mean what I want—that you’re
in
love with me. I long to take you to bed, God knows! But not like this.”

It was as if the words were torn from him. Lily stared at him. “Ellis … I never thought … you never told me….”

“I never told you because you were married to Harry. What purpose would it have served?”

“But you didn’t tell me about Valerie or Kate, even though you knew.”

“I’m not as noble as you believe, Lily. Think back. I deliberately encouraged you to go to Israel, knowing that you would probably find out about Valerie. And you did, but after you forgave Harry for that, I figured you loved him so much that you would forgive him anything.”

This was too great a revelation to take in all at once. Reeling from the shock as well as the champagne, Lily cried, “Ellis, you don’t understand! I want you because I love you…. I do…. I really do….”

Tears began to roll down her cheeks. She felt woozy. Suddenly she felt him lift her and carry her across the threshold into his bedroom, just before everything went black.

T
HE NEXT MORNING, LILY
woke up in Ellis’s four-poster. For a moment she couldn’t recall where she was. She sat up and felt the first stab of a piercing headache. She knew then she must have drunk far more than she realized the previous night.

Gradually, memory of those hours came back to her. Ellis and she? What had she said to him? And what had they done? She glanced at the other side of the bed. The sheet and spread were still smooth and neatly arranged. The pillow was undented. She’d spent the night alone. With a sense of wonder, she remembered Ellis’s words: He loved her.

In the clearer light of morning, she reflected on what had passed between them. How could she not have realized how Ellis felt about her? They had always been close, that much she had known. But now that friendship had changed suddenly.

As for Lily, she was not ready to love any man at this time in her life. In fact, she doubted that she ever could or would again. But if she could not return Ellis’s affection, where did that leave her? Lily knew the answer: alone.

Another woman, especially a woman her age, might have jumped at the opportunity. After all, Ellis—so handsome and successful—was a man with special appeal. He was a catch, by anyone’s estimation. He was everything a man should be. If Lily were smart, she’d gladly accept him. Yet she knew that she could not—not now. And after all that had happened, it seemed impossible they could simply be friends again.

Bereft of a husband and now a best friend, Lily had not felt lonelier since the time she’d lost Jeremy.

Her future seemed bleak, a grim wasteland. But her immediate problem was still Harry. Reaching for the bedside phone, she dialed her own number, heart pounding, praying that Mary would answer.

When she did, Lily’s pulse slowed. “Mary, is Mr. Kohle there?”

“No ma’am. He wasn’t here when I got up this morning.”

No doubt he was already in the arms of Kate Hathaway.

Remorseless, Lily calmly told Mary, “Mr. Kohle has moved out. I want you to call the locksmith and have all the locks changed.”

“Yes, Mrs. Kohle. I’ll do that immediately.”

If Mary was surprised, she didn’t sound it, but then servants always knew their masters’ intimacies. However diligently the Kohles had tried to keep the more personal part of their lives hidden, Lily realized that she had probably known all about Harry’s affair with Kate, just as she’d known of Valerie. The humiliation was overwhelming. Well, they said the wife was always the last to know.

After hanging up, Lily looked around Ellis’s room. She must go. After dressing quickly, she sat at his leather-topped desk and wrote on a piece of his stationery, “Dear Ellis …” Then she stopped. What could she say?
I wish I hadn’t thrown myself at you…. I wish you hadn’t told me that you loved me…. Or simply, Thank you for all the gifts of friendship you have given me through the years. They are the only things which have kept me going … and they will remain in my treasure chest as my only souvenirs.

Instead she wrote, “Thank you for listening to me last night. I apologize for burdening you, and hope all will be well with you. All my best—Lily.”

Half an hour later, Ellis found the envelope propped up on the console table in the hall.

He tore it open and read the few words Lily had written. She had fled, and this note seemed to him a eulogy to their friendship. He had gone for a walk this morning to give Lily a chance to compose herself, in hopes of overcoming any awkwardness that might have lingered from the things they had said and done last night. But instead of waiting for him, she had run away—as though he were as untrustworthy as Harry. He cursed himself for the night before. The mistake he had made was in timing. It was wrong for a declaration of love. But it was Lily herself who had tempted him. In a flash, he regretted not having taken her up on her offer. He should have carried her off to bed and made passionate love to her. Wasn’t that what she wanted? Not his ill-put declaration of love. She had already decided to leave Harry. He wasn’t even coaxing her along. Maybe last night’s scenario was not the one he’d envisioned, but since when had life ever worked out as one hoped? He should have gratefully embraced the opportunity. Instead, he’d as good as thrown it away.