The Late Blossoming of Frankie Green (29 page)

‘It was amazing. I can still feel it if I do my pelvic floors.' Frankie shut her eyes and giggled.

‘Are you going to explain how this bloke finally succumbed?'

‘Sorry, yes,' she said, pulling herself together. ‘So, as you know, he had stuck to the lesson plan every time with no deviation. Then we had to finish the course all of a sudden – I can't say why, so don't even ask – but last night he came round to say goodbye and it just happened. On the sofa. And the funniest thing is, even though we'd covered loads of exciting stuff, we did it in the missionary!' Frankie was pink with the glow of the memory. ‘I wasn't sure at first but then I had this feeling, like I was on the crest of a wave, and then I was riding it, on and on it went and… well, if it was that fantastic with someone I have no feelings for then I think I might die when it happens with Jase. See, what I've realized is the lessons weren't about sex but about unlocking the bit of me which wasn't safe and boring.'

Letty nodded supportively but she also noted Frankie's unnecessary acknowledgement of having ‘no feelings' for this guy who had brought her out of herself. Hadn't she done the same thing when she was falling for Lance?

‘But what about this teacher? Did you have any chemistry? You must've!'

Frankie stopped to think then shrugged. ‘I don't even know what chemistry is! I trusted him and he was really understanding and helpful… and funny and handsome in a sort of odd way. He's a really good listener too. Really insightful.' Then, finally, Frankie had the decency to acknowledge she was gushing. ‘God, listen to me! But I don't fancy him. I mean, he stayed over accidentally, he fell asleep on the sofa and then in the morning there was no attempt at doing it again, like you would if there was more to it. We had breakfast and there was no atmosphere or cringing or anything. He's not my type. Too… dunno, just not…'

‘Jason?' Letty said, dangling his name in the hope she'd realize she'd never spoken about Jason like this. I mean, was Frankie stupid?

‘Completely. That. I mean, I did have a little crush on him in the middle but it was just me putting all my feelings for Jase onto him.'

This was a possibility, Letty conceded. But something puzzled her. ‘I'm not being funny, right, but I don't understand why he did it this time?'

‘I can answer that!' Frankie said, triumphantly pointing a finger at her. ‘Because he wasn't my teacher anymore!'

‘But why did that matter?'

‘Because… there was no lesson plan last night so we could just do it. That's why!' Frankie looked at her as if she was thick. Letty bristled with a prick of indignation at the insinuation that she was the idiot not Frankie.

‘I'm sorry but I don't get it. He won't do it when he's supposed to, then does it when he isn't.' She sincerely hoped he wasn't a player.

‘It just felt right. Completely natural. Like it was meant to be.'

‘And you say you haven't fallen for him?' Letty said, laughing, wondering who the bobbins this sex guru was. She would ask, but Frankie would only refuse to tell.

‘Don't you understand? I've been training for this make-or-break moment for weeks. I'm ringing Jase tomorrow to set up a date. I have to do this.'

‘Fair play,' Letty shrugged. ‘Just keep an open mind about things.'

But Frankie's chest started heaving. ‘I'm not that naive, you know. I know what I'm doing.'

‘I just want you to be happy. I kind of thought you'd get over Jason, if truth be told. Not that he isn't a great bloke, but you're braver now than I've ever seen you. As if you've thrown off the chains of whatever it was that was holding you back.' She was beginning to think a return to her husband would undo all of the work Frankie had achieved.

Frankie broke into a smile. ‘Please, don't remind me of chains. That's what got me into this in the first place! Look, this is my last shot, I have to do it. I have to see if I can save my marriage.'

‘How you going to do that then?'

Letty listened as Frankie ran through her planned repertoire and was astounded to see how far she'd come. From nowhere, a sob came from deep inside her.

Frankie jumped, wide-eyed. ‘Christ. Is it bad, Letty? Do I need to change it?'

‘No, babes, it's perfect,' she whispered. Listening to Frankie, animated and happy, had reminded Letty how far she was from that herself. ‘It's me, it is.'

‘What's up?'

‘Lance and me, it's just not what I expected,' she admitted. ‘It's like we're an old married couple already. It's not the sex, it's the intimacy that came with it. It's gone. For the first time, we went to bed last night with our backs to one another. We'd had an argument about Eddy. He wanted to see more of him, have him mid-week but how can we when he works evenings? He can't expect me to have him after work, feed him, put him to bed and all that. It's not fair on Eddy, that was my point, he doesn't really know me. And I'm not sure I'm prepared to do it. I dunno, Lance has got so much baggage and I know I have too, but it feels like I'm not strong enough to hold his as well as mine. I'm not sure I've done the right thing.'

‘Oh, my love,' Frankie said, holding her tight, ‘things have changed so quickly for you, no wonder you're confused.'

‘And I'm finding it hard to cope, not being the most important person in Lance's life. I know it's selfish and stupid but...it makes me feel like I'm still that little girl who craved her dad's attention. That I'm worthless without a man.'

Saying it out loud, Letty realized she had uncovered something important about herself: all this time she had thought she was the worldly one out of the three of them. But all those notches on the bedpost weren't a sign she was more mature and more knowing; in fact, they were just endless one-dimensional repeats of her need to be loved.

The realization that she was still basing her self-worth on her success with a man spurred her into action.

‘I've got to do something for myself, for me, Frank,' she said, feeling sober. ‘That's the answer. I've been thinking it for a while and now I've got to act on it. Then I'll know if I'm with Lance because I love him or because I'm not bold enough to be on my own.'

Irritated by Sasha's sunny ‘hiya!' over the intercom, Em crossed her arms as she listened for footsteps on the stairs. She wanted to hear heavy shuffling jet-lagged feet, but in their place came a light two-steps-at-a-time tap dance. Well, of course Sasha's dainty toes would sound like that, Em thought. She could've walked back the six-thousand-and-forty-four miles from Bangkok to Cardiff and still be as fresh as a daisy.

Ugh, why hadn't she gone back to her mum's place? She'd left Floyd in the lurch. Why did she have to turn up here? Because she needed to make an entrance, that's why, she thought, as nervous bubbles rose in her stomach. Well, Em thought as she saw the top of Sasha's head coming round the bend, there was no way she was going to be in the audience this time because—

Em was pole-axed when Sasha dropped her enormous rucksack on the floor then came at her with arms spread. She was even more beautiful than Em remembered. Her thick golden wavy hair was almost down to her waist, her oval green eyes shone and her teeth were even whiter next to her honey-coloured skin. A tight black vest and tiny cut-off denim shorts caressed her slender body, and the straps of her silver gladiator sandals curled round her calves like angels' fingers.

Em knew it: when Floyd got in from work he was going to be absolutely smitten all over again. The poor dab didn't stand a chance.

Sasha took Em's face in her hands, pausing to gaze at her, before she rubbed noses, just like old times. Irritated, Em was transported back to the days when she'd been her confidante.

‘It's so good to see you! I've missed you so much,' Sasha breathed into her hair.

Hours on a plane and she still smelled as sweet as icing. Em had intended to give her a stiff air peck but Sasha was oh so impossible to resist. And she didn't want to be rude. She sank her chin onto Sasha's shoulder and rubbed her back. Just to be nice. ‘Welcome home,' she said, hearing the echo of her words repeated inside her head in a mocking, scornful tone.

Well done, Em, you lasted three point eight seconds there. I'm doing this for Floyd, she said to the voice. Course you are, it whined back, talk about shallow. What's the point in causing a scene or being antagonistic, Em mentally replied, when things have changed? I've opted out of matters of the heart – I just want a quiet and simple life for me and my baby, that's all. Whatever you say, her mimic said.

Sasha stood back, taking her hands in Em's. ‘I'm so happy for you, you're going to be a fantastic mum.'

‘Floyd told you…' Em wasn't sure how she felt: Mum and Dad still didn't know. She hadn't yet found the moment: there had been so much to work out. Should she be angry at Floyd? Yet it was easy to entrust someone with a secret if they were in a different time zone. And who knows, had Sasha been here from the beginning, maybe Em would've told her from the off herself.

‘Of course he did! Nearly halfway, aren't you?'

The way she said it revealed Sasha still thought of her as a sister. It left her stumbling for a response. Damn her! She manoeuvred herself back onto solid ground. ‘How was the flight?'

‘I was upgraded so I had a flat bed.' Sasha shrugged as though this sort of thing happened to everyone. She had never had it hard; fortune followed her around like a loyal fan. ‘I grabbed some of the business-class products for you, fluffy socks, an eye mask, some posh skincare stuff. Oh and there are some Thai spices in my bag. For the kitchen. And I hope you don't mind, but I bought a little buddha for the baby.'

Em took a deep breath, thanked her with a hug and then showed her in, pointing at Floyd's door so she could put her bag out of sight.

‘You haven't told him I was coming back today, have you?' Sasha asked, tying her hair up, which revealed more grace; breathtaking cheekbones, a long elegant neck and narrow but assertive shoulders.

‘I've got an ambulance on standby for his heart attack, the great big wimp that he is,' Em said to get out of telling a lie. Floyd was so together, except when it came to Sasha; she'd let him know it would be some time in the next couple of days so he had the chance to gather himself.

Sasha laughed her generous laugh, covering everything within hearing distance in happy confetti.

‘Tea?' Em said, needing something to settle her dancing stomach. Perhaps she'd eaten too much fibre lately, she thought. ‘Green, white, jasmine, Earl Grey? I'm having peppermint.'

‘Have you got PG Tips? I've been dreaming of a proper cup of builder's tea for a year.'

‘Yep. Floyd's got some. Still like it strong and sweet?' Em berated herself again for slipping back into their once-familiar patter, rather than making a stand that Sasha had chosen the world over her brother.

‘Just like I like my men!'

At the same time, as if it was a well-rehearsed joke, they both announced: ‘Not like Floyd, then!'

Em knew she was doomed. In the past year, she had refrained from liking any of Sasha's schmaltzy hashtag blessed Facebook updates – wishing instead for a dislike, no, a ‘grow up' button – and had only sent the odd pithy response to her emails. But in spite of that minimal contact, they were still on the same wavelength.

She flicked on the kettle and sat down opposite Sasha at the breakfast bar. Had Em put her hair up, her ears would be doing their pixie impression. But even Sasha's ears were lovely and flat and neat. Em searched for a flaw, an indication of ageing or tiredness, but a year in the sun had done nothing except kiss her. Even nature wasn't immune to her charms. They were both thirty-one, but Sasha could pass for being in her early twenties. Em hadn't been asked for ID since she was fifteen, such was her mumsy look which had long pre-dated her now tubby torso. She played with her fringe and panicked about how she was going to broach their lack of contact.

But Sasha got in there first. ‘Listen, before Floyd gets back, I just wanted to say something,' she said, earnestly. ‘I'm sorry I haven't been here for you. I had to find out for myself that I already had everything I needed with Floyd and you. I went on this yoga course thing in India – it was a nightmare to be honest, full of stressed-out executives seeking nirvana, trying to chuck money at their problems – but it made me realize all that searching was actually a waste. I had it here all the time.' Sasha put a hand on her heart and allowed the silence to magnify her words.

Em had imagined this moment ever since Sasha had deserted Floyd. She'd be spouting off and Em would rip into her and tell her how she'd let everyone down. But now the opportunity was here, she didn't feel the rage she had expected. She was astounded to see now that she had found an acceptance that there were shades of grey. Floyd wouldn't thank her either for raking over old coals. Em wanted to let the past go.

‘I owe you an apology too. I should've been in touch but…' Em said, as any remaining awkwardness disappeared. ‘…Well, I was hurt, believe it or not, not just on Floyd's behalf but on my own too. I thought of you as more than just his girlfriend. I thought of you as my friend. So when you walked out, it felt as if you'd betrayed me too. And so I couldn't bring myself to stay in contact. It was silly of me to be so uptight, I know that now.'

‘I'm going to make it up to you both. Just wait and see!'

The ceasefire set off popcorn in Em's belly. It looked as if Floyd was going to have his happy ending and she would have a friend back, just when she needed her.

A bang, bang, bang came from the hall.

‘EM! I'VE FORGOTTEN MY KEY. LET ME IN.'