The Legacy (18 page)

The Flynns and a couple of ladies from the boutique stop
by
and offer
their
condolences.
They
tell me
they
will
coordinate and bring in meals for the entire family for as long
as they are here. There are no words to describe how grateful I
am for their friendship. It is a comfort to know they care and
those things will be taken care of. Right now I can't handle
much more.
After they leave, Adagio holds me for a while in the living
room. We talk of Ingo and our love for him and how much we
already miss him. It is hard to believe how much my life has
changed in a single afternoon. If only I could go back . . .
I adjust my head on his shoulder. “Earlier today before
you came, I was thinking about Gary and Tara and the pain
they faced losing their son. I tried to imagine how I would deal
with that kind of loss and I couldn’t comprehend it at all. I felt
there would be no way I could handle that kind of grief . . . and
I prayed I would never have to deal with it.” Shuddering,
emotion bubbles to the surface, making it hard to talk. “How
can
I deal with this? I don’t . . . I don't know how to cope. Oh,
Adagio, it’s . . . just too hard.” Burying my face in the folds of
his shirt, I absorb his comfort.
“I know, angel. I can't comprehend how hard this is for
you. I only know how much my heart aches, for you and for
my friend. He was my brother in spirit and I feel like I
have
literally lost a brother. But I promise, Cisely, you will make it by
taking it one day at a time. We both will.”
“I miss him so much.”
“I know,” he croons softly. “I know.”
Pulling me farther into himself, he holds me and dries my
tears until I am too tired to cry anymore. I finally head up to
bed to get some rest, though I know sleep will not come easy.
Locking the doors and turning off the lights, he follows me up,
making sure I am okay.

Waking up alone–after knowing the bliss of sheltering
arms and a familiar warm body–is hard, and it takes everything
to make myself get out of bed. I'm not ready to face the day,
but there is too much to do.

Adagio agrees to come with me to make the funeral
arrangements. I want to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Searching through our personal files, I locate our insurance
policies. Looking over Ingo's, I gasp at the amount. When
added to the fortune we already have, I can take care of our
child and myself for the rest of our lives. Though I am grateful,
it does nothing to dull the ache in my heart. I would give it all
and more to have my husband back. Given the choice, I would
live in a shack with a dirt floor if it meant I could be with Ingo
again.

Sitting in the funeral director’s office, I find it ironic that I
am again making arrangements to bury someone. I loved my
mother, despite our strained relationship at the time, and I was
saddened by her death. But this is different. This time I am
literally burying a part of myself.

A chill in the room causes me to shudder. Adagio takes
my hand, warming it between his. Smiling sadly, I lay my head
against his shoulder, finding comfort in the feel of his cheek
resting against my hair. Closing my eyes, I struggle against the
threatening onslaught of tears. I know how much Adagio loved
Ingo and I am glad he agreed to come with me. I don’t think I
could have handled it alone and I silently absorb the comfort
he gives.

At one point, I am too emotional to answer the director's
questions so Adagio speaks for me, making me again grateful
for his presence.

When Ingo’s family arrives, I am showered with hugs,
and endless tears are shed. How he will be missed! The world is
an emptier place without him, and it is like I was given a
priceless gift and told to treasure it above all else, just to have it
taken away. I will never get over the loss.

We spend the day remembering Ingo and the great man
he was. Gloria and Patrick are especially grateful to have a
grandchild from him.

The funeral will be held tomorrow. Lying in bed, I
ponder the service, hoping I can make it through it. My
strength is all but depleted. After hours of staring into the
darkness, I am finally able to fall into an exhausted sleep.

I numbly shake hands and accept hugs from faceless
people as they walk by to view Ingo’s body before the service.
Each time I gaze down at his handsome face, I wonder how I
will ever make it through this life without him. He had been
everything to me, making me feel valued and treasured for the
first time in my life, and his unconditional love had healed my
battered heart. For a moment, I'd had it all.

Now here I am, alone again, gazing down into the still
face of the man who gave me the world.
Oh, God, why did you have to take him? We didn't even have a
whole year together. Why?
With a great deal of effort, I am able to shut my emotions
down long enough to get through the services and the rest of
the afternoon. But tonight as I lay in bed in our dark room,
emotion floods through me with force, and I again curl myself
into a ball and weep, desperately longing for the comfort of my
husband’s arms.

When Ingo’s family finally leaves, it is hard for Cisely
to say goodbye because their presence helps her feel closer to
Ingo.

Jessica cuts her vacation with the family short to stay
home with Cisely. She too, is still deep in grief. Losing Ingo
was like losing her own child and the pain is sometimes more
than she can bear.

Through the week, Jessica manages to be strong for
Cisely most of the time, but sometimes her emotions get the
better of her, making her grateful for Adagio’s presence. His
being there for Cisely allows her the opportunity to retreat and
deal with her sorrow.

Adagio
takes
an
extended leave
from his
restaurant.
There are enough chefs on the payroll to cover the few shifts
he works and he has complete faith in his management staff.
He gives Sam Cisely’s number just in case he can't reach him
on his cell. Sam and the rest of the staff are deeply saddened by
the news of Ingo's death and send Cisely their condolences
along with a large flower arrangement.

Adagio moves into a room downtown so Cisely can
adjust to life without her husband. He knows it will be hard for
her being alone, but with time it will get easier. However, he is
always there whenever she needs him. His hotel is only a few
minutes away. All she has to do is call and he is there.

April brings longed-for sun and warmth. As the weeks
pass, Adagio coaxes me out of the house a little, even if just for
walks around the block. The past month has been one of the
hardest times I've ever faced in my life, including the painful
years as a child. This time the pain hasn’t been brought on by
the cruel choices of others, but by life. This pain is far worse.

Taking life one day at a time, I manage my grief. Some
days I don’t know if I will make it to the next one, or if I even
want
to. I have never felt so alone. Sometimes the grief makes it
hard to function when it comes to even the most basic things.
But somehow I make it through these times. I have no choice.
It is either endure or die, so I endure.

Occasionally I enter my bedroom and take in the spaces
where Ingo’s personal things had been. At these times I miss
him more than I can say, and even the absence of his personal
belongings hurts deeply. But it is becoming
a
little more
bearable.

I frequently sit on the bed, wrapped in one of the few
shirts I kept of Ingo's, and remember the love we shared here.
My mind wanders to the little things Ingo did for me each day.
From serving me breakfast in bed to bringing me flowers, to
just simply sitting with me, holding me or or rubbing my back.
I miss these things more than I believed possible. I just miss
him
. But through it all, I endure.

There are also times when I still need to cry on Adagio’s
shoulder. When the pain becomes too much to bear, he is
always more than willing to let me and comforts me in any way
he can. He understands better than anyone what I am going
through and is always able to reach me somehow. I know he is
putting his life on hold for me, but I couldn't get through this
without him.

I depend on Adagio for his strength, and words could
never describe how grateful I am that he came when he did. I
often think of that fateful day and marvel that he was here
when I received the most painful news of my life. Had I been
alone, I honestly don't think I could have handled it.

Adagio arrives at Cisely’s around noon to find she hasn’t
come down from her room all morning. Jessica tells him Cisely
hasn’t eaten and she is worried about her. Adagio’s concern for
her
overrides
everything
else.
Immediately
heading
to
the
kitchen, he puts together a sandwich and a salad and takes it up
to her. Knocking softly, he opens the door a little.

Cisely is dressed and sitting on the bed, her back against
the pillows. She turns as he enters.
“I brought you something to eat.”
“I’m not really hungry.” Her voice is flat, devoid of
emotion.
“But the baby probably is. You need to eat for him. He
depends on you.” Sitting on the edge of the bed, he places the
tray over her lap. “Please, Cisely.”
Her mouth curves in a sad smile, her eyes tearing up.
“I’m sorry, Adagio. I don’t mean to worry you and I appreciate
you thinking of me. I guess I’m just having a hard time today . .
. again.”
He takes the tray, placing it on the floor. Reaching for her
hand, he wipes her tears. “I'm sorry.”
“Thanks. Some days I think I’m doing okay. Other days .
. .”
“Other days, you need a little help.”
“Truthfully, some days I feel like a basket case and you
and Jessica are my only link to sanity.”
Pressing a hand to her cheek, he brushes a tear away with
his thumb. “You are not a basket case. You are a woman who
lost her husband a month and a half ago and you are still
grieving. And that's okay. It is normal. If you were not still
struggling, then I would worry.”
She smiles again, placing her hand over his. “I’m really
glad you're here, and I'm grateful for all you have done for me,
but I can’t help feeling a little guilty and selfish. I worry about
you putting your life on hold for me.”
“You are definitely
not
selfish, and my life is not on hold,
it is just a different life for now. Everything is fine at home with
the restaurant and I really don't worry about it. I am happy here
because I know this is where I need to be right now. I wouldn't
want to be anywhere else. So please don't worry about that.”
Leaning
forward,
Cisely
rests
her
cheek
against
his
shoulder and he wraps an arm around her.
“You know,” she says, her voice somber, “sometimes I
imagine I hear Ingo's voice inside my mind. I hear him saying,
“
Count your blessings, love. Just keep counting your blessings and you will
be fine.
””
“That does sound like something Ingo would say.”
She nods, adjusting her head on his shoulder. “I'm going
to try harder to do that.”
“I think that is a good idea.”
She is quiet for a moment, then surprises him by saying,
“I count you as one of my blessings.”
“I am glad to be someone's blessing,” he says, kissing her
forehead. He is both humbled and grateful she feels that way.
“Thank you for being so good to me,” she says after a
moment.
Drawing back slightly, he looks into her eyes. “You are
easy to be good to. And I meant what I said. Don't worry about
me. I am happy to be here. All right?”
“Okay. And I promise I’ll force myself to eat from now
on, even when I don’t feel like it.”
“That's my girl.” He places the tray back over her lap.
“Maybe when you are finished we could take a walk and get out
for a bit today. We could even go sit in the park.”
“I would like
that.
Jessica
told me
the
gardens
are
beautiful right now. I’ve always loved looking at the flowers
there.”
“Then we will go.”
Cisely takes a bite of the sandwich and smiles. He smiles
back, happy to be with her. It feels nice to be needed by
someone. His eyes brighten. “Oh, I have a surprise for you.”
“Really? I love surprises.”
“I know. You keep eating and I will be back.” Running
out to his car, he returns a minute later with a wrapped package
and promptly places it on the bed.
“Adagio, what did you do?”
“I just saw this the other day and wanted to get it for
you.”
“But it’s not my birthday or anything.”
“Who says you need a reason to receive a gift?”
“I think you’re spoiling me too much.”
His expression grows serious because she couldn't be
more wrong. “That is not possible, Cisely. You deserve to be
spoiled.” Moving the tray from her lap, he places the gift in its
place. “Open it.”
An anxious grin practically splits his face and she laughs.
“Oh, all right.” He watches her carefully remove the wrapping
paper.
“Oh, Adagio, it’s beautiful!” The porcelain doll looks
angelic dressed in white velvet. “I’ve only had one other doll in
my life, and that was when I was five.” Holding the doll up, she
takes in the delicate features. “I absolutely love it.” She kisses
his cheek. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome,” he says, pleased she likes it. Cisely is
constantly in his thoughts, and anything he can do to bring a
smile to her face is worth it. It seems that making her smile is
his mission these days, and each time he succeeds, it pleases
him immensely.
“Thank you so much for everything.”
“You are welcome. I would do anything for you.”