The Letter (6 page)

She wore the first dress she unwrapped. In the other packages she found a pair of half boots, two chemises, stockings, and a comb. He must have added those after she ran out of the shop. He had no right buying her such personal items, even if she desperately needed them.

Once she had Jamie dressed in his new clothes, she spent another thirty minutes getting the tangles out of her hair before twisting it back into a knot low on her neck. She wished she had been able to wash it, but it would have been impossible to do in the small bowl of water.

A knock sounded and she took a deep breath seeking to calm her nerves. Jamie bounded to the door and opened it, a wide smile of greeting for the man standing in the hall.

“Well, Jamie, don’t you look a capital fellow tonight?”

Her son stood taller at this compliment, his little chest puffing out in pleasure. “Thank you, sir.”

Lifting his gaze to hers, Daventry smiled. She didn’t return it and prayed he would not comment on her appearance.

His eyes studied her as if reading her deepest thoughts. She held still under his scrutiny, something she had learned to do the hard way.

“My lady, shall we go down to dinner?”

Would he beat her if she said no?

Chapter Four

Michael held out his arm and waited. And waited. He wanted to compliment her appearance, almost had, but something in her eyes stopped him. The muslin day dress was a considerable improvement over her pitiful black gown. The blue was a pleasing contrast to her honey-colored hair. He would liked to have seen something other than the tight twist low on her neck. And why was he thinking of her hair?

Jamie walked out, stopping next to him. Michael continued to hold out his arm. He hoped she didn’t think she could outlast him. She looked at his arm as if it might bite her. Perhaps this was something he could do for her. If he could help her learn to accept the touch of a man again it would help ease her way back to the life she deserved. How was she to dance at a ball if she couldn’t bear to have a man touch her? How was she to stroll in the park with a beau? She was young and should marry again, but how could she until she got over her fears? Something twisted in his heart at these thoughts, but he ignored it.

She had once loved his touch, and if he could get her used to it again, he would be doing her a favor. She might not agree now, but some day she would thank him for it. By holding out his arm, he was forcing her to do something she didn’t want to. He may as well begin as he meant to go on, so he waited.

“Are you coming, Mama?”

She stepped out of the room. Not looking at him, she placed the tips of her fingers over his sleeve, the contact so light he couldn’t feel her hand. Well, it wasn’t much, but it was a start. Following Jamie, he led her down the stairs and into the private dining room he had secured. Earlier, he had instructed the innkeeper to set a small table for three and was pleased to see his directions had been followed perfectly. He had also requested three different dinner choices be offered. If allowed, he was certain Diana would accept whatever was put in front of her. But he had given her submissive manner a lot of thought after he had left her and Jamie earlier and planned his strategy.

Eleven years ago, she hadn’t hesitated to speak her mind. It had been one of the things he had loved about her and he wanted to find that girl. He meant to see this timid mouse afraid of her own shadow banished to the Outer Hebrides. Even if he had to coerce her to do it, she was going to start thinking for herself again.

The innkeeper’s plump wife arrived, poured wine for him and Diana, and lemonade for Jamie. She grinned at them, showing a missing front tooth. “I’m Mrs. Goodman and I hope you are hungry, my lad, because I’ve plenty of food for a growing boy like you.” She gave Jamie a pat on his head.

“Now, I’ll start with you, my lady. We have roasted duck, beef and potatoes, or trout caught only hours ago and cooked in a nice butter sauce.”

She looked at Diana and waited. Michael looked at Diana and waited. Diana looked at her lap. Was she truly incapable of deciding on her choice of a meal?

“Allow my lady a moment to decide, Mrs. Goodman. Jamie, what is your preference?”

“I cannot decide between the beef and the trout.”

Mrs. Goodman patted Jamie’s head again. “Well, laddie, no reason you should. We’ll just bring you some of both. Would that please you?”

He gave Mrs. Goodman a big smile. “Oh, yes, please.”

Michael ordered the duck and looked again at Diana. “Have you decided, my dear?”

“The trout?” she said so softly he had to strain to hear her.

Was she asking permission? Was she afraid her choice would displease him somehow? Leo would probably have used something as simple as a dinner choice to train her not to think for herself.

Getting her to think for herself might be more difficult than he’d imagined. “My lady would like the trout.”

The woman left and Michael turned his attention to Diana. Her eyes were downcast, her stare directed at her lap. She must have sensed his regard. Her gaze rose to meet his, her look one of fear. How long was it going to take her to understand he was not Leo?

Mrs. Goodman returned with a loaf of crusty bread and butter. She bustled around the table, refilling his wine glass and Jamie’s lemonade. Diana hadn’t touched her wine. When Mrs. Goodman left again, Michael lifted his glass, tempted to drink the contents down in one long swallow.

“Do you not like your wine?” he asked. “Would you prefer a cup of tea?”

She shook her head and reached for her glass, bumping it and spilling a small amount. She froze with her hand in midair. When she spilled the wine, Jamie tensed, moving to the edge of his chair as if ready to spring up and protect his mother.

Michael ignored the spill and Diana’s outstretched hand. “Have you been taught to ride, Jamie?”

Jamie relaxed back into his seat, and Diana lowered her arm.

“No, sir. Father said I am not agile enough to ride.”

Michael clenched his teeth. “Did he now? Well, that had to be well over a year ago and you have grown since then. I daresay, along with that growth, you have acquired some agility. I think while we are at Wyburne we should give you a few lessons and see how it goes.”

“Truly, sir? I would like that very much.”

He smiled. “Yes, truly.”

Their dinner arrived, and he and Jamie talked about horses throughout the meal. The boy was full of questions, and Michael patiently answered each one. Diana ate a few bites, but never touched her wine again. If they had been alone, he thought he might have confronted her with his suspicions, but Jamie’s presence prevented it, which was probably for the best.

After dinner, she attempted to beg off from an evening stroll, but Michael didn’t allow it. He held out his arm again and waited for her to take it. As before, she lightly touched him with the tips of her fingers. The evening was comfortably warm and once outside, Jamie skipped ahead. Michael casually placed his hand over hers. She didn’t pull away, but he didn’t doubt she wanted to.

“On a night such as this, it is difficult to believe winter is almost upon us,” he said, deciding the weather would be a safe topic.

****

Diana desperately wanted to return to her room where she would be safe from his touches. He confused her. At least with Leo, she knew to always expect the worst and could prepare for it. When she spilled her wine, she had waited for Daventry’s anger at her stupidity, but he acted as if nothing had happened. Was he saving her punishment to spring on her later? Leo often did, sometimes waiting until she had forgotten the offense.

Daventry pulled her to a stop. Fully expecting to be admonished for spilling her wine, she braced herself for his tirade.

“I am not Leo. Listen. Spill your wine, drop your food on the floor, throw your bread at the wall if you wish, just know that you don’t need to fear me.” He gave her a sad little smile. “You once knew me very well and I think somewhere deep inside, you know I will not hurt you.”

She looked at him in amazement. How could he claim such a thing? “But you did hurt me.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and she regretted her words immediately. She would have never said such a thing to Leo, so why was her mouth saying these things to him? Was he right? Did she know deep inside he wouldn’t strike her in anger? He opened his eyes. There was regret in them.

“Yes, I did hurt you, didn’t I? To say I am sorrier than you will ever know likely doesn’t mean much to you now, but I am. God, I am. But it will not happen again. Never again.”

His apology was eleven years too late. Anger she had kept buried for too long took control of her, and she couldn’t stop the words from pouring out of her mouth.

“You could have stopped it from happening, but you didn’t and because of you, I spent eleven years in hell. You can take your apology and…and go to the devil with it.” She jerked her hand out of his and fled to the safety of her room.

Michael started to go after her when a small body slammed into him. “What did you do to Mama?”

Jamie beat at Michael’s ribs and belly with his fists. Michael gently took the boy’s hands in his. “Easy there. I didn’t touch your mother.” Still holding Jamie’s hands, he knelt down. “I told you the first day we met I would never strike her. I make this promise to you now, man to man. I will never raise my hands to her in anger. Any man that hits a woman is a sorry excuse for a man.”

“Father said it is a man’s duty to make a woman obey. Father said that sometimes it is the only way to gain her respect. Do you mean, sir, that Father was a sorry excuse for a man?”

Christ Almighty
. Michael glanced at the small park across the street. “Come with me.” He led Jamie to a bench.

How to answer the boy’s question? He didn’t think a boy of ten years was ready to hear his sire was a monster. He was going to have to walk a fine line here, choosing his words carefully.

Seated on the bench, he took a moment to think how best to begin. “Sometimes, Jamie, people make mistakes, even fathers. I think what your father told you is wrong and I believe in your heart, you know it. Do you think it is honorable for anyone to strike someone weaker than them? For instance, is it right for a child to hit a helpless animal, or for a mother to hurt her child or a husband to beat his wife?”

Jamie looked at him with sad eyes. “No, sir. I didn’t like it when he hit Mama.”

He’d witnessed Leo striking Diana? “How do you know he hit your mother?”

There were tears in his eyes. Michael regretted the need for this conversation, but thought this was something Jamie needed to get off his little boy chest.

“Sometimes Father made me watch so I would learn how to be a man. I didn’t want to,” he said in a small voice.

Michael’s emotions were awash on an angry sea, his dinner sitting ill in his stomach. By turning his back on Diana, he had put her in the hands of a monster. And what of the boy who might be his son?

“Did he ever hit you?”

Jamie nodded, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Once, when I tried to stop him from hurting Mama. I never tried to stop him again.”

Michael heard the shame in his voice. Jamie would have been nine or younger when that happened, no match against a grown man. “Did he hit your mother often?” He didn’t want to hear the answer, but he had to know.

“Almost every day when he was home, but Mama said it wasn’t so bad because he wasn’t home often. I should have tried harder to stop him.”

Sweet Jesus. Forgive me, Diana.
He had been naïve to think he could just show up and easily make everything right. For the moment, however, he needed to find the words to help this child understand he held no blame for Leo’s deeds.

He put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “I am going to tell you an honest truth, so listen well. You were brave when you tried to protect your mother. It would take a lot of courage for a boy to go up against a grown man. However, there is nothing you could have done. But it is over now. I will never let anyone hurt you or your mother again. When you are a few years older, I will teach you how to fight so you can protect yourself if anyone does try to harm you.”

Jamie’s eyes widened. “Do you promise, sir?”

“You have my word.”

He jumped up from the bench. “Then I can stop someone from hurting Mama again.”

Well, that was going to be his responsibility from here on out, but he understood Jamie needed to believe he could safeguard his mother.

“Yes, then you can protect her.”

Michael walked back to the inn holding Jamie’s small hand, listening to him chatter about learning to fight and to ride a horse. The regret deepened at missing the first ten years of this boy’s life, but more than anything, he was beginning to hope Jamie was truly his son.

****

They arrived at Wyburne at mid-afternoon. Michael summoned his housekeeper, Mrs. Bartlett. “Will you show Diana to her chamber? I will take Jamie to his room. He and I will see you at six for dinner,” he told Diana’s retreating back.

She stopped on the stairs and turned. “You want him to dine with you?”

He looked at her in puzzlement. “Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

Jamie answered for her. “Father said children did not belong at the dinner table.”

Father said
, again. Those two words needed to be removed from the English language. “While at Wyburne, Jamie, you are welcome at the table. Now come along and I will show you to your room.”

After getting Jamie settled in, Michael wrote a letter to his secretary. He instructed Johnston to hire a lady’s maid and tutor for a young boy, and to send them to the lodge along with Hansen, his valet. He also asked that his mount, Reckless, be sent to Wyburne. In his last paragraph, he directed Johnston to purchase an expensive piece of jewelry and to deliver it, along with the enclosed letter to Lady Hartwell. Michael removed a fresh sheet of paper and debated what to say to Serena. At this point, the less said the better. He didn’t want to lie, but the circumstances he found himself in now would be beyond her understanding. Hell, it would be beyond her endurance.