The Last Ranch (43 page)

***

W
ith the completion of Erma's master landscape plan, she had fewer and fewer handyman chores, telling him she didn't want to make up things for him to do and that he should concentrate on his classes. Of course, she hoped he'd still come to her parties when school resumed in the fall. He promised to be at every one. They were too much fun to miss.

With more time available in the upcoming fall semester, he decided to add another course to his schedule. Before heading off for his ROTC summer training, he preregistered for a Native American Survey class. Maybe he could learn something that might help him better understand Isabel.

He still smarted over her rejection. It was as if he was doomed to fall for women who ultimately dumped him. In Isabel's case, the reason remained unclear. He knew for certain she wasn't dating anybody at school. He could only wonder if there was a boyfriend back home.

He finished ROTC summer training in time to get to the ranch and help with fall works. He wasn't able to stay for the pony auction and was sorry to miss it, but eager to start his classes. He didn't see Isabel around campus until midterms. He spotted her staring at him from a distance, frozen in place for a long minute before hurrying away. He couldn't fathom her reaction.

The Native American class hadn't been very helpful in trying to personally figure out Isabel Istee. If he took into account the general duplicity, the outright thievery, and the mindless slaughter of Native Americans perpetrated by white men against Indians since the day they set foot on the continent, his guilt by ancestry might be enough to turn her off. But he'd never seen the slightest sign of small-mindedness on her part. He remained totally confused by the girl.

The semester ended without another sighting. By then he was
dating a town girl he'd met at a party Gabriel Morales and his wife threw at their house in the old Mexican neighborhood near downtown. Her name was Sofia Contreras and she soon lost interest when she realized marriage and children were not what Kevin had in mind.

By the start of his senior year, he'd convinced himself that he was over Isabel. One evening at the university library, he walked past her studying at a table with a guy who was one of the leaders of the students against the war movement. When she looked up and smiled at him, his heart skipped a beat. That minute, all he wanted was to be studying with her at that desk. He quickly walked away, wondering why she'd smiled at him, and what she was doing in the company of a campus radical.

The guy was a hardcore antiwar protester who liked to get in Kevin's face whenever he wore his ROTC uniform on campus. He was always spoiling for a shouting match to attract attention to himself and his cause. There were times Kevin wanted to call him out, times he was tempted to argue, but he held his tongue for fear he might slip up and agree that the guy was right—it was a totally screwed-up, unnecessary war.

He found what he wanted in the stacks, and gave Isabel and her companion a wide berth on his way out of the library.

***

I
sabel had been unable to repress a smile when Kevin passed by. Every time she saw him, he awoke such strong desires in her. She'd tried several other boys over the last two years, had even slept with one to her great dissatisfaction. The few times she saw Kevin on campus, she froze to keep from running to him. She was tired of being wound up so tight about him. Her parents and the tribe
could go suck eggs. In her dorm room she sat at her desk and wrote:

Dear Kevin,

I know you must think I've been terrible to you, but if you're willing to forgive me I'd like to see you again. You deserve an explanation and I am so sorry if I have hurt you. Leave a message if you're willing, if not, I understand.

Affectionately,
Isabel

She sat for a long time before sealing it in an envelope and addressing it. Holding on to her nerve, she mailed it in the slot at the front reception desk and returned to her room, fearful that he wouldn't reply.

Two days later, early in the evening, Isabel nervously waited for Kevin in the Student Union Building. When he appeared in the doorway, anxiety almost made her bolt for the ladies' room. When he sat down she thanked him for coming.

“I had to,” he replied. “For the past two years I've been wondering what I did wrong.”

“Nothing,” Isabel replied. “You did nothing wrong.”

She told him everything, and he listened without interrupting. When she finished, she reached across the table and touched his hand. “I've missed being with you.”

“What's changed? Why can you see me now?”

“I've changed. It's too hard to not be with you.”

She watched as he studied her face.

“Does that mean we can be more than ‘just friends'?” he asked.

“Yes, if you're willing and you dare to believe me.”

“I've learned that the Apache believe in something called life's circle.”

Isabel nodded.

“I guess that could apply to you and me.”

“Meaning?”

Kevin shrugged. “A circle has no end.”

Isabel smiled and reached for his hand. “Just a beginning.”

Over the course of their senior year, Kevin and Isabel were in each other's company almost to the exclusion of all others, Erma's frequent parties being the major exception. With their heavy course schedules, time together was limited, but they made the best of it with weekends at Kevin's apartment, and occasional Sunday-morning drives into the countryside, sometimes just to rubberneck and stop for a meal at a roadside diner, and sometimes to hike trails in the nearby Organ Mountains. As the weather warmed they picnicked along the river bosque, window-shopped the touristy stores in old Mesilla, and explored some of the abandoned historical sites, like the adobe ruins of Fort Selden near the village of Radium Springs. On those rare occasions when Erma felt a strong motherly need to check in on them, they'd share a thrown-together weeknight dinner with her, capped with a bottle of wine and good conversation. It was evident that Erma, who was not one to hide her opinions, thought Kevin was lucky to have captured the affections of such an intriguing, intelligent, and strikingly beautiful girl.

During school breaks and holidays, Kevin went home to the ranch and Isabel back to Mescalero. Kevin's parents, kept abreast of his involvement with Isabel through Erma's occasional phone conversations, never pried. They met her once during an unannounced, impromptu weekend trip to Las Cruces, when they arrived at Kevin's apartment and found her there still in her PJs. The chance meeting started out awkwardly but ended up very pleasantly with Kevin, his parents, and Isabel having lunch together at Matt's favorite Las Cruces hamburger joint. During Kevin's next telephone call home, his mom told him Isabel was classy and his dad pronounced her a stunner.

Fearing another explosive reaction by her parents, Isabel said nothing about Kevin to them. They were bursting with pride about her upcoming graduation and the proclamation the tribal council planned to issue on the day she was to receive her degree. Her mother had a big gathering in the works, with plans to invite almost half of the tribal membership. Along with Isabel's many aunts, she'd been working on it for months.

With Kevin scheduled to be commissioned in the army, and Isabel required to take the state nursing board exams before she could practice, neither of them spoke about future plans together. Kevin didn't want to discuss it until he either survived Vietnam or managed to avoid it, which he had no desire to do in spite of Dale's warning. But with the conflict dragging on and getting uglier by the day, like many others on campus he'd grown unhappy about the war and the government's policies. In spite of his mixed feelings, he had no choice but to honor his commitment to serve.

He figured Isabel had also sidestepped any talk of a shared future together because of her commitment to her tribe, which naturally had to come first. But the idea was never far from his
mind that no matter what the difficulties ahead might be, eventually they'd be able to work something out as a couple.

In April they went to the Aggie team rodeo and watched Kim Ward and Todd Marks compete. Both had made it to the national collegiate finals the last two years and were returning again. They were the stars of a talented team, and highly touted to lead the Aggies to a national title.

Kevin usually ran into them once or twice a year on campus. They were still a couple and planning to join the pro circuit after graduating. Kevin had a slight pang of remorse about not sticking with rodeoing, but not enough of one to question the decisions he'd made. Once upon a time he'd competed on their level, but not anymore. They were extraordinary to watch, and he was proud to have once competed in the same arena with them.

After the final event, Kevin dropped Isabel at the dorm. She gave him a quick kiss before jumping out of his truck and waving goodbye. It had been a week since they'd been together, and he'd been hoping she would spend the night with him, but no such luck.

She'd been very quiet on the drive, with her eyes straight ahead and her expression thoughtful. It had been going on for a couple of days. He didn't think anything was wrong, but he couldn't be sure. There were times when she simply turned inward and everything else seemed to become miscellaneous static. He didn't know how she did it, but until she resurfaced she was almost unreachable.

Maybe it was just that and nothing more. At home, he settled down with his textbook, a compendium of some of the greatest war battles in history, and picked up where he'd left off with the fall of Constantinople in the middle of the fifteenth century.

***

I
sabel's roommate had gone out to spend a half hour in the backseat of her boyfriend's car, and she had the place to herself. She undressed, stood naked in front of the mirror and turned sideways. Soon she'd start showing. If she didn't take action now, Kevin would soon be able to tell that she was pregnant.

If she told him, he would want to marry her—of that she was certain. And when he proposed, her resolve would most certainly weaken and she'd say yes. That would be disastrous for both of them.

She would not send him off to Vietnam married with a wife and a baby on the way, and remain behind waiting to be notified of his death. Nor could she heartlessly crush him with a cruel “Dear John” letter after he left. She knew in her heart it had to end now, and only she could do it.

She would have his baby—it was a boy, she was sure—and he need never know. Her child would be welcomed into the tribe, and she would not have to raise him alone. The Apache way made child-rearing a multigenerational family affair. The boy's grandmothers and aunts would civilize him and teach him etiquette and proper behavior. The boy's many male relatives would be called upon to teach him the ways of a man and his responsibilities to others. She would suffer no stigma except in the eyes of those few conservative Christian converts who'd abandoned their ancient traditions and beliefs.

Out of the blue, she wondered if she would ever marry. It broke her heart to think of being a wife to any man other than Kevin. How was she to tell him? It had to be a complete break, otherwise her determination would crumble.

She dressed in her PJs and sat cross-legged on her bed. She had to be strong, she told herself. She had to summon up all of her willpower. To make it work, she needed to be a warrior, she needed to be brutal.

She wrote:

Kevin:

I don't want to see you, don't want you to touch me ever again.

Stay away from me.

Isabel

When the note arrived, Kevin, in shock, showed it to Erma.

“You had no warning that this was coming?” she asked.

“Nope.” His voice almost cracked. “What should I do?”

Erma studied the note. “Her tone says she means it.”

“I know.”

“Don't pursue her,” Erma counseled. “Write her back, ask her to meet with you, and say you feel you deserve an explanation.”

“And if she doesn't reply?”

Erma looked at him with sad eyes. “It will be hard, but let her go.”

“Why do women do these things?”

“For the same reasons that men can be such idiots and jerks, present company excluded.”

“In other words, you don't know.”

“Exactly.”

He wrote as Erma suggested and impatiently waited three days for a reply. When Isabel didn't respond, he couldn't let it drop despite Erma's counsel. He was desperate for an answer.
He called and left several messages, sent another letter, all with no results. He wavered between anger and depression. He couldn't make her disappear from his mind, couldn't shake off the callousness of her action, and couldn't discern any possible reason for the break. He was left thinking he must have done something wrong. But what?

Occasionally, he became hopeful. She'd done this to him once before. Perhaps her family had found out about them and pressured her to break it off. Maybe threats had been made, of what kind he couldn't imagine. She had stood up to them once; maybe she'd do it again. When it was clear that wasn't going to happen, he went through a period of feeling badly mistreated before he started to believe he'd get over her.

***

O
n graduation day, a hot and breezy late-spring morning, he filed into the Pan American Center, home of the Aggies' basketball team, and took his assigned seat on the arena floor. Excited families and friends of the graduates filled the stands. Seated alphabetically by last name, Isabel was two rows ahead of him.

After the speeches were finished, the university president began passing out diplomas. When Isabel's name was called, she walked to the stage with her head held high and a smile on her lips. In her cap and gown she looked heavier, like she had gained weight. As she passed in front of him to return to her seat, her face appeared puffy. He found it hard to believe she'd let herself go. That simply wasn't like her.

He blocked further thoughts of her by listening to the names being called and watching the students ahead of him rise and cross to receive their degrees. When it was his turn, he made sure
not to look at Isabel. She was part of the past and today was the beginning of his future.

With his honors degree in hand, 2nd Lt. Kevin Kerney, who'd received his US Army commission the day before, left the stage with orders to attend Infantry Officer Training at Fort Benning, Georgia, starting in one week.