The Law of Motion (Law Series) (69 page)

“You all just said I wasn’t welcome.” I defended.

“You will not do that to Hunter, and you will
definitely
not do that to Adrian.” Doc continued.

“Do
what
?” I questioned now annoyed.

Kristen sat back down in the chair next to me. “Alyssa, I need you to listen to me, because I am only going to tell you this once. Hunter
loves
you.”

“No he doesn’t.” I argued, and then thought for a moment. “At least, not in the way that you think.”

Tink disagreed. “You don’t hold on to a person like he as with you, if you
don’t
love them.”

“So you will
not
, put him in a situation to be public enemy number one to that crew out there. We already did it once to get Juan back, and he barely survived.” Kristen explained.

Doc continued, “Add to it that he’s in love with you, and it wouldn’t be fair for him to sleep literally down the hall from you, knowing what he wants and what you
don’t
want. It would be hurting him, more than helping you and you don’t want that.”

I thought about it, I didn’t want to be in pain, nor did I want to cause any pain. “I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to hurt anybody.” I admitted in thought.

“Then
think
before you say and do things.” Tink stressed poking my temple with her index finger. “Talk to Adrian, you love him. The fact that you’re even entertaining the possibility of a more serious future with him tells you everything you need to know. If he handles it wrong, then you’re welcome at our house for sure. Hell I’m willing to bet Jackson will even go over to your place and knock some sense into him.”

Her joke made me smile for a brief second, and then I stopped smiling because I realized that she might not be joking. I looked at the clock behind Kristen, and then looked back at the clothes I was
—well more like
wasn’t
— wearing. “Kristen we have to be at Neil Tower in an hour and I’m not dressed for anything. I’m not saying I won’t talk to him, just—later ok?”

Kristen stood up, taking the strand of pearls off of her neck, and letting her hair down. “I think that Neil Tower will function a day without us. You’re the CEO, and I’m calling in sick.”

“You keep clothes in your office all the time, go clean up in the room upstairs and I’ll see if you have a pair of shoes around here.” Doc suggested as I pulled myself up. “Go upstairs and I’ll bring them up to you.”

———————

I stalled in Doc’s decontamination shower for as long as I could. She had brought my clothes up long before I had gotten out but she didn’t disturb me. She knew that I was taking the time to prepare my words and somewhat heal myself.

When I couldn’t put it off any longer I pulled myself out and got dressed. I was relieved that she was able to find my sneakers because I didn’t want to walk around barefoot anymore. The office was quiet as hell when I walked downstairs, causing me to check a few offices as I passed them on the way to my own.
              Kristen’s was empty, but I expected that. She had already said that she was going to take Makenna home and spend some time with Macon, and promised to call me later. But when I walked by Tink and Doc’s work space they too were gone.

By the time I made it to my own office to pack up my stuff and head back to my—Adrian’s home to talk, I pretty much assumed that everyone had cleared out to spend their day to themselves. I opened the door and froze when I saw Adrian leaning against my desk.

“Hey.” I greeted softly, because he looked so tired.

He didn’t smile, and when he looked up at me I could tell that he had been crying. It was a strange look for him, and though I wanted to reach out to him I didn’t. “Hi.” He greeted back dryly.

“How are—” I started.

“

Are you really going to ask how I am Alyssa?” He interrupted his voice harsh, tired, raspy, and irritated.

I started to get defensive, but then knowing I caused it, I had no right to be. “You’re right, that is a stupid question. We should talk.”

“Here?” He asked waiting.

“If you’d like…” I said softer, running a hand thorough my still wet hair.

He shook his head. “No, not here, home, where we
should
have talked in the first place.”

“Fair enough,” I surrendered walking out the door and down the hall letting him out the door first so that I could lock up.

The ride to the house was quite, and a little unnerving. Adrian clutched the wheel of his Challenger until his knuckles were white, and the gear shift the same way. He stared straight ahead, and I wasn’t sure if it was because he was angry or because he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. I chose to not ask and stared out the window until he finally punched the button to open up the gates that lead to the driveway.

We exited the car just as quietly, and I folded my arms across my chest, rubbing my arms. As we walked around the drive to the front door I noticed my vanity chair on the front lawn. There was glass around it with pieces of broken wood that were painted white. I looked up to see the bedroom window had been broken. “The window—”

“I know.” He answered unlocking the front door and holding it open. “Dad and I are going to fix it tomorrow.”

He was waiting for me to go inside, I hesitated taking one more look at the chair before walking in. “And the chair on the lawn?”

“Opened the window.” He answered simply, his tone still lacking life.

We didn’t go
upstairs; we just stood in the living room awkwardly until he motioned for me to sit. I sat on the loveseat across from him rubbing my hands on my sweatpants waiting for the words to come. “I’m sure that you have a lot of questions.”

“I do.” He answered.

“Well I will answer them first if you’d like.” I offered unsure of where to start myself.

“What the hell happened last night?” He started sitting down in the chair. “Things were going well and then all of a sudden you say we aren’t working and you leave.”

I hung my head staring at my hands as I spoke. “I’m sorry about that, I just didn’t see any other way. To save you anymore stress and pain when it comes to dealing with me.”

“What stress, what pain?” He asked running a frustrated hand in his hair. His untamed du looked more crazy than normal, “Alyssa the only time that I feel any of those things is when you’re
gone
.”

I sighed, “Doc said that was the case.”

“Well Doc is normally right.” He responded gruffly.

I took another deep breath closing my eyes and counting to ten. When I reopened them he was staring at me, expectant, the mixture of blue and grey still hurting. “Adrian, there are some things you need to know, and I need you to not interrupt me because I’m afraid I won’t be able to get them out if you do.” He nodded and I went on. “The first thing you need to know is that leaving, and attempting to end things with you is one of the hardest choices I ever had. I had this idea in my head, about what was righ
t
but I couldn’t force myself to do it.”

He scoffed and mumbled something under his breath in disbelief and I stopped. He looked back at me apologetically and then urged me a bit softer, “Go on, I’m sorry.”

I waited until I was sure that he wasn’t going to interrupt again. “It actually is hard for me, but it there aren’t many choices. You had asked me to marry you again, and I realized that it was something I couldn’t ignore anymore.”

             
I could feel my tears coming, not the ones that turned me into a mess, but the silent ones, that reflected how I felt inside. “I love you Adrian. I have since before we moved in together. I’m sorry that it took so long for me to verbalize it, but when things in my life seem to be perfect, something always goes wrong, and in my own odd way I was trying to keep us perfect for as long as I could.”

             
The look in his eyes told me that he wanted to say something, but he waited patiently as I found more words inside me. “When you asked to marry me, I felt so many emotions at once; I was happy, because I wanted to scream ‘yes’ like all of the silly girls do in the movies, and I was sad because I couldn’t.

             
You’re an amazing man Adrian, the type that deserves everything that he wants in life and it hurts me that I can’t be the one to give it to you. I don’t deserve you, and I’ve been selfish enough this entire time to attempt to find a way to keep you anyway.

             
I’ve been keeping something from you, and it wouldn’t be fair of me to say ‘yes’ knowing I can’t give you what you want. I’ve kept it from everyone, even the girls until today, and I don’t want to lie to you or them anymore.”

             
He grimaced, his hands in fists in his lap, his voice shaking, “Alyssa I know you said not to interrupt, but I need to know now. Please tell me that this has nothing to do with Hunter.”

             
My eyes widened for a second, “No!” He relaxed with an exhale and I continued. “No Adrian, I
love
you. I wouldn’t do that to you. Just let me finish please.”

             
He nodded again and with a “Sorry.”

             
“You want to marry me, and have a family, and I’ve always told you that I didn’t have what it took to be a wife and a mother, but when I said that I didn’t just mean figuratively.” He stared at me blankly as I explained. “I’ve never told you, or anyone for that matter, but my injuries from my time in Cuba, have left me with the inability to
have
children.”

             
His words caught in his chest and he swallowed the lump in his throat. I waited to see if he was going to say anything as I swiped at my eyes, but when he didn’t I continued. “The first time that you proposed, after Tink and Jackson’s wedding, I said no, not because I wanted to, but because I needed to be sure I could even offer what you wanted first. Then everything was delayed because of us losing Juan and it took more time than I thought to see Dr. Roberts.

             
I should have told you when you first started talking about it, but I didn’t want to lose you. I was torn because I didn’t want you to have to adjust anymore for me either, when you deserve so much—”

             
My speech was cut off because he was across the space between us and his lips were against mine before I had a chance to finish the thought. I pulled back from him for air and I could see that his own eyes were red from tears. I wiped them and he kissed me again, and I finally gave him a chance to speak.

             
“I’m in love with you Alyssa, I want to marry you.” He repeated for the thousandth time.

             
I exhaled kissing him again as he wiped my tears away. “But I can’t give you want.”

             
“I
want
you.” He practically growled trying to stress that point. “Kids we can deal with later. We can adopt, and it wouldn’t make a world of difference because it would be
our
family. I can live without getting anything else for the rest of my life, but I can’t live without you.”

             
I searched my favorite set of eyes for truth as he said the words I wanted to hear, I wiped his tears away again before asking, “Are you sure?”

             
“Tell me you love me.” He demanded.

             
I nodded more certain than anything. “I love you, I’ll always love you.”

             
“I fucking love you Alyssa, and I will show you that every day. You are the only thing that matters to me. The rest is extra. Tell me that you’ll marry me.”

             
I thought it through for a moment, and then pushed away all of the fear and hesitation kissing him again. “Yes, yes Adrian I’ll marry you.”

             
He didn’t say anything else after that; he ran his hands through my hair kissing me senseless. The fear of commitment now replaced with need for him. He wrapped his arms around me, forcing my body as close to him as possible, my lips only breaking away to plant kisses on his neck as he kicked off his shoes. I did the same, locking my legs around him, letting him carry me upstairs where we found our comfort within each other.

———————
             

             
The breeze coming in the broken window woke me, and I wasn’t sure how long we had been asleep. I stretched my legs and arms feeling the stiffness from me being inactive for a long period of time. The room was dark and cold; I pulled myself out of bed gently trying not to wake him.  I grabbed an extra blanket out of the closet, being cautious of the glass on the floor and spread it across the bed.  That was when I first saw it, he must’ve put it on after I fell asleep. I held my left hand up and stared at the fourth finge
r
my engagement ring. There was no burning flesh, or unbearable weight that you hear people talk about when they avoid marriag
e
no none of that, only comfort. It was the type of comfort that came with knowing that you were loved irrevocably. As I crawled back into bed next to him finding my normal spot in his arms, I smiled at the feeling of being
home
.