The Last Testament: A Memoir (61 page)

¹⁵
The human help I received in writing these Scriptures was vital; but in many ways, the real angels in this process were my angels.

¹⁶
There are so many I could thank, for their count is as numerous as the stars in heaven; but here I will mention only my four “Kids in the Halo”: Uriel, Raphael, Michael, and Gabriel.

¹⁷
Ur, Raf, Mike, Gabe: you are my boon companions forever; I love you guys.

¹⁸
Above all, I would like to thank my wonderful family.

¹⁹
Sweetheart, I love thee more than ever.

²⁰
And kids: the three of you are
truly
my greatest accomplishments.

²¹
Lastly, a brief mention of my earthly amanuensis, David Javerbaum.

²²
DJ, thou takest a mean dictation.

PHOTO CREDITS

¹
Page 1
: Creation Weekly Planner, designed by James Iacobelli.

²
Page 2
: Adam and Eve, the Granger Collection, New York

³
Page 2
: Cocker spaniels, © Jorg & Petra Wegner/Animals Animals

⁴
Page 3
: Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, Réunion des Musées Nationaux/Art Resource, NY. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

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Page 4
: Egyptian in Technicolor dreamcoat, © age footstock/SuperStock. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

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Page 5
: Courthouse with Ten Commandments, AP Photo/Harry Cabluck.

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Page 5
: Strip club with Ten Commandments, [background image] Mischa Photo Ltd/Reportage/Getty Images; [foreground image] © Philippe Lissac/Godong/Corbis. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

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Page 6
: Slingshot, © Thinkstock Images/Comstock Images/Getty Images; rocket launcher, Stocktrek Images/Getty Images. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

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Page 7
: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph; the Granger Collection, New York.

¹⁰
Page 8
: Shroud of Turin, designed by James Iacobelli.

¹¹
Page 9
: Notepad, designed by James Iacobelli.

¹²
Page 10
: Dashboard Jesus, © Thom Lang/Corbis.

¹³
Page 10
: Scene from
Twelve Angry Men,
EVERETT COLLECTION.

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Page 10
: Goblet, DEA/G. DAGLI ORTI/Getty Images.

¹⁵
Page 11
: Image 1 of Crucifixion, Ferdinando Scianna/Magnum Photos.

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Page 11
: Image 2 of Crucifixion, Bruno Barbey/Magnum Photos.

¹⁷
Page 11
: Image 3 of Crucifixion, Robert Van Der Hilst/Getty Images.

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Page 12
: Ham, Brand X Pictures/Getty Images. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

¹⁹
Page 13
: Map, © The Print Collector/Heritage-Images/Imagestate. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

²⁰
Page 14
: Portrait of Marthin Luther King Jr., AP Photo/Jim Bourdier.

²¹
Page 14
: Portrait of Martin Luther, the Granger Collection, New York.

²²
Page 14
: Portrait of James Madison, the Granger Collection, New York.

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Page 14
: Portrait of Charles Darwin, the Granger Collection, New York.

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Page 15
: Photo of the Rat Pack, Warner Bros. Pictures/Photofest. Additional design by James Iacobelli.

²⁵
Page 16
: Photo of God in suit, © Michael Cogliantry.

INDEX

Aaron,
72
–73,
87
,
89

in incident with golden calf,
89
–90

Ten Commandments dictated to,
83
–84

Ten Plagues sent by,
76
–77

Abdon,
120

Abdul-Jabbar, Kareem, Islamophobia against,
347

Abel,
14
–15,
87

Abélard,
321
–22

Abidah,
61

Abimelech,
120

abortion, aborted discussion of,
259
–60

Abraham,
7
,
29
–30,
35
–37,
44
,
90
,
100
,
131
,
169
,
201
,
250

Isaac almost sacrificed by,
38
–39,
296

as prophet,
126

remarriage of,
40

Adam,
10
–11,
32
,
87
,
273
,
319
,
322

on Sistine Chapel ceiling,
273

Adoration of the Magi,
177

Aesop,
186

Africa,
51

African AIDS Conference, guests at,
346

afterlife,
285

Age of Colonization,
63

Agility Global Integrated Logistics Stadium,
335

AIDS,
55

airplane,
292

Alexander VI,
275

Al-Hijra,
242

Allah,
235
,
291

All Blacks,
158

Alley, Kirstie, Russian dressing made by,
110

All Saints’ Church,
276
,
277

almsgiving,
244

al-Qaeda,
235
,
349

Craigslist advertisements by,
336

at Olympics,
346

Amazon River, mistaken placement of,
62

“American Pie,”
84

Anastasia, Grand Duchess,
145
–46

anasthesia, as closing off God’s communication,
291

“And I Am Telling You (I’m Not Going),”
109

Andrew,
195
,
196

angels,
24
–26,
34
,
45
,
80
,
87
,
172

Anglican Church, curious gay policy of,
333

Aniston, Jennifer,
112

Us Weekly
deal of,
332

Annunciation to the Shepherds,
177

Antarctica,
229

anthroposophy,
205

anti-Semitism,
279

ants, superiority to humans of,
57

anus, design of,
32

Anzû,
28

Apocalypse,
327
–31

signs of,
337
–57

Apostles,
185
,
186
,
203
,
358

Apple,
336

Apprentice, The
(TV show),
307

architecture, of Middle Ages,
263

Area
51
,
147

Ark of the Covenant,
91
–92

Armstrong, Neil,
138

A-Team, The
(film),
158

atheism,
254
–55,
290

Atlantis,
147

atomic bombs,
139

Attila the Hun,
266

Auburn,
157

autopsy, as lethal,
352

autumnal equinox, new method of,
350