The Last Rain (4 page)

Dori
 

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Pinocchio
. I love the pictures in this book.
¹⁵
The puppet-master is huge and has two green snakes twisted around his whip and his eyes are red. I like the picture of Geppetto in the snow and Pinocchio eating the apple peels. I love the picture where the fairy is carrying two jugs. The Arab women have those kind of jugs. Sometimes they balance them on their heads. I wouldn’t be able to do that no matter how much I practised. But I wouldn’t mind having a jug.

I only like some parts of
Pinocchio
. I like the puppet show and the funfair and the donkey ears. I like when his nose grows and the whale and the buried treasure. I feel bad for him that he got tricked. It wasn’t his fault.

What I don’t like is when Pinocchio buries his head in the ground. I told Daddy to skip that part.

My brother David comes in and Daddy says he has to go out for a few minutes. David thinks of something to do. He decides to put some of Mummy’s skin lotion on his peenie. He wants it to have a good smell.

David Playing with String

Dori

Mummy comes into the Room with my sister Sara. Sara is screaming and crying. She wants something but no one knows what it is. She repeats a word over and over but we can’t understand what she’s saying. We offer her everything we can think of but she goes on crying and screaming and saying the word.

One time Mummy was carrying Sara down the long hallway of our house on Davaar Street and I pinched Sara’s foot and she cried. It was my first time being mean. My first and so far my last time. Mummy turned around and said
Dori are you doing anything to Sara
? and I said
no
but as soon as Mummy turned her head I pinched Sara’s foot again and she cried again.

Now I feel bad about what I did. Sometimes I see Sara in the yard of the Toddlers’ House and her face is the saddest face I’ve ever seen. I want to bite her sad cheeks but it would hurt her. I want to bite them and eat them but all I can do is look. It’s not enough.

Our First Year

17 January 1949.
Our immediate and most aggravating specific problem is Hebrew. Without Hebrew you’re lame, blind, and frustrated; and we have many comrades, especially newcomers, who can hardly say ‘yes’ and ‘no’ in the holy tongue.

Another routine problem is that of inexperience in kibbutz administration. The completely free and democratic set-up leads to many subtle problems of efficiency and procedure, which often assume delicate human angles.

The weekly Meeting,
¹⁶
for instance—and it deserves the capital letter—is the most sacred, the most complex, and the most easily violated of the institutions of kibbutz. It is the chief organ of democratic procedure in which every member of the kibbutz stands as an equal and has the right to express his or her views on any and every subject. All committees, institutions, and individuals must bow before the decisions of the Meeting. The Meeting is the dynamic and intangible repository of the philosophy of kibbutz collectivism.

Quite obviously such an institution cannot be mastered within a few days. In my opinion some of our Meetings are miserable failures. There are endless repetitions of the same point; lengthy, vapid speeches; undisciplined and prejudiced expressions of opinions; a senseless burrowing into detail. The Meeting is a sort of extremely complex and monumental fugue in which a large number of the motifs of kibbutz life are brought together in what must be an aesthetic and productive composition, and if some of these motifs get out of hand, they produce a clattering and painful discord in the close counterpoint. This evening we discussed everything from whether or not babies should be picked up when they cry to the price of onions in California.

Often somebody has to sound out an individual or a problem beforehand, in order to prevent an uncomfortable and aggravating impasse during the Meeting. Certain simple procedural rules must be strictly followed, otherwise the democratic nature of the discussion may be intolerably violated.

Our third problem is recruitment. We have composed an appeal that will appear in the next issue of the YG periodical Youth and Nation:

We, the Pioneers of Eldar, demand as Jews that the entire façade of the cracked and crumbling mausoleum that is bourgeois society be ripped down and replaced with a new socialist structure based on spiritual and economic egalitarianism. Here we will create the new man and the new child, for whom collectivist values and high moral standards are natural and innate. We appeal to those who cannot warm themselves under the bright glow of an illusion. Join with us, struggle, and build.

Dori

Daddy holds my hand and we walk towards the Children’s House. Luckily he meets some people and stops to talk to them. If I’m very lucky it will be a long conversation.

I don’t know too many people on Eldar. I only know my Group and Daddy and Mummy and my sister Sara and my brother David and his two friends Noam and Amnoni and Amnoni’s sister Hagar because they’re twins and Coco because she has a shaggy dog and Dafna the nurse and Lulu’s father and mother and Mummy’s friend Edna who was my Minder when I was a baby. I also know Doreet who was my Minder before Shoshana but for some reason I never see Doreet. And I know Elan’s father. He’s the round jokey man who loves Sara.

Wait—there’s also Simon’s mother Nina. She does afternoon Wake-Up a lot of the time. She’s very nice. She works in the laundry.

The only other adult I know is Shoshana. Unfortunately.

Baby Diary

Born: 30 Sivan, 5715/June 20, 12:00

Weight: 3.450

Length: 52 cm.

Came home on 23 June.

June 20–29

I have a sweet, pretty daughter. She looks a little like my family, a little like David. Every day she grows and develops. She has blue eyes, blonde hair, a round face, a button nose, a sweet mouth. Her body is long. She lifts her head when lying on her stomach. She has the strength to kick and throw off her diaper when she demands food.

On the third day after she came back, the bellybutton fell. It’s still a bit moist and protruding. It’s been covered with Dermetol and a cloth belt.

She feeds seven times a day. For the first few days she fed every three hours. Yesterday and today she began to feed every three and a half to four hours. At night she gets a bottle half-filled with milk for her seventh feeding.

At first when she woke up between feedings she was given water. Water in general calms her. I feel now after nine days that I have more milk and she really does wait longer between feedings. She latches on firmly and well. She’s already found her thumb and has sucked it three times!

Edna L. is her Minder. She’s very good and dedicated. At the beginning, when I was very weak, she really helped me.

Naftali is on Guard Duty. He gives her the last bottle. There’s a good chance she’ll give up that bottle early.

Dori

We sing a song going back—

The voice of dodi

The voice of dodi

The voice of dodi behold it comes

Leaping over the mountains

Skipping upon the hills

I’m not sure what
dodi
means. I don’t think anyone would write a poem about the voice of their uncle. But the words are from long ago and Hebrew was a little different then. Daddy calls me
doda
even though I’m his daughter not his aunt so I know it’s something else too. The two other names I get called are sweetie and dolly. I asked Daddy why he calls me
doda
but he didn’t know how to explain it.
¹⁷

The first part of the song isn’t very serious and you can sing it with a hiccup.
The voice of dodi—
hic!
The voice of dodi
—hic! My brother David taught me that. But the second part suddenly gets sad and beautiful and full of longing.

Longing is something I feel quite a lot of. Especially when I look past the mountains. I long for something that’s going to happen some day in the future. Something wonderful and exciting that I can’t even imagine now. Like Ali Baba saying
abracadabra, sea and sand, take us to another land
and then finding caskets overflowing with jewels. Something magic but real.

A Good Tan

— Why did you stay on Eldar?

— I’ve always wanted to have a good tan. Working outdoors all day guarantees an excellent tan.

— Is that the real reason?

— Yes.
¹⁸
 

Dori

Daddy finishes talking to the person he met. I’m very hungry today. I think it’s because we had bellybuttons
¹⁹
for lunch. There isn’t much food on a bellybutton. It’s the same with chicken throats and feet but they’re mostly for sucking or putting in soup. Bellybuttons we get on a plate. There was scrambled egg too but it was too soft. And mashed something that no one ate.

Daddy comes into the Children’s House with me. I see that there’s bread with margarine already on the table but Shoshana says to wait until the food’s ready. Daddy’s there though—so she can’t do anything. On top of that she’s busy talking to him. I take a big bite out of the bread and then another until I finish the whole piece. I love bread and margarine.

Supper tonight is sardines and lettuce and very good potatoes and boring kidney beans. Lulu doesn’t like the beans either. I spill a drop of milk on Lulu’s beans. Just as a joke. Lulu laughs and spills some of her juice on my beans. Jonathan spills a bit of milk into my juice cup. Everyone starts to spill things.

Shoshana sees what’s going on and gets angry. She yells at us
that’s it a two minute shower and bed! look at this mess! what kind of children are you?

She grabs Lulu’s arm and pulls her to the shower. The rest of us follow fast so we won’t get pulled too. Lulu’s crying
ow ow ow
. Shoshana turns on the water for our shower and pulls off Lulu’s clothes. We take off our own clothes as fast as we can. We go into the shower but before we even have a chance to put on soap Shoshana says
that’s it
and turns the water off. She tells us we have two minutes to brush our teeth and put on pyjamas and line up for the toilet. We do everything she says.

Shoshana isn’t allowed to pull Lulu. And she isn’t allowed to hit us. That’s a rule on Eldar. No hitting children. No hitting anyone.

Shoshana doesn’t follow that rule.

Thy Neck with Chains of Gold