“Do you come here often?” she asked, to break the awkward silence.
“As often as possible. I love this place.”
Lily wondered if he had brought his other women to the inn and felt a pang of jealousy at the thought he might have spent the night.
The waiter provided a welcome interruption as he came up and asked, “Are you ready to order, sir?”
“Lily, have you looked at the menu?”
She hesitated. “What do you recommend?”
“They do wonderful game here—especially the quail.”
“Is that what you’re having?”
At his nod, she said, “I’ll have that, too.”
Although she had expected to be too nervous even to swallow, she finished every bite of the wild mushroom soup,
caille en croûte,
and flaming cherries jubilee, all accompanied by a wonderful Château La Rose served to Lily’s amusement in heavy china coffee cups. Perhaps it was the effect of the full-bodied wine or the seductive smell of herbs and wildflowers, but as had happened the evening of the opera, she was filled with romantic yearning.
As they lingered over their coffee, Harry said, “They have the most fascinating wine cellar here—pre-Prohibition, of course. Would you care to see it?”
As they descended the wooden staircase to the cellar, the smell of old oak casks brought from Spain a hundred years before assailed them. Harry held the candle as they walked up and down the dark aisles. As they moved farther back into the cavernous room, Lily shrank closer to him. The dark pools of shadow were forbidding and she had to suppress a desire to reach out for Harry’s hand. At the end of one of the rows, he lifted the candle to read a label, but as he turned, the flame lit up Lily’s face and he stopped, mesmerized by her incredible beauty. Their eyes met and locked.
Gently, he took her in his arms. The touch of his lips on hers brought her as close to heaven as she would ever be on this earth.
“Lily, darling, I love you. You know that this is only the beginning.”
Tears filled her eyes.
It wasn’t until several hours later as they drove through the gates of the Long Island estate that Lily came back down to earth. Harry kissed her over and over before letting her out of the car.
“This has been the most wonderful evening of my life, Lily,” he said. “Will you come to Manhattan next weekend?”
Lily knew in that moment that she was in love with Harry, but almost instantly came the harsh realization there was nothing she could do about it. How could she disrupt her parents’ hopes and plans—not to mention Roger’s? In her world, people honored their pledges and Lily knew that she could not bear the guilt and shame.
“Lily, will you come down to Manhattan next weekend?”
Lily was silent for a long moment, so Harry added, “Please?”
“I can’t, Harry—I really can’t.”
“Why, darling?”
“Because I can’t just walk away from my engagement to Roger. Can’t you see that?”
“Lily, I believe in loyalty and duty as much as you, but it’s also dishonorable to marry a man you don’t love.”
Lily pulled away from him and got out of the car. “You know I’m right,” he said, following her.
“Harry, I just can’t think when you’re around. I’m frightened of you and your effect on me!”
“It’s not me you’re frightened of, Lily, it’s yourself. Come to the city next weekend, just for two days. Afterward, if you still want to marry Roger, I swear to you, by all that I hold holy, I will never try to see you again.”
“I can’t give you an answer now,” she said. “Let me think about it.”
Standing in the moonlight, Harry longed to kiss Lily again, plead with her once more, but he walked away, without a backward glance. Lily had to come to him of her own free will. He had begged her for the last time.
Lily did not sleep all night, but by morning she admitted that nothing could keep her from going to Manhattan. Her decision had been made weeks ago, the first night she had met Harry Kohle. She would not break her engagement or disappoint her parents, but she could not turn her back on one last magical weekend. She knew that Roger would never take her to the heights of joy Harry could. She had known it all along. So for once in her life, she wanted to be completely fulfilled as a woman—to be loved as only Harry Kohle could love her. It would be a golden memory to treasure in the long arid years to come.
The one thing Lily could not come to terms with was the deception she was about to perpetrate on Roger. As the week wore on, she found herself increasingly uncomfortable in his presence.
Fortunately Roger had another sailing race that weekend, so Lily was not forced to lie to him. She was just vague, saying she would visit friends in New York, and then she called Jill Robinson to ask if she could stay for the weekend. Jill was delighted. Then, nervously, she placed the call to Harry.
When he heard the ring, Harry lunged for the phone. For the last week he had remained by it longingly, wondering when—and if—she would call. Breathlessly he said, “Hello?”
“Harry, this is Lily. I’m coming to New York.”
Harry’s eyes filled with tears at the news. In that moment he realized that this was the first time in his life he had gotten something that he had wanted with all his heart and soul.
“When will you be here?” he asked urgently.
“Tomorrow. I’ll be on the five-o’clock train.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
T
HE NEXT DAY LILY
packed her bags. Before she could give way to indecision, she hurried downstairs to be driven to the train. It was five forty-five when she arrived at Pennsylvania Station. Harry met her on the platform. They did not embrace, but when Lily smiled up at him Harry felt as though his heart would burst.
“Lily, I’m so glad you’re here.” He picked up her suitcase and escorted her outside. As he helped her into his car, he asked, “Where are you staying?”
“With a friend of mine, Jill Robinson. It’s on the East Side.”
Unspoken was the question of whether she would come to his apartment. They said little as Harry maneuvered the Stutz through the heavy traffic to the Robinson brownstone in the East Sixties.
“Is seven too early, Lily?”
“No, I’ll be ready.”
She watched as Harry’s car disappeared from view, and a moment later she was hugging Jill, who quickly took her by the hand and led her up to a guest bedroom. After closing the door, Jill perched on a slipper chair and said, “So do tell! You sounded so mysterious on the phone, my dear.”
“Well, I … I came into town to see someone,” Lily stammered.
“I take it, someone other than Roger.”
“Yes.”
“Frankly, I’m not surprised. I’ve watched you, Lily, and if this is supposed to be the happiest time of a girl’s life you certainly haven’t been walking around with stars in your eyes.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“To me it is. And if you looked in a mirror right now you’d see the difference. You’re positively glowing. Who is he? Where did you meet him?”
When Lily told her, Jill gasped. “Harry Kohle? Why, I know him—he’s gorgeous! Are you going to go to bed with him?”
Lily was too shocked to speak. Secretly thinking about it was one thing. Hearing the idea voiced aloud was another.
“Well, I’ve thought about it,” she said finally.
“Come on, Lily! Isn’t that really what you came down for? Do you think you’re going to kiss and say good night? It doesn’t work that way.”
“I suppose not.”
“What’s the matter, an attack of conscience? You’re entitled to a fling or two.”
“It’s not a fling, Jill. I really think I’m in love.”
“Are you going to break your engagement to Roger?”
“No.”
“But if you’re in love with Harry, why marry Roger?”
“Oh, you just don’t understand. I have so many obligations.”
“Lily, don’t let your parents force you into this marriage. I’ve known your father all my life. He isn’t concerned with your happiness—just the merger of two great fortunes.”
“You may be right, but I just can’t fight them. I can’t face the thought of total estrangement…. Besides, Roger is a decent man; he’ll make a good husband. What if I don’t have stars in my eyes—nobody has everything, and I feel that I could be content with him.”
“What about Harry?”
“What about him? He hasn’t mentioned marriage.”
“So this
is
going to be a fling? Do you think you’re going to be able to walk away from it?”
“I guess I’ll have to.”
“I wonder. Things have a way of becoming complicated when you’re in love. Maybe you should just kiss Harry good night.”
“I want to know what it feels like to be with someone I’m crazy about. Even if it’s just for a night. Does any of that make sense?”
“You bet it does. As far as I’m concerned, it’s essential women in our set have a little romance in our lives. Our marriages can become so limited.”
“So you don’t think I’m dreadful for doing this?”
“You have my blessings, dear.”
“Jill, you’re such a good friend, and I need one so desperately right now. I’ve really needed someone to talk to.”
“I’ll always be here. I promise.”
As they sat across from one another at dinner that night in the dimly lit restaurant, neither Lily nor Harry could believe they were there.
It doesn’t make any difference what happens after this, thought Lily. She was going to hold on to this memory. It would be her most cherished gift. No one in this world had ever been able to make her as happy as Harry had. Whatever the chemistry was between them, she would not try to fathom it. For tonight—if only tonight—she would just enjoy.
Harry felt even more in love with Lily now that she was before him. She was worth giving up any dream for—even one he held as dearly as writing. As Lily was silently vowing to become satisfied with memory, Harry resolved more than ever to make her his.
“What’s your pleasure tonight, sir?” the waiter asked.
“Lily—champagne?” he asked.
Shyly she smiled back at him. “Yes, I’d love some.”
If Lily’s life had depended on it, she could not have recalled afterward what they ate or, in fact, if they had eaten at all. As the champagne flowed and the soft jazz music played in the darkly elegant club, she sat mesmerized by the man across from her.
Harry held her very close while they danced, and at that moment both felt only the magic of one another. When they finally stopped moving to the rhythm they both felt, they realized that it was just the two of them standing in the center of the floor. The musicians were already packing up and the waiters were beginning to turn the chairs upside down.
Harry summoned the waiter and paid the check. Then he helped Lily with her wrap. Without a word between them, Harry took her hand. They stepped out into the cool night and began to walk, though not in any particular direction.
When they came to the East River, they stood and looked out. A thousand lights twinkled in the midnight-blue sky. Turning, Harry put his arms around her and drew her close. “Lily, you’re the loveliest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Am I?” she murmured softly.
“Oh, yes,” he whispered as his lips covered hers.
They clung to one another hungrily before Lily drew back.
With his arms still around her, Harry said, “Lily, I love you. I’m happier tonight, with you, than I’ve ever been in my life.”
His words were magic to Lily’s ears. It felt so right for her to say, “I love you too,” but she found she could not reply.
Taking her face in his hands, he looked at her searchingly. Slowly he said, “Stay, Lily. Stay with me tonight.”
She could scarcely catch her breath as a sense of inevitability came over her. This had been fated. She knew she was powerless to resist—not that she even wanted to.
“Will you stay?” he whispered again.
“Yes, Harry.”
Silently turning from the river, they walked back the way they had come. Lily could scarcely feel her feet hit the pavement. She felt that high. It was as in a dream: the ride through the cool, misty night, the creak of the old-fashioned elevator, his arm around her, warm and strong, and then, at last, they were alone….
As Harry closed the door behind them, she glanced around without curiosity. It was surely the shabbiest room she had ever been in, and perhaps under different circumstances she might have been taken aback. But at this moment, she was aware of nothing but Harry.
They stood in silence, facing one another. Then, tenderly, Harry drew her into his arms and gazed at her before he lowered his lips gently to touch hers again.
As the kiss deepened, Lily quivered with desire and, sensing her response, he parted her lips with his tongue.
His hands caressed her body until he found the buttons at the back of her dress. He undid them and the gown slid slowly from her shoulders and dropped to the ground. Gently, he released the delicate silk undergarments. Harry stood back to admire her body. Then he cupped her breasts rubbing the nipples and sliding his hands with aching deliberateness over her hips and thighs. If Lily had ever doubted herself capable of love, those doubts were forever erased. And if she had questioned the rightness of her love for Harry, she now knew the answer. When she felt his naked body pressed against hers, she knew the full meaning of love. He lay her gently on the bed, gazing down at her perfection for a long moment before covering her body with his own. Instinctively, she sensed his need and reached down, feeling him grow hard. When he entered her at last, her urgency was as great as his. As he moved slowly to ensure her pleasure, she was overcome with indescribable joy.
Afterward, as they lay in each other’s arms, he said, “You know what tonight means, don’t you, Lily? I can’t give you up—not for anyone or anything. I want to marry you.”
A wave of joy swept over her, but it was quickly replaced by despair. “Harry, I’d love to marry you—but I can’t.”
“We’ve been through this, Lily. I know all your arguments and they don’t amount to a damned thing. You’re not going to sacrifice yourself to please your family. I won’t let you.”
“It’s not just my family—there’s Roger, too.”
“You don’t owe anyone your life, Lily. In any case, would you be doing him a favor by marrying him when you love me?”